Dear WISY: I have Two Boyfriends

Dear WISY,

Don't criticize me too much, I'm just being open and honest and I need your advice.  I have two men in my life and I'm equally involved with both.  I've been doing this for a few months now.  I met the first guy and we were having a good time and getting close and then I met the other one at a party and he was just so nice that I didn't want to lose out on being with someone so special.  So, I didn't tell him I was seeing someone and I haven't told the first guy I want to break it off.  I really love both of them and I can't choose between the two so I kept both.

Honestly, I don't see why I can't have two men and everybody not go crazy about it.  Men do it all the time and it's 2017 so women should be able to do it without criticism too.  Anyway, I wasn't planning to leave either of them but the major problem I'm having right now is that I'm so tired from dealing with two men at the same time.  Sometimes, I have to sleep with both of them in the same day and I can't manage anymore.  I don't want to leave any of them but I don't want to wear down my body either.

I need you to help me choose between the two (here are their pics) because I'm not able to choose on my own.  I would list the differences between the two but they are so much alike, they even have the same name.  On second thought, the first guy doesn't last very long in bed and the other one makes sure he gets the job done.  I think I answered my own question! 😂😂😂😂

Signed,
Which One

WISY's Response:

Dear Which One,

Let's clear this up first and foremost, you don't really love both of them, you don't love either of them at all.  If you did, you wouldn't be engaged in behavior which could hurt them deeply.  Secondly, men who have multiple women at once are only accepted and glorified by fools with mental disorders such as detachment issues and insecurity.  Third, I'm not posting anyone's picture on this column; you need to learn to respect people and their privacy. 

Speaking of mental issues, what's going on in that psyche of yours?  What makes you need two men at once?  Think about that and do something to fix yourself.  You need to stop putting your health at risk just because you're too selfish and self absorbed to let go of people you are using.  Do you require a constant ego boost?  Have you been neglected in the past?  I want you to really sit and think about what's causing this?

I can't help you choose which man you want and like you said, you may have answered your own question.  In my opinion, you don't deserve either of them.  I hope I can encourage you to leave this sort of behavior alone and if you can't quite let go yet, please don't commit to anyone.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

Ride Or Die Chick

Dear WISY,

My boyfriend keeps on disrespecting me.  He is always cheating on me with other girls and I don't know why but I can't leave.  I know in my mind that I deserve better but for some reason I keep going back to him and he keeps doing the same things that hurt me.

I can't tell you how many times I've had to fight a girl for my man.  I have never been a fighter but I have had to learn to fight to just because of him.  I've gotten my head busted with a stone and I have had hair pulled from my head but still I go back to him.  I know he loves me because he always takes my side when these fights happen.  He says I'm a "ride or die" woman and he really appreciates that.

I hope that he will stop cheating on me and be content with what I have to offer.  Do you think he will ever outgrow this behavior?

Signed,
Ride or Die Chick

WISY's RESPONSE:

Dear Ride or Die,

I'll be frank with you.  Your boyfriend doesn't care about your physical well-being or your feelings and you need to leave.  

The fact that he helps you fight these girls off isn't an indication of love.  It is an indication of guilt for placing you in such a dangerous situation.  Don't be confused.  One day, he may not be there to help you fight or one day he may decide to take the side of the one he truly loves.  Then what?

Listen, there are way too many good men walking around for you to be fighting over one.  Please leave him before you end up with a serious injury.   

I'll tell you like I tell a lot of others in similar situations; call up your closest friend(s), order some comfort food and cry it out.  Naturally, you won't get over him over night but when you do, you'll be glad you took the step to rid your life of the confusion he brought to you.

You should also consider some sort of therapy to help you break the habits you have formed in this relationship.  It's not out of the ordinary to fall right back into the same type of relationship so do what you can to avoid that.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

     

What Are The Signs?

Dear WISY,

What do you do if you think your man is being unfaithful but you don’t have proof?  I think my man is being unfaithful because he is acting weird.  We used to do everything together and keep in contact all day until we see each other in the evening.  Now, he doesn’t want to talk all day and when he does he gives me one-word answers.  Also, he always has an excuse as to why he can’t see me or spend the night with me but he has time to always be out on the streets.

He told me his mother is going through a lot right now and it’s stressing him out.  I don’t know if that has anything to do with it but I’m beginning to get suspicious.  

As a person who gives advice, I would think you know the signs of when a man is no longer interested in his woman.  Can you please help me out?

Thanks.

Signed,
Seeing Signs

WISY'S Response:

Dear SS:

"When a person SHOWS you who they are, believe them".  There is nothing more telling and honest than a person's actions.  Obviously something has happened that has caused this change with him.  Perhaps it is his mother's situation that has him so withdrawn but I would think he would try to find some comfort and ease from being with you and welcome your company.

My advice would be to talk about it with him; encourage him to be open and honest with you and prepare yourself for several different outcomes.  If he assures you that all is well, let him know that you cannot carry on the relationship if his behavior won't change.  If he confirms your suspicions then call your closest friends, order some pizza and cry it out.  Be glad that you didn't waste another second in the relationship and move on.  It'll take time, but you'll live.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

     

Carnival Seductress

Dear WISY,

I have a confession and I really just want to know if there is anyone else who does this.  I come from a country where we have carnival celebrations every year and it seems as if a fever overtakes my body when the new music is released and the sexy costumes are displayed.  What I'm trying to say is; I always cheat on my man during carnival.  I don't know what it is about carnival that just makes me want to let loose and act on my desires.

I have no conscience during carnival.  My cousins who are christian always say carnival is the devil's playground and I'm beginning to believe it.  I don't know what it is.  It just amazes me that it is the same scenario for me year after year.  I met my first love during carnival.  Could that be the reason?  I don't know.

Is there anyone else who does this or feels the same way I do?

Signed,
Carnival Seductress

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When Lost Love Returns

Dear WISY,

I'm in a situation that I wish I could erase but it's a reality that stares me in the face daily.  I am married to a successful man.  We have been happily married for seven years and he came to me at a low point in my life and uplifted me.  He made me feel as though I was worth something again.  He met me at the bus station where I was waiting for a bus back to my town because my fiance had cheated with another woman, got her pregnant and was being forced to marry her.  The other girl's family pressured me to leave town and I did.

M husband saw me sitting there as he waited for his bus back to school.  He bought me something to eat and drink and left me with his phone number and asked me to call him whenever I felt like it.  I didn't even pay him much attention because my heart was open to only one man.  I called him a couple of weeks later and he invited me to come visit him and I did.  He was like a breath of fresh air and we eventually got married.  

I can honestly say that my heart has never fully repaired and my ex still holds a very significant piece of it.  I wish that wasn't the case but it's true that we can't help who we love.  Which is why when I saw him last week, my heart jumped for joy and I felt like there was electricity running through my body.  His excitement was equal to mine and we embraced in the market as if I was a single woman.  He told me he had come to look for me and how he regretted not standing up for me.  He wants me back and I was ready to run off with him.

I told him I was now married and he began to cry.  He asked me to divorce my husband and I am really considering it.  I know it is unfair but what can you do when your heart is tugging so hard?

I need to know what should be done.

Signed,
Lost Love

What One Dance Can Do

Dear WISY,

I am currently involved in a long distance relationship with a guy I met when I was 15.  I'm now 32 and he is the only man I have ever been with.  He decided to move away to further his studies last year.  At first I was disappointed because I thought it was due time for us to get married but he assured me that it was best to wait and set himself up to provide a good life for me and our future family.

Since he has been gone, I have been hanging out with my friends to help me cope with missing him.  I guess his friends have been telling him that I'm out a lot more and have been commenting on how nice I look.  At first, he was okay with it but now he has become jealous and now questions my every move.  He has even tried to tell me that I wasn't allowed to go out.  Now, our relationship is just argument on top of argument.  

The last time I went out I met a guy and I decided to dance with him.  After all, it's just a dance and that can't hurt anything.  I ended up dancing with him the whole night and when I was ready to leave he walked me to my car and asked to have my number.  I gave it to him and we have gone out a few times since.  I told him about my relationship and he is okay with that too.  He said he believes we met for a reason and that what is meant to be will be.  I agree.

Now, I can't get this new guy out my head.  I wait anxiously for his calls and texts and I get excited when it's time to see him.  I feel like a young girl again and I wish this relationship could move to the next level.  

I still love my boyfriend and I don't want to lose him after all these years but this new guy has awakened something in me and I feel like he just may be worth it.

Should I leave my boyfriend for him?

Signed,
Alive Again

                                                                                                       

Loyal Wife

Dear WISY,

I am the best wife any man could ask for.  I am supportive, I am sexy, I never refuse sex and I hold my husband high on pedestal because that is the way I was taught and that is what I believe is right.  For some reason, that is not enough for him.  

The last time we made love, I heard him on the phone talking to someone when he thought I was asleep.  He told this person that he imagined himself being with them instead of me while he was having sex.  He spoke to them with yearning in his voice and he told them that he wished I would leave so he could be free to love them.

As you can imagine, my heart sunk and I cried silently until morning.  I decided I would confront him in the morning, but once morning came, he rolled over on top of me and made love to me.  I was submissive and allowed him have me without any problems.  Once he was done, he kissed me passionately, looked me in the eyes and told me that he was lucky to have a wife like me.  I am confused to say the least.  Was I dreaming when I heard him on the phone?  

I don't know what to do.  A wife is supposed to be 100% loyal to her husband no matter what.  "For better or for worse..."  I meant what I said.

Should I still confront him or should I let it go?  I will get over it in time, right?

Signed,
Loyal Wife

                                                                        

Spirit & Heart Broken

Dear WISY,

A few weeks ago I was confronted by a young woman who I see from time to time.  She asked if she could speak with me about something very serious.  I immediately became frightened.  She began to speak and her eyes filled with water.  Mine did too.

She told me that my husband has been sleeping with her for the past two and a half years.  She knew everything about me and even had sex in my bed.  I was disgusted and my body began to break out in hives.  She tried to console me but I wouldn't allow her to touch me.  She then told me the worse news imaginable; my husband had fathered a child with her.  Together they had a baby boy.  

This news sent me into the deepest depths of depression.  I stopped eating and couldn't get out of bed most days.  My husband kept asking me what was wrong but I couldn't even look at him.  He never changed his routine though.  He still stayed out late at night and came home whenever he felt like.

For years, I have been trying to give my husband a baby and I have been unsuccessful.  I feel like a failure and I feel as though I should not be too mad with him because I cannot give him what every man desires.  

Should I tolerate his infidelity and new family or should I find the strength to move on?

Signed,
Heart & Spirit Broken

                                                                                                      

Afraid & Ashamed

Dear WISY, 

I am writing because I have some thing I need to get off my chest. I am not proud about what I am going to say but I am going to tell it anyway. 

Currently, I am 7 months pregnant and I have been behaving like the baby belongs to my boyfriend. The baby actually belongs to my father's best friend. He is a very close friend of the family and he has watched me grow from a small child until now. He came onto me the first time when I was throwing a tantrum about not getting any money to buy a new outfit for a party. He offered me the money but I noticed his eyes were observing my body as he spoke. I don't know why I wasn't afraid or disgusted. I guess I wanted the money that bad. He continued to give me money without my parents' knowledge and I accepted knowing that one day I might have to give him something in return. 

Well, he finally came onto to me one night when I was at home alone. He knew my parents were at a party and he came in and had sex with me. It only lasted a few minutes because he was so excited about finally having me. After the act he was remorseful and begged for my forgiveness. I told him that I was now an adult woman and he had nothing to fear. We continued to have sex secretly until I discovered I was pregnant. 

He has gone to the UK and promised to return and take care of me and the baby. He has not returned and I heard my father say that he was going to stay in the UK and gain residency. Now, I am stuck with a baby that belongs to my dad's best friend.  My boyfriend has also quit school to get a job to support me and the baby. 

I feel the need to confess and tell everybody the truth but I am so afraid and ashamed of myself. 

Please, WISY, tell me what I should do now.

Signed,
Afraid & Ashamed

                                     

All Applicants NOT Welcome

Dear WISY,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few weeks and we've started to become more and more open about our sexual preferences and fantasies.  We've discussed our views on inviting an extra person in the bedroom and I always assumed he was referring to another female.  I was shocked and appalled when he confessed that he wanted a man to join us.  I told him I wasn't comfortable with that and his attitude changed toward me.

He is no longer in the mood for sex and he doesn't spend as much time with me.  

Do you think I overreacted when he requested a male companion?

Signed,
Shocked and Appalled

My Sister's Man

Dear WISY, 

I want you to reply to this please.  I really need some advice.  I am in a situation that I know I should not be in but I can't help myself.  

I am in love with my sister's husband and I believe he loves me back.  One night I was spending the night at their house because my mother was getting on my nerves.  I was asleep in the guest room and I felt someone come into bed with me.  At first I thought it was my sister but then I felt a manly hand touch me.  I was scared and I turned to look at who it could be because my mind was telling me it was an intruder.  To my surprise it was my sister's husband.  Before I could question him, he began kissing me on my neck and on my arms and I was instantly turned on.  I asked him where my sister was and he told me she was already gone to work.  You can imagine what happened next and I began to spend more and more time at their house just so I could sleep with him.  

My sister is not suspicious at all but I am beginning to feel terrible about the situation.  I want to tell him to leave me alone but it feels so good to have him in my arms.  

Please, I need some help with this and don't judge me.

Signed,
Falling for my sister's man

                                     

Tolerance for Man Shortage

Dear WISY,

Am I the only one who thinks that women are way too hard on each other?  We fight and bring each other down and we fail to see that if we work together we could dominate this world.  I've heard that statistics say that there is a man shortage and because of this women settle for less than ideal relationships.  We become extremely territorial and when we find our men stepping out on us we even allow our them to sleep with other women as long as they come home at night.

I try my hardest not to get pulled into such a mindset but I've been finding it increasingly more difficult to avoid the ignorance.  I am dating a guy who I know is involved with someone else.  He doesn't admit it but I know he is cheating.  The other woman called me a few times to inform me of their relationship and instead of arguing with her like she wanted me to, I just said "ok, no problem.".  I am determined not to fight with her.  I want her to realize that he is JUST A MAN and not worth the fuss.

I don't want to leave him though.  He is everything I've ever asked for and I think that he just might realize that he need not look elsewhere for fulfillment and then our relationship can move on to the next level.

Am I delusional?

Signed,
Tolerance

Tit for Tat

Dear WISY,

I've been seeing this man for a couple months now and I'm only involved with him because I am trying to make my ex jealous.  The man I'm seeing is my ex's family member and they used to be very close.  You are probably wondering why I would do this just to make him jealous, well the answer is, my ex slept with my best friend and got her pregnant.  They now have a son and had the nerve to ask me to be the god mother.  Of course I refused and cursed them out on top of it.  What kind of people are they?  It's like it isn't enough that they hurt me by sleeping together and having a baby but now want me to be god mother too?  I believe they are intentionally trying to send me off the deep end.  So, is it wrong that I am doing something to get back at him too?  In a crazy way, I feel that getting back at him this way is helping me cope with my deep pain.

Should I stop thinking this way and move on?

Signed,
Tit for Tat

Carnival Anxiety

Dear WISY,

Carnival is fast approaching and I'm not happy about it at all.  I will be at all the fetes and stuff but I have to be there and watch the guy I love with his girlfriend.  We've been in a secret relationship for the past few months and I don't think either of us thought it would last this long.  Anyway, I love him and it pains me to see him with her.

I even tried to change to a different mas band because I don't want to see them and who knows, I might get drunk and start some kind of problems.  My friends don't want to change though.

Can you give me any advice on how to cope with this?

Signed,
Carnival Anxiety

                                                                                                      

The Wrong Love

Dear WISY,
There is something I've been hiding and it's eating me up inside.  I am in love with someone who I shouldn't be in love with.  For years I've been withholding my true feelings about this man and it gets harder and harder each time I see him and hear his voice.  He is everything I've ever wanted.  He's what I dream about at night and what I wish for.  He is perfect but I shouldn't love him because he is my roommate's man and she herself is madly in love with him.  

I can't help how I feel.  I am not one to cause trouble and I respect people's relationships.  I am involved with a man who has the same name of the one I really love and when we have sex I yell his name at the top of my lungs and close my eyes and hope that maybe when I open them the right K***** will be there.  

I know this may come off as if I'm a deceitful person, but really I am just in love.  Is anything wrong with that?  Do you believe in destiny?  Should I wait it out until my true love falls into my arms?

Signed,

The Wrong Love

Quick Question...Rich or Poor?

Dear WISY,

I have an old rich man and a young bruk pocket man.  I care for them the same but I am tired of having two men. Who should I pick?

Signed,
Rich or Poor

I Love Married Men

Dear WISY,

I want to know if there are any women out there that prefer a man who is already with somebody else. Personally, I prefer a married man because I don't want anybody controlling me too much and when he is not by me I know he has to be home with his wife.  

People say what I do is wrong but this is what I feel comfortable with.  I have just enough freedom and just enough commitment and I am not the type to cause problems with the wife.  If she were to ever ask me about our affair I would deny it.  Am I wrong? 

Signed,

I Love Married Men

Confused!

Dear WISY,

I'm in a relationship and I truly love my boyfriend but lately I have been thinking and even having dreams about another guy whom I used to like so much.  When I talk to him he makes me feel extremely special.  My boyfriend is a good man but he’s not very affectionate and I have gotten used to it.  I'm thinking about this other guy constantly and even would love to see him but I’m fighting the feeling since I really don’t want to hurt my boyfriend.  How should I get over this feeling?  Just the sound of this other guy’s voice turns me on (sigh).   I feel guilty although I did nothing wrong...well at least not yet!

Signed,

Confused!

Groupie Tun Wifey

Dear WISY,

I was reading your blog and ‘Industry Wifey’ & ‘Classy Groupie’ stuck out to me the most.  I can relate to them because I was in both situations.  I was once the groupie and now I am the wifey.

I am here to tell you that groupies are to be feared because they do the things that “wifey” refuses to do.  I did all the things that were considered nasty and as a result the man couldn’t get enough.  I was his fantasy and now I am his reality.  I treated him like a king when his girlfriend complained about him being too lazy.  What she failed to realize is that the man works hard on the road to provide for his family and he should be rewarded for that.  All she did was complain and turn up her nose at the man’s wants and needs.  That’s why I’ve stepped in, moved in and moved her out.

Now, we’ve been an item for a little over 3 months and the loving gets better each time.  I make sure he doesn’t go looking elsewhere for some fun.  I change my hair regularly and make sure I look good each time he sees me.  When we go out, I make sure I am the eye candy of the event.  This way he has no time to look at others because he’s too busy watching the eyes that watch me.

So, to all the women who have time to be investigating certain familiar faces, make time to impress your man so you can keep him and not lose him to someone like me. ;-)

Signed,

Groupie Tun Wifey

Confused Heart

Dear WISY,

I hope you can help me with some advice about my present predicament.  I am currently involved in a thirteen year long relationship.  We’re not married because earlier in the relationship I told him I didn’t want to get married and that I was good with just being together.  I never really had much faith in marriage because of what I saw around me but I know now that was an unfair judgment.

 Now that I’ve expressed my want for marriage, my boyfriend says he’s not interested in getting married anymore.  He says it’s been fine the way it is and I had my chance to get married but I declined.  So, now I’m unhappy and wondering why he doesn’t want to marry me anymore.  My mind is all over the place thinking that he’s cheating or has just fallen out of love with me.

 This was six months ago and we’re still together but I must admit there is tension and I feel we are drifting apart.  Since then I’ve been going out more, flirting and exchanging numbers with other guys.  So far, I’ve just been talking to them when time permits and when my boyfriend is not around but I feel myself gravitating toward one particular guy.  I like him because we share the same views plus HE WANTS TO GET MARRIED someday.  After our conversations, I find myself envisioning our wedding day. 

 He has asked me to be with him and move on from a relationship which has no future.  I’ve given it serious thought and I can’t make a decision. 

 Am I being unreasonable to my boyfriend? 

 I appreciate your help.

 

Signed,
Confused Heart