I Can't Believe He Made Me Do That!

Dear WISY,

I don't know where to begin but I do know I need to start by saying that I am the victim and I am outraged, saddened, and hurt by what this man put me through.

I have been married for seven years now and my husband and I took a trip for our anniversary a few weeks ago.  We went to a resort that catered to couples only.  I was so excited to get away and have my husband's undivided attention.  We rented a private villa that had direct access to the beach and were told the resort was secured and not accessible by the public.

Once we got there, I was taken aback by the beauty of the grounds of the resort.  The ocean was breathtaking and I saw security guards throughout and felt very safe.  Our first night was magical and I felt very close to my husband.  He told me the next day would be even more magical and that he would do something he always wanted to do.  He said it was a surprise and I was so excited to see what my husband had in store.

The next day came and we lounged on the beach and I drank countless cocktails.  I didn't worry about being drunk because I knew my husband would take good care of me.  I was having a very good time and we eventually had dinner before heading back to the villa.  My husband told me it was time for the surprise and told me to get naked and wait for him in the jacuzzi.

I did what he asked and was waiting for him very anxious.  I felt so sexy and wanted by him.  I had not felt like that in a long time.  Anyway, he came back and I had butterflies in my stomach.  I can't explain how excited I was.  My excitement was snatched away when I saw my husband enter with another man.  I tried to cover myself but my husband told me not to.  I felt uncomfortable and was trying to figure out what my husband was doing with this man.

He asked me if I loved him and to this I answered "yes."  He continued and told me he wanted to watch the man he brought have sex with me.  I didn't know what to say and I'm sure he could see the shock on my face.  He assured me that it was okay and confessed that it was a fantasy he wanted to fulfill.  Because I love my husband, I agreed to it.

I was not aroused by the man at all but my husband was enjoying every minute of it.  It felt like he was going for hours and I asked to stop a few times but my husband convinced me to endure more.  It was the worst experience of my life.  I felt used and betrayed.  I don't understand how that could be a fantasy for my husband.

Now, that we're back, I feel differently about him.  He told me he paid the man a lot of money up front and that's why he made me do it for so long.  I don't trust him anymore and I don't want to discuss what happened with anyone because they will ask me to leave him.  I'm having mixed feelings because I love my husband with everything in me but I don't want him to think it's ok for that kind of thing to happen again.  What should I do?

Signed,
Betrayed

WISY's Response:

Dear Betrayed,

WOW!  You should have just said no to begin with.  He's your husband and he should be understanding of your likes and dislikes.  I understand that you love him and want to keep him happy but you should not compromise your comfort in doing so.

One thing is really bothering me about this situation.  You said you asked to stop a few times and your husband convinced you to continue.  That speaks volumes.  It seems his loyalty to you was overshadowed by this fantasy of his.  I understand that sexual arousal can cloud judgment but as your husband he should be most interested in your well-being.

Speak with him about all your concerns and if you're satisfied with the outcome of the conversation, move forward in your marriage.  If you're not satisfied, maybe it's time to move on.

Next time you're this uncomfortable with something, don't agree to it in the name of love.  That's not love, that's stupidity.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

     

He Wants Me to Leave My Husband

Dear WISY,

I would like to confess that my husband is not satisfying me where the sex is concerned.  He satisfies my shopping addiction and also my obsession with travel but he is no good when it comes to putting a good session down in the bedroom.  I know this isn't right but I need somebody to touch me in a way that my husband can't and I found someone.  We've been seeing each other for two years now.

This other guy is now asking me to leave my husband but he cannot satisfy me in the other ways that my husband does.  He can barely pay his rent and I've given him money for all sorts of things, including a new mattress and sheets because I couldn't lie down on what he had before.  I bought a new couch for his mother and I even helped him pay his child support.  I do all of this for him because he does what he does for me so well.  I think it's fair.

Anyway, back to the problem.  This man is crying and threatening to tell my husband about us if I don't do it first.  Instead of sex, he wants to talk about our future and he sobs like a baby.  He loves me and wants me to move in with him and help him gain custody of his child.  He says I motivate him to be a better person.  I'm touched by his words but I can't leave my life to be with him just for good sex!  I enjoy my work free life too much!

What should I do?  My husband CANNOT know about this and this man seems hellbent on telling him.

Signed,
I Need Satisfaction

(This is NOT a photo of the Sender's love interest)

WISY's Response:

Dear INS,

Why didn't you talk with your husband about your dissatisfaction in the bedroom?  Don't you think that should've been your first step rather than looking elsewhere?  And now, that you have committed one wrong, how did you conclude that it was alright to use your husband's money to care for this man?

This is what you need to do - Tell your boy toy that you will no longer see him and then go tell your husband that you've been spending his money on a man who is satisfying you in a way that he can't.  You should just go ahead and pack your bags now and go somewhere and really reflect on how you took advantage of your husband; a man who provides for you, gives you the luxury of not working for anyone and gives you the opportunity to see the world.  Reflect on how you had all of that and may not have it anymore.

Maybe your husband can forgive you or maybe he won't or maybe you can go stay with boy toy or maybe he won't want you when he realizes your hubby is no longer around to pay for his shortcomings.

Keep us posted! :-)

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

     

Hypocrites!

Dear WISY,

There is a woman who goes around preaching and casting judgment on people but I found out that she is the biggest hypocrite to ever walk the streets.  She is married and supposedly happy with her husband but yet still she is sleeping with her sister's husband.  Every time the sister is out of the house, she goes there and has sex with her sister's husband.  

Her sister's husband is my brother's good friend and he recently confided in him about the situation.  He said that he wants to stop but the hypocrite is so good in bed that he can't seem to stop.  

I feel really bad for this man's wife.  She is being deceived by her husband and her sister!  I want to expose them for their bad deeds so this woman can move on to someone who appreciates her and it's time the hypocrite be exposed for who she really is.

I'm going to tell but I don't want my brother to get mixed in the issue.  How can I reveal it without exposing my source?

Signed,
Exposing Hypocrites

WISY's Response:

Dear Exposing,

This is a situation where hurt is inevitable so be sure that you want to take on this task.  You could very well strain the relationship with your brother for exposing something he told you in confidentiality.  

I understand your want to expose the hypocrites but this may be a case where time becomes the master and you will just have to trust that in time, things will come to light.  If you can't wait on Father Time and your want for exposure trumps the value of your relationship with your brother then go ahead and spill the beans.  Hopefully, your brother understands you well enough to know that this is something you needed to do and your relationship won't change because of it.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY




   

Disapproving Mom

Dear WISY,

I'm extremely disturbed by a parent at my daughter's school.  She drops her daughter off wearing short shorts and no bra under her shirt so you can see her nipples.  She flirts with all the male teachers and is always drinking some mystery liquid from her on-the-go coffee mug.  I'm pretty sure there is something stronger than coffee in the mug.

I'm a very blunt person and she's aware of my feelings towards her.  The problem is, my daughter really likes her daughter and was very hurt when she wasn't invited to her birthday party.  If it were up to me, my daughter would have nothing to do with them at all but children are innocent and I believe as adults, we should put our feelings aside.

So, with all that being said, should I confront this lady about excluding my princess from the birthday party or will it cause more friction?  

Thanks for your help.

Signed,
Don't Exclude My Princess

WISY's Response:

Dear DEMP,

Please don't go causing any more issues with the lady.  Yes, children are innocent but she knows that if she invites your daughter, she's inviting you too.  And if you feel so strongly about this woman's behavior, it's probably best that your daughter not be around her.

Perhaps, you can sit down with the lady and express your concerns in a civil manner instead of complaining about your daughter not being invited to a birthday party.  Maybe you will discover that she is in fact drinking coffee and doesn't wear a bra because it's her right not to.  You may discover that you were all wrong about her - who knows.  Hopefully, you can resolve your issues.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

   

Scarred

Dear WISY,

When I was a small child I was trapped in my burning house.  I now have burn scars on my arms and neck.  Because of the scars, I can't find anyone to love me.  I'm now 24 years old and my parents are asking why I haven't brought a man home to them yet.  I see all my sisters and cousins are married and no man has ever approached me.  

I am very depressed about my situation and I have thought about going to America for some surgeries I heard about that can help my appearance.  I have been raising the money on my own to pay for travel expenses and medical costs.  Nobody knows my plans but I will tell them the day of my departure.

I am making progress but I am feeling guilty about how I am getting the money.  I am going to tell you this with the confidence that you will keep me completely anonymous.  I have been getting the money by selling my body and I know this isn't right.  Through this I met a man who would like to see me outside of our business transactions.  I am not attracted to him but he would take the shame away from me.

Do you think I should date him?  I think I should have him because I might not have this opportunity again.  Please tell me what you think I should do.

Signed,

Scarred

(This is NOT a photo of the sender)

WISY's Response:

Dear Scarred,

What you went through as a child was very traumatic and from what you are telling me, you have yet to heal the internal wounds the fire caused.  Selling your body is a clear indicator of that.

Stop selling your body and use the money you have earned to pay for therapy sessions.  I believe that beginning the healing process will help you to feel more beautiful and in turn you will attract the right man for you.

Which brings me to my next point, I'm not sure you should date a man who has paid you for your body.  That's not the type of foundation you want to set in a relationship.  Take your time, you're only 24 years old.  You have plenty of time to heal and find the man that's right for you.

At this point, surgery is not the answer to your issues.  I wish you success on your journey to happiness.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY