Confessions of a Wild Vacation

Dear WISY,

I've been a bad girl on vacation. I'm now dating a 33 year old who is married with 1 child. He met me and liked how I move. His wife is an Adventist and he sells (withheld), he's a hustling gangster. Anyway, I've got to wait until next week to find out if I'm pregnant. My man has been entertaining other women so I got my entertainment too.

Well, I would want to be the only woman, but guess what - before 7 a.m., he's already at my house in (location withheld) to bring me my daily 🍆 then he goes to work. By midday, I'm at his job and getting driven home by him or he gets somebody to take me. He doesn't like me walking on the street.

After work, if I'm not with him, he takes wifey home from work at 8 p.m. Sometimes he's back at my house within the hour or less. We've talked so we are clear I'm not to get attached. That's when he tells me "Baby, my wife can't have no more kids & I want a boy."

I'm like "f*ck baby, I have to pay $10,000 to unblock [my tubes]. Dude jumped up and said he will pay it. I'm like oh boy🤦🏾‍♀️.

So, for a while I was confused. The last week in (location withheld), I decided to tattoo his alias on my chest, we f*cked twice and he didn't notice it until the day after I got back to (location withheld). It made him smile so much.

We're taking things slow and being close friends, but the pregnancy caught me off guard. All I know is I'm in for it. I haven't broken up with my man yet. I tried.

Signed,
Oh Boy

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WISY's Response:

Dear Oh Boy,

Wow!  There's so much going through my head right now, but the first thing of concern is how you will fare knowing that this is somewhat of a transaction.  You stated that you understand that you are not to get attached and you know he is married.  You are ending your current relationship to possibly give birth to this man's child without any proper commitment.  Have you thought about your emotional state through all of that?  Have you thought about what may happen when his wife finds out about the arrangement?

I feel like you're selling yourself short here.  I want to encourage you to get involved with those who can give you 100% of themselves.  Your soon-to-be ex seems like he was playing games and now this guy is married and is very comfortable giving you daily 🍆 and a possible baby.  He seems like the type who could potentially cause you a lot of hurt and pain.  If he does it with you, he will do it to you.  You feel me?  All of what he's been doing for you would be wonderful if he wasn't already involved with someone else.  You deserve someone who is completely committed to you and your happiness.  Now, if he decides to divorce his wife and settle down with you and start a family, I could get on board with that.  I would have still advised you to end one relationship before starting another one though.

Whatever you decide, I hope you are okay in the end.  

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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I'm Pregnant. Is it My Husband's or My Boyfriend's?

Dear WISY, 

I just found out that I'm pregnant and don't know if the father is my husband or my boyfriend. 

I have been to hell and back with my husband. He has another family with a woman he never stopped seeing. She didn't know we were married; she thought he was always gone away on business. She said she got suspicious when he stopped paying bills at their house. He has cheated on me with women at his job (and many more I'm sure), he is just never here for me and I ended up seeing someone else. 

My husband supports me 100% so it's been difficult to leave him...even after I found out about the other family. I don't think the baby is my husband's because we have been unable to conceive all this time. I knew I might get pregnant with my boyfriend but we never have protected sex. I do believe the baby is his because my husband and I never got pregnant before. 

I don't know what to do. I feel some shame and embarrassment. My boyfriend is no position to financially help me or this baby. I am afraid of my husband's anger too. I am so disappointed that I have met this situation. Please advise me. This was difficult for me to send, so no judgement. 

Signed,

I Don't Know

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WISY's Advice:

Dear IDK,

My goodness. This is an unfortunate situation and there's no easy way out of it.  I know people may say to wait it out and be silent about it until the baby is born, but I don't believe there is any more room for deception (or the possibility of it) in this relationship.  Plus, I just don't believe in toying with people's emotions when it comes to these situations.  Be upfront and face the music.  You should come clean about what's been going on.  

Before you reveal the news, you should build a circle of support to lean on.  Your husband, although he has carried on with his own deception, will probably feel betrayed.  He may retaliate by removing you from his home and cutting off the financial support.  I'm hoping you have family/friends who will stand by you and assist you until you can support yourself. 

Once the baby is born, get a paternity test to confirm your assumption.  In the future, practice honesty and integrity.  Be honest about your feelings in your relationship, do not stand for a sub par commitment just because you are being supported financially, and do not practice acts that will bring you shame and embarrassment.  

This may all be an overdue blessing in disguise.  I hope for the best possible outcome for you and your baby.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY 

I Don't Want to Get Infected - She's Positive, I'm Negative

Dear WISY,

I'm a negative woman in love with a positive woman.  I really love her a lot and would like to spend the rest of my life with her, but the question is, how do I avoid getting infected?  What should I do and what should I not do?

Signed,
A Caring Lover

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WISY's Advice:

Dear ACL,

I'm not sure of your location and your level of access to quality healthcare, but there are drugs currently available that reduce the chances of transmitting HIV (I'm assuming you're referring to HIV.  Please correct me if I'm wrong) from partner to partner.  You and your partner should both visit a physician for the best possible healthcare advice.  My knowledge is limited but I can say that you should always practice safe sex.  Use dental dams for oral sex, use toys to pleasure each other without exchanging body fluids.  If you can't, then abstain.  As I said previously, my knowledge is limited, so please seek the advice of a professional.

I hope everything works out for the best.
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Walk good,
#TeamWISY
 

   

UPDATE: He Left Me Alone, I Have a New Question

Dear WISY,

It's me again.  I wrote to you about the guy who has a girlfriend and won't leave me alone.  I took your advice and continued to block him if he found another way to contact me but that didn't work.  His messages became very threatening and offensive, so I called the cops on him.  The cops didn't want to take me seriously at first, but I went to the police station and showed them all the attempts he made to talk to me and of course I showed them the messages.  They told me that they would contact him and warn him to keep away from me, but told me that I should get a restraining order...🙄 restraining orders are useless in ________!

Anyway, I left and immediately called my ex to tell him what was going on.  Before you ask, I went to my ex because we are still very close and he will have my back always.  So, yea I told him about what was going on and he agreed that he would confront the guy on my behalf.  He is a man of his word and he didn't waste any time contacting the guy and telling him to back off.  He even told him that he would contact his girlfriend if he didn't stop contacting me.  The guy seemed afraid and told my ex that he didn't really know me like that and that I was lying on him 😂😂😂.  He said to keep his name out of his mouth and to never contact him again.  I felt relief about the whole situation and even felt in the mood to give my ex a little something of what he's been missing 😋.

Now, I have a different question.  Thanks, by the way, for helping me through my situation. What you said worked very well.  But, my new question is all about my ex.  We are so close still and the sex was so good and we had a good talk after we had sex. I wonder if I should get back with him.  We broke up because he was cheating on me, but that was like 5 years ago.  He has grown and matured now.  I think we could work out well but my lingering question is if he will cheat again because they say "once a cheater always a cheater".  Your advice is appreciated again 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽.

Signed,
Another Question

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WISY's Advice:

Dear AQ,

So glad to hear things worked out for the best with that situation.  I was really concerned, and I suggest you still get the restraining order so that you are protected and have certain rights should he try anything again.

On to the next or should I say...on to the ex!  As far as that is concerned, I think it's really sweet that your ex still looks out for you and is there for you in this sort of way.  That says a lot, in my opinion.  I don't see the harm in exploring a relationship with him again if he has in fact grown psychologically.  You need to be sure that you are over the hurt he caused you previously because it won't work if you continue to punish him for what he did (not saying you are, but want to bring that to your attention).  Just be aware of any behaviors that suggest dishonesty on his part, and most importantly, do not tolerate it if you discover he hasn't changed.  Just work on each other, be honest with one another, communicate, learn each other's love language.  Take it slow and see what happens.

Feel free to write again with an update. 😊

Walk good,
#TeamWIsy

 

Does He Like Me?

Dear WISY,

I usually don't write to advice columns but I'm desperate at this point.  So, I've known this guy for almost 2 years now. He recently broke up with his girlfriend (it lasted 1 month).  At first I didn't like him because of how we met.  He sat behind me in class and on the first day he pulled my hair (as a joke) to ask for help on a question.  We eventually grew as friends and have become kind of close. We are always play fighting and joking around with each other, just being goofy in general.  Recently I realized I liked him as more than a friend.  I have not told anyone, and I keep thinking about him.  I'm not sure why but I just cant tell if he likes me.

Sincerely,

Me

Young Love

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

WISY's Response:

Dear Me,

A man will usually let you know if he's interested or not.  If he doesn't come out and say it, his actions will tell you.  It's possible that he feels the same way that you do, but he may not want to ruin the friendship or may be shy.  However, I think that if he truly has fallen in love with you then he will not be able to hide his feelings any longer.  It's a man's nature to pursue what he wants, so let nature take its course.

BUT, if you find that your need to know is overwhelming then go ahead and ask him how he feels.  It is a beautiful thing when a friendship evolves to romance, so I do hope that you both are on the same page and you create something beautiful together.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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