Guy #1 or Guy #2?

Dear WISY,

I am in a position and I know what I should do but I can't bring myself to do it because my heart has clouded my judgment.  I'm head over heels in love with someone who isn't right for me and I'm being pursued by someone who is doing everything right and would make the perfect life long partner.  

I can't explain how I feel about Guy #1.  What I feel can't be put into words.  It's like there is a force that pulls me to him.  He has expressed his feelings towards me and they are identical to mine but for some reason we always have conflict.

Guy #2 is sweet, caring and pays close attention to me to determine my likes and dislikes.  He has his flaws but is willing to work to become a better person so that we can have a solid relationship and bright future.  I respect him for that and I care about him but I don't love him.

Why is it that I can't love the right one?  Should I ignore my feelings for #1 and move forward with #2?  Do you think the feelings will subside for #1 and increase for #2 if I do this?  I need your input.

Thank you.

Signed,
Which One?

       

Carnival Seductress

Dear WISY,

I have a confession and I really just want to know if there is anyone else who does this.  I come from a country where we have carnival celebrations every year and it seems as if a fever overtakes my body when the new music is released and the sexy costumes are displayed.  What I'm trying to say is; I always cheat on my man during carnival.  I don't know what it is about carnival that just makes me want to let loose and act on my desires.

I have no conscience during carnival.  My cousins who are christian always say carnival is the devil's playground and I'm beginning to believe it.  I don't know what it is.  It just amazes me that it is the same scenario for me year after year.  I met my first love during carnival.  Could that be the reason?  I don't know.

Is there anyone else who does this or feels the same way I do?

Signed,
Carnival Seductress

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What One Dance Can Do

Dear WISY,

I am currently involved in a long distance relationship with a guy I met when I was 15.  I'm now 32 and he is the only man I have ever been with.  He decided to move away to further his studies last year.  At first I was disappointed because I thought it was due time for us to get married but he assured me that it was best to wait and set himself up to provide a good life for me and our future family.

Since he has been gone, I have been hanging out with my friends to help me cope with missing him.  I guess his friends have been telling him that I'm out a lot more and have been commenting on how nice I look.  At first, he was okay with it but now he has become jealous and now questions my every move.  He has even tried to tell me that I wasn't allowed to go out.  Now, our relationship is just argument on top of argument.  

The last time I went out I met a guy and I decided to dance with him.  After all, it's just a dance and that can't hurt anything.  I ended up dancing with him the whole night and when I was ready to leave he walked me to my car and asked to have my number.  I gave it to him and we have gone out a few times since.  I told him about my relationship and he is okay with that too.  He said he believes we met for a reason and that what is meant to be will be.  I agree.

Now, I can't get this new guy out my head.  I wait anxiously for his calls and texts and I get excited when it's time to see him.  I feel like a young girl again and I wish this relationship could move to the next level.  

I still love my boyfriend and I don't want to lose him after all these years but this new guy has awakened something in me and I feel like he just may be worth it.

Should I leave my boyfriend for him?

Signed,
Alive Again

                                                                                                       

Afraid & Ashamed

Dear WISY, 

I am writing because I have some thing I need to get off my chest. I am not proud about what I am going to say but I am going to tell it anyway. 

Currently, I am 7 months pregnant and I have been behaving like the baby belongs to my boyfriend. The baby actually belongs to my father's best friend. He is a very close friend of the family and he has watched me grow from a small child until now. He came onto me the first time when I was throwing a tantrum about not getting any money to buy a new outfit for a party. He offered me the money but I noticed his eyes were observing my body as he spoke. I don't know why I wasn't afraid or disgusted. I guess I wanted the money that bad. He continued to give me money without my parents' knowledge and I accepted knowing that one day I might have to give him something in return. 

Well, he finally came onto to me one night when I was at home alone. He knew my parents were at a party and he came in and had sex with me. It only lasted a few minutes because he was so excited about finally having me. After the act he was remorseful and begged for my forgiveness. I told him that I was now an adult woman and he had nothing to fear. We continued to have sex secretly until I discovered I was pregnant. 

He has gone to the UK and promised to return and take care of me and the baby. He has not returned and I heard my father say that he was going to stay in the UK and gain residency. Now, I am stuck with a baby that belongs to my dad's best friend.  My boyfriend has also quit school to get a job to support me and the baby. 

I feel the need to confess and tell everybody the truth but I am so afraid and ashamed of myself. 

Please, WISY, tell me what I should do now.

Signed,
Afraid & Ashamed

                                     

Tit for Tat

Dear WISY,

I've been seeing this man for a couple months now and I'm only involved with him because I am trying to make my ex jealous.  The man I'm seeing is my ex's family member and they used to be very close.  You are probably wondering why I would do this just to make him jealous, well the answer is, my ex slept with my best friend and got her pregnant.  They now have a son and had the nerve to ask me to be the god mother.  Of course I refused and cursed them out on top of it.  What kind of people are they?  It's like it isn't enough that they hurt me by sleeping together and having a baby but now want me to be god mother too?  I believe they are intentionally trying to send me off the deep end.  So, is it wrong that I am doing something to get back at him too?  In a crazy way, I feel that getting back at him this way is helping me cope with my deep pain.

Should I stop thinking this way and move on?

Signed,
Tit for Tat

The Wrong Love

Dear WISY,
There is something I've been hiding and it's eating me up inside.  I am in love with someone who I shouldn't be in love with.  For years I've been withholding my true feelings about this man and it gets harder and harder each time I see him and hear his voice.  He is everything I've ever wanted.  He's what I dream about at night and what I wish for.  He is perfect but I shouldn't love him because he is my roommate's man and she herself is madly in love with him.  

I can't help how I feel.  I am not one to cause trouble and I respect people's relationships.  I am involved with a man who has the same name of the one I really love and when we have sex I yell his name at the top of my lungs and close my eyes and hope that maybe when I open them the right K***** will be there.  

I know this may come off as if I'm a deceitful person, but really I am just in love.  Is anything wrong with that?  Do you believe in destiny?  Should I wait it out until my true love falls into my arms?

Signed,

The Wrong Love

Guilty Conscience

The following is a letter from one of our readers, please leave a comment below.  For our answer to this letter, please visit http://everythingepiphani.com/magazine.html

Dear WISY,

I am a mother of two lovely little girls and I have been carrying the burden of a secret that could change our lives forever.  I don’t believe my oldest daughter belongs to my husband.  He is a business man and is successful with his ventures.  He loves the girls very much but I don’t believe he loves me.  

From the beginning of our relationship, he has acted like he just married me because I was the first one to come along that showed any interest in him.  He is not so attractive but he holds a powerful position and that is sexy to me.  It is because of his attitude toward me that forced me to stray and sleep with another man.  I got pregnant and immediately stopped seeing the man on the side.  I was nervous because I really didn’t know who was responsible for the pregnancy.  I played along and held my breath until she was born and when I looked at her I forced myself to see my husband in her eyes.

Years have passed and she is beginning to look like the other man.  She even walks like him!  My husband seems to fancy her more than our last daughter which makes it all the more difficult to deal with. 

I really need the advice of my fellow women.  I know I’m not the only one who has been in this type of situation.  Should I tell him and risk losing the perks of having a wealthy husband or should I carry on the way we are and convince myself that my affair with the other man was just a dream?  I figure that I will suffer either way.  I just need to choose which type of suffering is the best.

Signed,

Guilty Conscience