Temptation

Dear WISY,

I've recently completed my teacher's training and have been assigned to a high risk school for boys.  The boys are considered high risk because their home environments make them more prone to become criminals and drug addicts.  These boys have had to grow up quickly and display a strong sense of masculinity even at their young ages.

Although I know this is extremely wrong, I have become attracted to one of the boys.  He is very mature even though he is 17.  He is built like a man and has a nice deep voice.  I cannot help but notice his every move.  He is a gorgeous specimen of the male species and I want him.

I know that this sort of thing could jeopardize my career but the urge to become friendly with him is severe.  He knows that he makes me blush and he knows that I am interested; I can tell by the way he looks at me.  I am tempted to call the number he wrote on a note and placed in his book assignment.  The note was direct like how a grown man would pen it.  My heart wants to take the risk but my mind tells me that I will regret this forever.

Do you think he is mature enough to keep a secret?

Signed,
Tempted

WISY's Response:

Dear Tempted,

Pump your brakes, lady.  First off, your heart has nothing to do with this desire you have; this is pure lust.  Secondly, are there no adult men available for you to pursue?  Please re-focus your efforts to educating this boy in order to improve his chances of breaking through the obstacles presented to him at home.  He doesn't need the additional distraction at school.  You were hired to help him excel and keep him motivated about his education.  You giving in to his love notes teaches him to disrespect the lines of authority and gives him all the more reason to believe that a dishonest way of life is acceptable.

In addition to this, your career will come to a screeching halt and your name will be plastered all over the news because you will get caught.  If you think this boy will not brag about having relations with his teacher then perhaps you need to get a desk and chair and sit with the students because you have a lot more learning to do.

Leave the child alone and get a grown man.  You never know, he may be into role playing and you can fulfill your school boy fantasy that way. -_-

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

      

Product of the week:

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Going Broke Trying to Look Rich

Dear WISY,

I feel silly sending this because I know better.  Let me give you a little background of who I am.  I'm 29 and I have a good job but not as good as my friends who have earned degrees.  I've managed to work myself up in my company but I've gone as far as I can without a formal education and my friends all seem to be making more money than I am.  The silly part is me giving the impression that I am also making the big money.  I bought a new car and I moved into a new building in the city just so I can keep up with what everyone else is doing.

All that spending above my means has left me broke.  I can barely pay rent and I damn sure can't pay my car note.  I considered taking the car back to the dealership and trading down but I am too ashamed and honestly I don't think I should have to skimp on luxury because I have worked so hard.  

I have recently sought out the companionship of my company's President.  He is married and everything but he has started taking me on all of his trips and he takes very good care of me when we're away.  I don't have to spend a dime, don't have to work and I stay in the best hotels and always in the penthouse suite.  I'm thinking about asking him to help me out with my bills but I'm not sure how to approach him about it.  I figure I am not sleeping with him so he may not want to help out.  What if he asks me to sleep with him in order to get the help?  Should I do it?  Do you think he'll look at me differently at work?  Should I care?  

Please help!  The first of the month is almost here!

Signed,
Keeping Up

WISY's Response:

Dear Keeping Up,

You must know that your situation is unnecessary and foolish.  At 29, you should not be concerned with keeping up with the Joneses.  Your sights should be set on working and building yourself at your own pace.  Everybody's journey is different, remember that.  If you feel such a strong need to impress your friends with material items, you should consider becoming friends with people who aren't as shallow.

I think trading down is the best option for you until you can afford the luxury you want and ask for a pay advance to get your rent paid on time.  Also, if you're going to be asking the President of your company for assistance, why not ask for a raise and some money to continue your education?  Keep it within the business arena and you won't have to worry about how you are perceived.  

I don't think you should put yourself in a position where you would feel obligated to have sex for financial gain.  Even though he hasn't made any sexual advances toward you, you must know that the man is taking you on these work-less trips because he expects some other type of work at some point.  Be mindful.

Refocus and reorganize your goals, prioritize and make it happen with dignity.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY


     

Product of the week:

Currently using E'tae products on natural hair and am able to achieve a relaxed look with just a blow dryer and flat iron.  Hair returns to natural form once wet.  LOVE these products!  Click the link below for more information.

My Family is Jealous of Me

Dear WISY,

My family is one big bag of negativity.  When I was a little girl, my mother and her sisters and brothers fought each other like enemies.  I grew up being afraid of my family and eventually growing hatred towards them.  For some reason, my mother was always the loner.  She was always the one who they attacked as a group.  No matter how much the others fought each other, they would find common ground to attack my mother together.  I believe they hate her because my grandparents made it no secret that she was their favorite.  As a result, my cousins and I never had a good relationship.  I don’t feel like I have family, instead my friends have become what I believe family should be. 

The other day, my cousins jumped me and told me that my mom and I don’t deserve the things left for us in my grandparent’s will.  They want us to move out of the house we inherited and threatened to burn it down with us inside.  I went straight to the police and made a report but that has made things even worse.  My family is crazy and has no fear.  Going to the police has just fueled their fire.  I am afraid to leave my house and so is my mother.  She actually blames me for the intensified hate.

I really want to leave the area and get as far away as possible from these people but I don’t want to leave my mother to fend for herself.  I’m afraid she will give in to their demands without me there to support her.

What do I do?

Signed,

Is This Family?

WISY's Response:

Dear ITF,

Unfortunately, blood relation does not equate to loyalty, support or love.  When jealousy is present, blood doesn't do anything but provide easier access to you and your vulnerabilities.  I cannot imagine living the way you describe and I'm so sorry that you and your mom are going through such a tough time.

Going to the police was the best thing to do.  What was the result of that as far as legalities are concerned?  I hope justice was or will be served.  I'd get a lawyer to advise you and your mother on how to proceed as well.  Threatening to burn your house down with you in it shouldn't be taken lightly.  Treat it as serious as it is.  If your family has no fear or regard for the law then give them the opportunity to prove it by dealing out charges as you see fit.  I'm pretty sure that once the law comes knocking to haul them off to jail, they will change their tune.  And if not, who best to deal with them and their savage ways than the police?

It may be a good idea to move away for a bit.  You can rent your current home and give yourselves some peace of mind by not being in the middle of the war zone.  Maybe down the line you and your family can reconcile and hash out all the issues.  In the meantime, being able to choose who you call family is not such a bad thing.  All the best.

Walk good,

#Team WISY

     

Too Young to Love it This Much?

Dear WISY,

I feel like I'm an adult trapped in a teenager's body.  I love to have sex and I'm only 16.  I know I should be more focused on my school work but I don't really have to focus for school.  I'm naturally smart and get good grades 100% of the time.

I've been lying and telling my parents I'm at study group every day but instead I've been meeting my older boyfriend to have sex.  My boyfriend is older but don't worry, where I'm from, I'm at the age of consent to have sex but you know my parents will think I'm too young.  So far I have been able to get away with what I'm doing but I know I might get caught one day.  I really want to talk to my mother about what's going on and how I feel but I know she will go psycho on me.  She'll get over it but I'm just afraid to even approach her about it.  It's very frustrating not having anyone to talk to.  

Like I said before, I'm a smart girl and I know that this will become a problem soon.  What should I do now to prevent any trouble in the future?  

Signed,
Trapped

WISY's Response:

Dear Trapped,

Sigh, okay, first off, I'm really happy you reached out for advice and are able to identify that your behavior could get you into trouble.  I also come from a place where the age of consent is 16 (not sure if it still is) and I know a few girls who got themselves into situations they weren't ready for.  Let's be real, 16 is a long way from adulthood and you shouldn't be involved in anything you cannot handle independently.  So, with that being said, if you truly want to take it down a few notches, talk to your mom about it even though she will probably have a "psycho" reaction.  That reaction comes from a place of love and concern and the want to always protect you.  In the end she will appreciate you feeling comfortable enough to discuss your issues with her which will ultimately strengthen your relationship.  She will help you through the situation the best way she knows how.  Maybe you could suggest sessions with your school counselor. 

Surround yourself with people who are striving to set a solid foundation for their life goals and make a conscious decision to focus on your education.  You sound like your intelligence could get you a scholarship and you could be celebrated throughout your academic career.  You are so young and haven't even begun to know what life has to offer.  Slow down and focus that energy into a project of some sort; give that brain of yours a challenge - do something that will keep your attention and leave you with less time to think about physical gratification.  Do not allow something as common as sex to interfere with your extraordinary potential.   

Walk good,
#TeamWISY


     

Loving the D

Readers:  be advised that this post includes adult content

Dear WISY,

I'm a little embarrassed to be writing about this but I really need to know if there's something wrong with me.  Okay, I think I'm addicted to sex.  I think about it all day and all night and my boyfriend is starting to get angry with me because of it.  I just lost my virginity two months ago and ever since the first time, I can't get enough.  I waited a long time to do it and I regret wasting all that time.  It is the best feeling in the world.  I want to feel it all the time but my boyfriend can't give it to me so I've been cheating on him. :-(

I cheated with a guy I met on my lunch break, I cheated with a coworker, I cheated with my brother's best friend, I cheated with a guy in my class and I'm about to cheat again with a guy I met online.  I like the different ways the guys do it, I like the way they touch my body, I like it even when I don't orgasm.  I don't know if that makes sense.

Please tell me if I'm okay.  I haven't told anybody about this and I have a feeling they won't get me if I do.  I don't feel bad about cheating either.  I feel that my boyfriend should give me what I need.  If he did, I'd have no reason to cheat on him.

Signed,
Loving the D




WISY's Response:

Dear Loving the D,

Wow.  I can't give you an evaluation and diagnosis if that's what you're looking for.  I can, however, give you my opinion.  In my opinion, I think there's nothing wrong with a woman loving sex.  I'm glad you enjoy it so much since so much of us don't.  There's something very liberating when a woman can express her love for something in such a way that is traditionally reserved for men.  HOWEVER, when you start cheating on your boyfriend to fulfill your need, I would say there is a problem.  I can only hope that this love for the D doesn't interfere with your every day life and I hope with all my heart that you're being safe during your romps.

I'd like to know the frequency of this urge for sex.  Is it distracting you?  Have you noticed a difference in your regular habits?  Does it compromise your morals?  If you answer yes to any of those questions, I would seek out some professional help.  You may need to curb that appetite a bit.

Continue to love sex but don't let it get the best of you.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

     

She's Stealing My Clients

Dear WISY,

I'm having an issue with my co-worker.  We are both hair stylists and I've noticed she's been copying my styles and has started doing more weaves.  She never did weaves as much; she specializes in natural hair and dreads.  All of a sudden, she has clients coming in to do weaves.  She was asking me about certain techniques and now this girl is even better than I am at weaving and to make matters worse, she is stealing my clients!

I don't mind mentoring people but when you start to take money out of my pocket, we have a problem.  I confronted her about it and she laughed and told me to step my game up.  I wanted to slap her silly but I knew I would be out looking for another booth and clients if I did that.  I can't even seem to keep the walk-ins' attention when she is doing her thing.

I have rent to pay, kids to feed and lots of bills.  I don't need her taking my clients.  How do I get my clients back?

Signed,
Unbeweavable

WISY's Response:

Dear Unbeweavable,

The world of hair styling is a competitive one.  I can understand your frustration with your co-worker but she's right - you need to step your game up.  You should take this as a lesson to never get too comfortable.  Hone your craft and show who the best stylist is.  Also, try price specials which may attract more clients to you.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY


     

I Wanted His Friend, Not Him

Dear WISY,

One night I was out with my girls and we were leaving the restaurant and heading to the lounge.  We were all single and looking to mingle!  As soon as we were about to get in the Uber, a group of guys walked up and started talking to us.  I was immediately attracted to this tall, caramel brotha with long braids and broad shoulders.  He was fine af!  Anyway, we told them we were about to head to the lounge and they said they would meet us there.

We got there and waited for them to come so they could buy us drinks.  They rolled in like ten minutes after we got there and we picked up where we left off.  I'm the quiet one of all the girls, I like to keep my mouth shut and my eyes and ears open.  After we gave them our drink orders we started talking about who we liked but as usual, I was quiet.  I heard my girl say she liked the same dude I liked.  So, now you know I'm in an awkward spot already!  I decided to fall back and let her go after him.  It's not like I would've gone after him, I'm way too shy.

They came back and couples started breaking off on their own - dancing and what not.  It was just me and one other girl left standing around and the last dude from their crew came and talked to me.  I told him I didn't want to leave her alone so he decided to stay and the three of us hung out together for the rest of the night.  At the end of the night, he approached me for my number.  I gave it to him but I really wanted to give it to the other guy.  

This guy is nice and we've been seeing each other for a few months but every time I see his friend, I want to rip his clothes off.  On top of that, I have to listen to my girl talk about him ALL DAMN DAY!!  She's the type of girl to go into all the fine details and I've heard everything about him from his draws to his moans.  I'm secretly torn apart inside and I don't know how to get over not winning over the man I wanted.  Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to see and hear about him all the time.

How can I overcome this jealousy before I begin to hate my friend for having what I want?

Signed,
Jealous