My Sister Could Not Break Me!

Dear WISY,

I would like to get some feelings off my chest.  I am now 21 and I want to tell my sister that I am standing stronger and taller than ever before despite her trying to ruin my life.  As a child she tortured me, she lied on me and she was verbally abusive.  She told me I was ugly and too black.  I believed her because people always told her how pretty she was and she was light like my mother.  I spent many years hating myself and thinking I was not good enough.  It took me getting involved with my boyfriend to really start to like myself.  When he complimented me, I never believed him.  I gave him a hard time at first but I know now that he truly loves me and thinks I'm beautiful.  He is helping me to heal from the years of damage my hateful sister put me through.  I would like her to know that I am great.  I don't have a husband that beats me and I am developing a career of my own.  I will not sit at home and depend on a man to mind me (she does).

Hello, my sister! I am better than ever and you could not defeat me!

Signed,
Healing Sister

WISY's Response:

Dear Healing Sister,

I am glad to hear that your sister's actions did not defeat you.  Have you expressed your feelings to your sister?  Speaking with her about how she has affected you will help you heal.  I'm also glad to hear that your boyfriend has helped you find the strength to begin valuing yourself but you must also find the strength within yourself or else you may always feel the need to get validation from others.  I suggest you begin with speaking to your sister and letting her know how she's damaged you.  This will help you regain control of you and your image of yourself.

Walk Good,
#TeamWISY


                    

I Want Him Bad!

Dear WISY,

Tonight I celebrated my birthday with a few close friends.  One of my friends brought a guy with her and I fell in love at first sight.  He was the most beautiful, handsome, gorgeous, pretty man I have ever laid eyes on!  I know it sounds unbelievable but he is just all of that!  I want him so bad it hurts me!  The only problem is, I think she is involved with him.  I want to tell her I want him for my birthday!  I would do some things to him!  I would make him tired of my loving!  I don't think you can understand how badly I want this man.  I am even willing to upset our friendship for him.  It sounds bad but it's true.  I don't know what to do!  Maybe I can sneak and talk to him but I am really not that type of girl.  I am very straight up.  Should I ask her about him or just go after what I want?  Please let me know!!

Signed,
I Want Him Bad!

WISY's Response:

Dear IWHB!,

Please do not ruin a friendship over a man you do not know.  I suggest you ask your friend about this man and if she tells you she's involved with him, walk away!  There are way too many men out there for you to be risking friendships over.

Walk Good,
#TeamWISY

 

To the Kids: Don't Choose the Wrong Path!

Dear WISY,

When I was 11 years old my parents moved to a big city.  We moved from a small town and it took us a day and a half to get to where we live now.  I was very excited at first but when we got there and settled in, I realized that this city was a dangerous place.  My first day of school was hell!  I was tortured the entire day and my teachers saw what was going on and did nothing about it.  I was terrified and begged my parents to take me back to where we came from but they said I would adjust.

After a week or so of bullying, I was approached by one of my teachers who suggested I join a gang in order to fit in.  At first I didn't know what he meant by "gang".  I assumed it was a group of kids that got together after school to support each other and carry out academic activities.  I was wrong.  My own teacher, Mr. V****** suggested that I become a part of a criminal organization.  I couldn't understand why until he explained that he was a gang member also and felt like the gang understood his needs when his family didn't. 

Eventually, I got tired of the bruises and the hateful words and I asked my teacher about joining the gang.  He was very happy to hear I was finally interested and he asked me to meet him in the gym after school for a five minute talk.  On my way to the gym, I was pushed and slapped by other kids and all I could think of was how much I couldn't wait to get some relief from this situation.  I walked in the gym and my teacher was there with a kid in a higher grade who asked for my home phone number and address and said he would call me later that night.  He said he would have his little sister call me so my parents wouldn't become suspicious of anything.

Fast forward to now.  I was arrested at the age of 17.  I am now 18.  I am an active member in the gang and have done a lot of things my parents would disagree with.  I now have a one year old and recently found out I am pregnant again.  I don't know who the father of this child is and my first baby's father is incarcerated.  My life has taken a turn for the worst and all because my parents thought a city life would bring more advancement opportunity to their children.

I just want to tell the kids out there who feel alone that there is another path to happiness other than gang life.  I regret not informing my parents of everything.  I should have told them that my teacher introduced me to the gang in the first place and I should have told them how bad I was being bullied at school.  I urge the kids out there to speak up even if you think you'll look stupid for doing so.  It's not worth it, trust me.

I don't know who writes this blog and I was told it was just for the Caribbean but I hope you will post this letter anyway.  Hopefully, this will help anyone out there who feels alone.  Please, just find a different way to be happy.  Join the Boys and Girls Club or the YMCA.  Do something other than get yourself caught up in gang life!  It hurts worse than the bullying at school.

One Love!

Signed,

Regretful

WISY's Response:

Dear Regretful,

First of all, I would like to thank you for writing to us.  It takes a lot of bravery to do so and no, this blog is not just meant for Caribbean people.  We receive letters from all over the world.  

My heart breaks to hear that you felt you had no other choice but to choose gang life in order to have peace on a daily basis.  I am outraged by the fact that your teacher is the one who introduced you to this lifestyle which has placed you at a disadvantage in life.

You are still young.  You still have the world of opportunity available to you.  I can tell that your mindset is beginning to follow the course of redemption and I encourage you to make a serious effort to reverse all your wrongs and make them rights.  I'm not sure what city you're in but there are resources available to young women with children in almost every major city.  I'm not sure of your education level but there are resources to help you attain higher levels of education.  Utilize every resource that is available to you.  Research your options and know your rights.  Make a difference for yourself and your children by elevating yourself and escaping gang life for good.

Be mindful that your first steps should be ones to ensure the safety of you and your family.  Be very careful with the information you share about your plans.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

P.S.  If you need assistance obtaining information about resources available to you, let us know.  We are more than happy to help.

Texts From His Ex!

Dear WISY,

I just made it official with my new boo and everything has been wonderful so far.  My only complaint is that his ex sends him text messages on a daily basis.  In the morning, his first text is from her and before she goes to sleep she has to text him good night.  I told him I hate that this is going on and he tells me it's no big deal.  I pointed out that if it wasn't such a big deal then he should have no problem telling her to stop.  He refuses to tell her that and said that he is friends with her and nothing else and her silly messages shouldn't have me feeling insecure.  

I don't know if I should be feeling this way but to me, exes have no place in your current situation.  If he wanted to remain friends with her then he should have stayed single or never broken it off with her in the first place.  My next thought is to confront her myself and tell her to find another man to text "Good Morning" & "Good Night" to.  I feel like I am being disrespected and I won't stand for it.

Am I being insecure or do you agree that I have a right to feel this way?  Let me know, please!

Signed,

X Out the Ex

WISY's Response:

Dear X Out,

I agree that the constant communication with his ex can be annoying and somewhat disrespectful as well.  It seems she isn't completely over him and still needs some aspect of him in her daily life.  In his defense, men don't always "get it".  A lot of men fail to see what emotional connections with outside people can do to a relationship.  They think that physical contact is the only form of cheating but in reality emotional connection can be just as (if not more) damaging.  Try to explain this to him and see if he understands.

As far as I'm concerned, those "Good Morning" and "Good Night" texts should be coming from you and if he doesn't understand this then I don't think he's fully ready to commit to your relationship.  

Walk Good,

#TeamWISY

"I Raised Her Right"

Dear WISY,

Some people are going to criticize me for this but by the end of my note they will understand why I feel what I am doing is the only way to raise a girl.

My daughter is now 16 years young and from the time she was a toddler, I told her that she deserved the best in life and I gave her the best I could afford and if I couldn't afford it, I found a way to provide her with it.  I want her to know what the best is and always expect it.  Now that she is interested in boys, I expect her to demand nothing but the best from these young men who want to date her.  

I encourage her to only entertain boys who are from prominent families.  I want my daughter to know her worth and in my eyes she is priceless.  She should not allow mediocrity to enter her life.  I don't want any boy bringing her down.  In fact, I have told her to marry someone who will elevate her to new heights.  Women nowadays have no self worth and my daughter will be the exception!

Signed,
Only The Best

WISY's Response:

Dear Only The Best,

What you've described is just a sugar coated version of pimping your daughter.  I get that you want the best for her but mistaking material worth for  self worth will undoubtedly be detrimental to her character.  What about allowing her to experience life for herself?  Stop dictating what you think is best for her and allow her to fall in love with a boy's character and not his trust fund.  Please, for your daughter's sake and (believe it or not, her well-being), stop the madness.  Have you taught her that she is capable of providing the best for herself?  You have only taught her that she needs a man to elevate herself in life.  How about providing her with the best education possible?  Check yourself, Mom.  You've got it all wrong.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

I Love My Brother's BFF

Dear WISY,

My brother's friend is so hot.  I really like him and everything but I don't know if it's a good idea to date him because my brother might not like it.  
One night he came over and my brother wasn't home yet and we slept together.  It was like my body exploded because I've wanted him so bad for all this time.  I want to carry it on but he is telling me that it can't carry on.  He acts different around me now and I asked him why.  He said because when he sees me he wants to have sex and he doesn't want my brother to notice so he just pretends to not like me.  I feel bad though.  I feel like he used me.  Do u think he did?

Signed,
I <3 my brother's BFF

WISY's Response:

Dear I <3,

It sounds to me as if your brother's friend is just interested in having sex with you.  You said he told you that when he sees you all he wants to do is have sex.  He can't even treat you nicely?  He has to pretend to not like you?  That doesn't sound right.

I'm not sure you should be looking for anything more from your brother's friend.  If he was serious about you, he would express his feelings to your brother.  I am also questioning why your brother may not like it.  It shouldn't be a problem if his friend is a respectable guy.  You, yourself should be able to be a good judge of his character.  If he's your brother's BFF then you should know him pretty well too.  Think about everything and don't get caught up in the passion.  

Walk good,
#TeamWISY