My Sugar Daddy is Jealous

Dear WISY,

I am twenty-two, in college (senior), and I have an older man who helps me out financially.  I came to college without any support from my family.  In fact, I'm the first to go to college,  and I was discouraged by my family to come here.  I honestly have nothing in common with my family.  I feel like an outsider all the time.  I made sure I had good grades in high school to get accepted to a good college away from home.

Shortly after my sophomore year started, I met this guy.  He's wealthy and made me an offer I couldn't refuse.   He's married with a family, but been taking good care of me ever since.  I will have no debt when I graduate and I will have a home to call my own with a new car as my graduation gift.  He's been really good to me. 

I met this guy around my age a few weeks ago.  He is amazing!  I've slept with him on numerous occasions, we go out and party, we talk about our lives, we talk about our past, we are inseparable right now.  I feel bad for lying to him when I have to go see my older guy, but I can't leave my older guy until I finish school.  I know that sounds bad, but I need his help.
  

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Somehow, my older guy has found out about the new guy.  He told me to leave him or he will cut me off, but my new guy wants to make it official.  I keep delaying the conversation, but I know that he's going to put the pressure on me soon.  How do I make this work?  I wish this new guy came into my life after the spring!


Signed,
Sugar Baby 

📷: pixabay.com

WISY's Response:

Dear Sugar Baby,

I think you already know that "making it work" is not realistic.  You have to decide which is worth more to you.  Is financial stability and gifts without true happiness with your companion worth more than genuine love and happiness?  

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I don't think it's such a bad idea to build something genuine and begin to make things happen for yourself instead of relying on your sugar daddy.  I think you're capable of making moves on your own.  You proved that when you ventured out and made it to college without the support of your family.

I hope you can live in your truth sooner than later.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

 

Does He Like Me?

Dear WISY,

I really like this guy I just met at happy hour a few weeks ago.  We've been texting back and forth, flirting with each other; you know, all the small talk of getting to know each other, but he hasn't asked me out yet.  

I really like him.  He checks all the boxes!  He talks to me every day, but he has never suggested that we meet up or anything, even when we have phone sex!  I'm not sure what to think.  I think he really likes me, but if he did, wouldn't he be asking me out?  I am so confused.  I could ask him what's up, but I'm not that bold.

What do you think it is?

Signed,
Ready for the Next Level

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WISY's Response:

Dear RFTNL,

Hmmm...if a guy is into you, he usually makes it a point to let you know.  So, there could be several things going on here.  He may have situations or issues that he hasn't discussed with you which would not allow for dating.  He could be oblivious to the fact that you want to take it past sexting and phone sex.  He could be content with the current situation, or he may be shy.  The best thing for you to do is ask.  If you're too shy to ask, then hint aggressively.

It's okay to take the lead if you want to date someone.  Gender roles have taught us to stay within our traditional limits, but it won't reflect negatively on your character if you decide to be up front with him.  Go for it.  You need to know what you're dealing with.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

My Girlfriend is Nasty!

Dear WISY,

Please keep me private.  I recently moved in with my girlfriend and she's nasty.  I don't know how I didn't know this before, but she is not a clean woman.  She doesn't clean on a daily basis.  I am continually cleaning the kitchen every night because I was raised to do that.  I work and come home to her not doing anything, but the kitchen sink is full of dishes and the floor is dirty.  Another thing, she doesn't shower every day.  I asked her about that, and she told me that she doesn't shower every day in the winter time. I don't know if I can deal with a nasty woman.  She is sexy and beautiful and intelligent, but she has some nasty habits.  Is this normal girl stuff?  It's my first serious relationship, so I really don't know.  My sisters and mom are not like this.

Signed,
She's Nasty

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WISY's Advice:

Dear She's Nasty,

Communicate.  Let her know that her habits are disturbing to you.  These behaviors are not gender specific.  This is not normal girl stuff, this is individual preference/upbringing, so communication will help you both navigate through your differences.  I can understand your concern of her not showering every day, but understand that that's her norm and she may have been raised to practice that habit, just like you were raised to do otherwise.  In your communication, be mindful of that.  Who knows, your talk may prompt her to begin better hygiene practices (I hope this happens!).

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To remedy the cleaning issue, it's fair for you two to establish a cleaning schedule and/or designated cleaning areas.  Splitting the cleaning load to present a clean home on a daily basis should be understood (at least, I hope so!).  

In the end, if love can't blind you from these things then move out and move on.  Get to know someone more intimately before you shack up next time.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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Family Fight!

Dear WISY,

My husband is working on my nerves.  He is very inconsiderate when it comes to family affairs.  He is only concerned about his family because they have money.  My family struggles and because of that, his family doesn't like to invite them to any family functions.  It hurts my family a lot that my husband and his family would rather exclude them simply because they don't live the way they do. 

I've asked my husband to make an exception this year and he told me his mother would be too upset.  I told him that I would not be joining him and would like to take the children to visit with my family for the holidays.  He told me that he will not allow his children to spend time in a dangerous environment.  The neighbourhood is not dangerous.  It is where I grew up.  The people are good people, but they do not make a lot of money.  I argued with him for days about it.  I do not want to give in to him and his prejudiced family, but there is a problem.

He has begun talking to his ex girlfriend who always seems to come in between our marriage.  He said she is his best friend.  I blame myself because he always talks to her more when we have a disagreement.  I am tempted to just let him have his way for the sake of our relationship.  I am worried that she will become too close to him.

I am having a lot of problems, as you can tell.  What is your advice for me?

Signed,

Feeling Defeated

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WISY's Response:

Dear FD,

This is an unfortunate situation.  

The main issue that I see here is your tendency to give in.  You disregard your feelings for the sake of your husband's peace.  But what about your peace?  Your husband and his family's discrimination toward your family will continue until you put an end to it.  Let his mother be upset for once.  What did he think your mother was feeling when she was denied time with her daughter and grandchildren over the holidays???  

His increased communication with his ex is his tried and true method of manipulation.  He knows you feel threatened by the relationship and uses that to his advantage.  If you can muster the strength, don't allow that to break you.  He will undoubtedly notice the change in your behavior and become unsettled.  He'll know that you're serious this time, and his behavior will change.

Show your husband that you are to be respected.  Think of the message reaching your children about your side of the family.  You do not want them being raised with the same mindset that your husband has.  You're just as entitled as he is.  Don't forget that.

Marriage counseling is also something you could consider to help get your point across.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

P.S.  I can't help but wonder if you're dependent upon your husband.  If you are, find a way to generate your own income (reach out to me if you need to).  If this is the case, your dependency is also being used to his advantage.

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Falling For Him

Dear WISY,

I really like this guy that I'm following.  I've been following him for a few months and I feel like I'm falling in love with him.  I can't believe that I feel this way.  I stalk his profile and go through his likes.  I read all the comments and sometimes I get jealous, but don't worry, I've never left a comment and I hardly like any of his posts.  

I have a boyfriend who is a good man to me.  He is everything I've wanted and my parents think he's perfect too.  He just doesn't have the body and smile and charm of this guy I follow.  I've found myself not wanting to be with my man because I've been thinking of this other guy.  My mind is going in circles.

I feel like sending him a DM to get to know him better.  I feel like we could have a decent shot at being together.  Do you think I should break up with my man to make room for the potential relationship with this guy?  I honestly feel that it could work and I think he would like the fact that I'm pursuing him.  Should I go for it?

Signed,
Falling

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WISY's Response:

Dear Falling,

Do I think you should go for it?  No.

I think you've allowed yourself to create an unrealistic fantasy about someone you know nothing about.  You've fallen for physical attributes and who he's chosen to present himself as on social media.  Why would you want to leave a man that is good to you and is everything you've wanted for someone who you don't know???

Perhaps you need to take a break from social media for a while to come back to your senses.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY