My man just came home from prison after two years. During his time in, I was loyal to him. I held it down and kept things in order while he was away. Before he went in, we were a happy couple. We both worked good jobs but he got himself tied up in some dumb shit. So, in the end, he paid for his stupidity.
Anyway, I held it down while he was gone and I was excited for him to come home and help me with our responsibilities but he can't because he now has a record. His options are limited even though he is an educated professional. He f*cked up and I don't feel like I should carry his weight. It's one thing when you're away but to be sitting up in the house all day, demanding to be treated like you used to is really getting under my skin.
He wants to act like he still runs sh!t and I got used to running things on my own. On top of that, he's accusing me of cheating on him when he was gone. I swear I haven't even stepped foot outside unless it's to work or grocery shop. I haven't had time for that. I had to hold it together.
I'm getting frustrated with his attitude and his inability to contribute. He's been back a month now. I know Covid-19 is preventing a lot but I'm 👏🏾sick👏🏾of 👏🏾him! I want to throw him out but I don't want to seem heartless and I especially don't want to feel like an idiot for holding him down just to turn right around and throw him out.
What do you suggest I do? I don't even know if we're still in love. We've been arguing since he got back.
Signed,
Held Him Down
Dear HHD,
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Take everything I've said into consideration and proceed how you please.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
Image by Fifaliana Joy from Pixabay
WISY's Response:Dear HHD,
You evolved while he was away, and understandably, it's difficult to revert to what once was without his support. Your man is undoubtedly frustrated with his situation as well, but it's important he understands that he can't just pick up where he left off. He needs to understand that he may need to reinvent himself or begin from the ground up. Like you said, the pandemic is making it difficult to connect with employment opportunities, but there are plenty of essential job openings available. He just has to be willing to change gears as a means to an end. Try to get him to understand all of that. It may change his attitude and improve your relationship. A little therapy may be extremely beneficial for him as well. Being in prison for 2 years can cause permanent psychological damage if not addressed and treated properly.
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I also want you to understand that you're not obligated to continue to "hold him down" if you're not feeling the love. Life is a journey and we outgrow people and situations often. If his energy and presence aren't serving you well, you may want to consider moving on. You didn't do the crime, so the sentence is not yours to serve. Don't let time and guilt trick you into staying in an unhealthy situation.
Take everything I've said into consideration and proceed how you please.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
