I Was Too Drunk to Remember

Dear WISY,

It's been almost six months now and my ex best friend still won't speak to me.  I accidentally slept with her man and she's mad at me and not at him.  She really should be mad at him because he was sober and I was drunk.  I really don't even remember actually having sex with him.  All I know is what he claimed went down.  He said I came on to him one night when the three of us were chilling.  My bestie fell asleep like she always does when we drink and her man said I jumped on him.  I'm 5'2" and 120 lbs.  There is no way I could've just jumped on him and taken what I wanted.  He could have pushed me off easily.  I don't know, it all seems like a big lie to me now that I think about it.

She's just blinded by him.  She believes everything he says.  It's ridiculous.  If he told her that Michael Jackson was still alive she would believe it (no disrespect to MJ.  R.I.P.)!  I don't get it.  I wish she could see that this whole thing doesn't make much sense.  I hate being accused for things I didn't do but to me, trying to regain her trust is pointless now.  Do you think I should give it one last shot?

Signed,
Ex Bestie

WISY's Response:

Dear Ex Bestie,

This whole story sounds a little fishy to me.  I don't trust the boyfriend's account of what went down.  You're right, you're petite and it's highly unlikely that you could overpower a man (I'm assuming he's bigger than you) unless you were thoroughly trained in combat.  So, with that said, I believe that perhaps you did unknowingly sleep with him and he wanted it or he lied about the whole thing.

How was your relationship with him prior to this?  Did he ever come on to you?  Did he express his dislike for you?  Whatever the case may be, he seems to have wanted your relationship with your best friend to deteriorate.  

It's a shame that you don't have any recollection of the night.  Let this be a lesson to you as well.  There's no need to drink to the point where you can't truly be sure of your actions.  That's a dangerous situation to put yourself in.

I know this may be a hard thing to do but I think you should move on.  It's already been six months and if your best friend really missed having you in her life, she would've reached out already.  Besides, rekindling the friendship would mean accepting her boyfriend back in your life as well.  I think you're better off without someone who would take advantage of you or lie on you.  Leave it alone.  The truth is bound to come out sooner or later and that will be an issue your ex bestie will have to take on.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

She Won't Leave My Man Alone

Dear WISY,

I found out recently that my man has been cheating on me.  He met a girl and he told her all about me and she decided that she still wanted to be with him.  Well, I guess things got messy because I found out about it.  I would leave him high and dry but I just found out I am 4 months pregnant.  I decided to confront the girl and let her know and instead of getting upset and leaving my man alone, she said she could not wait to go baby shopping for her step son or daughter.  I would have kicked her ass right there but I'm pregnant so I don't want to risk anything.

I don't know how to get rid of this girl.  She keeps calling my man and texting him.  She has no respect for me at all.  I believe he goes out with her now that I am not in the mood to go anywhere.  She just won't leave my man alone!  Doesn't she see that I am pregnant for him?  She should be ashamed of herself for holding on to a taken man.  How can I get rid of this pain in my ass?  I can't stop crying.

Signed,
Wifey

WISY's Response:

Dear Wifey,

Sorry to hear you are in such a stressful situation while pregnant, however I need you to snap out of it and come to your senses.  This girl will not leave your man alone unless your man tells her to leave him alone.  I see you have been confronting this girl but have you confronted your man?  Have you told him that you won't stand for his infidelity?  Before you go blaming the other woman (as many women love to do), make the man take responsibility for his actions.  She could never become an issue for you unless your man allowed and welcomed it.

Go talk to your man and let him know that this situation isn't healthy for you nor the baby.  If he doesn't stop the madness, let him go.  He obviously doesn't respect you.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY


     

XXX Addiction

Dear WISY,

I am at a point where I can truly say I am addicted to pornography.  I have an issue with it and I need some help.  I am losing control of my life.  I think about porn all day long and I have to take many bathroom breaks at work to watch a clip on my phone to quench my thirst otherwise, I get anxious.  I am young and I do not go out, I do not have many friends, I don't have a hobby and worst of all I don't have a significant other.

I have tried praying about it but it doesn't help.  I don't know who I can talk to because I am ashamed of my ways.  I will tell you this so you can understand how extreme this problem is, I have stopped typing twice to watch pornography.  Please help me out.  I don't know what to do.

Signed,
Addicted

WISY's Response:

Dear Addicted,

I suggest you try a combination of long term therapy and a rehabilitation program.  Just as there are programs to aide drug and alcohol abusers, there are programs that help porn addicts as well.  The professionals in these programs will guide you on your way and prepare you for situations which may cause you to have a relapse.

I am glad you reached out and are able to identify that you have a problem.  You have already made the most important step on the road to your recovery.  I am optimistic that you will overcome this obstacle in your life.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

P.S.  Let me know if you need help locating a program which fits your needs.

     

Right Now, I Choose Dad Over Mom

Dear WISY,

My mom's boyfriend is a dog!  He has no respect at all.  Every time I'm home alone with him, he walks around the house in his briefs only.  I usually ignore him and go into my room but the other day he passed his place and asked me about one of my friends.  He knows she's young like me and he knows I will probably tell my mom about him asking but he still did.  He told me he would buy me anything I wanted if I hooked him up with her.  Of course, I didn't tell her but I told my mom and she accused me of lying! 

I packed a bag and now I am at my father's house with his wife and step children.  I told him everything and he believed me and told me not to worry, he will deal with my mom's man.  Right now (as I am typing this), my mom is outside creating a big scene.  She is cursing my dad and his wife and threatening to call the police but I'm old enough to have a say as to where I live.  I won't even go outside and let her see me.  She should have believed me over her nasty man.  My father is the best man she ever had and soon she will realize it.

I don't want to go back to her house until she tosses the trash she has in the house but deep down I feel bad for her.  She should never have chosen him over me then this wouldn't have happened!  Should I just go back or stay with my dad?

Signed,

Fed Up Daughter

WISY's Response:

Dear Fed Up,

I'm glad you left your mom's house.  That household is not a place for a young girl to be.  Did you ever tell your mom about her man wearing his underwear only when you're alone with him in the house?

If your mother cannot put her child's best interest first then she has no business trying to raise you.  If her man is bold enough to be practically naked around you and then ask you to hook him up with your friend then who knows what could have been next.  He could've come after you.  Thank goodness that didn't happen.

Stay where you are until your mother can ensure a safe environment for you. 

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

                     

My Pastor Was My First

Dear WISY,

You posted a letter last week that gave me the courage to write you about a situation I am in.  The girl said her mother was involved with the pastor and I too am involved with my pastor but I do not want to be.  My pastor has been a menace to me since I was 13 years old and now I am almost 25 years old.  The problem is, my parents trusted him and so did all of the church members so when he asked that me and a few other girls stay for choir practice and other activities, nobody thought it was odd.  I don't know if he is still involved with the other girls but he still sees me.  He took my virginity and this might sound weird but I fell for him.  Now, I want to escape him but I do not know how.  He is so influential that I am sure nobody will believe that he has been involved with me for so many years.  I am afraid and mostly ashamed of what I allowed to happen to me.  He told me he will hurt me if I speak of anything that has happened between us.  What should I do?  There is a guy that I am beginning to have feelings for and I don't want him to know about the pastor.  I would like to have a normal relationship with him.  What should I do?

Signed,
Another Pastor Love

WISY's Response:

Dear Another Pastor Love,

It is very important that you expose this predator to the public.  He should be in jail for what he did to you and the other girls.  Try to get in touch with the girls and see if they would be willing to come forward with you.  If not, still report the matter to the authorities and explain your concerns about the pastor threatening you and his probable denial of all allegations.  

You will probably be asked to provide evidence.  Suggest a secretly recorded meeting where you speak of all the activities with the pastor and make reference to the first incident when you were just a child.  I would suggest you carry out the recording on your own but I don't know where you are and audio recording could be illegal without getting permission first.

You may also be faced with statute of limitations issues but you should still go forward with your information and at least expose the pastor for the criminal that he is.  You never know, he may still be abusing children today and you have the power to stop that and ensure his prosecution.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

She Stinks!

Dear WISY,

I'm having a problem with my girl.  She is beautiful, smart and very kind but she smells very bad.  I first noticed when we went on our first date and I thought to myself that she is just nervous and sweating a lot since it is our first date but I noticed it again and again and again.  I'm not sure how I can approach her without hurting her feelings and I really don't want her to become upset and leave me.  Like I said, everything about her is wonderful except her musty smell.  I don't take her out much because I am embarrassed for her.  I even bought her some nice soaps and perfume but she still smells.  I need suggestions to help her out.  I really don't want to be subjected to her bad scent anymore.

Signed,
She Stinks

WISY's Response:

Dear She Stinks,

Soap and perfume are not strong enough to eliminate body odor on a long term basis.  Perhaps your girlfriend should try clinical strength deodorant and if that doesn't work, she needs to see a doctor.  Hopefully, you can begin to enjoy every aspect of her very soon.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY



     

In Love with a Rasta Man

Dear WISY, 

I am young, too young to be on my own but I am seriously wanting to leave my parent’s house and go live in the hills with my boyfriend and his family.  My parents raised me in the church and my boyfriend'’s family is Rastafarian.  Our beliefs are similar but my parents think that Rasta people do not care enough about their appearance and they hate dread locks.  Me, personally, I love dread locks and I love to see when my lion takes off his hat and those long dreads flow down his back.  It gives me chills.  I just wish my parents would accept him.  It would make life so much easier for us.  His parents accept me and invite me to visit them all the time but I can’'t say the same for my parents.  

I can tell he is getting frustrated with the situation.  He loves me but he doesn'’t love the disrespect he gets from my family.  He feels bad about meeting me secretly and really I feel that he doesn'’t deserve to be treated this way either.  He is my king and I want to show him how much I respect him.  I will be 18 in a few months but I don’t have a job and I'’m still in school.  I don’t know if it’'s a good idea to leave home even though my heart is telling me to go.  We love each other and I don’t want to lose him.  What should I do? 

Signed,
Rasta Lover

WISY's Response:

Dear Rasta Lover,

Religious beliefs aside, I think you already know the potential struggle you will endure if you leave your parents' house; you are still a student and you cannot support yourself financially.  How will you support yourself elsewhere?  Do not assume that your boyfriend's family will take you in with no expectations in return.  I know at this age, love seemingly conquers all and living happily ever after with your boyfriend and his family may seem like the perfect escape from your parents and their judgmental ways.  However, you are still so young and I would hate for you to make a decision which you may regret later in life.  

Also, be clear that you are in love with your boyfriend but that doesn't necessarily mean you will be in love with the Rastafarian lifestyle.  Are you aware of everything that entails?  It may mean a total shift in lifestyle.  Are you ready to change everything that has been the norm for you your entire life?

Take your time.  You haven't even begun to experience life and all it has to offer.  For now, talk to your parents and try to clarify any misconceptions they may have.  Maybe both families can get together and come to an understanding.  Who knows, your parents may have a change of heart.  In any case, I think your first concern should be to complete your education then once you can financially support yourself, you can be free to love who you want.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

My Mother & Pastor Are Involved In An Unholy Union!

Dear WISY,

I live in a very religious household.  My parents have raised my sisters and me to have a strong faith in the Almighty God and I am very disgusted by what I have recently discovered.  As a matter of fact, I despise my mother because of it.  When I see her, I want to douse her body with acid.  How could I say this about the woman who carried me for nine months and birthed me?  I can say it because my mother has been unfaithful to my loving father.  She has been involved with the pastor at our church and she visits him at night in his chambers.  Just the thought of this makes me want to break my tablet but I will not do it because I saved a lot of money to purchase this for myself.  

I made this discovery one night when I was being mischievous with my boyfriend.  He is a secret and my father forbids me to have a lover but I cannot help the way my body is reacting to this boy’'s presence.  He met me in the church yard one night because we thought for sure that no one would find us there.  Instead we found my mother in the pastor'’s chambers straddling him.  I was so embarrassed.  I wanted to alert them but my boyfriend held me back and told me to think of the trouble we would be in if we were discovered.  I listened to him.  

Since then I have followed her at night when she said she is going for religious counsel and I have discovered that she has been doing this act for some time. The pastor is also married and I am also very upset with him.  I would like to alert my father and the pastor'’s wife but I am not sure how I can do this.  Do you suggest a method of doing this? I am so angry and ashamed. 

Thank you.

Signed,
Ashamed Daughter 

WISY's Response:

Dear Ashamed Daughter,

I can only imagine how difficult this discovery has been for you.  Feelings of betrayal, anger, disgust and sorrow are probably weighing heavily on you right now. 

Understand that the information you hold could ultimately break your family apart.  Understand that there may be a long period of turmoil in your life if you reveal the truth to your father and the pastor's wife.  I am not trying to discourage you from exposing the truth but I just want you to be prepared for what may follow.  Your mother and pastor could also deny the allegations and you may be ridiculed and treated differently.  Just be prepared for all outcomes if you decide to tell.

If I were in this situation, I would approach my mother and let her know that I am aware of her behavior and give her the opportunity to either stop the behavior or confess her adulterous habits (only you know what would be best in this situation).  I would also request to have the family attend a different church.  

Sometimes our parents teach us things in order to help guide us on the right path.  However, it does not always mean our parents are taking their own advice.  Ever hear the saying "Do as I say, not as I do"?  Hypocrisy, I know.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY  


     

He Likes It With a Heavy Dose of Vitamin C!

Dear WISY, 

I am writing to tell you something that you may say is weird but I need to know if this is a common thing.  I have never come across someone that is in love with citrus fruits the way my boyfriend is in love with them!  When we first got close, I noticed he always had an orange or tangerine with him and he said he liked to eat them a lot because it helps to fight germs but one day I saw him talking to and kissing the orange!  I could not believe my eyes!  What kind of man is this?  Is he mad?  I pretended I didn’t see but it happened again and I confronted him.  He told me that he likes the texture of the skin and he likes the smell; it drives him crazy and fills him with all sorts of feelings. You know the feelings I am referring to, I don't need to go into detail, right?   The worst part of all of this is his need to have the oranges, grapefruits, limes, lemons and tangerines in the bedroom.  Sometimes they are in the bed and he likes when they touch his skin!  What is this?  This is crazy and I believe he needs medical attention.  What kind of thing is this?  Is this a normal thing?

Signed,

No More Citrus

WISY's Response:

Dear No More Citrus,

I am kind of at a loss for words.  While I'm aware that fetishes are a common thing that often go unspoken, I have never heard of a citrus fetish and I have never heard of a person talking to their object of desire.  Perhaps you should read up on some strange fetish literature and gain some insight.  :-)

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

He's A Criminal. Should I Leave?

Dear WISY,

My man and I have grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle.  He provides me with what I need and I look pretty and sexy for him in return.  The problem is, my conscience has been bothering me about the whole thing. The way he gets his money is dishonest and I’m starting to become afraid of what will happen to him because I know these things don’t last forever.  I know one day he’ll be found out and I'm terrified.

I try to talk to him about it and he tells me if I don’t like it I can go about my business but I don’t want to leave and let another woman come in and take my place and experience the luxurious life I have been living.  I can’t have that at all so, I’m conflicted.  My mind is telling me something bad will happen soon and I don’t want to be involved but I don’t want another b*tch to come in and take my spot.

What should I do?  I guess I already know what to do but I need some convincing.

Signed,
Conflicted

WISY's Response:

Dear Conflicted,

My first thought would be to respond to you with this: "You already know what to do so do it." but I realize situations like these aren't always that simple.  I would like to think that if you had the strength to leave, you would have left already or perhaps you are truly in love with this man and cannot imagine life without him.  So, I'll tell you this:  In life, there are consequences for everything.  These consequences may not be immediate but they will come about sooner or later.  The way in which your man is obtaining his riches is dishonest and there is a little thing called karma which deals with each one of us.  Distance yourself from this situation as soon as possible.  Do not allow someone else's actions to place you at a disadvantage in life.  You have a choice in this situation.  Thoughts of another woman moving in and taking your place should not be what stops you from living a life of freedom.  I hope this was convincing enough for you.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY