Hot Gossip!

Dear WISY,

You know a girl named (withheld) who lives in (withheld) who says she's a christian but she is really bad.  She takes on all kinds of men and then acts like she's good.  Well, I heard she took her mother's man and now her mother is taking it on and she threw her and the man out.  Now the girl is in problems because all the men she took on wants nothing to do with her.

WISY's Response:

I'm not sure of the reason you're writing in about this.  If you know her personally then you should speak with her about her behavior.  Encourage her to do better and not be hypocritical within her faith.  Malicious news carrying will amount to nothing more than karma finding you and giving you your fair share.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

Should I Wait for My Boyfriend?

Dear WISY,

My boyfriend was arrested and sentenced to jail time because of me.  I was sleeping with someone else and the other man began to get jealous of my boyfriend and eventually approached him and told him everything about our secret relationship.  

Now, my boyfriend is in jail because he beat the other man to a pulp.  He was taken to the hospital to recover and was held a few days.  I can't believe this happened.  I don't know why this guy would want to tell my boyfriend.  

Since my boyfriend has been in jail, the other man feels he should take over and become my bona fide man.  I don't know what to do because my boyfriend says he doesn't want me anymore.  I send him money for commissary and he accepts so I don't know if he's serious or not.

Do you think I should start dealing with the other man full time and forget about my boyfriend?  What if he really does come out and not want me?  The other man is good in bed but I don't really know much about him outside of that.  My boyfriend needs to understand that just because I cheated, doesn't mean I don't love him.

Signed,
Confused

WISY's Response:

Dear Confused,

"just because I cheated, doesn't mean I don't love him."  You are indeed confused.  Perhaps you thought you were in love but truly weren't.  When you love someone, there is no deceit.  The last thing you want to do is do something that would hurt the one you love.  So, you could not have truly loved your boyfriend.  

I'm sensing that bedroom issues may have caused the want to look elsewhere.  If you were unsatisfied, you should have communicated this with your boyfriend.  If things still didn't change, you should have left because it seems your sexual satisfaction plays a huge role in the success of your relationship.  There is nothing wrong with that but be honest about your needs and make the necessary steps to ensure both you and your boyfriend are on the same page when it comes to acts between the sheets.  If there is no agreement, then you should leave.

I think it's best you leave your (ex)boyfriend alone.  You have caused enough hurt for him.  You can move on with the guy you cheated with or someone else but make sure you are up front about what you need sexually so that you do not repeat this terrible situation or encounter something worse.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

I Wish My Skin Was Darker

Dear WISY,

I've been living with this issue for most of my life.  I don't talk about it and most people that know me have no idea I have this issue.  It takes a lot of effort everyday for me to deal with it but it's necessary.  I read a letter on here a few weeks ago and thought of how foolish the woman was for wanting to be lighter.  I may be just as foolish because I want to become darker.

Please do not think I am strange for this but I wear make-up to appear darker than I really am.  I have a fair complexion and I wear dark foundation on my neck and face to appear darker.  I wear layers and layers of foundation, concealer and powder to give the illusion that I have a chocolate complexion.  I never wear clothing which reveals my arms and legs but I have been invited on a beach vacation with my close friends and I don't see how I am going to pull this off.  I have looked into spray tanning but that will wash off in no time and I know tanning beds are extremely dangerous for your skin.

I am petrified to allow my friends to see my real complexion.  When I was younger, I used to be angry at my parents for making me this way.  My mother is Asian and my father is mixed with Mexican and Portuguese.  I am very pale and don't feel as beautiful as my darker friends.

I need advice as to how I can deal with this.  I don't want to talk to anyone I know yet.  I need ideas to help me approach the situation.

Please don't judge!

Signed,
Fake Chocolate Girl

WISY's Response:

Dear Fake Chocolate,

I am glad you wrote in and have exposed us to another side of the skin alteration spectrum.  Just like people who choose to bleach their skin, you too have a degree of self hate.  I'm not sure of the environment in which you were raised but I know that the want to alter yourself usually stems from some sort of social influence.  Did you grow up in an area which was heavily populated by darker people?  Were you teased because of your complexion?  I would like to know what it was that triggered this desire for change within you.  You should think about it also.  Only then will you be able to make steps to escape this mental prison you are trapped in.

I would absolutely recommend revealing the truth to your friends.  If they are your true friends, you will undoubtedly have their support and understanding.  I'm sure you will feel an immense sense of relief once the truth is out.  The effort you are taking to mask your true self could be used toward something more constructive.

Let it go.  We are far too concerned with our outward appearances.  What we should seek from each other is genuine character.  Inner beauty is far more attractive than anything make-up can create.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY