Dear WISY,
Lately, I’ve been so sad and depressed. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what it is but my boyfriend has changed drastically on me. We share the same interests and have always enjoyed doing things together but for the past month or so, it’s been hell in my home. He ignores me, he’s out all night, he sleeps in the guest room and he has put a lock on his phone, tablet and laptop.
We’re supposed to be planning our wedding but it looks like I should be planning to move out and be on my own. I’ve tried talking to him about it and he assures me that we are fine but it’s obvious that things are not good.
What really prompted me to write this letter is what happened last night. Last night I stayed up and listened for the door. It was around 3:00 AM and I’m usually asleep. He was talking on the phone but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. He went into the bathroom and then peeked in our room to see if I was asleep. I pretended I was. He left and went into the guest room. After a few minutes, I crept over to the guest room door and I could hear him talking to someone. I suspected he was video chatting with them because he was telling the person to bend over and pose and show him areas of the body that I am too embarrassed to type. He was enjoying it a lot and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I opened the door and confronted him.
I could see that it was another woman on the screen and I’m pretty sure it was my cousin but she ended the session on her end before I could get a good look and he closed his laptop. I asked who it was and he kept telling me to go back to bed. He was irritated and said that we would talk in the morning. He pushed me out of the room and I went back to bed, heartbroken.
This morning when I got up, he was already gone. I called his phone but he didn’t answer. I emailed him, texted him, I left voice messages but he didn’t respond to any.
Should I give up and tear myself away from him? What about my cousin? Should I ask her if that was her on the screen?
I need some support. I am so broken up over this. The feeling I have is unbearable. What should I do???
Signed,
Broken Up
Dear Broken Up,
ReplyDeleteI’m sorry you are going through this at a time when you should be planning your wedding but it seems as if your boyfriend has checked out of the relationship and you need to come to terms with that. It doesn’t matter if it was your cousin, a stranger or your best friend on the video call. The fact of the matter is, he was on a call, spending time with someone other than you when he should be in bed with you.
It’s difficult, I’m sure but it may be time to move on. Your boyfriend doesn’t want to talk about it so there isn’t much more you can do. Call on your girls for support and pick yourself up. It may seem like the end of the World now, but time heals all wounds and you’ll be just fine.
I don’t think you need to ask your cousin anything. That’s not important at this moment. You need to focus on the situation in your home. Besides, what happens in the dark must come to light. Leave everything to time.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
Ma'am, you need to plan on moving out ASAP. He already let you know the direction your relationship was moving when he evicted himself from the room you share to take up residency in the guest room, i.e telling you he is no longer your man, he is a guest/roommate.
ReplyDeleteEven if the two of you were to reconcile, you need to not be sharing the same address at this time. Please do not let his words override his actions in your mind. People do a better job of showing you who they are rather than telling you. His words may tell you he loves you, blah blah blah, but his actions are not loving or respectful. This has become a pattern of behaving that needs to be broken and replaced with evidence of a new pattern of true loving actions. Remember, love is not a feeling, its an action. He can feel love for you, but if he cannot demonstrate it in his actions, and the way he carries himself with others, what kind of love is that? Self love.
As for your cousin, sure, go ahead and ask her. You need to know how many relationships you'll be ending.
Best of luck with that right there.
Don't move out! send him about his business. be strong and send him to go live with cousin. find a man who will treat u better. stop being so damn soft!
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