I'm His Other Wife

RE-POST

Dear WISY,

I'm writing to you because I am in a position where I feel compromised and I want to reveal the truth but know it will cause a lot of strife.

I'm committed to a man and have three children with him.  Our children's ages are 7, 4 and 2.  The major issue is the fact that my man is married to a white woman and also has three children with her.  Her children's ages are 9, 7 and 3.  He told me he would not get her pregnant again but he did so I made him get me pregnant again too.  If he gets her pregnant again, he will have to get me pregnant again as well.  I know she is wishing for a boy but has not been able to give him one.  I am the only one who has conceived boys.  He is content because he has 2 boys with me but of course she doesn't know and is trying to give him a boy to carry his name.

Since they have been trying to conceive a boy, he has been with his wife more.  My children and I are becoming lonely without him around as much.  She doesn't know anything about us but I know every single thing about her.  I even know her menstrual cycle and know what time she goes to the grocery and everything. 

Sometimes I worry because our children might end up at the same school later on.  I want to tell her about his other family and tell her that she should stop trying to conceive a boy because her womb is not blessed for boys.  I also want her to leave him so he can be with us full time.

You see, I am in between a rock and a hard place.  I don't want us to be so unhappy anymore but I don't want my man to have stress caused by me.  They are both (him and his wife) very posh and it will not look good for their business and other things.

Please tell me what to do.  I don't want to leave him.

Signed,

His Other "Wife"

Wife No. 19: The Story of a Life in Bondage, Being a Complete Exposé of Mormonism, and Revealing the Sorrows, Sacrifices and Sufferings of Women in Polygamy

 Fifty Years in Polygamy: Big Secrets and Little White Lies

WISY's Response:

Dear HOW,

You don't want to leave him?  Was he ever yours to leave?  Playing catch up with his wife's pregnancies does not make him yours and it doesn't make you the one he prioritizes just because you were able to conceive boys.  It only makes you the one who allowed him to be unfaithful, it only makes you the one with self esteem low enough to allow him to keep you in limbo while he has his cake and eat it too.  Although it's not my cup of tea, unless both women have no issues with being "sister wives" then this just makes you the woman who short changed herself and her children.

I can understand that love makes us settle for situations which aren't ideal and causes us to protect the ones we hold dear to our heart at all costs but you are going to have to snap out of this for the sake of your children.  Don't teach them that it's acceptable to have a part time father, don't teach them that it's alright to have this type of relationship and ultimately, don't create a situation they'll have to recover from in their adult lives.

Tell the lady's husband that it's time for him to move on with you sans the wife or you will be moving on with your children.  Then you can begin to build an honest life and tell your children that they have 3 other siblings out there so they don't end up getting involved with each other down the line...my goodness, God forbid!

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

Beautyfrizz LED Body Sculpting Device

  

I'm Being Sexually Harassed

Dear WISY,

I am writing for your help, please.  I am currently a live-in domestic assistant.  I work weekdays and sometimes weekends when needed.  I am grateful for the family I work for, but the past six months have become unbearable for me.  The husband is becoming too forward with me and I want him to stop before he succeeds with his intentions.  

He argues with his wife about sex.  I don't think she is fulfilling her duties in intimacy, but do not think I am being nosey, it's because they shout and argue loudly.  I am sure the children can hear them as well.  Since the arguments started, he has been watching me differently, speaking to me more, and he touches me.  He rubs my shoulders and touches me sensually.  It makes me uncomfortable, but I don't say anything because I need my job, and I don't want to return to my parents who will preach to me day in and day out.

I am afraid that he will come to my room at night and try to have sex with me.  I really need a rapid response.  I don't know what to do.

Signed,
Nervous Domestic Assistant

Women Empowerment: "Speak it until you see it!"

pixabay.com

You Are a Badass®: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

WISY's Advice:

Dear NDA,

No job is worth your peace of mind.  You are living in fear and you should speak up for yourself.  Tell your boss that his touches and glances make you uncomfortable.  Tell him you will no longer work for him if he continues his behavior.  I'm not sure where you are, but there are usually laws which protect employees from acts of sexual harassment.  Please inquire about the laws in your location.  You can file a formal complaint if he retaliates or ignores your request.

If I were you, I'd leave and seek employment elsewhere.  You should never settle for any type of mistreatment.  If you must, go home to your parents for a while.  There's no shame or harm in that.  Preaching is better than sexual harassment any day!

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

 

How Do I Tell Him It's Over?

Dear WISY,

Please hide my identity.  I'm 25 years old and a graduate.  I'm in a serious relationship. We've dated for 6 months now and each time I ask my guy when he intends to make plans for our marriage, he keeps telling me probably in 2 to 3 years.  I understand that he doesn't have money now, and I had intentions to wait for him until he makes money, but my problem is that he might change his mind in the near future.  

I met a man recently through a friend, he's 37 and wants a serious relationship with me and we want to get to know each other for a while before we proceed with the marriage. I'm ready to move on with this other man, but my only problem is I don't know how to tell my guy that I'm not interested anymore since he isn't ready.  I don't want to be tied down to avoid regrets in the future. Please, I need advice.

N/B: My other guy is in his finals in the university though he spilled and has an extra year. He wants to finish school first and come back from service before the marriage.

Signed,

How Do I Tell Him?

How to Love a Black Man

pixabay.com

Outrageous Commitment, An: The 48 Vows of an Indestructible Marriage

WISY's Advice:

Dear HDITH,

Wow!  It's only been 6 months!  2 to 3 years is a reasonable time period, if you ask me.  Your guy's plan is logical and responsible.  I think you may be jumping ship prematurely.  However, with that said, I understand that cultural differences may influence your haste to walk down the aisle.

You should explain your problem to your current guy in the same manner that you were able to express it to me.  There's no need to butter it up or water it down.  He deserves to know that you have already set your sights on someone else, so the sooner you tell him this, the better.  You are also deserving of a relationship in which you feel content.  You guys aren't on the same page.  It makes no sense to continue.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

The Relationship Code: Engage and Empower People with Purpose and Passion  

  Vitamin C Serum with Hyaluronic Acid for Face and Eyes - Organic Skin Care with Natural Ingredients for Acne, Anti Wrinkle, Anti Aging, Fades Age Spots and Sun Damage - 1 OZ

My Husband Won't Let Me Go Out Alone

Dear WISY,

I am having issues with my husband.  He is becoming more and more attached to me.  He doesn't want me to go out with my friends and he doesn't go out with his friends without dragging me along.  We used to have separate lives when it came to socializing, but I got too drunk one time and my sister revealed what I had done in front of my husband and claimed she involved him because she was concerned.  I think she did it because she secretly is jealous of me and my marriage.  However, her plan backfired and instead of him wanting to leave me, he has attached himself to me like a parasite.  I can't do anything without him tagging along!

What should I do to get him to go back to the way we were?

Signed,
I Need Freedom

When Sorry Isn't Enough: Making Things Right with Those You Love

How to Regain Trust: Techniques to Save Your Broken Relationship

WISY's Advice:

Dear INF,

Once you break a plate, you can glue it back together, but it'll never ever be the same plate again.  It'll be full of cracks and chips.  The same goes for the trust in your relationship with your husband.  I'm not sure what you did, but whatever it was scared your husband so much that he feels the need to be a part of all your social activities.  He's afraid of losing you or he's afraid of you embarrassing yourself again.  It's your job to regain his trust.

I think you should talk with him about what happened.  Explain that it was an unfortunate occurrence of over intoxication and tell him that it won't happen again...and mean it.  If he still has trouble letting go, you should seek professional help.  Consistent sessions of couples therapy will be extremely helpful for you.

Your husband also needs to understand that smothering is unhealthy.  Balance is key.  I hope you all work things out soon.

Your sister is not the issue here, so I won't address that.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

They Don't Know How to Keep a Man

Dear WISY,

I just wanted to talk about women and why they are so bad at finding and keeping a good man.  First of all, women nowadays are more concerned with image. They want who looks good and not who can provide stability. Second, they are incapable of committing to one man. They want to try all the sausage because sausage is everywhere, but not all sausage is good for your health!

Also, women don't want to struggle with their men. They want things too easy. If you can't handle some hardship you don't deserve luxury! Me, I'm a woman of strength because my man and I have been through it all. That's why I can live comfortably now. You have to put in the work to get results and keep results. That's for the women who like to comment on Facebook like they are experts, but don't have a man!  LOL!

Signed,

Comfortable Wife

Feminine Genius: The Provocative Path to Waking Up and Turning On the Wisdom of Being a Woman

pixabay.com

How to Get & Keep The Man of Your Dreams: by Staying True to Your Core Self

WISY's Response:

Dear Comfortable Wife,

I agree with some of the things you mentioned, however, it's wise to not generalize and cast judgment.  I think your letter would've been received better if you didn't include the dig at the end.  I'll let the Facebook users take it from here. 😎  Join the conversation.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

Stripped: A Collection of Inspired Writings for the Evolving Woman

My Sister is a Disappointment

Dear WISY,

I am facing a very difficult situation right now.  I currently live with my sister and her husband.  I traveled here from my country for my education and I have noticed a lot of things that our family back home would not be proud of.  My sister has become too American.  She is doing things that are not permitted in our country and our family.  She is allowing other women to raise her children because she is working long hours as an attorney, she is making more money than her husband, and she is also keeping alcohol in her home.  These are things that my wife cannot do when I am married.  I am so disappointed in my sister.  Apart from that, my sister's husband is a womanizer.  He is always on social media flirting with beautiful women.  I believe my sister is to blame because she doesn't have time for her husband.  She rather work.  This American culture is ruining my sister.

I want to tell her to revert back to our customs, but I know that she will ask me to leave her home.  I cannot do that because I am currently completing my studies.  Every time my parents ask about my experiences, I lie and tell them that my sister would make them proud.  I do not want to continue lying.  Should I tell my parents the truth?  I will risk them coming to America to correct her faults.

Please advise me well.

Signed,

Concerned Brother

How to Be Successful in Business and in Life: Discover How to Achieve Your Goals by Mastering the 7 Key Characteristics of Success ~ Traits of Successful People, How to Be a Successful Entrepreneur

Secrets of Six-Figure Women: Surprising Strategies to Up Your Earnings and Change Your Life

WISY's Advice:

Dear Concerned Brother,

I can understand how this change in custom may be disturbing to you, but I'd like to personally welcome you to America, where people are free to do whatever they please.  Your sister is no longer obligated to follow your country's and family's traditions.  If her life bothers you so much, you should find alternative housing.  Stop trying to tell people what to do in their own space, in their own marriage, and ultimately in their lives.

Your views are sexist and not welcome among many in this country.  I hope your education here will help you realize that.  You should be proud of your sister's success and applaud her instead of tearing her down and blaming her for her husband's behavior.  Stay out of married folks' business.  If they see it fit, they will work on their issues.  Go study your school work and stop studying your adult sister's business.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

 

My Wife is Untrustworthy

Dear WISY,

I found out my wife had been unfaithful from the beginning of our relationship.  When I questioned her about my suspicions throughout our relationship she told me I’m too sensitive and insecure.  Her mother did the same.  When I confronted her she began to scream and yell "stop hitting me, I can’t believe you hit me" and she even threw herself on the floor.  She is now going around tarnishing my name.  One of her closest friends contacted me because she felt bad about the situation and told me to be careful because she had done the same thing to an ex.  What should I do?!

Signed,

What Should I Do?

Psychopath Free (Expanded Edition): Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People

Pixabay.com

How to Deal With A Difficult Woman: A Survival Guide For Dealing With the Wackiest, Wishy-Washy and Worrisome Women In Your Life

WISY's Advice:

Dear WSID,

The short answer to your question is: MOVE ON.  If there is no trust and false accusations which could land you behind bars, there's no reason for you to stay.  Of course there will be obstacles and there will probably be more deceitful actions, so take her friend's advice and be careful.

Hopefully, you have a strong support system to help you through this.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

 

I Miss My Boyfriend

Dear WISY,

I recently started college and I'm worried that I will not be able to make it through the school year.  I miss my boyfriend so much and I'm worried that he's going to cheat on me while he's away at college in another state.  We told each other that we would remain faithful to each other while we were in school, but I've seen posts of him partying with random girls in his dorm room.  He doesn't talk to me as much as before and he just seems like a different dude.  Meanwhile, I don't do anything.  My roommates always ask me to go out but I don't out of respect for him.  All I do is go to class and back to my room.

I love him so much.  I had no idea it would be this difficult to be away from him.  I don't know how to deal with this.  Please help me.

Signed,
Freshman

Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life

Power vs. Perception: Ten Characteristics of Self-Empowerment for Women

WISY's Advice:

Dear Freshman,

I'm sorry you're going through this.  Sometimes it's difficult to detach from our comfort zones and venture into new arenas without the people we are accustomed to seeing by our sides, but it's necessary for you to step out of the past and into the present.  Please begin to enjoy your college experience and stop focusing on what could potentially be your downfall.  Focus on what's important - your education.  

Your boyfriend is clearly enjoying himself, and it's not out of the ordinary for people to change once they get to college.  College is where most people find themselves and begin to establish an identity.  I know it may seem that your boyfriend is your whole life right now, but you haven't even scratched the surface of what life has to offer yet.  Trust me.

At this point, you should begin activities which will empower and encourage you to be strong, focused, and open to college experiences.  The next time your roomies ask you out, GO!  Take a hint from your boyfriend and have a good time!  You're too young to be restricting yourself.  You may even realize that you're better off without your boyfriend.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

Self-Empowerment: The Only Way to Heal