Dear WISY,
Please keep my identity private. I really am in need of some advice.
About a year ago, I started writing to this guy in prison. The reason why I started writing to him is because I have been on every dating site and have been trying to meet someone who I could settle down with, but I just couldn't found the right guy for me. I even started to date a guy who lives in another country, but when we met, there was no chemistry. I've been trying and trying my hardest to settle down, and writing to a guy in prison was my very last resort.
We wrote to each other a lot. I sent pictures and he did when he could as well. We formed a bond that was unlike any other I've experienced. He was very honest with me. He explained what caused him to commit the crime that landed him in prison. I honestly understood him and felt bad that he experienced all that he did. He's a victim, not a predator. I got him and he got me. That's all that mattered. So, I committed to him and had his back while he was in.
He recently got out on parole. He came to stay with me instead of his baby's mother (who he dumped after he met me). She never supported him so he didn't really have much to think about. Ever since he got out, the baby's mother has been harassing us. She is deliberately doing things to provoke him because she wants him to go back in. She came to my house and rang the doorbell for two hours. She refused to leave without "her man". I wanted to call the cops, but he didn't want the law involved at all. If he wants to see his daughter, he has to do it on her terms. She is stressing him out and he's taking it out on me.
We argue all the time now. He leaves the house all day, uses my bank card and spends hundreds of dollars, and comes back home with an attitude. I ask him why he is shopping so much and he told me he has an image he needs to keep up đ. He won't have sex with me as much (the baby mama told me he was having sex with her, so that might be why), he calls me out of my name, and has told me he doesn't even love me like that (what does that even mean?). He is really not the guy I thought I committed to and I think I need to ask him to leave. The only thing is, I think that will look bad on his parole. What do I do?
Signed,
Parole Bae
Parole Bae
Image by Ćukasz DyĆka from Pixabay
WISY's Response:
Dear PB,
Ugh...this is toxic AF. You're being played but I think you know that already. It's not uncommon to create "perfect" bonds with people in prison. Inmates often need a mode of escape from their reality and can create characters and personalities that appease their penpals. You were able to support him in prison and he wanted that support to extend on the outside. It sounds like that's all he wanted from you.
Don't allow this drama to continue any longer. He told you he doesn't love you "like that". Translation: He doesn't love you. He's saying that you're expecting him to live up to the standards he portrayed himself to be, but you're not worth it to him. I believe there's a lot you don't know about. Think about it. A woman ringing your doorbell for two hours has a lot to say and believes that she is entitled to reach whomever is inside. She told you she's having sex with him. Believe her.Cut your ties and move on. Don't be concerned with what may or may not look bad for his parole. He doesn't even like you. So, please don't waste another ounce of concern on him. Get rid of him and send him to the woman who desperately wants him with her. Get new banks cards and anything else he's had access to.
I think it's important for me to emphasize that you need to take the time to just be. It's okay to be single. You don't have to force anything. Just exist in your truest form and what and who is for you will come along. Just chill and heal from this madness.
Walk good,
#TeamWIsy
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