She Broke My Heart

Dear WISY, 

My girlfriend has been cheating on me.  I love my girl so much and she has stopped talking to me as if we are strangers. I don't know what I did to deserve this treatment and I am so sad and devastated at the moment.  What should I do?

Signed,
Broken Heart

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WISY's Advice:

Dear Broken Heart,

I'm sorry you are going through this right now.  I know it must be very painful.  

I think you should accept that the relationship is over.  If she is cheating and treating you like a stranger then she's already checked out.  Although it's difficult, you should follow suit.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

     

He Cheated! What Did I Do Wrong?

Dear WISY,

Please help me out.  I am very distraught right now because my bisexual boyfriend is cheating on me with a guy from our yoga class!

The guy from yoga told me last night that my man was sleeping with him on the low.  He said he hates how my man comes into class with me and pretends to be the perfect boyfriend knowing damn well he's screwing him, and that's why he decided to tell me.  He said he doesn't want him for a relationship, but always admired my man's body.

At first I didn't believe him but he told me to go through the dirty clothes hamper and he can tell me what color undies my man wore this week.  He knew every single pair of underwear that he wore.  He told me to check to see if they smelled like condoms because he doesn't let f*ck boys shower at his house.  I checked and they smell like condoms, and we don't use condoms.  He said he's seen him four times already this week.  So, my man has been making time throughout his days to go see this dude and STILL comes home to me to give me the business every night!  Who does that?!

I can't believe this.  I don't know what to do.  I don't know how to even approach him.  We've been together for three years and we've always been open and honest with each other.  We have threesomes with guys and girls.  Judge if you want to, but our relationship is amazing.  I don't know what I did to make him want more or to feel like he couldn't ask me to sleep with the guy.  I honestly would not have a problem with it.  That's just who we are.

I feel betrayed.  Please help me out with this one.  Thanks!

Signed,
Miss Open Minded

Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men: Bi Men By Women

Toxic Relationships: Six Signs That You Are In A Toxic Relationship (Relationship and Dating Advice)

WISY's Response:

Dear Miss OM,

I'm not here to judge but I'll say this:  with some people, it doesn't matter how much you cater to their needs or how much you compromise for their happiness - it won't satisfy them.  When a person has internal turmoil, there's absolutely nothing you can do to completely quell the fire that burns within them.  These types of people are toxic, and will leave you emotionally drained, questioning your own self-worth.  

Since you give him a pass to sleep with other people, he probably feels minimal need to consult with you first.  Think about it - if you continually grant him his wishes, why bother asking, he already knows the answer.  It doesn't make it right, I'm trying to get you to understand his thought process.  Let this be a lesson to you.  When you are involved in an open relationship, you need to establish boundaries, otherwise these sorts of things happen.

I have an uneasy feeling that I'd like to express.  My gut is telling me that this isn't the first time your man has secretly been involved with someone.  You said you don't use condoms with him, so I hope he's protecting himself with everyone else.  I hope he at least respects you enough to do that.  When was the last time you got tested for STDs?

Confront your man and express your feelings of betrayal.  Give him the opportunity to come clean, then decide how you want to proceed from there.  If you are willing to work through his issues with him, then do so, but understand it's a long, difficult process that should be carried out with the aide of a professional therapist.  If you decide to walk away from the relationship, then do so with the lesson you learned from this one.  Whatever you decide, understand that his actions do not determine your worth.  There's no need to question what you did wrong.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

 

We Cheat On Each Other

Dear WISY,

I am writing to you for advice.  I've read a lot of letters on here and I think I already know what your response will be but I figured I would ask anyway.  My situation is a little bit different anyway.

I just got married to my husband in January and we are already having problems.  Before we got married, we had a lot of issues with infidelity on both parts.  He cheated and I was cheating too.  What was I supposed to do while he was out with someone else?  We both confessed to each other and decided that once we got married, the cheating should stop.  I stopped but I don't think he did.  I am honestly tempted to cheat on him as well.

I can't tell the last time I've had some good sex from my husband.  My mind keeps wandering to the guy I used to sleep with.  The only problem is, I was rude to the guy and he probably won't want to talk to me anymore.  So, I'm thinking I might as well find someone new.

Outside of the sex, my husband and I don't really have a good relationship.  He spends all his money on women and I am left to pay the bills.  He doesn't help me clean or cook or anything like that.  He just stays away and does what he wants with other people.

So, I'm asking if you think a divorce is a good idea or should I try to stay and stick it out?  The only reason why I'm asking is because of how we were when we first started dating.  We were inseparable and so in love.  Maybe it will come back.  What do you think?

Signed,
Cheating

7 Steps to Repairing a Troubled Marriage

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WISY's Response:

Dear Cheating,

Your relationship before marriage will most likely be your relationship after marriage.  You both had faults that needed professional attention before tying the knot.  

Your marriage is obviously suffering.  If you want to salvage it, speak with your husband and tell him you know what's going on.  If you feel the need to cheat, maybe you guys need to separate to figure things out.  You both may begin to see other people and not have the desire to return to each other.  You could also begin marriage counseling to figure out where the break down exists in your relationship.  Whatever you decide, you'll need to be honest about what you truly want.  Once you determine that, you'll know if you should head to Splitsville or back down Lover's Lane.


Walk good,
#TeamWISY

She Sleeps With Men For $$$

Dear WISY,

I need help please.  I am trying to figure out something that’s going on with my family member.  I have been told that my family member is selling her body.  I don’t know what to do.  I’m embarrassed and I don’t know how to approach my family member about the issue.

A church member told me on Sunday that she found out her husband was cheating, and upon investigation she found out that he was paying prostitutes.    Then she told me that it was my family member that he was paying.  She told me to pray for the both of them, and I agree that we should pray, but I want my family member to stop the behavior.  I saw screenshots of the conversation and it is indeed my family member who is selling her body to her husband.  She is asking for a lot of money and he’s giving it to her.  That explains where she is getting all the new stuff from.  

I do not want her to go to hell.  How should I talk to her about it?  She is a rebellious girl and doesn’t like to hear about Christ our Savior, so I am not sure I can communicate with her well.  I don’t know what happened.  We used to go to bible study together, and when we became teenagers she just lost her religion.  Please help.

Signed,

Concerned Family Member

Jesus for the Non-Religious

Re-Claiming the Bible for a Non-Religious World

WISY’s Response:

Dear CFM,

I'm sorry to hear that your family member is struggling.  There must be some inner turmoil that she's neglecting to deal with, and selling her body is temporarily giving her the satisfaction or validation she needs to get by.  

If she's reluctant to embrace your religion then do not base your entire conversation with her on religion and "going to hell".  Speak to her about consequences she'll have to face here on earth if she gets caught committing this illegal act.  Tell her that her client's wife has discovered what's going on and has identified her.  Ask her if she's in need of financial help.  Tell her you want to spend more quality time with her.  Try your hardest to reach her troubled area, and help her through it.

Kudos to you for taking the time to get suggestions as to how you should deal with this situation.  A lot of people would have disassociated themselves and abandoned her.  This is a great display of character.  The world is in need of a lot more people like you.

I wish all the best.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

He Won't Stop Talking To His Ex!

Dear WISY,

My boyfriend refuses to stop talking to his ex after I begged him to stop.  His ex used to call me and text me to harass me when I first started talking to my man. She was always trying to mess with me, and he knows the stress she caused us, but he refuses to stop talking to her. 

He said there's nothing going on and I have nothing to worry about, but then he went to their house for Sunday dinner and sat at the table with her mom and brother like they are all one big happy family. He left me and our daughter home alone on a Sunday to be with them. 

I was so angry with him and I started an argument.  He responded by leaving the house. Later, he told me he went to his ex's house clear his mind.  He said it's not really about her, but it's about her mom.  He said she's a second mom to him and no matter what he won't end the relationship with the mom.  That means he will still talk to and be around his ex.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable? Do you thing it's innocent and all because of the mom?

Signed,
Queen T
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WISY's Response:

Dear Queen T,

No, you're not being unreasonable.  His actions are speaking loud and clear:  he doesn't care about your feelings.  If he can leave you with your daughter to be with a girl (and her family) who treated you the way she did, then that tells me his concern doesn't lie with you.

When a relationship ends, it ends.  There's nothing wrong with being cordial, but having dinner with his ex and going to her house when he needs to "clear his mind" is unacceptable.  If he loves and respects you, there should have been no hesitation to cut his ex off after you expressed your disapproval of their communication, especially after the way she treated you.

Let's give him the benefit of the doubt for a second.  If it is in fact all about his ex's mom then it seems ex mom in-law has some motives of her own.  She probably is hoping that the time he spends over there will rekindle the flame between him and her daughter.  I see right through that situation, I think you do too.  He needs to snap out of whatever spell they have him under.

I suggest you speak with him some more about it.  This time when you talk to him, tell him he has to make a decision.  Prepare yourself for all possibilities.  But if he tries to have his cake and eat it too (which I think he will), then you should to tell him you need some time away from the situation to think.  Maybe your absence will effect him deeply, and he'll finally stop straddling the fence.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

p.s.  If you're going to name yourself 'Queen T' then live up to the name.  Queens don't accept second place or disrespect. 👑👑👑

 

My Friend Wants My Man

Dear WISY,

I'm really hurting right now.  I think my best friend is trying to get with my man.  My best friend has always had a troubled life.  I stood by her side even when her family turned their backs on her.  I think she's addicted to sex and money.  All she does is sleep with men for money.  She drinks and takes drugs and likes the party lifestyle.

Anyway, she always tells me my man is cute.  She says I'm lucky to have him and if I wasn't her friend she would take him.   I asked her how she's so sure he would want her, and she said she can have any man she wants. It's true, she can.  She is very pretty with a nice body, but I think she secretly hates herself.

I opened my man's phone one night when he was asleep.  I know his password because one day he was unlocking it and I was peeking and I memorized it.  I opened it and saw her conversation with him. They sext almost every night.  She told him she wants to get with him but she would feel bad because of me.  He said he's attracted to her too, but he wouldn't want to hurt me.

What do I tell them? They both love and respect me but are being inappropriate.  How do I tell him I know what's going on without getting in trouble for opening his phone? Should I even care ? I think I care about them too much. I know they are good people. What should I do?

Signed,
Hurt

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WISY's Response:

Dear Hurt,

You "think" your friend is trying to get with your man??  How much more evidence do you need?

It seems you have a good heart.  It also seems like you'r really naive.  Sweetheart, when people show you who they are, believe them.  Your friend sounds like she has a lot of issues, and there's nothing you can do to change that.  You've stuck by her when everyone turned their backs on her, and she has the nerve to flirt with your man.  Think about that.  If she's going to change, it has to be her decision.  It seems like she's far from that mindset.  

Your man doesn't deserve you.  I believe that if your friend hadn't said what she did about you, he'd hop on that ride without hesitation.

The only thing I suggest you tell these two is "bye".

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

He Gave me an STD!

Dear WISY,

Last week my man came home from work really late.  I noticed he didn't hug me and kiss me like he usually does; he went straight into the bathroom, saying he had a stomach ache. Anyway, he made me suspicious.  The next night, the same thing happened.  I told him to take some Pepto Bismol, but he refused.  I was thinking to myself that he's hiding something. The next night, he stayed out saying he had to work late.  I kept watching him to try and find evidence of cheating but I didn't see anything, I could only feel it.  All that time, he was still asking me for sex.  That made me kind of put cheating out of my mind.  I know my husband and he doesn't have that much stamina.

Fast forward: I went to the doctor and I have chlamydia.  I have never cheated on my husband, but it is obvious now that he is cheating on me.  I don't know how to approach this without killing him! All I want to do is cut his d!ck off!  And if he tries to lie I'm going lose it. 

Please help me deal with this the best way.  I'm crazy and I don't want jail time.


Signed,
LIVID!😡

Dear LIVID,

😠😠😠😠*counting to 10*....Okay, ready.

Honestly, it took a while for me to put my emotions aside and come up with an effective solution for this.  It's difficult reading things like this.  I am so glad that you recognized the potential loss of freedom if you were to act on emotion alone.  Reaching out for advice shows your strength and control, and I want you to keep the control in this situation.  

Your husband has made the decision to betray you.  He's gone out night after night to be with someone else while you remained loyal to him.  On top of that, he has made the choice to have unprotected sex with this dirty woman (or women), putting your health at risk.  Your husband is obviously irresponsible and immature, and you need to decide if you want to work things out or leave.

Approach him with your test results, give him the opportunity to confess, and hear what he has to say.  You have to decide what happens next.  I haven't been a part of your marriage so I can't speak on what should happen.  I don't know what you two hold in your hearts.  I will, however, give my opinion.  You are not obligated to follow my advice but here's what I think should happen:

I'm kidding.  

Once these things happen, it's difficult to mend the relationship.  You'll always be wondering if he's being truthful when he works extra hours or goes out with his friends.  So, incorporate a little marriage counseling into your lives.  If you feel satisfied with the progress, give it another chance.  If you conclude that he is not willing to change, then leave and don't look back.  Listen to Black-er: take the house and everything and run him!  Next time, he may bring you something worse than chlamydia.  

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

Overcoming Betrayal: The Breakthrough Therapeutic Approach - A Couple's Guide to Healing from Both Perspectives

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My Husband Doesn't Love me Because I'm Fat!

Dear WISY,

I have an embarrassing issue I'm currently dealing with.  I don't think my husband is attracted to me anymore.  The reason why I say this is because he compliments every other woman in our lives, but never has anything good to say about my appearance.  I know I've gained some weight (about 20 lbs.) over the years as a result of 4 children and age, but I feel so insecure because my husband doesn't seem to like what has happened to me.

I am now feeling like he's cheating on me with someone who is younger and sexier.  I know men can be insensitive when it comes to body changes, and I've been trying to lose the weight.  I just want my husband to look at me the way he used to.  I know he loves me but I think looking like I used to will help him get his heart back to where it should be.  I'm tired of him calling me a fat pig.

Do you have any suggestions for weight loss?  I've tried just about everything with no immediate results.

Signed,
Overweight

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WISY's Response:

Dear Overweight,

This topic is fresh on my brain because I was just discussing weight issues with my girlfriends.  As women we seem to never be satisfied with our bodies.  Society has done a great job of plastering unrealistic views in advertisements, and we've been brainwashed into believing that our bodies are ugly if they do not fit into these unrealistic ideals.  Of course, it's in our best interest to maintain a healthy body weight, but we must understand that childbirth and other factors can create changes, and there's nothing shameful about that.

Your husband sounds like a non supportive, chauvinistic jerk!  20 lbs.???  You've had 4 children and have only gained 20 lbs.???  Your husband has you thinking that there's something wrong with you because you did what was natural; you gave birth to his children, and you did so with minimal change!  To put things into perspective for you, I gained 85 lbs. with one baby!  Stop being so hard on yourself.  Maybe you ought to begin criticizing him and his faults to put things into perspective for him.  I bet he won't like that too much.  No, don't do that - two wrongs don't make a right.

I suggest you see a doctor and find out what your ideal body weight is - for your sake, not his.  Have them test your blood levels, and determine whether you need to make a significant change in your lifestyle or not.  Again, it's always a good idea to be active, eat well, and maintain optimal body weight in order to avoid certain diseases, but please do not stress yourself over 20 lbs.  

If your husband's affection is primarily based on your physical appearance then he may have some internal turmoil that he needs to address.  There may be other reasons for the harsh criticism which have nothing to do with your weight.  You both could do with a good dose of counseling.  I believe it can help diminish this issue and bring some clarity.  

p.s. I can't tell the difference between your before and after pic!😍😉

Walk good,
#TeamWISY