"She's a Dirty Whore"!

Dear WISY,

Please help me out.  I just moved in with my friend of a few years because of some financial hardships I'm currently facing.  Anyway, I moved in and I'm regretting it already.  My friend comes off as a very differently than what I'm seeing here.  She's intelligent and is very influential in her professional and personal life, but she is a dirty whore.  She has slept with at least 3 different guys during the 3 short weeks I've been here.  I'm shocked by her behavior.  I am actually concerned.  I was even greeted by a half naked man using my bathroom. He said he didn't know I was there.  I really want to talk to her about it but I don't pay rent.  She's helping me out and I don't want to come off as ungrateful, but I'm not comfortable.

How would you or how should I approach the situation?

Signed,
Shocked

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WISY's Advice:

Dear Shocked,

Your friend is helping you out; you're not paying rent so, you have no say in her personal life choices.  Mind your business until you can do better for yourself and get your own place.  By the way, what kind of friend are you that would call your friend "a dirty whore"?  Your language tells me that you are not genuinely concerned about her behavior.  Your intention here is to degrade "your friend", even if it's anonymously.  What's up with that?  You are indeed ungrateful.  Leave the girl's house if you're so uncomfortable.  Simple.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

He Made Me Pay for My Meal!

Dear WISY,

Last week I went on a date with this guy that my friends set me up with.  I have never been on a blind date but I gave it a go because my dating life has been dry.  I showed up to the restaurant about 15 mins early and waited for him for about 30 minutes.  He was so late and didn't apologize for it.  During the date, he talked about himself.  He didn't ask me anything about myself.  Then when the check came, he asked me to pay for my meal.  Am I missing something here??  Isn't he supposed to pay for the meal?  It's safe to say, I didn't like him at all and will not be going on future dates with him!

Signed,
Blind Date

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WISY's Advice:

Dear BD,

This is a hot topic these days.  With the emergence of more and more independent or financially stable women coupled with strong feminist views in our society today, many have adopted the idea that dates should be split evenly.  Personally, I appreciate chivalry but I'm not opposed to paying for my own meal.  If I was asked to do so, I wouldn't at all be as shocked as you seem to be.  I've offered to pay on many occasions because I understand the concept of equality across the board.  Sometimes I offend and sometimes I am met with expressions of gratitude for the gesture with a polite decline to my offer.  

In any case, this guy didn't seem to be into you.  He displayed that with his actions throughout the date.  I think that may also contribute to him asking you to pay.  Just cut your losses and move on.  It's not a big deal.  Hopefully, you ordered what you could afford.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

I'm Living a Double Life

Dear WISY,

I'm a bisexual woman who is living a double life.  I have a husband who I've been married to for five years.  I love him but he is a prude and extremely  conservative.  He is actually a pastor at our church.  I am expected to lead by example and be very conservative.  When I met him he was not on this path; he was a wild freak.  We would have threesomes and party all the time.  We decided that children would become a hindrance to our lifestyle so we never had any. 

It all changed when he nearly died.  He said he found his calling and wanted to dismiss that part of his life.  As his wife I supported him, but I could only pretend for so long.  I found myself searching for one time encounters with women on the internet.  I met one who I am now in a relationship with.  She knows my story and is okay with everything, but now my husband wants a child.  He asked me to come off of birth control so I can conceive.  I lied and told him I did.  I don't want to give up my life.  I've sacrificed so much already by supporting him in his pastoral journey.  Do you think I should ask for a divorce?  That life is really not for me.  Please help!

Signed,
Double Life

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WISY's Advice:

Dear DL,

Wow!  Near death experiences are life altering for sure, and it will be almost impossible to convince him to revert to his previous ways because of what he experienced spiritually and mentally, but in the end, honesty is the best policy.  

You need to communicate your issues with your husband.  I'm not sure why people cheat before trying to work it out with their spouse, but anyway, you need to have a conversation with him.  Tell him that the drastic change wasn't really something you wanted.  Tell him that you married the man he was before and did not expect things to change the way they did.  Tell him that the wild freak and party animal is still very much alive in you.  You will probably be met with opposition for obvious reasons, but you shouldn't continue to hold these feelings from him any longer.  I don't believe in living up to the expectations of others at the cost of your own happiness.

Your husband will probably fight to keep his marriage because he undoubtedly has an image to upkeep and because he's probably oblivious to your issues and loves you dearly for supporting him on this journey.  I suggest you two begin counseling in order to really delve into these issues and discover an outcome which will be healthy for the both of you in the long run.  Be prepared to embark upon some emotionally draining times.  Be sure that this is what you want.  This ordeal won't be an easy one but it is necessary.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

 

He Cheated on Me After Ten Years Together

Dear WISY,

I am heartbroken because I found out my man is cheating on me.  I found out by going through his phone records.  His phone is on a family plan so I can see his activity.  I called a number I saw him texting a lot.  The girl told me that she has been talking to him for about three months, but she is not interested in him seriously because she has a man.  She told me that he complains about me a lot.  She said I should start f*cking him better so he can stay at home.  I thought she was out of line when she said that.  It was like throwing salt in the wound.  I am beyond hurt and embarrassed!  

He is the only man I've been with for the past ten years.  It is possible that I have become "boring" to him.  As crazy as this sounds, I am thinking I should talk to him about his complaints and try to make things better.  I am very big on commitment and family.  I think this is something we can overcome together.  

What do you think I should do?  Take into consideration the time we have been together.

Signed,
Cheated On

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WISY's Advice:

Dear CO,

What do I think you should do?  I think you should tell him about your discoveries and give him 30 days to leave the house.  I understand that commitment and family are important to you but are they important to him?  From where I'm standing, it doesn't look that way.  Ten years doesn't mean you should ignore his betrayal.  He complains about you and he cheated on you.  Instead of talking through his issues with you, he has chosen to tell this woman.  It doesn't seem like he respects you either.

Time together means nothing if both people aren't on the same page.  You should take that into consideration.

But in the end, only you know what you can live with.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

She's Never in the Mood

Dear WISY,

Please help me out.  I don't usually write to people for advice, but my girlfriend is very lazy these days.  When we met, she was always ready to make love but now she's never in the mood.  This isn't the first time it's happening to me.  I left my ex for the same reason.  What do women need to stay the same and why do women change so much once they get a man?  She doesn't understand that I have no problems moving on to someone more exciting.  She needs to change.  Honestly, I like her a lot and I can see myself with her long-term.  I want her to help me want to stay with her.  Help a brother out!

Signed,
Help Me Help Her

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WISY's Advice:

Dear HMHH,

I'll answer you as best as I can from a woman's perspective.  If this isn't the first time this is happening to you then you probably have a lot more to do with your woman's change than you think.

Ask yourself a few questions before you start projecting fault on her:  
Is your behavior the same as when you first met?
Are you doing the things you used to do that would keep her in the love making mood?
Has your appearance changed?
Do you have repulsive habits?

If it's not you then maybe there are some issues which are causing stress in her life.  Stress seriously decreases libido.  Have you communicated with her?  Have you asked if there's something bothering her?  If you want a long-term relationship, you need to learn this woman.  Delve into her emotions to find out what elevates her to her highs and what makes her plummet.  I can almost guarantee a shift in her mood if you become more involved in her emotional side.
Relationships are work, brother.  Get to it.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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He's Choosing the TV Over Me

Dear WISY,

I've made the biggest mistake!  Ever since my husband and I moved in together (since before we were married), he's asked to have a television in our bedroom.  I was always against it but I finally gave in a few weeks ago.  I regret it so much because he pays more attention to the TV than me.  We used to make love and cuddle until we fell asleep.  Now he falls asleep watching TV and leaves me feeling neglected.

I talked to him about it and he promised a change.  Nothing has changed.  What do I do?  I feel neglected and I am the type to go looking for attention.

Signed,
Neglected

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WISY's Advice:

Dear Neglected,

Don't allow something as trivial as a television to cause you to cheat.  That's silly.  I'm thinking you need to set television rules for your bedroom.  You can propose certain hours for TV watching or ask him to handle business with you before he gets into his programming.  If that doesn't work then you need to be more assertive and straddle him!  Touch his trigger spots and take control.  I think action will speak louder than words in this situation.

I have a feeling the new TV will get old soon enough.  You'll be fine.  No need to go looking elsewhere over a TV.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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