Should I Call It Quits with My Husband?

Dear WISY,

My husband’s best friend came over on Christmas to introduce his new girlfriend.  They seemed very in love.  My husband jokingly interrogated her and praised her for finally showing up to save his best friend.  Following that day, we haven’t seen much of them, but they moved into a new place about 20 mins from our home.  Recently they’ve been having issues and my husband’s friend sometimes sleeps over at our house instead of going home.

With that said, his friend contacted me to ask me if I knew anything about my husband and his girlfriend talking on the phone.  I was unaware of that. I did some research and we both found that my husband and this young lady have been meeting up on lunch breaks, talking 2-3 hours at a time everyday, and they have been doing it all behind our backs.  We confronted them.  They admitted they had been having phone conversations, but stated they were discussing relationship issues and life.

We were also made aware that my husband bought her the new cat that she brought home some days after Christmas.  With all of this, I am unsure of what to do.  Has my husband really cheated with his friend’s girlfriend? Is it worth leaving my marriage?  

I can’t trust him so I can't see working it out at all.

Signed,

I Had No Idea

WISY's Advice:

Dear IHNI,

There is definitely cause for concern.  The secrecy of it all leads me to believe that there is more than just phone calls and lunch dates to talk about life and relationship issues.  Also, gifting a cat is usually reserved for close friendships, family members or intimate partners.  Even if they are not intimate, this is a case of emotional cheating, and that can be more harmful than physical cheating.  I don't blame you for losing trust, but I also want you to consider marriage counseling to help with this situation.

The help of a professional could help to unearth the root of the problem within your marriage or more specifically, with your husband.  Counseling will help you determine what direction is best for you, and  provide the next best steps to help you recover from the psychological effects that betrayal causes.

In the meantime, try to keep a clear head and surround yourself with people who will help you manage through this emotionally taxing time.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

He's Too Big

Dear WISY,

My man is too big.  He hurts me every time we make love, and I have never been satisfied by him penetrating me.  He always has to kiss the 😻 to get me to to climax.  I feel like I need him to make me climax from the 🍆.  I would like to be surprised by it for once.  

What should I do?

Signed,
Too Big

Pixabay

WISY's Response:

Dear Too Big,

You're going to have to take more control during intercourse.  Communicate with your partner and tell him which positions work for you and which ones cause discomfort.  I'm sure he'd love to please you in every way possible, you just need to guide him.

Here are some helpful resources:

Sex Positions: Best Mind-Blowing Sex Positions For a Woman's Pleasure (Sex Positions, Sex, Best Sex Positions Series)

The New Sex Bible for Women: The Complete Guide to Sexual Self-Awareness and Intimacy

Vitamin O: Why Orgasms are Vital to a Woman's Health and Happiness, and How to Have Them Every Time!

Top Sex Positions: 10 Best Sex Positions And 20 Ways To Find the G-Spot

I hope this helps.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

He Hurt Me, But...

Dear WISY,

Last week I went out with my friends back home while on holiday break.  We saw this guy who I used to like in high school, but he was never nice to me.  He would always tease me about my clothes and shoes and stand in the hallway with the other boys and make gas sounds when I walked by.  He made my life hell, but I still liked him.  I don't know why, I just did.

Anyway, I saw him at the club over break, and he took my number, and we've been talking ever since.  He apologized for how he behaved in high school.  He told me he liked me and didn't want anyone else to like me, so he insulted me instead to keep me away from the guys at school.  I told him it really hurt my feelings and I still have insecurities because of it today.

Anyway, I'm wondering if I should continue the relationship.  A part of me thinks he's still an asshole.  High school was only two years ago.  What do you think?

Signed,
Still Hurt

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: 10 Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder and How to Handle or Avoid that Hell (Volume 1)

Pixabay - JerzyGorecki

The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself (Fawcett Book)

WISY's Response:

Dear Still Hurt,

You're better than I am because I wouldn't have made it this far with him.  Yea, I know we're supposed to forgive and forget, but that's a whole lot of trauma to overcome from not so long ago.  

Since you're obviously a lot more forgiving than I am (and I commend you for that), you could proceed cautiously with this guy.  Take your time, get to know him, be sure that his intentions are positive, and then, if all is well, feel free to freefall into love, and create something beautiful from this once painful element of your life.

BUT - I also want you to consider whether you are seeking approval from this person who tormented you and undoubtedly caused you to develop insecurities.  You could feel a sense of validation because of the shift in nature of his attention.  You may be looking for healing from the very same source that made you sick.  He could be ego-tripping; getting the same girl he used to torment to eat out of the palm of his hand.  Have a very in-depth, truthful talk with yourself to determine whether this could be the case.  I don't want you ending up in an abusive relationship.    

Click the links, they'll help you.

I hope you figure it all out, and I hope this turns out to be a beautiful start for your 2018!

Walk good,
#TeamWISY