Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Turn a H*e into a Housewife?

Dear WISY,

There's a girl my brother has been dealing with for a while now.  She's a really nice girl and she gets along with the family.  I can tell she is in love with my brother and he is equally as in love with her.  There is an issue that has been riding my mind though.  This girl is a known slut.  Well, rumor has it that she is and although she seems great, I don't want my brother to be exposed to any STDs and I don't want him getting hurt.

I don't want to be the one to upset their happiness but I can't help but be concerned about him.  I have a lot of male friends and each one of them have had a spin off of her.  Even my brother's friends are wondering what he's doing with her but he's so in love, he can't seem to see the potential danger.  The boy is talking marriage and starting a family with her in the near future.  I'm getting really nervous.

I want to talk with her about what I've heard but I don't want to upset my brother and I actually don't want to upset the girl either but I feel I should do so to clear the air.  What do you think?

Signed,
Concerned Sister


WISY's Response:

Dear Concerned Sister,

As a sister who is overprotective of her brothers, I understand where you're coming from but you must learn, like I did, to mind your business and focus on your own relationship.  You need to also remember that everyone has a past and we don't know what the circumstances may have been to cause people to behave the way they did.  

As a woman, you must take care not to degrade her and drag her down by the rumors you have heard.  Obviously, the men you know are already doing a great job of that.  She is in love now and that may be what she has been looking for all this time.  You had positive things to say about her in your letter.  Let that reign and allow your brother to make his own (for lack of a better word) mistakes but from what you've expressed about them, I doubt this is a mistake.

Being concerned for your brother shows how much you love him and want what's best so if he's happy, let him be happy.  He is aware of the rumors and has still embraced her and you never know if they've already had the discussion of her past between themselves.  It's their business, not yours.  Let it be.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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I'm 25 and I have E.D.

Dear WISY,

I'm 25 and suffering with ED but it's only with one woman that this happens.  I have a lady friend who takes care of me.  She pampers me and in return I am supposed to satisfy her but I have been taking pills to help me get the job done.  I don't have this problem with anybody else.

She is a bit overbearing and I will admit that I am a bit afraid of her.  She is a very confident woman and she can be condescending when she speaks.  I am walking on egg shells whenever she is at home and I am always nervous.  

I fear that she will get tired of me soon and I don't know how healthy it is for me to keep popping pills.  I need to know what to do.  I can't afford my lifestyle on my own.

Signed,
Young with ED


WISY's Response:

Dear Young w/ED,

I suggest you stop belittling yourself by depending on an older woman to take care of you.  Have you no education, no trade?  You need to take your pampered behind and find some fulfilling work.  Find something that will boost your self confidence so that no one can easily speak to you in a subpar manner and if they attempt to belittle you, it won't affect you the way it is now.

If you insist on keeping up this kept man lifestyle, you should at least ask for money to better yourself.  I don't mean material things; I'm talking about something to develop your mind past the need to be mothered.  School, therapy or finding a hobby may be the remedy for you.  If you don't, you'll continue to pop pills.

Stop selling yourself short.  You are capable of gaining all that she gives you on your own, you just have to believe in yourself.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

 

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Monday, November 28, 2016

I Slept with My Boss's Man

Dear WISY,

I am so afraid for my well being and the well being of my children.  I was recently involved in an altercation with my boss and she has threatened to have me deported back to my country.  I have been working for my boss for the last five years and I she has been helping me with my immigration affairs.  I treat her home as if it is mine and I treat her children as if they are mine also.  We have become family over the years and I have really dedicated my best to her.

Unfortunately, foolishness got the best of me and I began to sleep with her new boyfriend.  I found him attractive the moment I met him but didn't know the attraction would grow so intensely.  He is not the first one of her boyfriends to make advances towards me but for some reason I could not resist him.  We have been sleeping together when she is out working a case and she never suspected anything until she came home with the flu and caught him right on top of me.  

Since then I have lost my job and I find that unfair because she is still with him.  I know this because he told me.  Yes, I am still seeing him.  In fact, it is much easier now because he comes to my apartment or he takes me away for a weekend.  I don't know what he is telling her but some of the guilt has lifted for me and I no longer feel the need to be loyal to her.

The major problem now is the status of my residency.  She has threatened to withdraw her sponsorship and said she would make it her business to have me deported.  She is a lawyer and knows the system well and I fear that she will follow through with her threats.

I have asked this man to marry me just for immigration purposes and he said he needs to think about it first.  What is there to think about?  He knows what she is capable of and I know I mean a lot to him.

I know I did wrong but I don't think I deserve this.  What can I do to ensure my children and I remain in this wonderful land of opportunity?

Signed,
Legal Alien
WISY's Response:

Dear Legal Alien,

What is that old West Indian saying again?  Oh..."Sorry fi mawga dawg, dem tun round and bite you!" In other words, you have bitten the hand that fed you.  You are ungrateful and disloyal and you do deserve to be threatened with deportation.  However, I do not wish that for anyone other than those who have committed violent and heinous offenses.  I especially do not wish this for you since you have children.

Get yourself an immigration lawyer and see what you can do to safeguard your future.  If you can't afford a lawyer then do the research for yourself, call Immigration and see what else needs to be done to move your status along.  Asking your boss's man to marry you is throwing salt in the wound.  She will surely have your head if that were to ever come about and rightly so. 

Please put an end to all of this.  Apologize to your boss and cut ties with her man then move on with the circumstances of your choices.  You call this place the "wonderful land of opportunity" so go find some more opportunities to help you out of this mess.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY


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I Want My Ex Back

Dear WISY,

I'm writing because I can't get over my ex's good loving.  I left him for someone else about a year ago and I'm really regretting that decision.  At first, my current boyfriend was going above and beyond to satisfy me in bed and now he barely wants to be intimate.  I NEVER had that problem with my ex; he was always ready for me and always left me worn out.

It's getting cold and you know what happens when it's cold out and everyone wants to stay in.  I'm trying to cuff as much as possible and my boyfriend would rather sleep.  I can't help but think about my ex and all the sex we would be having during the winter months.  I want him back so bad but I saw on Facebook that he got engaged.

I know most may not understand but the urge I have for my ex is crazy! I just want him to come take care of business like I know he can.  I don't even want to interfere with his engagement, I just want him physically and then he can go back to being a good fiance.  

How can I get him to come see me a few times a week without causing too much drama?  Remember, I don't want him back, I left him for a reason but I need the goods ASAP.

p.s.  no judgment/morals story necessary.  I just want to know how I can be the best FWB to an engaged man. 

Signed,
Need Him Back
WISY's Response:

Dear NHB,

First, thank you for considering me a good source to help you solve your problem.  Second, don't tell me how to answer you.  With that said, you need to leave that man alone.  What makes you think you can discard him and then decide to use him however you please?  He's moved on and realizes that the one he's with is worth marrying.  If he wanted to continue any aspect of the relationship with you, he would've been trying all along to get you back.  He didn't and that speaks volumes.

Focus on the man you have and try to get him to understand that you need loving around the clock.  Perhaps you can get him to try some new things to peak his interest again.  Having relations with your ex isn't going to solve the matter at hand.  You need to recognize what the real issue is and plot and scheme to fix that.

Here are some resources to help you in case you may not grasp what I'm trying to tell you.  






Walk good,
#TeamWISY

 

Monday, November 21, 2016

I Don't Want to Give Him My STD

Dear WISY,

My man wants to take it to the next level and have unprotected sex but I have an STD and don't want to give it to him. I love him and I fear that if I tell him he will leave and if I continue to hold out he will also leave.  It's a lose - lose situation.

He said he wants children and all that but I can't expose him to this. What can I do?

Signed,
Infected


WISY's Response:

Dear Infected,

I commend you for being responsible in this situation; I wish more people would do the same.  The best thing to do is tell him.  I know you fear losing him but if you truly love him, you'll be open and honest with him and give him the choice of how he wants to proceed.

As far as future life plans are concerned, you could consult with your doctor to see what measures can be taken to eliminate the risk of disease transmission.

Best of luck!

Walk good,
#TeamWISY



Monday, November 14, 2016

My Best Friend is Having My Man's Baby

This post contains adult content

Dear WISY,

I need your advice on my relationship with my boyfriend of almost a year.  Me and my man like freaky stuff and we sometimes invite people for threesomes.  Sometimes it's a girl and sometimes it's a guy.  Anyway, my best friend knows about everything I do with my man and I guess she got curious because she asked to have a threesome with us.  I was very surprised but I was open to it.  I thought it would be fun for everyone.  

I asked my man if he would want to do it and he said he wasn't sure about her because she is my best friend and he didn't want anything to happen that would make it uncomfortable for us to be around each other after it happened.  I assured him that there was nothing to worry about.  I told him this would probably be the best one we've ever had.  He said he would do it because I really wanted it.

I told her everything was a go and she came over the same night.  We had some drinks and started doing what we do.  I realized she was more into my man than into me so I stopped everything and asked her to come with me to the bathroom.  I told her that I wasn't used to the girls being so into my man and I was uncomfortable.  She apologized and said she thought that was what she was supposed to be doing.  She said she would stop and then started to kiss me.  I didn't like the kiss at all.  To be honest, I was turned off at that point and didn't want to continue but I played along and we went back into the bedroom.

My man asked me if I was alright and I lied and said I was good.  Things started heating up again but I just couldn't get into it.  So, I made the decision to let them have sex and just cater to my man.  I was whispering things in his ear and rubbing his spots.  They were both enjoying themselves and I just wanted it to be over so I said and did everything I know he loves to get him to climax.  He did and my best friend immediately started acting weird.

I asked her what was wrong and she said she wasn't on the pill (no, we didn't use protection, yes, I know that was stupid).  She started to freak out saying he should've told her he was about to bust so she could get off.  I told her it would be okay and that there were options and she said she doesn't believe in any of that stuff.  So, now I'm freaking out because she might just become my man's baby mama!

Fast forward to today and my nightmare has come true.  She is pregnant with my man's baby and she will not abort.  She said it would be fine and nothing would change but I'm so hurt.  His first child is supposed to be with me.  What am I going to tell everyone?  This is just too f*cked up for words.  I feel like I should leave but I don't want them to become the perfect little family.  I feel the need to be right in the middle of everything.  What should I do?

Signed,
Not The Baby Mama



WISY's Response:

Dear NTBM,

I felt a grey hair grow in reading your letter.  I'm sorry to hear your fun turned into this. That's why certain lines should never be crossed, and in my opinion, the bff/bf activity is one of them.  Things almost always get awkward after something like this.  

You should have never continued if you felt uncomfortable.  That was a sign of things to come.  I feel like you all rushed into this situation and didn't properly discuss boundaries and expectations.  I know sh'es your best friend and you feel like you know her like the back of your hand but you didn't know her well enough to know she wasn't on birth control and that she would not sway with your beliefs in case of an oops moment.

What should you do?  I can't answer that.  You need to have a discussion with your boyfriend and best friend about the future and decide what you can handle.  Hey, it's almost 2017 and the face of the family varies; there is no definite image or idea of what a family should be.   Whatever you all decide, please try to keep your emotions in check and create a beautiful situation for this baby to be born into.

Just remember you convinced your boyfriend to do this after he had reservations.  If you stay, you should learn to consider his feelings.  If you had, you wouldn't be in this mess.  

Also, all three of you should get tested for STDs and stock up on condoms.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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I Want My Sister's Man

Dear WISY,

I found out that my sister is cheating on her husband.  This upsets me because her husband is such a good man and she's cheating with a low life, good for nothing loser.  I told her she was risking everything for this fool but she doesn't want to hear anything I have to say.  Her husband is wealthy and she wants for nothing.  I just don't understand how she could do this to him.

One night I was at her house watching her children while she was out getting it on with the loser and her husband came home.  He asked for her and I told him she was out running errands and would be back shortly.  I thought to text her but her husband's appearance caught me by surprise; he looked better than ever and I was attracted to him.  At that moment, I decided to take what she didn't want.

I asked him if he wanted anything to eat and he said yes, he was hungry.  I went into their gorgeous kitchen and prepared a meal for him.  I served him food and flirtation then I poured him a glass of wine and poured myself one too.  He was watching me as if he knew what I was up to and I didn't try to hide my intentions.  When he was finished I took his plate, put the children to bed and headed for the shower in the guest room.  I texted my sister for a status update before entering the shower and when I came out she still hadn't text back.  All the more reason for me to go after him.

When I came out, I wrapped a towel around myself and went looking for him.  He was sitting on the sofa with his legs up, watching TV.  He was looking scrumptious.  I approached him and dropped my towel.  You can imagine what happened next.

Now, every time my sister is out with the loser, I am having her husband.  I believe she deserves it.  He has bought me gifts and has expressed his interest in taking me out.  He even said he married the wrong one.  I am beginning to love him and I want him for myself.  I want him to leave her but you know there are all kinds of obstacles in the way.  Should I tell him she's cheating so he can kick her out and move me in?  I tried to warn her against the foolishness so she can't really be upset with me, right?

Signed,
Sister



WISY's Response:

Dear Sister,

Two wrongs don't make a right.  Sleeping with your sister's husband is low.  Yes, she's wrong and you initially did the right thing by trying to talk her out of being involved with another man but how did you go from being the voice of reason to being her fill in?  What happened to your conscience and your morals?

If you feel like telling then tell your sister what you've been up to.  You two can strengthen your bond in knowing you are truly cut from the same cloth.  If he wants to leave her, he is capable of communicating that on his own; he doesn't need your assistance.  Please don't interfere in their marriage any more than you already have and don't get too caught up in this man's words.  He's just saying what he feels he needs to say in order to continue to have both sisters at his disposal.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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Monday, November 7, 2016

It's Me or the Dog!

Dear WISY,

I met this guy about three months ago.  We started off slow but once I made the time of day to see him, sparks flew and we've been getting very close.  He's been to my house a few times and we've kept it PG because I have a roommate.  He suggested I come to his house so we can have some privacy but he lives in an area I'm not familiar with and I hate going to places at night that I don't know.  I told him that and he said he would come pick me up.

The day came for him to pick me up and take me to his place and I was nervous and excited at the same time.  I spent the whole day preparing for our night together and could barely contain my excitement when he called to say he was outside.  I got my stuff and jetted through the door.  All my excitement came to a halt when I saw a damn dog in the front seat.  I hate dogs!  I was bitten by one as a child and I want nothing to do with them.  He didn't tell me he had a dog either.  I was so pissed off.

I asked him about the dog and he said I shouldn't worry, told me the damn dog's name and asked if I minded riding in the back seat.  He must've seen the look on my face because he quickly told me that the dog had just come from the groomer's and hated going there.  He said she needed to be close to him because she was in a bad mood.  What the f*ck!  I lost it and told him I wasn't getting in his car with a damn dog and I certainly wasn't going to sit in the back so the damn dog could sit in the front!  

He got pissed at me and told me he'd see me another time.  I don't know if there'll be another time.  He needs to choose me or the dog.  Is that unreasonable?

Signed,
I Hate Dogs



WISY's Response:

Dear IHD,

This guy obviously loves his dog a whole lot.  If you're not an animal lover, it'll be difficult for you to understand that pets are like family for some people.  I'm just confused as to why he didn't mention he had a dog before.  Usually when you invite someone to your home, you let them know something like that. 

Have you spoken with him since?  Did you explain why you have issues with dogs?  You need to speak to him about it.  He'll probably understand but don't expect him to get rid of his dog.  That's asking a bit much for a relationship of 3 months.  If you guys plan to get serious with each other then a compromise may need to come in to play or he may agree to get rid of her altogether but you won't know until you talk about it first.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

My Man is a Gigolo

Dear WISY,

I have a serious problem and I need your help with this one.  I'm used to figuring out my own drama but this one is above what I can handle.  I don't even know where to start but here goes...

Me and my man have a kind of scamming thing going on.  Usually, he goes and seeks out rich women or the ones that look like they can take care of him and he tells them I am his cousin and I pretend that I'm sick or struggling or something that will make them feel sorry for me.  They always give him money to give me and I just fling it in a bank account and save it up.  He does what he needs to do.  All I ask is that he protects himself always.

I have my good job with good benefits but that extra money keeps me and him looking fresh, keeps the bills paid on time and we have a nice car in the garage.  We're living good off of these lonely women.  Some of them have their husband but they're whores and want extra attention and my man delivers it well!  It's a win-win situation!  Everybody is happy!

Well, now I have a little problem.  My man has been seeing this new woman.  When he showed me her picture, I was hesitant to let him pursue her because she is young and beautiful!  But I said to myself that I was being paranoid and I should remember the bigger picture.  Anyway, she has lots of money.  He said she just got divorced from a rich man and she has everything.  He was taking a while to bring in the first load of money and I asked him about it.  He said she's a little smarter than the rest so it will take a little more time for him to get her to trust him.  I wanted to tell him to forget it and leave her alone but again, I remembered what I had to gain.

Last week my heart dropped into my stomach when he didn't come home.  He called me to say he wasn't coming home to me and that he didn't like what I was making him do.  He said he had enough of me and my scamming.  I cursed him and told him to stop being ungrateful and to bring his ass home immediately.  He hung up and told me "R.I.P because you're dead to me".  I was shocked.  I'm still shocked.  From since that day, I haven't heard from him.  I knew I shouldn't have let him go after her, my gut was telling me that this wouldn't be a good situation and now look.  I miss him so bad.  I want him back and he won't even answer my calls or reply to my texts.  This woman took my man from me because she is the whole package but he needs to remember where he is coming from and if it wasn't for me, he would have never met her!

How can I get my man back?  I just want him back, he won't have to scam anymore.  Please help!

Signed,
Madam



WISY's Response:

Dear Madam,

I'm trying not to laugh at you, I really am.  With a straight face, I have one word for you:  KARMA.  In case you didn't get the memo, life has a way of giving us exactly what we deserve.  There you were going about your life, happily pimping out your man to naive women, never stopped long enough to allow your conscience to take precedence and gather an inkling of guilt.  Well, here you are.  Now you know how it must feel to those women who were deceived, used, and discarded.

Honestly, I hope he comes back to you. He doesn't deserve to benefit from something he entered into under false pretense.  Hopefully you can track his phone and go tell this woman who he is and what you all are about.  Then you can have him back and encourage him to find a real job so you can live well off of an honest day's work like the majority of us.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY


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Wednesday, November 2, 2016

My Dad is a Cheater

Dear WISY,

I've always loved my father and have always been daddy's girl but I hate my father now.  I'm so disgusted by him and have lost so much respect for him.  He's always been what I've based my choice of men on but all this time I've based everything on a lie because my father is cheating on my mom!

I'm in college and I came home last month for a long weekend.  I didn't tell my parents I was coming and couldn't wait to surprise them.  I got to my house and went upstairs quietly because I saw that my dad was at home.  I crept up the stairs and heard noises coming from my room.  At first, I thought my parents were in my room being gross but then I remembered mom's car was not in the driveway.  I knocked on the door and my father asked who it was.  When I told him it was me, I heard all kinds of commotion in my room and he told me to go downstairs until he came out.  I refused and he explained that he made my room into his gym and didn't want me to be upset that he took my room.  I pretended to go downstairs but went into the bathroom and watched to see what was really going on.  I nearly threw up when I saw this woman come out of my room with my dad.

I yelled at them both and ran downstairs.  My father just stared at me and the woman went running back into my room.  I left my house and haven't spoken to my dad since.  I don't ever want to speak with him again or see him for that matter.  My mom keeps asking me what my Thanksgiving plans are and I want to tell her what happened but I don't want to break her heart.  My mother is very sensitive and emotional.  She is the most selfless, loving person I know and she is a devoted wife.  She doesn't handle conflict well and has bouts with depression for the slightest things.  I don't think she could handle hearing this.

Do you think I should tell her or should I keep the peace?  I don't think I can ever have a relationship with my dad again.  I feel like there's an ugly side to him which he's been hiding.

Signed,
Disgusted



WISY's Response:

Dear Disgusted,

This is a tough one.  First, you should speak with your father and express your disappointment - let him know exactly how you feel about what you witnessed.  Beginning the healing process between you two is important.  He's your father and you cannot go the rest of your life without speaking to him especially since, from what you say, he's been exemplary until now.  He's human and he made a tragic mistake but try to forgive him for your own sake.  Forgiveness is key to a happy and healthy existence.

I understand that you don't want your mother to be hurt and I believe I have a good sense of the type of person she is.  Devastating her with this news could be life changing and I know you will feel guilty for bringing forth this sudden shift in her world.  Personally, I would want to know and would normally advise you to tell your mother but we're all different and I have to consider her fragile nature.  With that said, wait to see how you feel after you speak with your father.  Maybe being a disappointment to his daughter will straighten him up and motivate him to work with your mother to fill whatever voids he may have.  If you are still compelled to tell your mother then give your father the burden of delivering the news.  He needs to be at the forefront of this situation.

Again, I want to emphasize the importance of considering your mother's reaction to this and honestly, I think you've already answered your own question when describing her.  If anything, working to heal the relationship between you and your father may be the ultimate issue here.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY


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