💰 I Did It All For the Money 💰

Dear WISY,

Please keep me private.  I have a confession to make, but I am afraid of being exposed.  I have been carrying a burden for some time now, and I need to purge.  Please do not reveal my identity. This is long.

I met a woman at a store in the mall.  She was very friendly with me and she offered to buy my items for me.  At first I was asking myself why she would just offer me these things, but I decided not to question it and just be grateful for this unexpected blessing like my grandma always told me to do.  I started thinking about how I could use the money I saved to buy more food to eat and maybe some dinner too.  She talked to me for what felt like an eternity, but I tried to look interested in what she was saying because she bought me stuff.  I told her that I had to go and we took each other's numbers.  She asked me if it was okay for her to call me to hang out sometimes because she doesn't have a lot of friends she can trust and she wants to start fresh with some new friends.  I told her it would be cool with me.

Anyway, I went about my business and I honestly forgot about that lady.  A few weeks passed and she called me, but I couldn't pick up the phone.  A few seconds later she texted me and asked me to come hang out with her.  I did everything I could to find an excuse, but in the end I ended up telling her I was available to hang out.  We made plans and everything seemed normal.

The night comes for us to hang out and we go to a nice lounge first.  She starts to talk my head off again.  She kept the drinks flowing and she seemed to know everyone in there.  She started to get real personal with her conversation.  She told me that she was into all kinds of kinky sex and that she liked the way I looked.  She started to describe the shape of my body and what she would do to me.  She told me that she was willing to pay me to have sex with her and do the things she loves.  I laughed at first, but she told me that she was serious and took a stack of cash out of her purse to show me.  She told me it was mine if I would come home with her.  Honestly, I was blinded by the money and I was a little drunk too.  I went with her that night.  I got $2,000 for a night of pleasure I can barely remember.

So, I've been doing things with her for about a year now.  This lady is rich!  She uses her money to get whatever she wants all of the time.  She took me to get a passport and she took me on trips.  When we went to a certain country, she had some men run a train on me.  I was embarrassed about it, but I was loving the money.  I'm just being honest, I've never had that type of money before.  She advised me on how to invest and it seemed like she really cared about my well-being.   The thing is, ever since the incident in the other country, she has been asking for more and more risky things and I have been accepting it for the money.  The last thing she asked for hurt me and I want to stop doing things with her.  To be completely honest with you, I have been with her husband, her boyfriends, her friends (men and women), and some of her family members too.  

I wasn't able to see her for a while because I was injured from what she did the last time and it seemed like she didn't understand.  She was becoming really aggressive towards me and had been threatening to tell my boyfriend and parents about what I've been doing.  She is like a different person.  So, I told her that I would come out that night and she changed back into an angel.  I was scared and in pain, but I still went out with her.  Of course she asked me to do some stuff for her, but I couldn't.  She was frustrated with me because of that - like, totally turned back into a demon.  She disappeared for a while, and honestly, I was relieved, but the next thing I know, my boyfriend walks in to the place and he looked so disgusted by me.  I asked him what he was doing there and he told me that he knew it all.  The lady had told him everything.  He asked me to never contact him again or he would tell everyone.  She then told me that she paid him to keep quiet, but she could easily change that.  I love my boyfriend and I can't believe she took him from me.  Should I try to contact him even though he asked me not to?

I feel like I'm her prisoner now.  I am willing to let her tell it all at this point.  Should I call her bluff?  I'm tired and I think I have saved and invested enough money to make all of what I did worth it.  Please don't judge me. I just need help with dealing with this.

Signed,

Paid

Psychopath Free (Expanded Edition): Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

WISY's Response:

Dear Paid,

I omitted some information from your letter because it was just too much for me to publish.   The things you've been through are disturbing and I just can't.  You knew from your first encounter with this woman that something was off, but you ignored it.  From now on, learn to trust your gut.  Not every gesture of "kindness" is a blessing.  You seem young and impressionable and that's why it was so easy for you to be manipulated in this way for this long or you could just love money.  Either way, I'm glad you've reached a point where you realize that it's time to end the madness.

Take what you have gained from this situation - the lesson, the money, and the financial advice and run!  You are worth more than being someone's fantasy puppet.  If she exposes you then that means she'll be exposing herself also.  Yes, she may have the means to silence some people and pay her way back into good graces, but that shouldn't stop you from removing yourself from her company.  Her deeds will soon catch up to her and people will run out of patience.  You have time on your side.  You can rise from this and build a better future for yourself.

If that witch continues to threaten you, call the cops!  Don't let her intimidate you any longer.  Although this may be difficult, you should probably tell your parents or someone who will support you through this about what has been going on.  They will initially be shocked (an probably disgusted), but if they love you, they will realize that you are a victim and stand by you.  It's also important to speak to a therapist who will help you emotionally and psychologically.  Get your physical health checked out too.

Don't be too concerned about your boyfriend now.  He needs time to process this situation.  After all, you've been cheating on him with multiple people for a year.  Leave him a lone and focus on yourself.  You need space and time to process all you've been through as well.

Again, I'm glad you've concluded that this situation is no good for you.  Now, rise like a phoenix!

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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His Daughter Doesn't Like Me

Dear WISY,

I think I made a huge mistake.  I have been living with my boyfriend for almost six months now.  We moved in together after a short time of three weeks, but our connection was so powerful that I was sure that it was the right thing to do.  We did it even though it is against our family's beliefs.  I felt as though I was addicted to him and I didn't want to live away from him.

As if we are not already outside of our family's beliefs, my boyfriend has a child that he had out of wedlock.  The child's mother is not very stable so my boyfriend is very hands on with his daughter.  She is with us most of the time.  His daughter is six years old and she is rude and doesn't like me.  I told her that she has to be respectable in my house. My boyfriend thought I overstepped my boundaries and told me to leave the disciplining to him.  I agreed, but I am struggling with this little girl and her nasty attitude.

Her behavior has caused some problems with me and my boyfriend.  I don't think it's right for me to be uncomfortable in my own home.  I do not condone rude behavior from children, and I am going to explode soon.  His daughter looked me right in my eyes and told me that I am not her mother and a child did not come from my body, so I should not tell her to behave.  Then she cried to her father that I am always mean to her.  All I was trying to do was tell her it's time to take a bath.

I do not want to end things with my boyfriend, but his daughter is successfully driving me away.  I don't want to upset him either.  What should I do to make things better?

Signed,

Stepmom

The Stepfamily Handbook:: From Dating, to Getting Serious, to forming a "Blended Family"

Image by Joel McGInley from Pixabay

WISY's Response:

Dear Stepmom,

I think that your feelings are valid in this situation.  I understand that you don't want to upset your boyfriend, and I think it's wise of you to tread lightly in this delicate situation, but you should speak up.

I get the feeling that his stance on his daughter comes from him feeling the need to compensate for the instability of his daughter's mother.  Perhaps he feels a sense of guilt for creating her with a woman who is unstable, so he overlooks her behavior in efforts to "over love" her.  While his intent is rooted in a loving place, it is incorrect and damaging.  He is doing his daughter an injustice by allowing her to be rude.

Also, it's important for us to give children an understanding heart and credit them for understanding more about their surroundings than we think.  Your boyfriend's daughter is likely suffering from some sort of trauma or insecurity as a result of her parenting situation.  I don't know what kind of instability baby girl's mother is experiencing, but it's likely that she has been affected from it all.  He behavior is a direct result.  And it's possible that she resents you simply for not being her mother. 

When you talk to your boyfriend, approach it gently.  Tell him that you understand the factors that I've mentioned above, but you need to feel respected, validated, appreciated, and ultimately, comfortable in your own home.  Tell him that you'd love to help him nurture his daughter.  Tell him that you're his partner in ever aspect of the word, and that your actions to correct his daughter are not an attack.   This should open his eyes and improve the situation.  If he resists, be patient, but not so patient that this situation becomes the norm for the long run. 

Walk good,
#TeamWIsy

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