Should I Have His Baby?

Dear WISY,

Please keep me anonymous.  I am dating a guy secretly because he is married but I am beginning to fall in love with him.  I should say I am already in love with him because right now I feel I would do anything for him.  When I say anything, I mean a n y t h i n g!  Even abort his baby to keep him from getting in mix up with his wife. :-(  I did do that and sometimes when I think about what I did, I feel extremely depressed.  I can't believe I did that but all I wanted to do was keep my man happy.

A month or so later, I was feeling so down and depressed about it and I called him to come over because the rain was falling heavily and I needed him to be with me.  He ignored my calls and that really hurt me.  I left my house in the rain and went to this man's yard where he lives with his family.  I know I'm wrong but I didn't care.  Sometimes, anger gets the best of us, you know.  I went and knocked on his door until somebody (his wife) answered and asked who it was.  I told her who I was and everything I could fit into the short space of time before he came running to the door.  He tried to close the door in my face but she was fighting with him to keep it open and I was too so the two of us against him won.  She came outside to talk to me and I continued to tell her everything even though he was shouting and pushing me.

The next thing I know, she boxed me across my face and started to laugh.  I was so shocked because she was so calm before.  She gave me a beating and do you know this man didn't do anything to part us?  I begged and bawled but he didn't do a thing.  She finally stopped and I ran for my life.  After all I did for him and he would allow his woman to kill me there?  Not me.  I ran like Bolt!

Fast forward to now.  He came and apologized to me for everything and I slept with him the same night.  Yes, I know I'm stupid but that is what love does.  I gave him the best ever.  I missed him so much.  But now I am pregnant again and he wants me to abort again.  I told him I would think about it but what I really want to do is tell him I won't do it again.  I don't want him to be upset with me and I don't want any problems with the wife.  I don't want her to come beat me and I lose the baby.

What do you think I should do?

Signed,
Pregnant Again

WISY's Response:

Dear Pregnant Again,

I understand that love can make us do crazy things but at some point you have to snap out of it.  Clearly you haven't reached that point yet.  Perhaps sitting and carefully evaluating your situation will help you get there.  Remember how he left you to be beaten and ignored your calls when you needed him.  Remember that you are not his wife and should not expect to be treated as such.  Remember that he is dishonest and selfish.  Remember that you deserve to be loved openly and not in secret.

Whether you keep this baby or not, you must distance yourself from this man.  Throughout your letter, you didn't mention one positive thing he has done for you.  You only speak of what you have done to protect him and keep him happy.  This is not a healthy relationship and the sooner your realize this the better.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

     

Embarrassed by the Way She Dresses

Dear WISY,

A friend of mine is beginning to embarrass me when we go out and I'm not sure how I should approach her about it.  She likes to dress in clothes that aren't appropriate for her body.  She had a baby last year and gained a lot of weight.  Don't get me wrong there's nothing wrong with thick women but she's still trying to fit into her pre-baby clothes.  She was a size 6 before her baby and now she's double that.  People look and laugh at her and I don't like it.  

I have to be careful with my words because she had a hard time with postpartum depression and I wouldn't want her going back to that state but how do I tell her that her strapless dresses don't contain her breasts and stomach anymore?  Do I suggest going shopping together?

Signed,

Embarrassed Friend

Spirit & Heart Broken

Dear WISY,

A few weeks ago I was confronted by a young woman who I see from time to time.  She asked if she could speak with me about something very serious.  I immediately became frightened.  She began to speak and her eyes filled with water.  Mine did too.

She told me that my husband has been sleeping with her for the past two and a half years.  She knew everything about me and even had sex in my bed.  I was disgusted and my body began to break out in hives.  She tried to console me but I wouldn't allow her to touch me.  She then told me the worse news imaginable; my husband had fathered a child with her.  Together they had a baby boy.  

This news sent me into the deepest depths of depression.  I stopped eating and couldn't get out of bed most days.  My husband kept asking me what was wrong but I couldn't even look at him.  He never changed his routine though.  He still stayed out late at night and came home whenever he felt like.

For years, I have been trying to give my husband a baby and I have been unsuccessful.  I feel like a failure and I feel as though I should not be too mad with him because I cannot give him what every man desires.  

Should I tolerate his infidelity and new family or should I find the strength to move on?

Signed,
Heart & Spirit Broken

                                                                                                      

Family Disgrace

Dear WISY,

I need help, please.  I have been holding a secret for a very long time and I know what I should do but I am not prepared for the turmoil it is sure to cause.  

I am the middle child of a well off family in an area that has an upper class and a lower class.  There is no middle class.  My brothers and sisters and I are expected to do the best we can at everything we do.  I know not all people are built for this type of pressure and I believe my senior brother is the perfect example of this.

Late last year, when most University students were preparing to go back to their studies, I heard a noise in the room next to me.  I got out of my bed and went to see what was happening.  I saw my brother in the room on top of the housekeeper's daughter having intercourse.  His hands were covering her mouth and she was struggling to break free from him.  My heart was beating out of my chest and my eyes were fixed on this horrendous act.  I could not believe that my perfect brother could do such a thing.  I watched until he was through with her.  He then threw her to the ground and whispered something in her ear.  I ran back to my room and pulled the covers over my head and tried to sleep.

The next day I noticed the housekeeper's daughter acting differently.  I went to her and asked if she was ok.  She tried to convince me that she was fine but I wouldn't allow her to lie to me.  I asked her repeatedly until she was overcome with emotion and she cried and fell into my arms.  She confessed that my brother was doing this to her for over a year.  She told me that she had become pregnant and he gave her money for the abortion.  I could not believe my ears.  The love I had for my brother was replaced with hate and disgust and I wanted him to pay for what he did.

I am so afraid of the shame that will be cast on my family and the hate my brother will have for me.  

As a woman, I know what I should do, but as a member of this family, I know I should not speak of such things.

Please help.  My mind cannot rest.

Signed,
Family Disgrace

                                                                                                     

Afraid & Ashamed

Dear WISY, 

I am writing because I have some thing I need to get off my chest. I am not proud about what I am going to say but I am going to tell it anyway. 

Currently, I am 7 months pregnant and I have been behaving like the baby belongs to my boyfriend. The baby actually belongs to my father's best friend. He is a very close friend of the family and he has watched me grow from a small child until now. He came onto me the first time when I was throwing a tantrum about not getting any money to buy a new outfit for a party. He offered me the money but I noticed his eyes were observing my body as he spoke. I don't know why I wasn't afraid or disgusted. I guess I wanted the money that bad. He continued to give me money without my parents' knowledge and I accepted knowing that one day I might have to give him something in return. 

Well, he finally came onto to me one night when I was at home alone. He knew my parents were at a party and he came in and had sex with me. It only lasted a few minutes because he was so excited about finally having me. After the act he was remorseful and begged for my forgiveness. I told him that I was now an adult woman and he had nothing to fear. We continued to have sex secretly until I discovered I was pregnant. 

He has gone to the UK and promised to return and take care of me and the baby. He has not returned and I heard my father say that he was going to stay in the UK and gain residency. Now, I am stuck with a baby that belongs to my dad's best friend.  My boyfriend has also quit school to get a job to support me and the baby. 

I feel the need to confess and tell everybody the truth but I am so afraid and ashamed of myself. 

Please, WISY, tell me what I should do now.

Signed,
Afraid & Ashamed