Ride Or Die Chick

Dear WISY,

My boyfriend keeps on disrespecting me.  He is always cheating on me with other girls and I don't know why but I can't leave.  I know in my mind that I deserve better but for some reason I keep going back to him and he keeps doing the same things that hurt me.

I can't tell you how many times I've had to fight a girl for my man.  I have never been a fighter but I have had to learn to fight to just because of him.  I've gotten my head busted with a stone and I have had hair pulled from my head but still I go back to him.  I know he loves me because he always takes my side when these fights happen.  He says I'm a "ride or die" woman and he really appreciates that.

I hope that he will stop cheating on me and be content with what I have to offer.  Do you think he will ever outgrow this behavior?

Signed,
Ride or Die Chick

WISY's RESPONSE:

Dear Ride or Die,

I'll be frank with you.  Your boyfriend doesn't care about your physical well-being or your feelings and you need to leave.  

The fact that he helps you fight these girls off isn't an indication of love.  It is an indication of guilt for placing you in such a dangerous situation.  Don't be confused.  One day, he may not be there to help you fight or one day he may decide to take the side of the one he truly loves.  Then what?

Listen, there are way too many good men walking around for you to be fighting over one.  Please leave him before you end up with a serious injury.   

I'll tell you like I tell a lot of others in similar situations; call up your closest friend(s), order some comfort food and cry it out.  Naturally, you won't get over him over night but when you do, you'll be glad you took the step to rid your life of the confusion he brought to you.

You should also consider some sort of therapy to help you break the habits you have formed in this relationship.  It's not out of the ordinary to fall right back into the same type of relationship so do what you can to avoid that.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

     

What Are The Signs?

Dear WISY,

What do you do if you think your man is being unfaithful but you don’t have proof?  I think my man is being unfaithful because he is acting weird.  We used to do everything together and keep in contact all day until we see each other in the evening.  Now, he doesn’t want to talk all day and when he does he gives me one-word answers.  Also, he always has an excuse as to why he can’t see me or spend the night with me but he has time to always be out on the streets.

He told me his mother is going through a lot right now and it’s stressing him out.  I don’t know if that has anything to do with it but I’m beginning to get suspicious.  

As a person who gives advice, I would think you know the signs of when a man is no longer interested in his woman.  Can you please help me out?

Thanks.

Signed,
Seeing Signs

WISY'S Response:

Dear SS:

"When a person SHOWS you who they are, believe them".  There is nothing more telling and honest than a person's actions.  Obviously something has happened that has caused this change with him.  Perhaps it is his mother's situation that has him so withdrawn but I would think he would try to find some comfort and ease from being with you and welcome your company.

My advice would be to talk about it with him; encourage him to be open and honest with you and prepare yourself for several different outcomes.  If he assures you that all is well, let him know that you cannot carry on the relationship if his behavior won't change.  If he confirms your suspicions then call your closest friends, order some pizza and cry it out.  Be glad that you didn't waste another second in the relationship and move on.  It'll take time, but you'll live.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

     

I'm In Love with My Mom's Man

Dear WISY,

This is awful and I know it but sometimes loves drives us to do the unthinkable.  I have been in a secret relationship with my mother’s boyfriend for the past two years.  She thinks he’s still around because he loves her but in fact it is me that he loves and I love him.  When she is away for work, he and I have the most fun in the house and do whatever we want, wherever we want to do it.  It’s exciting and now I want to have him all to myself.  I can’t stand it when he is locked away in her room for hours.  I hate that he sleeps with her at night and I hate that he kisses her in front of me.

I am willing to risk the relationship with my mother for this man.  He is just that great but I know how heart broken she will be and I can’t live with that.  If she didn’t love him the way she does, I would take him but she is truly in love and I know how damaged she would be if I took him.

I’m ready to move out to try to keep my mind off of him and when I expressed this to him, he threatened me and said I could never leave him.

What should I do?

Signed,

In Love with Mamma's Man

When Lost Love Returns

Dear WISY,

I'm in a situation that I wish I could erase but it's a reality that stares me in the face daily.  I am married to a successful man.  We have been happily married for seven years and he came to me at a low point in my life and uplifted me.  He made me feel as though I was worth something again.  He met me at the bus station where I was waiting for a bus back to my town because my fiance had cheated with another woman, got her pregnant and was being forced to marry her.  The other girl's family pressured me to leave town and I did.

M husband saw me sitting there as he waited for his bus back to school.  He bought me something to eat and drink and left me with his phone number and asked me to call him whenever I felt like it.  I didn't even pay him much attention because my heart was open to only one man.  I called him a couple of weeks later and he invited me to come visit him and I did.  He was like a breath of fresh air and we eventually got married.  

I can honestly say that my heart has never fully repaired and my ex still holds a very significant piece of it.  I wish that wasn't the case but it's true that we can't help who we love.  Which is why when I saw him last week, my heart jumped for joy and I felt like there was electricity running through my body.  His excitement was equal to mine and we embraced in the market as if I was a single woman.  He told me he had come to look for me and how he regretted not standing up for me.  He wants me back and I was ready to run off with him.

I told him I was now married and he began to cry.  He asked me to divorce my husband and I am really considering it.  I know it is unfair but what can you do when your heart is tugging so hard?

I need to know what should be done.

Signed,
Lost Love

Virgin With a Bad Reputation

Dear WISY,

I have a bad reputation for jumping from guy to guy and everyone assumes it's because I'm promiscuous.  In fact, I am a virgin and every guy I talk to wants me to have sex and I'm just not ready yet.  That's why I end relationships quickly.  The problem is the new guy also believes I'm promiscuous and thinks I will have sex right away.  When I tell them I'm not ready they get angry and say I'm lying.

I'm not sure what I should do.  I love being in a relationship but I'm not ready to have sex yet.

Signed,
Jumpy Virgin

                                      

Rent-A-Dread??

Dear WISY,

I've been dating this guy for about four months now and when I met him he was a humble guy.  I couldn't get over how humble he was because he was drop dead gorgeous.  

I met him while on vacation and I fell in love with him within the week that I visited his island.  He showed me all the spots that tourists don't get to see and he made my nights unforgettable.  I fell hard for him really fast.  I was hopeless and there was no way of rescuing me from his seductive arms.

After I left, I began sending him money on a weekly basis because his living conditions were less than ideal.  I've even sent him barrels filled with clothes, shoes and food.  I've sent him a top of the line cell phone and other gifts to help with his low income situation.

Now, I can barely manage to reach him.  When he does pick up, he doesn't have much to say.  He hurries me off the phone and is short with me.  I don't understand why he is treating me this way now.  I've given him everything he wanted and I even considered bringing him to the UK for a vacation.  He's no longer my humble, golden locked hunk of a man.

What have I done wrong?  Please help!

Signed,
Hopelessly in Love

                   

What One Dance Can Do

Dear WISY,

I am currently involved in a long distance relationship with a guy I met when I was 15.  I'm now 32 and he is the only man I have ever been with.  He decided to move away to further his studies last year.  At first I was disappointed because I thought it was due time for us to get married but he assured me that it was best to wait and set himself up to provide a good life for me and our future family.

Since he has been gone, I have been hanging out with my friends to help me cope with missing him.  I guess his friends have been telling him that I'm out a lot more and have been commenting on how nice I look.  At first, he was okay with it but now he has become jealous and now questions my every move.  He has even tried to tell me that I wasn't allowed to go out.  Now, our relationship is just argument on top of argument.  

The last time I went out I met a guy and I decided to dance with him.  After all, it's just a dance and that can't hurt anything.  I ended up dancing with him the whole night and when I was ready to leave he walked me to my car and asked to have my number.  I gave it to him and we have gone out a few times since.  I told him about my relationship and he is okay with that too.  He said he believes we met for a reason and that what is meant to be will be.  I agree.

Now, I can't get this new guy out my head.  I wait anxiously for his calls and texts and I get excited when it's time to see him.  I feel like a young girl again and I wish this relationship could move to the next level.  

I still love my boyfriend and I don't want to lose him after all these years but this new guy has awakened something in me and I feel like he just may be worth it.

Should I leave my boyfriend for him?

Signed,
Alive Again

                                                                                                       

Loyal Wife

Dear WISY,

I am the best wife any man could ask for.  I am supportive, I am sexy, I never refuse sex and I hold my husband high on pedestal because that is the way I was taught and that is what I believe is right.  For some reason, that is not enough for him.  

The last time we made love, I heard him on the phone talking to someone when he thought I was asleep.  He told this person that he imagined himself being with them instead of me while he was having sex.  He spoke to them with yearning in his voice and he told them that he wished I would leave so he could be free to love them.

As you can imagine, my heart sunk and I cried silently until morning.  I decided I would confront him in the morning, but once morning came, he rolled over on top of me and made love to me.  I was submissive and allowed him have me without any problems.  Once he was done, he kissed me passionately, looked me in the eyes and told me that he was lucky to have a wife like me.  I am confused to say the least.  Was I dreaming when I heard him on the phone?  

I don't know what to do.  A wife is supposed to be 100% loyal to her husband no matter what.  "For better or for worse..."  I meant what I said.

Should I still confront him or should I let it go?  I will get over it in time, right?

Signed,
Loyal Wife

                                                                        

Spirit & Heart Broken

Dear WISY,

A few weeks ago I was confronted by a young woman who I see from time to time.  She asked if she could speak with me about something very serious.  I immediately became frightened.  She began to speak and her eyes filled with water.  Mine did too.

She told me that my husband has been sleeping with her for the past two and a half years.  She knew everything about me and even had sex in my bed.  I was disgusted and my body began to break out in hives.  She tried to console me but I wouldn't allow her to touch me.  She then told me the worse news imaginable; my husband had fathered a child with her.  Together they had a baby boy.  

This news sent me into the deepest depths of depression.  I stopped eating and couldn't get out of bed most days.  My husband kept asking me what was wrong but I couldn't even look at him.  He never changed his routine though.  He still stayed out late at night and came home whenever he felt like.

For years, I have been trying to give my husband a baby and I have been unsuccessful.  I feel like a failure and I feel as though I should not be too mad with him because I cannot give him what every man desires.  

Should I tolerate his infidelity and new family or should I find the strength to move on?

Signed,
Heart & Spirit Broken

                                                                                                      

How Do I Make Him Mine?

Dear WISY, 

I would like some advice about how to get a guy to notice me. I am not the prettiest girl but I am not ugly either. I don't have the best clothes but I don't wear rags either. 

There is a boy I love and I really want him to notice me. He's tall and handsome and very smart. I have wet dreams about him and I want them to become reality. 

Please help.

Signed,
Need Him

                                                    

Afraid & Ashamed

Dear WISY, 

I am writing because I have some thing I need to get off my chest. I am not proud about what I am going to say but I am going to tell it anyway. 

Currently, I am 7 months pregnant and I have been behaving like the baby belongs to my boyfriend. The baby actually belongs to my father's best friend. He is a very close friend of the family and he has watched me grow from a small child until now. He came onto me the first time when I was throwing a tantrum about not getting any money to buy a new outfit for a party. He offered me the money but I noticed his eyes were observing my body as he spoke. I don't know why I wasn't afraid or disgusted. I guess I wanted the money that bad. He continued to give me money without my parents' knowledge and I accepted knowing that one day I might have to give him something in return. 

Well, he finally came onto to me one night when I was at home alone. He knew my parents were at a party and he came in and had sex with me. It only lasted a few minutes because he was so excited about finally having me. After the act he was remorseful and begged for my forgiveness. I told him that I was now an adult woman and he had nothing to fear. We continued to have sex secretly until I discovered I was pregnant. 

He has gone to the UK and promised to return and take care of me and the baby. He has not returned and I heard my father say that he was going to stay in the UK and gain residency. Now, I am stuck with a baby that belongs to my dad's best friend.  My boyfriend has also quit school to get a job to support me and the baby. 

I feel the need to confess and tell everybody the truth but I am so afraid and ashamed of myself. 

Please, WISY, tell me what I should do now.

Signed,
Afraid & Ashamed

                                     

I'm In Love with My Guy Friend

Dear WISY, 

I am in love with this boy and I don't know how to tell him.  He is handsome, smart and down to earth. We are together almost everyday and we enjoy a lot of the same things. I kissed him once when we were at the beach and I felt my knees get soft. He took my breath away. It felt so perfect but it turned awkward really quick after he said he felt like he just kissed his sister. I felt a dagger go through my heart but I didn't let on that I was hurt. Now we pretend like it never happened.  I wish we could be together, we would make the perfect couple. 

One time he came to my house to pick me up and I am usually ready when he gets there but this time I waited until he came to take a shower. I walked around the house in my towel and then walked in front of him a few times in my underwear and carried on conversation like it was nothing.  I saw him checking me out but he never made any advances like I hoped he would.  

Should I tell him and risk losing an awesome friendship? I really don't know how much longer I can keep this inside.

Signed,
Hopeful

                                                  

Help Me Break Free

Dear WISY,

I am in a relationship with a man who is very controlling and I am somewhat afraid of him.  He has never put his hands on me but he has definitely threatened to do so.  When he comes home from work, he expects the house to be spic and span with hot dinner on the table.  We have three small children and he wants the children to be quiet while he watches his evening shows and eats his dinner.  

I am so unhappy being with this man.  He says he loves me but there is no way he could love me and treat me the way he does.  He won't allow me to work and I hardly speak with my friends.  He checks my phone records and computer log (I'm writing this from the library) too.

I really need to get away.  My kids and I would be so much happier away from this miserable man.

Have any of your readers been in a similar situation?  How did you go about getting away?

Signed,

Desperate to Get Away

                                                   

All Applicants NOT Welcome

Dear WISY,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a few weeks and we've started to become more and more open about our sexual preferences and fantasies.  We've discussed our views on inviting an extra person in the bedroom and I always assumed he was referring to another female.  I was shocked and appalled when he confessed that he wanted a man to join us.  I told him I wasn't comfortable with that and his attitude changed toward me.

He is no longer in the mood for sex and he doesn't spend as much time with me.  

Do you think I overreacted when he requested a male companion?

Signed,
Shocked and Appalled

My Sister's Man

Dear WISY, 

I want you to reply to this please.  I really need some advice.  I am in a situation that I know I should not be in but I can't help myself.  

I am in love with my sister's husband and I believe he loves me back.  One night I was spending the night at their house because my mother was getting on my nerves.  I was asleep in the guest room and I felt someone come into bed with me.  At first I thought it was my sister but then I felt a manly hand touch me.  I was scared and I turned to look at who it could be because my mind was telling me it was an intruder.  To my surprise it was my sister's husband.  Before I could question him, he began kissing me on my neck and on my arms and I was instantly turned on.  I asked him where my sister was and he told me she was already gone to work.  You can imagine what happened next and I began to spend more and more time at their house just so I could sleep with him.  

My sister is not suspicious at all but I am beginning to feel terrible about the situation.  I want to tell him to leave me alone but it feels so good to have him in my arms.  

Please, I need some help with this and don't judge me.

Signed,
Falling for my sister's man

                                     

Tolerance for Man Shortage

Dear WISY,

Am I the only one who thinks that women are way too hard on each other?  We fight and bring each other down and we fail to see that if we work together we could dominate this world.  I've heard that statistics say that there is a man shortage and because of this women settle for less than ideal relationships.  We become extremely territorial and when we find our men stepping out on us we even allow our them to sleep with other women as long as they come home at night.

I try my hardest not to get pulled into such a mindset but I've been finding it increasingly more difficult to avoid the ignorance.  I am dating a guy who I know is involved with someone else.  He doesn't admit it but I know he is cheating.  The other woman called me a few times to inform me of their relationship and instead of arguing with her like she wanted me to, I just said "ok, no problem.".  I am determined not to fight with her.  I want her to realize that he is JUST A MAN and not worth the fuss.

I don't want to leave him though.  He is everything I've ever asked for and I think that he just might realize that he need not look elsewhere for fulfillment and then our relationship can move on to the next level.

Am I delusional?

Signed,
Tolerance

Tit for Tat

Dear WISY,

I've been seeing this man for a couple months now and I'm only involved with him because I am trying to make my ex jealous.  The man I'm seeing is my ex's family member and they used to be very close.  You are probably wondering why I would do this just to make him jealous, well the answer is, my ex slept with my best friend and got her pregnant.  They now have a son and had the nerve to ask me to be the god mother.  Of course I refused and cursed them out on top of it.  What kind of people are they?  It's like it isn't enough that they hurt me by sleeping together and having a baby but now want me to be god mother too?  I believe they are intentionally trying to send me off the deep end.  So, is it wrong that I am doing something to get back at him too?  In a crazy way, I feel that getting back at him this way is helping me cope with my deep pain.

Should I stop thinking this way and move on?

Signed,
Tit for Tat

Soca Housewife

Dear WISY,

Two carnival seasons ago I was promised a shot at debuting as a soca artist.  The guy who promised me everything began to trouble me and eventually we started sleeping together.  I might be ridiculed for this but I only slept with him because I didn't want him to get angry and take back the opportunity.  I consistently slept with him and we even began having sex without protection.  I got pregnant and he told me I could kiss my dreams goodbye.  He told me no mother of his child would be allowed on stage wining up and having men lust after her. My heart sunk and I began to hate the child inside me for robbing me of the opportunity to be a soca artist.  He watched me closely and made sure I didn't try to get an abortion behind his back. 

Slowly I began to love the child growing in my belly. I accepted that my role would be that of a mother for now but always planned to continue on a path to my dreams. I had my baby and I left the man.  I am now seeing a close friend of his who also has ties to the industry.  People are telling him that I am just an opportunist but I actually love him. 

He is beginning to crack under all the pressure and he wants me to forget about my dreams and marry him and be a house wife.  I'm really beginning to think that is my role in life because twice I've been with someone who could help me but both want me to do the same thing.  Should I give up? 

Signed,
The Soca Housewife

Shallow

Dear WISY,

I'm curious.  Have you ever been involved with someone who wasn't exactly your ideal match as far as looks are concerned but you couldn't stop seeing them because of how they put it down in the bedroom?

I'm in that situation now and I don't want my friends to know about it.  He's a smart guy and nice overall but he's far from handsome.  I don't even know how I ended up in bed with him in the first place, but I sure am glad I did!

Am I too concerned about the physical appearance?

Thanks for any input you can provide.

Signed,
Shallow

Love in the Shadows

Dear WISY,

Four years ago, I got involved with someone and I'm still involved with that person today.  I love them with everything I have but I am afraid to let people know about the relationship.  I come from a place where people are less understanding about these things and I know for a fact that people have been hurt or even killed for revealing this type of relationship.

I'm now being pressured by this person to be truthful about our relationship.  I don't think I have the guts to do it.  I could lose everything I have if I did.  This person has asked me to move to another country where we can be free to love each other but I am terrified.  All I know is what I see around me.  And I know that what I am involved in is wrong by the standards around here.

I really need some words of wisdom.  I am tired of living a lie and I am terrified of revealing the truth.  This is no kind of way to live.  Please help.

Signed,

Love in the Shadows