I need advice. This past June makes 6 years that I've been with my boyfriend. I'm in my early thirties, and I don't think my boyfriend is on the same page as I am because he seems to be dragging his feet when it comes to getting serious about our future. I think I know why he is doing this. Okay, this is a long story, but I will try to make it as short as possible.
A few years ago, I cheated on him with his cousin. I know this sounds cliche, but I don't know how it happened - it just did! One mistake turned into a full on affair and we eventually got caught. We both cut the cousin off completely and worked hard to get things back on track. I understood that he was hurt and wanted revenge on me, so I excused his cheating incidents. I guess he got over it because we were better than ever after a while, but I feel like he still has that incident in the back of his mind. Like he's afraid to move forward with me. I know he loves me, but I think he's afraid to trust me to be his wife.
I am tired of talking about it with him because he just tells me he doesn't want to talk about it and gets angry with me for a few days. Everything is perfect except for this and I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to break up with him because I know he loves me as much as I love him.
Signed,
Ready for the Next Step
Dear Ready,
First off, I can't ignore the fact that you allowed him to cheat as a means to even the playing field. That is the most unhealthy thing I've heard in a while. That action is to blame for all of what you're dealing with now. You should have worked through the issue in ways that didn't include the genitalia of other women.
Those past occurrences of infidelity are definitely hindering you two from moving forward. Instead of trying to talk it through alone, I believe it would be best to sit down with a therapist and work through the reasons for your boyfriend's anger and hesitation to move forward with you.
Those past occurrences of infidelity are definitely hindering you two from moving forward. Instead of trying to talk it through alone, I believe it would be best to sit down with a therapist and work through the reasons for your boyfriend's anger and hesitation to move forward with you.
It's possible that your boyfriend may be reluctant to see a therapist, so you will need to let him know the importance of beginning the conversation. Try this by taking a different approach. For example, you could write him a note expressing how much you value him and want him to be confident in your loyalty to him. Tell him that you're not trying anger him, but you feel the need for the both of you to completely heal from the past. Ultimately, try something other than what you've been doing that has led to a dead end.
I think you two will be fine. It seems that the love is there. You just need to put in the work.
Walk good,
#TeamWIsy
