My Cousin's Man is Hot! 🔥

Dear WISY,

I realized I was attracted to my cousin's boyfriend when I first saw him at Thanksgiving.  I saw him again at my grandmother's birthday party.  I kept getting caught looking at him.  He caught me and my aunt caught me.  My aunt pulled me to the side and told me to keep my eyes to myself, but I didn't listen to her.  She's too nosy.  I think my cousin's boyfriend likes me because he sent me a DM on Instagram.  He said he'd be in town without my cousin and would like to meet up.  I don't know what to tell him.  I really like him a lot.  He's so sexy.  Do you think I should go out to dinner?  That's harmless, right?

Signed,
Cousin

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WISY's Advice:

Dear Cousin,

Your aunt isn't nosy, she's intuitive.  She recognized your ill intentions.  Go find a nice, single man to crush on and have dinner with.  You should not have contact with your cousin's boyfriend unless she's around.  I don't care how attractive he is and how welcoming he is of your glances.  Don't cross that line.  

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

   

He Gained Too Much Weight

Dear WISY,

I'm married and not happy anymore.  I am not attracted to my husband anymore.  I can't stand it when we're out in public and he wants to put his hands around my waist.  I am embarrassed to be seen with him.  He is no longer the sexy man I married.  He has gained weight.  He cannot last long during sex so I stopped having sex with him because it just makes me upset.  

I don't want to leave because of our children , but I don't know how long I can remain married to someone I am not attracted to anymore.  I have even cheated on him with a younger, hotter guy.  I have no regrets about that.  What should I do about my husband?  Should I divorce him?

Signed,
Not Happy

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WISY's Response:

Dear Not Happy,

He's gained weight and you've lost integrity. 🤷

Why don't you begin a fitness plan with your husband?  Since your marriage seems to be rooted in physical appearances, I would have thought that you would have considered that simple fix to remedy your issue.

If you love him, you would invest in your partner's well-being.  Marriage is work.  You have to encourage and uplift each other.  You don't cheat as soon as you decide your husband has gained more weight than what you'd prefer.  

You seem shallow.  Leave if you want.  He deserves someone who will help steer him in the right direction in every situation.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

He Has Too Many Female Friends

Dear WISY,

I have been with my boyfriend for two weeks.  I noticed he has more female friends than male friends.  I asked him why and he told me he was raised around women so he gets along with them better than men.  I still have a feeling that he has female friends that are more than friends.  He told me sometimes he spends the night at a female's house and nothing happens.  He told me there might be a time when he has to do that and I shouldn't be mad because he was probably passed out drunk.  I'm not cool with any of that, but I want to give the relationship a chance. It's only been two weeks.  What should I do?

Signed,
Too Many Females

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WISY's Advice:

Dear TMF,

Your new boyfriend is immature and isn't ready to be in a serious relationship.  There's nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, however, there are certain behaviors that should stop when a person enters into a committed relationship.  Spending the night at another woman's house in a vulnerable state is one of them.  

Your relationship is barely off the ground and you're having issues already.  Your boyfriend's response to your issues was along the lines of you getting used to his female friend shenanigans.  If you're not cool with it, walk away before you invest too much more time in a situation that I don't think will change much.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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Emotional Suppression

Dear WISY, 

I am 29 years old.  Since I was a kid, I have been bullied mentally and physically.  There was no one I could trust or turn to at that time so I chose to keep what I felt to myself.  Now, I am suffering from emotional suppression; I  bottle up my feelings.  I thought it would be an easier way to live my life, but now it has become poison.  It's not easy for me to express my problems or what I feel.   I also have trust issues.

Signed,

Emotionally Suppressed

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WISY's Response:

Dear ES,

Often times, when a person has an image to upkeep, emotions that are deemed as negative are hidden for the sake of not tarnishing other people's image of you.  This is an unhealthy practice, and the sooner you work to acknowledge and process your feelings, the better.

I understand that trust is a major factor in your decision to withhold your true emotions.  So, I suggest working with a professional who is legally bound to confidentiality.  A professional therapist can help you to heal from your childhood traumas, recognize your emotions, value them, and learn to express and overcome them in a healthy manner.

Holding on to negative feelings will undoubtedly cause physical illness.  I've witnessed this with my own eyes.  It's important to know that the opinions of others are not worth your health and well-being.  You must free yourself from that mindset.  It will seem like an impossible task at this point, but with the help of a therapist, you will triumph.

In the meantime, write your thoughts down or express yourself through some sort of art form which appeals to you.  Release your feelings onto paper, canvas or through song, and discharge all of that negativity from your being.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

 

My Italian Stallion

Dear WISY,

I recently started dating a guy from Milan.  Everything is great, but I don't speak Italian, and he speaks Italian to his friends and family around me.  It makes me uncomfortable because I don't know what they're saying and I'm completely excluded from the conversation.  Whenever I ask him what they're talking about, he tells me it's nothing  but turns right around and starts laughing with them as if he told them something funny about me.  I've expressed how unhappy this makes me and he tells me I'm being silly.  How can I learn Italian quickly?  Also, what do you suggest I do to get him to see my point?

I have another question.  I have issues with our sex life.  He wants to have sex in public places a lot.  Whenever we go out, he asks me to meet him in the bathroom for a quickie.  I think that's weird behavior.  He really likes public affection and then gets so turned on that he needs to relieve himself.  What do you think about that?  Is that natural?

Signed,
Bella

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WISY's Advice:

Dear Bella,

I think it's rude and inconsiderate of your man to allow a language barrier to exist in your relationship.  He should be doing everything he can to diminish any barriers and make an extra effort to include you in group conversation.  He should be translating if his family and friends don't speak English.  If they do, he should insist that you be included in the conversation, and he should be the one to teach you Italian.  Have another conversation with him about the issue.  If he still thinks you're being silly then it's a sign that he doesn't respect you.  No relationship can last without respect.

On to the other issue:  If public sex is not your thing then you also need to be very vocal and clear about your feelings with that.  It's not a case of what's natural and unnatural, it's a case of preference.  He prefers it, you don't.

It seems as if you're relationship is unbalanced.  Your guy is holding the reins and you have little to no say.  Either stand up for yourself or leave.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

Deadbeat Dad

Dear WISY,

I want to change my kids' last name to mine because their dad is a deadbeat.  I don't think they should carry his name at all.  He claims he is always working and doesn't have time to get the kids every week.  He only comes to get them a couple times a month.  I know he's spending time with his new wife and step-kids instead of his own flesh and blood.  He prefers to take her ugly ass to shop and get manicures and pedicures.  What do you think about it?

Signed,
Pissed Mom

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WISY's Advice:

Dear PM,

I have two minds about this issue, but I'm leaning more toward allowing the father's name to remain, and I'll explain why. 

I believe a child should carry his/her father's name for the purposes of preserving family lineage.  It's important that family lines do not get mixed or lost for a number of reasons which include health, finances, and adult relations.  However, if a father is disinterested in his children's lives, he has seemingly excluded them from his family, and I understand that frustration and hurt from this would drive a mother to retaliate by removing his official ties from the children.  You do not fall into that category.  Stop it.

I don't think THIS situation warrants a name change.  He is in their lives, he may not be as much as you'd like, but he's there.  He says he's working.  Why don't you believe him?  What has happened that makes you think he's choosing his new wife and kids over yours?  I need a little more information to answer you completely, but from what I see here, you should not change their names.  If anything, I'm sensing a bit of jealousy towards his new wife (who he has a right to take shopping and pampering - c'mon now!).  Once you get over your feelings, I think you'll realize how silly you're being.  You have no idea what a deadbeat dad is.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY