Women In the Industry

(Dear WISY)

"I’m writing to tell you a little about what goes on in the entertainment industry.  I want people to know what female artists are faced with on a daily basis.  Let me make it clear that I am speaking about the Dancehall industry in Jamaica.  I’ve been told that female dancehall artists in other islands don’t get treated like we do, but that’s something for them to come talk about.  I can only talk about my own experiences.

I’m going to be as blunt as I possibly can and I would hope that you don’t edit my letter too much.  I’m not asking for advice nor do I need any.  I’ve learned all I need to know in my environment. 

The Dancehall industry in Jamaica is a disgrace as far as women are concerned.  First of all, there are too many women in the industry that don’t write for themselves.  Some producer decides to put one of his f8ck buddies on a riddim and writes all her lyrics and the b*itch can’t even hold a note.  The song is auto tuned to no end and that same song ends up in heavy rotation because of connects and links that the producer has not because the chick can actually sing/perform.

For those of us who can perform and write AND hold a note, we have to bring some lyrics that go above and beyond our male counterparts and when we get on stage we have to do Olympic level gymnastics for the crowd to give us a forward.  We thoroughly entertain and the show promoters won’t even give us the proper amenities back stage.  It’s a damn disgrace!

We have to deal with the rumours of sleeping with whomever we are working with.  If I do a collaboration with a male DJ does it automatically mean I am f*cking him?  Come on people!  I am talented and I’ve worked so hard to keep myself afloat in the industry but every day I am faced with some kind of judgment or stereotype.  It makes me want to leave Dancehall and pursue a career elsewhere.

As I said, this is just a little about the industry.  There’s a lot more that I could discuss, but I just want people to appreciate us more.  Respect the hard work we put in for your entertainment and stop the foolishness."

My Man is BORING!

Dear WISY,

I am in a relationship with a very respectable, stand-up guy.  He is everything your mother tells you to marry.  He has a great job with limitless growth potential, a home of his own and a nice car.  Material things aside, he is also a very nice guy.  He’s just perfect and that’s the problem.  I’m bored with him.

I’ve suggested that we do things to spice things up a bit but he turns me down each time and tells me that the things I want aren’t lady like and he wouldn’t want his woman doing those sorts of things.  When I discuss my wants with my close friends they tell me that it’s nothing out of the ordinary, so why does he not want me to do these things?  Why is he so damn uptight?

Everyday it’s the same routine and I’m about to lose my mind.  He even makes love to me in the same manner each time.  And I’m supposed to want “this” for the rest of my life?  I keep hearing my mother tell me that I will adjust and in the long run I will be glad that I stuck with him.  I’m not so sure about that. 

Should I stay or should I go?

Signed,

Bored

I Love Married Men

Dear WISY,

I want to know if there are any women out there that prefer a man who is already with somebody else. Personally, I prefer a married man because I don't want anybody controlling me too much and when he is not by me I know he has to be home with his wife.  

People say what I do is wrong but this is what I feel comfortable with.  I have just enough freedom and just enough commitment and I am not the type to cause problems with the wife.  If she were to ever ask me about our affair I would deny it.  Am I wrong? 

Signed,

I Love Married Men

Your Opinion On Her Opinion

Dear WISY letters coming later today, but I need y'all to weigh in on this...

Keyshia Cole had this to say about Bey's new video...

First "Women need to Stick together" now bitches better Bow. Smh. But it's all G! Chicks stay shooting the shit. But when I speak my mind its a prob. #Well #StayMad

A Tweet by @KeyshiaCole

2013-03-18

Does Keyshia have a valid point?  Is it ok just because Bey said it?

Your thoughts?

Confused!

Dear WISY,

I'm in a relationship and I truly love my boyfriend but lately I have been thinking and even having dreams about another guy whom I used to like so much.  When I talk to him he makes me feel extremely special.  My boyfriend is a good man but he’s not very affectionate and I have gotten used to it.  I'm thinking about this other guy constantly and even would love to see him but I’m fighting the feeling since I really don’t want to hurt my boyfriend.  How should I get over this feeling?  Just the sound of this other guy’s voice turns me on (sigh).   I feel guilty although I did nothing wrong...well at least not yet!

Signed,

Confused!

Miserable Man

Dear WISY,

I want to start by saying that I by no means promote or condone domestic violence but there are cases where I feel a man hitting a woman is necessary and in more cases than we would like to admit, it is self- defense.

I am in a relationship with an older woman and she tends to physically assault me whenever I do or say something that doesn’t go along her guidelines.  I try so hard but it isn’t enough I guess.

The other day I gave her a hefty uppercut which caused her nose to bleed and she said one of her teeth chipped.  I did it because I lost control.  I couldn’t stand her slapping me anymore.  Now, she is holding it over my head saying that she will report me if I don’t do everything she demands.

Right now, I’m living a life of misery. 

What should I do?

Signed,

Miserable Man

Groupie Tun Wifey

Dear WISY,

I was reading your blog and ‘Industry Wifey’ & ‘Classy Groupie’ stuck out to me the most.  I can relate to them because I was in both situations.  I was once the groupie and now I am the wifey.

I am here to tell you that groupies are to be feared because they do the things that “wifey” refuses to do.  I did all the things that were considered nasty and as a result the man couldn’t get enough.  I was his fantasy and now I am his reality.  I treated him like a king when his girlfriend complained about him being too lazy.  What she failed to realize is that the man works hard on the road to provide for his family and he should be rewarded for that.  All she did was complain and turn up her nose at the man’s wants and needs.  That’s why I’ve stepped in, moved in and moved her out.

Now, we’ve been an item for a little over 3 months and the loving gets better each time.  I make sure he doesn’t go looking elsewhere for some fun.  I change my hair regularly and make sure I look good each time he sees me.  When we go out, I make sure I am the eye candy of the event.  This way he has no time to look at others because he’s too busy watching the eyes that watch me.

So, to all the women who have time to be investigating certain familiar faces, make time to impress your man so you can keep him and not lose him to someone like me. ;-)

Signed,

Groupie Tun Wifey

Wrongfully Accused

Dear WISY,

This is not entertainment related but I am sending my letter to you anyway.  I have been depressed for the past 3 weeks because my best friend is not talking to me anymore.  It really pains my heart every day because I can’t call her to talk and when I see her I have to hold my head straight because she has threatened to beat me up.  You are probably wondering what I could have done to make her behave this way towards me.  The answer is nothing.  I haven’t done anything to her but she thinks I am a liar and a whore and she doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.  I need your help to prove her wrong and hopefully get my best friend back.

She thinks I slept with her boyfriend and that is something I would never ever do.  I am the one who hooked them up together.  Before they were a couple, her boyfriend and I hung out a lot because he is the son of my mother’s best friend so he is actually more like a brother and I don’t look at him as a romantic interest. 

He made up a lie and told her that I came on to him and we ended up having sex and went on to give her all kinds of details about me and my body.  But these are things he knows and have seen throughout the years of us growing up together. 

The only reason why I think he would do this is because I overheard his mother telling my mother about another girl he was seeing and I asked him about it.  He got angry and told me to shut up about it or he would make sure my best friend never spoke to me again.

Of course, I didn’t follow his command and I told my friend about the other girl.  She asked him about it and he told her the other girl was me.  He said I was telling her it’s another girl because I want him for myself. 

All of this makes me sick to my stomach.  I can’t believe she would just believe him after all these years of friendship.  I have never betrayed her before and I can’t believe she takes his word over mine.  We don’t even have the same taste in men!

Please help me out.  I really miss my best friend.  :’(

Signed,

Wrongfully Accused

Fake Browning

The following is a letter from one of our readers.  Please leave a comment below.  

For our answer to this letter, please visit http://everythingepiphani.com/magazine.html

Dear WISY,

I am a 22 year old person and I live in the Caribbean.  Most of my family lives in England and I hope to someday join them up there.  Whenever they post pictures of themselves to Facebook I admire how smooth and flawless their skin is.  They have even become lighter due to being out of the Caribbean hot sun.  Since seeing this, I have begun to bleach my skin with creams and gels.

Some people are criticizing the way I look but my close friends think I look nice and they have begun to bleach their skin also.  If I were to send you a picture of me before I started bleaching to now, you wouldn’t believe I was the same person.  I think I am more attractive and I have a better chance of succeeding in life with lighter skin.

The other day I saw a short documentary on YouTube about a family that bleaches and there was a doctor on there who said bleaching is very dangerous and I’ve heard it can cause skin cancer.  But I know people who have bleached for years and years and they are not sick.  The only problem they have is that they can’t go out into the sun unless they have an umbrella. Just like what Kartel say:  “If yuh a bleacha go back home, guh fi di umbrella caz di sun ah bun”.

Honestly, I’m a bit nervous about the idea that I could get sick from skin bleaching but then I think about how nice I look now and all the compliments I get from my friends because my skin “tun up”!

Can you please tell me if you’ve heard of anyone getting sick or even dying from bleaching? If not, do you find reason for me to stop?  I also want to know if there is anybody out there who can tell me if they have bleached and gotten sick because of it.

Thank you.

Signed,
Fake Browning

                                                                                                       

Not So Rasta

For our answer to this letter, please visit http://everythingepiphani.com/magazine.html

Dear WISY,

At night, I sit and cry because I have tried so hard to be a successful reggae singer, but I can’t seem to get that one opportunity to show my stuff.  I graduated from school a couple years ago and all my friends thought I would be successful with my singing.  We used to have talent shows and everyone asked me to help them write their songs.  I think I’m talented and I think I have what it takes to be an international super star but I just can’t get anyone to take me seriously.  I write songs that are true to me and reflect my upbringing.  I was raised in a Rastafarian family, so I am conscious.

 

I’ve been told that I will not make it in this business unless I sing about sex and slackness because that it what sells.  I really want to be successful so lately I have been contemplating changing my style of writing and singing.  I’ve even started going to the dances where these girls skin out on their head top and wine up on the men.  The lyrics of the songs make me feel uncomfortable, but I think if I continue to attend these types of parties, I will get used to it and be able to transition.  I have already gone against my parents’ wishes and put a relaxer in my hair.  I don’t smoke herb and I eat chicken every once in a while.  So, I have already started to stray from my upbringing.  Would it be so bad if I just continued on my path to gain what I want?

This really goes against everything I’ve been raised to believe in but what am I supposed to do when that seems to be the only key to success?  But then again, I think about my parents and the way they raised me and I would be such a disgrace to the family if I were to ever go on stage and show my body and sing about what is meant to be sacred for acceptance.  As you can guess I’m very confused and need direction.

Please help!

Signed,

Not So Rasta

Artist Fetish

The following is a letter from one of our readers.  Please leave a comment below.  For our answer to this letter, please visit http://everythingepiphani.com/magazine.html

Dear WISY,

I almost don’t even want to send this in but it’s a burden on me and I’ve written to other advice columns before and they haven’t been much help.  So let me stop wasting time and cut to the chase (big sigh).  I am a successful, young entrepreneur and I have an artiste fetish.  I call it that because I get excited when I hear artistes are coming to my city and I do whatever I can to meet them and “greet” them…with my body.  It doesn’t matter what type of music they sing, I have a thing for a man with a mic.

Here is a scenario of what I go through:  I look out for tour schedules online and then wait for the confirmation that the artiste will in fact be in my city and then I set out a plan as to what I’m going to do to get their attention.  I find the ones that play in lounge or club venues are more accessible and I will usually reserve a table in VIP and pop bottles like a baller – no men, just me and a close friend.  The artistes usually prefer to approach a quiet, laid back female rather than a screaming, all out groupie.  So, I always pull their attention.  They probably wonder who this chick is holding her own in VIP, popping bottles bigger or equivalent to theirs.  Oh, I forgot to mention that my hair, make-up (professionally done), nails and outfit are always on point; nothing too trashy though.  A classy look will take you all the way.   

It usually starts with a glance and a smile and then it moves on to me sending them a bottle (boss move).  Then they come over to thank me and end up having a seat.  I act like I’m not impressed by their fame and they say and do whatever they can to make me impressed.  After a few drinks and some tipsy dialogue, I’m on the way to their room (but not after I offer to have him ride in my limo – yes, I hire a car service too!) and a couple hours of artiste fetish bliss. 

The night usually ends with me checking my phone and pretending to have something or someone to rush off to.  He usually asks me to stay a little longer and I decline and kiss him on the forehead and say “it’s been real.”  This one guy insisted on flying me out to the next show with him and I told him I had my business to attend to.  He was floored by my response and somehow managed to find the address of my business and sent me flowers the next day – flattering, yes, but not what I want.

After they leave town, I don’t hunt them down or anything like that.  I get a thrill out of having them while a million other girls wish they could.  I get a thrill out of being “that girl he left with”.  I don’t do it for money or fame.  I do it because of the high it puts me on. 

Herein lies the problem.  I have come across “a man with a mic” that is pursuing me and I am beginning to fall for him.  I am afraid that word will get around in the industry that I am the classy groupie.  I don’t want him to find out about all the artistes I’ve slept with and the manner in which I left them.  He’ll probably realize that what I did to him is what I’ve done to many others.  He’ll probably realize that what I did to him is just a part of my plot and he will undoubtedly be disgusted and leave me.

Should I back away from him before it gets too serious and spare us both the potential hurt and embarrassment or should I just let the chips fall where they may?    

Signed,

ArtisteLover

Guilty Conscience

The following is a letter from one of our readers, please leave a comment below.  For our answer to this letter, please visit http://everythingepiphani.com/magazine.html

Dear WISY,

I am a mother of two lovely little girls and I have been carrying the burden of a secret that could change our lives forever.  I don’t believe my oldest daughter belongs to my husband.  He is a business man and is successful with his ventures.  He loves the girls very much but I don’t believe he loves me.  

From the beginning of our relationship, he has acted like he just married me because I was the first one to come along that showed any interest in him.  He is not so attractive but he holds a powerful position and that is sexy to me.  It is because of his attitude toward me that forced me to stray and sleep with another man.  I got pregnant and immediately stopped seeing the man on the side.  I was nervous because I really didn’t know who was responsible for the pregnancy.  I played along and held my breath until she was born and when I looked at her I forced myself to see my husband in her eyes.

Years have passed and she is beginning to look like the other man.  She even walks like him!  My husband seems to fancy her more than our last daughter which makes it all the more difficult to deal with. 

I really need the advice of my fellow women.  I know I’m not the only one who has been in this type of situation.  Should I tell him and risk losing the perks of having a wealthy husband or should I carry on the way we are and convince myself that my affair with the other man was just a dream?  I figure that I will suffer either way.  I just need to choose which type of suffering is the best.

Signed,

Guilty Conscience

Industry Wifey

The following is a letter from one of our readers.  Please leave a comment below.  For our answer to this letter, please visit http://everythingepiphani.com/magazine.html

Dear WISY,

I am the girlfriend of an entertainer.  I don’t want to go too much in detail about what type of entertaining he does, but let’s just say that he is successful with his career and his popularity is growing daily.  Anyway, I know that being the significant other of an entertainer usually means that there will be INsignificant others that he will be involved with on the road.  If I could I would travel with him wherever he goes but my schedule does not permit.

I usually do a very good job of keeping off of his social media sites and if I do happen to take a look, I try my best to not get jealous of the comments and the pictures.  However, the last few times that I’ve looked there is this one groupie who keeps popping up.  I asked him about it and he said that she is someone who works with numerous entertainers and aides them with their travel and coordination needs.  I am not stupid.  I can see the lust in her eyes and the want for my man.  I can see the way she grips on to him as if he belongs to her.  I know she is not just an employee for the road crew.  She is something way more and I feel the need to continue monitoring the situation.

One day, I spoke to one of his friends about groupies in general and he had the balls to tell me that I shouldn’t worry about the chicks that may hunt my man because even if he does sleep with them he is always so excited to come home to me at the end of it all.  He told me that my man expresses his love for me all the time and that nobody respects the groupies so I shouldn’t allow their existence to upset me.

I hear all that and I would actually be ok with it but I feel like this groupie is special.  She might be sneaking in to his heart and I’m afraid that she will replace me.  The reality is that the industry comes with a lot of heart ache and pain for the wife/girlfriend of an entertainer and I believe the men should do everything they can to protect their women from feeling this hurt.  My ultimate wish would be for him to be faithful while he’s out working but I know that’s damn near impossible.  He’s a man and he is flattered by the attention and he thinks with his lower head.  Moreover he is a West Indian man and sadly our culture tolerates unfaithful men.

My question is, is it better to leave him and be lonely (I know I would be lonely because I love him so much that I can’t even imagine seeing someone else at this point) or should I make myself accept what is going on and stay with him in the name of love?  Keep in mind that we have a child and both options can be damaging to the child.

Signed,

Industry Wifey 

Confused Heart

Dear WISY,

I hope you can help me with some advice about my present predicament.  I am currently involved in a thirteen year long relationship.  We’re not married because earlier in the relationship I told him I didn’t want to get married and that I was good with just being together.  I never really had much faith in marriage because of what I saw around me but I know now that was an unfair judgment.

 Now that I’ve expressed my want for marriage, my boyfriend says he’s not interested in getting married anymore.  He says it’s been fine the way it is and I had my chance to get married but I declined.  So, now I’m unhappy and wondering why he doesn’t want to marry me anymore.  My mind is all over the place thinking that he’s cheating or has just fallen out of love with me.

 This was six months ago and we’re still together but I must admit there is tension and I feel we are drifting apart.  Since then I’ve been going out more, flirting and exchanging numbers with other guys.  So far, I’ve just been talking to them when time permits and when my boyfriend is not around but I feel myself gravitating toward one particular guy.  I like him because we share the same views plus HE WANTS TO GET MARRIED someday.  After our conversations, I find myself envisioning our wedding day. 

 He has asked me to be with him and move on from a relationship which has no future.  I’ve given it serious thought and I can’t make a decision. 

 Am I being unreasonable to my boyfriend? 

 I appreciate your help.

 

Signed,
Confused Heart