Loyal Wife

Dear WISY,

I am the best wife any man could ask for.  I am supportive, I am sexy, I never refuse sex and I hold my husband high on pedestal because that is the way I was taught and that is what I believe is right.  For some reason, that is not enough for him.  

The last time we made love, I heard him on the phone talking to someone when he thought I was asleep.  He told this person that he imagined himself being with them instead of me while he was having sex.  He spoke to them with yearning in his voice and he told them that he wished I would leave so he could be free to love them.

As you can imagine, my heart sunk and I cried silently until morning.  I decided I would confront him in the morning, but once morning came, he rolled over on top of me and made love to me.  I was submissive and allowed him have me without any problems.  Once he was done, he kissed me passionately, looked me in the eyes and told me that he was lucky to have a wife like me.  I am confused to say the least.  Was I dreaming when I heard him on the phone?  

I don't know what to do.  A wife is supposed to be 100% loyal to her husband no matter what.  "For better or for worse..."  I meant what I said.

Should I still confront him or should I let it go?  I will get over it in time, right?

Signed,
Loyal Wife

                                                                        

Tempted to Touch

Dear WISY,

I've read some of your letters and I've gained the courage to write in and express how I am feeling.  

This past week I have been in a state of shock and I have not been myself at all.  I am carrying on as if everything is okay but honestly I am fighting a battle within myself that is burdening my spirit.

I found out that my daughter is dating a man I used to date a long time ago.  Long before she was even born, I met this man at a party and we dated briefly.  She had been telling me about her new man and how mature and established he is but I never thought he would be old enough to be her father.  She brought him to the house for dinner and I almost dropped the dish I was carrying when I saw his face.  I didn't know whether I should acknowledge that I knew him or pretend he was a stranger.  The introduction confirmed that he was indeed the man I dated and I could barely shake his hand.  He didn't let on that he knew me, so I kept quiet.  I used to curse the fact that I have gained a lot of weight, but that night I was thankful for it.  I guess I looked too different to recognize.

Long story, short - I have been reminiscing on the times I spent with him and how good of a lover he was.  I can't help but have dirty thoughts about him but I must stop because he is my child's man.

He is at the house a lot now and I am tempted to touch.  I know it is wrong but I cannot help how I am feeling.

Any suggestions as to what I can do to get these kinds of thoughts out of my head?  I hate that I feel this way.

Signed,
Tempted

                                                                         

I Want Her Back!

Dear WISY,

Today I ran into someone who I thought I lost feelings for.  She walked by me and I didn't bother to get her attention because I was afraid of the reaction I would get but the second time I had to say something.  Her reaction was shy and bashful and my heart filled with excitement as I fell in love with her again.  She looks even more beautiful than I remember and her hands were soft and elegant.  I want her in my life again but she told me she is dating someone new.  I don't care.  I want her back.  I promise to be faithful this time. 

How should I go about getting her back? What do you ladies like? 

Help! 

Signed,
I Want Her Back!

                                                                         

Spirit & Heart Broken

Dear WISY,

A few weeks ago I was confronted by a young woman who I see from time to time.  She asked if she could speak with me about something very serious.  I immediately became frightened.  She began to speak and her eyes filled with water.  Mine did too.

She told me that my husband has been sleeping with her for the past two and a half years.  She knew everything about me and even had sex in my bed.  I was disgusted and my body began to break out in hives.  She tried to console me but I wouldn't allow her to touch me.  She then told me the worse news imaginable; my husband had fathered a child with her.  Together they had a baby boy.  

This news sent me into the deepest depths of depression.  I stopped eating and couldn't get out of bed most days.  My husband kept asking me what was wrong but I couldn't even look at him.  He never changed his routine though.  He still stayed out late at night and came home whenever he felt like.

For years, I have been trying to give my husband a baby and I have been unsuccessful.  I feel like a failure and I feel as though I should not be too mad with him because I cannot give him what every man desires.  

Should I tolerate his infidelity and new family or should I find the strength to move on?

Signed,
Heart & Spirit Broken

                                                                                                      

Afraid of IT!

Dear WISY,

This is kind of a funny situation but I hope you and your readers will take it seriously.  Well, I hope someone can identify with me and this situation so I don't feel so isolated.  Ok, here goes!

I am afraid of the male genitalia.  I do not like the way it looks and every time I see one, I start to shake with fear.  It reminds me of a snake and I imagine it biting me!  I am too old for this sort of nonsense but I can't help what I am afraid of.  My boyfriend thinks I'm being immature and he has threatened to leave me if I cannot make love to him.  I really would like to but I am so afraid of that thing.

He suggested I drink alcohol to calm my nerves but I do not smoke, drink or take drugs.  I refuse to alter my state of mind at any point in time.  I'm not sure what other options I have.

Is there anyone else who has this sort of problem.  If there is, what have you done to overcome it?

Signed,
Afraid of IT! 

                                                                         

My Gifted Son

Dear WISY,

I am the mother of five children.  I started very young and I had to struggle to raise them to this point.  My last child is very gifted.  He is talented beyond belief and I am not just singing his praises because I am his mother.  He truly is a talented boy.

He has the ability to hear a song a few times and then play it on the piano.  He composes his own songs without a formal lesson in music.  He has the ear for music and I would like to see him use his talent to take him places.  The problem is, I don't have the funds to do so. 

The family I work for have taken a special liking to him and wants to informally adopt him.  They would like to see him on a world stage one day and I know their finances can give him the opportunity to do so.  

However, I have mixed feelings about letting go of my baby.  I don't want him to forget us and I certainly do not want him to look down on us given his new lifestyle.  I don't want him to feel abandoned and I don't want my other children to feel inferior to him.  There is a lot going on in my mind as I try to make the best decision.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

Signed,
Mother of a Talented Boy

                                                                        

Family Disgrace

Dear WISY,

I need help, please.  I have been holding a secret for a very long time and I know what I should do but I am not prepared for the turmoil it is sure to cause.  

I am the middle child of a well off family in an area that has an upper class and a lower class.  There is no middle class.  My brothers and sisters and I are expected to do the best we can at everything we do.  I know not all people are built for this type of pressure and I believe my senior brother is the perfect example of this.

Late last year, when most University students were preparing to go back to their studies, I heard a noise in the room next to me.  I got out of my bed and went to see what was happening.  I saw my brother in the room on top of the housekeeper's daughter having intercourse.  His hands were covering her mouth and she was struggling to break free from him.  My heart was beating out of my chest and my eyes were fixed on this horrendous act.  I could not believe that my perfect brother could do such a thing.  I watched until he was through with her.  He then threw her to the ground and whispered something in her ear.  I ran back to my room and pulled the covers over my head and tried to sleep.

The next day I noticed the housekeeper's daughter acting differently.  I went to her and asked if she was ok.  She tried to convince me that she was fine but I wouldn't allow her to lie to me.  I asked her repeatedly until she was overcome with emotion and she cried and fell into my arms.  She confessed that my brother was doing this to her for over a year.  She told me that she had become pregnant and he gave her money for the abortion.  I could not believe my ears.  The love I had for my brother was replaced with hate and disgust and I wanted him to pay for what he did.

I am so afraid of the shame that will be cast on my family and the hate my brother will have for me.  

As a woman, I know what I should do, but as a member of this family, I know I should not speak of such things.

Please help.  My mind cannot rest.

Signed,
Family Disgrace

                                                                                                     

How Do I Make Him Mine?

Dear WISY, 

I would like some advice about how to get a guy to notice me. I am not the prettiest girl but I am not ugly either. I don't have the best clothes but I don't wear rags either. 

There is a boy I love and I really want him to notice me. He's tall and handsome and very smart. I have wet dreams about him and I want them to become reality. 

Please help.

Signed,
Need Him

                                                    

Afraid & Ashamed

Dear WISY, 

I am writing because I have some thing I need to get off my chest. I am not proud about what I am going to say but I am going to tell it anyway. 

Currently, I am 7 months pregnant and I have been behaving like the baby belongs to my boyfriend. The baby actually belongs to my father's best friend. He is a very close friend of the family and he has watched me grow from a small child until now. He came onto me the first time when I was throwing a tantrum about not getting any money to buy a new outfit for a party. He offered me the money but I noticed his eyes were observing my body as he spoke. I don't know why I wasn't afraid or disgusted. I guess I wanted the money that bad. He continued to give me money without my parents' knowledge and I accepted knowing that one day I might have to give him something in return. 

Well, he finally came onto to me one night when I was at home alone. He knew my parents were at a party and he came in and had sex with me. It only lasted a few minutes because he was so excited about finally having me. After the act he was remorseful and begged for my forgiveness. I told him that I was now an adult woman and he had nothing to fear. We continued to have sex secretly until I discovered I was pregnant. 

He has gone to the UK and promised to return and take care of me and the baby. He has not returned and I heard my father say that he was going to stay in the UK and gain residency. Now, I am stuck with a baby that belongs to my dad's best friend.  My boyfriend has also quit school to get a job to support me and the baby. 

I feel the need to confess and tell everybody the truth but I am so afraid and ashamed of myself. 

Please, WISY, tell me what I should do now.

Signed,
Afraid & Ashamed

                                     

I'm In Love with My Guy Friend

Dear WISY, 

I am in love with this boy and I don't know how to tell him.  He is handsome, smart and down to earth. We are together almost everyday and we enjoy a lot of the same things. I kissed him once when we were at the beach and I felt my knees get soft. He took my breath away. It felt so perfect but it turned awkward really quick after he said he felt like he just kissed his sister. I felt a dagger go through my heart but I didn't let on that I was hurt. Now we pretend like it never happened.  I wish we could be together, we would make the perfect couple. 

One time he came to my house to pick me up and I am usually ready when he gets there but this time I waited until he came to take a shower. I walked around the house in my towel and then walked in front of him a few times in my underwear and carried on conversation like it was nothing.  I saw him checking me out but he never made any advances like I hoped he would.  

Should I tell him and risk losing an awesome friendship? I really don't know how much longer I can keep this inside.

Signed,
Hopeful

                                                  

Help Me Break Free

Dear WISY,

I am in a relationship with a man who is very controlling and I am somewhat afraid of him.  He has never put his hands on me but he has definitely threatened to do so.  When he comes home from work, he expects the house to be spic and span with hot dinner on the table.  We have three small children and he wants the children to be quiet while he watches his evening shows and eats his dinner.  

I am so unhappy being with this man.  He says he loves me but there is no way he could love me and treat me the way he does.  He won't allow me to work and I hardly speak with my friends.  He checks my phone records and computer log (I'm writing this from the library) too.

I really need to get away.  My kids and I would be so much happier away from this miserable man.

Have any of your readers been in a similar situation?  How did you go about getting away?

Signed,

Desperate to Get Away

                                                   

Carnival Costume vs. Children's Well-being

Dear WISY,

I am writing because of my friend and her lack of responsibility.  She is a very nice girl and she has good intentions but when it comes to prioritizing, she sucks.  She would pay large amounts of money for a carnival costume instead of paying for something to benefit her children.  When I ask her why she makes such decisions she tells me she feels like she has wasted a lot of time being pregnant and being forced to stay home to watch them (her children).  One time she even told me that the kids have a whole lot of time ahead of them to make up for the stuff she didn't provide.  

I don't know how to get through to this girl.  She needs to realize that time and effort lost with her children is not going unnoticed by them.  They will hate her for it as they grow.  I just wish she could see the damage she's doing.

I need some advice as to how I can approach her about this without offending her.

Thanks.

Signed,
Children Over Costume

                                                  

One to Call My Own

Dear WISY,

I'm currently involved with three men. I like each one of them for different reasons and if I had the power, I would combine all three and make the ideal man for me! My issue is that they are all married or in a serious relationship. I guess this is how I was able to juggle all three without conflict.

I would like to have a man for myself but I’m truly afraid of karma. I have never really had someone to call my own and would like some help as to how I go about saying “no” to a man I have approached who tells me they are in a relationship but still want to have dealings with me. It may sound simple to you but for me it is a real issue. I don't know how to be involved with someone who isn't involved with someone else.

Thanks for the help.

Signed,

One for Myself