Dear WISY,
There is a group of girls who are trying everything in their power to destroy me. They told my boyfriend that I'm cheating on him, they send me ghost messages on Facebook saying I'm ugly and I stink and they have gone as far as to call my mother's workplace to tell her that I am a slut and listed names of men that I am sexing. I'm not doing any of the things they say I am doing and I have asked them to stop but they are continuing to bully me.
I hate going to school now because everybody believes what they've been saying and they threaten to beat me every day. I walk alone and don't have anyone to talk to anymore. I'm fed up of feeling like this. Why won't these girls leave me alone? I didn't do anything to them. How do I make all of this stop?
Signed,
Bullied
WISY's Response:
Dear Bullied,
I can't tell you how angry this makes me. On a whole, I am extremely disappointed with the youth of today and their obsession with bullying. These bullies go to great lengths to destroy characters and demolish self esteem. Something is seriously wrong and I hope as a society, we can figure it out and fix it soon! Just keep in mind that there isn't anything wrong with you. It is the people who choose to destroy another that have serious issues.
With that said, I'm happy you've reached out for help and I will advise you the best way I can. First, what have your parents done about all of this? You stated that the girls called your mother's place of employment but you didn't say what her response was to the call so I'm going to assume, since you are writing me, her response hasn't helped your situation. Revisit the issue again with your mom and explain that the bullying has gone beyond the call to her and has now trickled down into your social and academic life. Tell her how you feel and hopefully, this will make her become more involved.
Secondly, you need to report these girls to your school's administration and request meetings with your school counselor as well. This may result in face to face meetings with you, your parents, the girls, and their parents. Hopefully, the girls will be held accountable for their actions and you can resume your studies without worrying about being bullied.
I'm really sorry you have to go through this. Again, just know that there is nothing wrong with you and you do not deserve to be bullied. I know you will overcome this and become a phenomenal woman!
Here are a few resources that can help you with your situation:
http://www.stompoutbullying.org/
http://www.endcyberbullying.org/cyberbullying-prevention/cyberbullying-prevention-for-teens/
www.stopbullying.gov/
http://www.nea.org/home/neabullyfree.html
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
Dear WISY,
I am conflicted about a situation and need some advice. I feel like my options will all result in hurt but I need to know if you think it's worth the hurt.
Ok, so I've been friends with this girl since we were in diapers. We have drifted apart, reconnected, quarreled and made up and we have remained friends through all of it. When we were teens we promised to never hold anything back from each other and I take my promises seriously.
Here is the difficult part: I know for a fact that her boyfriend is cheating on her and I know who he is cheating with. He is cheating on her with my youngest sister. I saw them coming out of my sister's room one afternoon but they didn't see me. I saw them again the following day and I knew they were having sex because I could hear my sister carrying on in her usual way when she is having sex.
My friend is very much in love with this guy. She was in a relationship for years and gave up on love after she found out her man cheated. Now, she gives this guy a chance and he is doing the same thing! I think this is worse because my sister is involved. My sister is a sly little bitch because she speaks with my friend as if she weren't sleeping with her man.
It's all a mess and I feel guilty withholding this information from my friend but I don't want her to be totally devastated by it and I feel terrible revealing my sister's secrets. We're family and I shouldn't betray her.
I am very conflicted. What should I do?
Signed,
Conflicted
Dear Conflicted,
I can understand your concern for the hurt this revelation will cause but not revealing what you know could prove to be more hurtful.
You made a promise to your friend years ago and should uphold it. The news will undoubtedly be hurtful for her but in time she will be alright. Hopefully, you will continue to be a friend and support her through all of this.
This may sound strange but leaking your sister's secret will be beneficial to her. She will be taught some very important lessons on betrayal, infidelity, loyalty and secrecy. She needs to learn that this sort of behavior isn't acceptable. HOWEVER, she is your sister after all and you need to approach this situation delicately. Maybe you could tell her that you know what's going on and give her an opportunity to change and come clean. Give this some thought and again, approach delicately.
Another angle would be to approach the guy. You could convince him to tell on himself and then your hands would be seemingly clean.
You're right, this is a total mess and no matter what, someone will be hurt and may even become upset with you. Ultimately, honesty is the best policy so prepare for all outcomes and do what is right.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
Dear WISY,
I have a friend who only calls me to share gossip and who only calls when she's feeling down and out. She never calls to check on me and see how me and my kids are doing. She calls only when she needs something. I confronted her about it and she got mad and posted on Facebook that I am a selfish person.
I'm starting to wonder if I was wrong for telling her that. But honestly, whenever she calls I am always left feeling upset because of the negative news she always brings. Should I apologize and make amends?
Thanks.
Signed,
She's Too Negative
Dear She's Too Negative,
I know the type you speak of and I'm glad to hear you called her out on her constant negativity. Don't question your decision to tell her. She sounds like someone you're better off without. Her post on Facebook just goes to show that she was never truly a friend to you in the first place and ultimately a person who thrives on drama and negativity.
Never hesitate to eliminate aspects of your life that don't bring you happiness. Good riddance!
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
