My Man Is Too Anxious

Dear WISY,

What I can do to help my boyfriend get better in bed?  He is just too hyper.  I want him to slow down and calm down.  I told him and despite what I say he still behaves the same.  He talks so much that it's hard for me to relax and get in the zone.  All of his world wind excitement lasts just about three minutes and then I'm left to stare at the ceiling.  

Is this reason to break it off with someone?  Everything else is fine but I just can't deal with the bedroom antics anymore.

Signed,
Ceiling Gazer

                                    

When Lost Love Returns

Dear WISY,

I'm in a situation that I wish I could erase but it's a reality that stares me in the face daily.  I am married to a successful man.  We have been happily married for seven years and he came to me at a low point in my life and uplifted me.  He made me feel as though I was worth something again.  He met me at the bus station where I was waiting for a bus back to my town because my fiance had cheated with another woman, got her pregnant and was being forced to marry her.  The other girl's family pressured me to leave town and I did.

M husband saw me sitting there as he waited for his bus back to school.  He bought me something to eat and drink and left me with his phone number and asked me to call him whenever I felt like it.  I didn't even pay him much attention because my heart was open to only one man.  I called him a couple of weeks later and he invited me to come visit him and I did.  He was like a breath of fresh air and we eventually got married.  

I can honestly say that my heart has never fully repaired and my ex still holds a very significant piece of it.  I wish that wasn't the case but it's true that we can't help who we love.  Which is why when I saw him last week, my heart jumped for joy and I felt like there was electricity running through my body.  His excitement was equal to mine and we embraced in the market as if I was a single woman.  He told me he had come to look for me and how he regretted not standing up for me.  He wants me back and I was ready to run off with him.

I told him I was now married and he began to cry.  He asked me to divorce my husband and I am really considering it.  I know it is unfair but what can you do when your heart is tugging so hard?

I need to know what should be done.

Signed,
Lost Love

Jealous of My Boyfriend's Girl Friend

Dear WISY,

I need some advice concerning my boyfriend and his best friend.  My boyfriend's best friend is a girl and at first I was okay with it when he described her as "one of the boys".  Then I met her and was blown away by her appearance.  She is curvy and has a gorgeous face!  She is what I thought every man would want and I can't help but think that my boyfriend wants her too.  To make matters worse, she has a great personality.  She's perfect and I feel threatened by her.  I can't help but think that one day she will run crying to him about something and he will comfort her and one thing will lead to another and then the next thing you know, they'll end up having sex.  The thought of that kills me inside.

I don't want to come off as an insecure girlfriend but I am very worried.  I want to say something to him but don't know how to start.  What should I say?

Signed,
Jealous

    

     

Virgin With a Bad Reputation

Dear WISY,

I have a bad reputation for jumping from guy to guy and everyone assumes it's because I'm promiscuous.  In fact, I am a virgin and every guy I talk to wants me to have sex and I'm just not ready yet.  That's why I end relationships quickly.  The problem is the new guy also believes I'm promiscuous and thinks I will have sex right away.  When I tell them I'm not ready they get angry and say I'm lying.

I'm not sure what I should do.  I love being in a relationship but I'm not ready to have sex yet.

Signed,
Jumpy Virgin

                                      

Rent-A-Dread??

Dear WISY,

I've been dating this guy for about four months now and when I met him he was a humble guy.  I couldn't get over how humble he was because he was drop dead gorgeous.  

I met him while on vacation and I fell in love with him within the week that I visited his island.  He showed me all the spots that tourists don't get to see and he made my nights unforgettable.  I fell hard for him really fast.  I was hopeless and there was no way of rescuing me from his seductive arms.

After I left, I began sending him money on a weekly basis because his living conditions were less than ideal.  I've even sent him barrels filled with clothes, shoes and food.  I've sent him a top of the line cell phone and other gifts to help with his low income situation.

Now, I can barely manage to reach him.  When he does pick up, he doesn't have much to say.  He hurries me off the phone and is short with me.  I don't understand why he is treating me this way now.  I've given him everything he wanted and I even considered bringing him to the UK for a vacation.  He's no longer my humble, golden locked hunk of a man.

What have I done wrong?  Please help!

Signed,
Hopelessly in Love

                   

Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child

Dear WISY,

A friend of mine has a three year old child and she allows him to misbehave and even disrespect her.  She doesn't discipline him and says it's just a phase he's going through.  He slaps her, bites her and I've heard him curse at her too.

The other day she asked me to watch him while she ran some errands because he was just too out of control.  I agreed and she dropped him off to my house.  As soon as the child got there, he started pulling stuff off my shelves and running around like a wild dog!  So, I grabbed him and spanked his behind.  He cried and cried like if I had punched him in the face but then he went and sat quietly and watched TV.  He didn't give any kind of trouble after that.

When his mother came back I told her I spanked him and how well-behaved he was after.  I thought I was giving her the perfect solution for her child's behavior but she got so mad at me and told me that she was going to report me for child abuse.  I told her to go ahead because what she is doing with her child is not benefiting him in any way.  She hasn't spoken to me since and she has told everyone how I abused her child.

Where I grew up, kids took lashes from anybody if they were misbehaving.  

Was I wrong?

Signed,
Miss Discipline

                                                                                                     

What One Dance Can Do

Dear WISY,

I am currently involved in a long distance relationship with a guy I met when I was 15.  I'm now 32 and he is the only man I have ever been with.  He decided to move away to further his studies last year.  At first I was disappointed because I thought it was due time for us to get married but he assured me that it was best to wait and set himself up to provide a good life for me and our future family.

Since he has been gone, I have been hanging out with my friends to help me cope with missing him.  I guess his friends have been telling him that I'm out a lot more and have been commenting on how nice I look.  At first, he was okay with it but now he has become jealous and now questions my every move.  He has even tried to tell me that I wasn't allowed to go out.  Now, our relationship is just argument on top of argument.  

The last time I went out I met a guy and I decided to dance with him.  After all, it's just a dance and that can't hurt anything.  I ended up dancing with him the whole night and when I was ready to leave he walked me to my car and asked to have my number.  I gave it to him and we have gone out a few times since.  I told him about my relationship and he is okay with that too.  He said he believes we met for a reason and that what is meant to be will be.  I agree.

Now, I can't get this new guy out my head.  I wait anxiously for his calls and texts and I get excited when it's time to see him.  I feel like a young girl again and I wish this relationship could move to the next level.  

I still love my boyfriend and I don't want to lose him after all these years but this new guy has awakened something in me and I feel like he just may be worth it.

Should I leave my boyfriend for him?

Signed,
Alive Again

                                                                                                       

Craving Him

Dear WISY,

I have a problem.  'Problem' is probably too light of a word for me to use in this case.  I have something that hinders my thoughts and actions and has taken total control of my life.  I need help and I need it right away.

I am in lust with my boss.  He is not my type of man at all.  He is short with a very big stomach and his head his bald and he is just hideous.  But my boss has very sweet words; almost like honey and sugar mixed together.  He tells me things in my ear when he comes into my work area and it makes my knees buckle and my panties wet.  The last time he did that I looked him in the eyes and asked him to see me later on that night.  He agreed instantly and gave me the hotel information shortly after.

That night I met with him and had the best sex of my life.  It was so good that I haven't been able to focus on anything else.  At work, I am the one whispering to him and flirting with him.  When his wife calls or visits the office I get upset.  My work production has decreased and my professionalism has gone to the dogs.  I cannot believe this man has such a hold on me.  I cannot stop thinking about how he made my body explode with pleasure.

He has threatened to terminate my employment if I cannot get myself together.  I am trying so hard to do so but all I want is some more of his sweetness.  I told him I needed a dose of his medicine to get me back on track and he said he regrets the day he laid his hands on my body.  That hurt me bad to say the least and I am now on a path to change his mind about me.  I would just like to have him one more time and make it so that he is the one chasing me again.

My friends don't understand my obsession with him.  They think he is disgusting but who feels it, knows it (wink).  I dress in my best and make sure I look as sexy as possible every day but all I get is unwanted attention from the other men at work.

I just want him again and I will be satisfied.  I feel like I need him in order to move on.

What should I do????

Signed,
Craving Him

                                                                         

Dissatisfied

Dear WISY, 

How are you and your readers doing?  I have a problem and I want some advice, please.  I am with a guy who isn't up to par as far as size matters.  When we are together I make noise and act as if I'm feeling something but I don't feel a thing most times.  He thinks I am enjoying myself to the max but I am so dissatisfied. I love him and we have been through all sorts of sh*t but I can't help but think about other men and how I can be properly satisfied in bed. 

Should I tell him how I'm feeling or should I just deal with it?

Thank you very much.

Signed,
Dissatisfied

                                                                         

Loyal Wife

Dear WISY,

I am the best wife any man could ask for.  I am supportive, I am sexy, I never refuse sex and I hold my husband high on pedestal because that is the way I was taught and that is what I believe is right.  For some reason, that is not enough for him.  

The last time we made love, I heard him on the phone talking to someone when he thought I was asleep.  He told this person that he imagined himself being with them instead of me while he was having sex.  He spoke to them with yearning in his voice and he told them that he wished I would leave so he could be free to love them.

As you can imagine, my heart sunk and I cried silently until morning.  I decided I would confront him in the morning, but once morning came, he rolled over on top of me and made love to me.  I was submissive and allowed him have me without any problems.  Once he was done, he kissed me passionately, looked me in the eyes and told me that he was lucky to have a wife like me.  I am confused to say the least.  Was I dreaming when I heard him on the phone?  

I don't know what to do.  A wife is supposed to be 100% loyal to her husband no matter what.  "For better or for worse..."  I meant what I said.

Should I still confront him or should I let it go?  I will get over it in time, right?

Signed,
Loyal Wife

                                                                        

Tempted to Touch

Dear WISY,

I've read some of your letters and I've gained the courage to write in and express how I am feeling.  

This past week I have been in a state of shock and I have not been myself at all.  I am carrying on as if everything is okay but honestly I am fighting a battle within myself that is burdening my spirit.

I found out that my daughter is dating a man I used to date a long time ago.  Long before she was even born, I met this man at a party and we dated briefly.  She had been telling me about her new man and how mature and established he is but I never thought he would be old enough to be her father.  She brought him to the house for dinner and I almost dropped the dish I was carrying when I saw his face.  I didn't know whether I should acknowledge that I knew him or pretend he was a stranger.  The introduction confirmed that he was indeed the man I dated and I could barely shake his hand.  He didn't let on that he knew me, so I kept quiet.  I used to curse the fact that I have gained a lot of weight, but that night I was thankful for it.  I guess I looked too different to recognize.

Long story, short - I have been reminiscing on the times I spent with him and how good of a lover he was.  I can't help but have dirty thoughts about him but I must stop because he is my child's man.

He is at the house a lot now and I am tempted to touch.  I know it is wrong but I cannot help how I am feeling.

Any suggestions as to what I can do to get these kinds of thoughts out of my head?  I hate that I feel this way.

Signed,
Tempted

                                                                         

I Want Her Back!

Dear WISY,

Today I ran into someone who I thought I lost feelings for.  She walked by me and I didn't bother to get her attention because I was afraid of the reaction I would get but the second time I had to say something.  Her reaction was shy and bashful and my heart filled with excitement as I fell in love with her again.  She looks even more beautiful than I remember and her hands were soft and elegant.  I want her in my life again but she told me she is dating someone new.  I don't care.  I want her back.  I promise to be faithful this time. 

How should I go about getting her back? What do you ladies like? 

Help! 

Signed,
I Want Her Back!

                                                                         

Spirit & Heart Broken

Dear WISY,

A few weeks ago I was confronted by a young woman who I see from time to time.  She asked if she could speak with me about something very serious.  I immediately became frightened.  She began to speak and her eyes filled with water.  Mine did too.

She told me that my husband has been sleeping with her for the past two and a half years.  She knew everything about me and even had sex in my bed.  I was disgusted and my body began to break out in hives.  She tried to console me but I wouldn't allow her to touch me.  She then told me the worse news imaginable; my husband had fathered a child with her.  Together they had a baby boy.  

This news sent me into the deepest depths of depression.  I stopped eating and couldn't get out of bed most days.  My husband kept asking me what was wrong but I couldn't even look at him.  He never changed his routine though.  He still stayed out late at night and came home whenever he felt like.

For years, I have been trying to give my husband a baby and I have been unsuccessful.  I feel like a failure and I feel as though I should not be too mad with him because I cannot give him what every man desires.  

Should I tolerate his infidelity and new family or should I find the strength to move on?

Signed,
Heart & Spirit Broken

                                                                                                      

Afraid of IT!

Dear WISY,

This is kind of a funny situation but I hope you and your readers will take it seriously.  Well, I hope someone can identify with me and this situation so I don't feel so isolated.  Ok, here goes!

I am afraid of the male genitalia.  I do not like the way it looks and every time I see one, I start to shake with fear.  It reminds me of a snake and I imagine it biting me!  I am too old for this sort of nonsense but I can't help what I am afraid of.  My boyfriend thinks I'm being immature and he has threatened to leave me if I cannot make love to him.  I really would like to but I am so afraid of that thing.

He suggested I drink alcohol to calm my nerves but I do not smoke, drink or take drugs.  I refuse to alter my state of mind at any point in time.  I'm not sure what other options I have.

Is there anyone else who has this sort of problem.  If there is, what have you done to overcome it?

Signed,
Afraid of IT! 

                                                                         

My Gifted Son

Dear WISY,

I am the mother of five children.  I started very young and I had to struggle to raise them to this point.  My last child is very gifted.  He is talented beyond belief and I am not just singing his praises because I am his mother.  He truly is a talented boy.

He has the ability to hear a song a few times and then play it on the piano.  He composes his own songs without a formal lesson in music.  He has the ear for music and I would like to see him use his talent to take him places.  The problem is, I don't have the funds to do so. 

The family I work for have taken a special liking to him and wants to informally adopt him.  They would like to see him on a world stage one day and I know their finances can give him the opportunity to do so.  

However, I have mixed feelings about letting go of my baby.  I don't want him to forget us and I certainly do not want him to look down on us given his new lifestyle.  I don't want him to feel abandoned and I don't want my other children to feel inferior to him.  There is a lot going on in my mind as I try to make the best decision.

If you were in my shoes, what would you do?

Signed,
Mother of a Talented Boy

                                                                        

Family Disgrace

Dear WISY,

I need help, please.  I have been holding a secret for a very long time and I know what I should do but I am not prepared for the turmoil it is sure to cause.  

I am the middle child of a well off family in an area that has an upper class and a lower class.  There is no middle class.  My brothers and sisters and I are expected to do the best we can at everything we do.  I know not all people are built for this type of pressure and I believe my senior brother is the perfect example of this.

Late last year, when most University students were preparing to go back to their studies, I heard a noise in the room next to me.  I got out of my bed and went to see what was happening.  I saw my brother in the room on top of the housekeeper's daughter having intercourse.  His hands were covering her mouth and she was struggling to break free from him.  My heart was beating out of my chest and my eyes were fixed on this horrendous act.  I could not believe that my perfect brother could do such a thing.  I watched until he was through with her.  He then threw her to the ground and whispered something in her ear.  I ran back to my room and pulled the covers over my head and tried to sleep.

The next day I noticed the housekeeper's daughter acting differently.  I went to her and asked if she was ok.  She tried to convince me that she was fine but I wouldn't allow her to lie to me.  I asked her repeatedly until she was overcome with emotion and she cried and fell into my arms.  She confessed that my brother was doing this to her for over a year.  She told me that she had become pregnant and he gave her money for the abortion.  I could not believe my ears.  The love I had for my brother was replaced with hate and disgust and I wanted him to pay for what he did.

I am so afraid of the shame that will be cast on my family and the hate my brother will have for me.  

As a woman, I know what I should do, but as a member of this family, I know I should not speak of such things.

Please help.  My mind cannot rest.

Signed,
Family Disgrace

                                                                                                     

How Do I Make Him Mine?

Dear WISY, 

I would like some advice about how to get a guy to notice me. I am not the prettiest girl but I am not ugly either. I don't have the best clothes but I don't wear rags either. 

There is a boy I love and I really want him to notice me. He's tall and handsome and very smart. I have wet dreams about him and I want them to become reality. 

Please help.

Signed,
Need Him

                                                    

Afraid & Ashamed

Dear WISY, 

I am writing because I have some thing I need to get off my chest. I am not proud about what I am going to say but I am going to tell it anyway. 

Currently, I am 7 months pregnant and I have been behaving like the baby belongs to my boyfriend. The baby actually belongs to my father's best friend. He is a very close friend of the family and he has watched me grow from a small child until now. He came onto me the first time when I was throwing a tantrum about not getting any money to buy a new outfit for a party. He offered me the money but I noticed his eyes were observing my body as he spoke. I don't know why I wasn't afraid or disgusted. I guess I wanted the money that bad. He continued to give me money without my parents' knowledge and I accepted knowing that one day I might have to give him something in return. 

Well, he finally came onto to me one night when I was at home alone. He knew my parents were at a party and he came in and had sex with me. It only lasted a few minutes because he was so excited about finally having me. After the act he was remorseful and begged for my forgiveness. I told him that I was now an adult woman and he had nothing to fear. We continued to have sex secretly until I discovered I was pregnant. 

He has gone to the UK and promised to return and take care of me and the baby. He has not returned and I heard my father say that he was going to stay in the UK and gain residency. Now, I am stuck with a baby that belongs to my dad's best friend.  My boyfriend has also quit school to get a job to support me and the baby. 

I feel the need to confess and tell everybody the truth but I am so afraid and ashamed of myself. 

Please, WISY, tell me what I should do now.

Signed,
Afraid & Ashamed

                                     

I'm In Love with My Guy Friend

Dear WISY, 

I am in love with this boy and I don't know how to tell him.  He is handsome, smart and down to earth. We are together almost everyday and we enjoy a lot of the same things. I kissed him once when we were at the beach and I felt my knees get soft. He took my breath away. It felt so perfect but it turned awkward really quick after he said he felt like he just kissed his sister. I felt a dagger go through my heart but I didn't let on that I was hurt. Now we pretend like it never happened.  I wish we could be together, we would make the perfect couple. 

One time he came to my house to pick me up and I am usually ready when he gets there but this time I waited until he came to take a shower. I walked around the house in my towel and then walked in front of him a few times in my underwear and carried on conversation like it was nothing.  I saw him checking me out but he never made any advances like I hoped he would.  

Should I tell him and risk losing an awesome friendship? I really don't know how much longer I can keep this inside.

Signed,
Hopeful

                                                  

Help Me Break Free

Dear WISY,

I am in a relationship with a man who is very controlling and I am somewhat afraid of him.  He has never put his hands on me but he has definitely threatened to do so.  When he comes home from work, he expects the house to be spic and span with hot dinner on the table.  We have three small children and he wants the children to be quiet while he watches his evening shows and eats his dinner.  

I am so unhappy being with this man.  He says he loves me but there is no way he could love me and treat me the way he does.  He won't allow me to work and I hardly speak with my friends.  He checks my phone records and computer log (I'm writing this from the library) too.

I really need to get away.  My kids and I would be so much happier away from this miserable man.

Have any of your readers been in a similar situation?  How did you go about getting away?

Signed,

Desperate to Get Away