I Can't Believe He Made Me Do That!

Dear WISY,

I don't know where to begin but I do know I need to start by saying that I am the victim and I am outraged, saddened, and hurt by what this man put me through.

I have been married for seven years now and my husband and I took a trip for our anniversary a few weeks ago.  We went to a resort that catered to couples only.  I was so excited to get away and have my husband's undivided attention.  We rented a private villa that had direct access to the beach and were told the resort was secured and not accessible by the public.

Once we got there, I was taken aback by the beauty of the grounds of the resort.  The ocean was breathtaking and I saw security guards throughout and felt very safe.  Our first night was magical and I felt very close to my husband.  He told me the next day would be even more magical and that he would do something he always wanted to do.  He said it was a surprise and I was so excited to see what my husband had in store.

The next day came and we lounged on the beach and I drank countless cocktails.  I didn't worry about being drunk because I knew my husband would take good care of me.  I was having a very good time and we eventually had dinner before heading back to the villa.  My husband told me it was time for the surprise and told me to get naked and wait for him in the jacuzzi.

I did what he asked and was waiting for him very anxious.  I felt so sexy and wanted by him.  I had not felt like that in a long time.  Anyway, he came back and I had butterflies in my stomach.  I can't explain how excited I was.  My excitement was snatched away when I saw my husband enter with another man.  I tried to cover myself but my husband told me not to.  I felt uncomfortable and was trying to figure out what my husband was doing with this man.

He asked me if I loved him and to this I answered "yes."  He continued and told me he wanted to watch the man he brought have sex with me.  I didn't know what to say and I'm sure he could see the shock on my face.  He assured me that it was okay and confessed that it was a fantasy he wanted to fulfill.  Because I love my husband, I agreed to it.

I was not aroused by the man at all but my husband was enjoying every minute of it.  It felt like he was going for hours and I asked to stop a few times but my husband convinced me to endure more.  It was the worst experience of my life.  I felt used and betrayed.  I don't understand how that could be a fantasy for my husband.

Now, that we're back, I feel differently about him.  He told me he paid the man a lot of money up front and that's why he made me do it for so long.  I don't trust him anymore and I don't want to discuss what happened with anyone because they will ask me to leave him.  I'm having mixed feelings because I love my husband with everything in me but I don't want him to think it's ok for that kind of thing to happen again.  What should I do?

Signed,
Betrayed

WISY's Response:

Dear Betrayed,

WOW!  You should have just said no to begin with.  He's your husband and he should be understanding of your likes and dislikes.  I understand that you love him and want to keep him happy but you should not compromise your comfort in doing so.

One thing is really bothering me about this situation.  You said you asked to stop a few times and your husband convinced you to continue.  That speaks volumes.  It seems his loyalty to you was overshadowed by this fantasy of his.  I understand that sexual arousal can cloud judgment but as your husband he should be most interested in your well-being.

Speak with him about all your concerns and if you're satisfied with the outcome of the conversation, move forward in your marriage.  If you're not satisfied, maybe it's time to move on.

Next time you're this uncomfortable with something, don't agree to it in the name of love.  That's not love, that's stupidity.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

     

He Wants Me to Leave My Husband

Dear WISY,

I would like to confess that my husband is not satisfying me where the sex is concerned.  He satisfies my shopping addiction and also my obsession with travel but he is no good when it comes to putting a good session down in the bedroom.  I know this isn't right but I need somebody to touch me in a way that my husband can't and I found someone.  We've been seeing each other for two years now.

This other guy is now asking me to leave my husband but he cannot satisfy me in the other ways that my husband does.  He can barely pay his rent and I've given him money for all sorts of things, including a new mattress and sheets because I couldn't lie down on what he had before.  I bought a new couch for his mother and I even helped him pay his child support.  I do all of this for him because he does what he does for me so well.  I think it's fair.

Anyway, back to the problem.  This man is crying and threatening to tell my husband about us if I don't do it first.  Instead of sex, he wants to talk about our future and he sobs like a baby.  He loves me and wants me to move in with him and help him gain custody of his child.  He says I motivate him to be a better person.  I'm touched by his words but I can't leave my life to be with him just for good sex!  I enjoy my work free life too much!

What should I do?  My husband CANNOT know about this and this man seems hellbent on telling him.

Signed,
I Need Satisfaction

(This is NOT a photo of the Sender's love interest)

WISY's Response:

Dear INS,

Why didn't you talk with your husband about your dissatisfaction in the bedroom?  Don't you think that should've been your first step rather than looking elsewhere?  And now, that you have committed one wrong, how did you conclude that it was alright to use your husband's money to care for this man?

This is what you need to do - Tell your boy toy that you will no longer see him and then go tell your husband that you've been spending his money on a man who is satisfying you in a way that he can't.  You should just go ahead and pack your bags now and go somewhere and really reflect on how you took advantage of your husband; a man who provides for you, gives you the luxury of not working for anyone and gives you the opportunity to see the world.  Reflect on how you had all of that and may not have it anymore.

Maybe your husband can forgive you or maybe he won't or maybe you can go stay with boy toy or maybe he won't want you when he realizes your hubby is no longer around to pay for his shortcomings.

Keep us posted! :-)

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

     

Hypocrites!

Dear WISY,

There is a woman who goes around preaching and casting judgment on people but I found out that she is the biggest hypocrite to ever walk the streets.  She is married and supposedly happy with her husband but yet still she is sleeping with her sister's husband.  Every time the sister is out of the house, she goes there and has sex with her sister's husband.  

Her sister's husband is my brother's good friend and he recently confided in him about the situation.  He said that he wants to stop but the hypocrite is so good in bed that he can't seem to stop.  

I feel really bad for this man's wife.  She is being deceived by her husband and her sister!  I want to expose them for their bad deeds so this woman can move on to someone who appreciates her and it's time the hypocrite be exposed for who she really is.

I'm going to tell but I don't want my brother to get mixed in the issue.  How can I reveal it without exposing my source?

Signed,
Exposing Hypocrites

WISY's Response:

Dear Exposing,

This is a situation where hurt is inevitable so be sure that you want to take on this task.  You could very well strain the relationship with your brother for exposing something he told you in confidentiality.  

I understand your want to expose the hypocrites but this may be a case where time becomes the master and you will just have to trust that in time, things will come to light.  If you can't wait on Father Time and your want for exposure trumps the value of your relationship with your brother then go ahead and spill the beans.  Hopefully, your brother understands you well enough to know that this is something you needed to do and your relationship won't change because of it.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY




   

Disapproving Mom

Dear WISY,

I'm extremely disturbed by a parent at my daughter's school.  She drops her daughter off wearing short shorts and no bra under her shirt so you can see her nipples.  She flirts with all the male teachers and is always drinking some mystery liquid from her on-the-go coffee mug.  I'm pretty sure there is something stronger than coffee in the mug.

I'm a very blunt person and she's aware of my feelings towards her.  The problem is, my daughter really likes her daughter and was very hurt when she wasn't invited to her birthday party.  If it were up to me, my daughter would have nothing to do with them at all but children are innocent and I believe as adults, we should put our feelings aside.

So, with all that being said, should I confront this lady about excluding my princess from the birthday party or will it cause more friction?  

Thanks for your help.

Signed,
Don't Exclude My Princess

WISY's Response:

Dear DEMP,

Please don't go causing any more issues with the lady.  Yes, children are innocent but she knows that if she invites your daughter, she's inviting you too.  And if you feel so strongly about this woman's behavior, it's probably best that your daughter not be around her.

Perhaps, you can sit down with the lady and express your concerns in a civil manner instead of complaining about your daughter not being invited to a birthday party.  Maybe you will discover that she is in fact drinking coffee and doesn't wear a bra because it's her right not to.  You may discover that you were all wrong about her - who knows.  Hopefully, you can resolve your issues.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

   

Scarred

Dear WISY,

When I was a small child I was trapped in my burning house.  I now have burn scars on my arms and neck.  Because of the scars, I can't find anyone to love me.  I'm now 24 years old and my parents are asking why I haven't brought a man home to them yet.  I see all my sisters and cousins are married and no man has ever approached me.  

I am very depressed about my situation and I have thought about going to America for some surgeries I heard about that can help my appearance.  I have been raising the money on my own to pay for travel expenses and medical costs.  Nobody knows my plans but I will tell them the day of my departure.

I am making progress but I am feeling guilty about how I am getting the money.  I am going to tell you this with the confidence that you will keep me completely anonymous.  I have been getting the money by selling my body and I know this isn't right.  Through this I met a man who would like to see me outside of our business transactions.  I am not attracted to him but he would take the shame away from me.

Do you think I should date him?  I think I should have him because I might not have this opportunity again.  Please tell me what you think I should do.

Signed,

Scarred

(This is NOT a photo of the sender)

WISY's Response:

Dear Scarred,

What you went through as a child was very traumatic and from what you are telling me, you have yet to heal the internal wounds the fire caused.  Selling your body is a clear indicator of that.

Stop selling your body and use the money you have earned to pay for therapy sessions.  I believe that beginning the healing process will help you to feel more beautiful and in turn you will attract the right man for you.

Which brings me to my next point, I'm not sure you should date a man who has paid you for your body.  That's not the type of foundation you want to set in a relationship.  Take your time, you're only 24 years old.  You have plenty of time to heal and find the man that's right for you.

At this point, surgery is not the answer to your issues.  I wish you success on your journey to happiness.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

     

Roommate from Hell!

Dear WISY,

I think I have the worst roommate in history.  She is a disgusting, lazy girl with low self esteem  and no morals.  She doesn't clean, she hardly bathes and she has one night stands on a regular basis.  I can't wait until I can kick her nasty ass out!  It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to come to the house anymore.  I try to spend as much time at my boyfriend's house but I really missed my own bed.  I went home and guess what I saw?????
This girl was having sex on my bed and using my condoms from my night stand!!  I could have killed her!  I need to burn my mattress and sheets and spray pesticides in my room!  

I know I may sound dramatic but I really am at my wit's end.  I'm tempted to evict her but then I will not have enough money to pay the rent.  I know I can look for another roommate but what if I don't find one on time? What do I do??

Oh and by the way, I know she reads these and I don't care.  YOU ARE NASTY!

Signed,
Roommate Nightmares

WISY's Response:

Dear Roommate Nightmares,

Write a formal eviction letter and give it to her immediately.  In most places, you have to allow 30 days for the tenant to vacate the premises.  In the meantime, place an ad for a roommate on social boards and rental websites.  

I'm sure you'll have more than enough candidates to choose from.  This time choose wisely.  If you start now, you'll have time to request references and weed out the bad apples.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

     

I am Being Bullied

Dear WISY,

There is a group of girls who are trying everything in their power to destroy me.  They told my boyfriend that I'm cheating on him, they send me ghost messages on Facebook saying I'm ugly and I stink and they have gone as far as to call my mother's workplace to tell her that I am a slut and listed names of men that I am sexing.  I'm not doing any of the things they say I am doing and I have asked them to stop but they are continuing to bully me.  

I hate going to school now because everybody believes what they've been saying and they threaten to beat me every day.  I walk alone and don't have anyone to talk to anymore.  I'm fed up of feeling like this.  Why won't these girls leave me alone?  I didn't do anything to them.  How do I make all of this stop? 

Signed, 
Bullied

WISY's Response:

Dear Bullied,

I can't tell you how angry this makes me.  On a whole, I am extremely disappointed with the youth of today and their obsession with bullying.  These bullies go to great lengths to destroy characters and demolish self esteem.  Something is seriously wrong and I hope as a society, we can figure it out and fix it soon!  Just keep in mind that there isn't anything wrong with you.  It is the people who choose to destroy another that have serious issues.

With that said, I'm happy you've reached out for help and I will advise you the best way I can.  First, what have your parents done about all of this?  You stated that the girls called your mother's place of employment but you didn't say what her response was to the call so I'm going to assume, since you are writing me, her response hasn't helped your situation.  Revisit the issue again with your mom and explain that the bullying has gone beyond the call to her and has now trickled down into your social and academic life.  Tell her how you feel and hopefully, this will make her become more involved.

Secondly, you need to report these girls to your school's administration and request meetings with your school counselor as well.  This may result in face to face meetings with you, your parents, the girls, and their parents.  Hopefully, the girls will be held accountable for their actions and you can resume your studies without worrying about being bullied.

I'm really sorry you have to go through this.  Again, just know that there is nothing wrong with you and you do not deserve to be bullied.  I know you will overcome this and become a phenomenal woman!

Here are a few resources that can help you with your situation:

http://www.stompoutbullying.org/

http://www.endcyberbullying.org/cyberbullying-prevention/cyberbullying-prevention-for-teens/

www.stopbullying.gov/

http://www.nea.org/home/neabullyfree.html

Walk good,
#TeamWISY



     

I'm Conflicted

Dear WISY,

I am conflicted about a situation and need some advice.  I feel like my options will all result in hurt but I need to know if you think it's worth the hurt.

Ok, so I've been friends with this girl since we were in diapers.  We have drifted apart, reconnected, quarreled and made up and we have remained friends through all of it.  When we were teens we promised to never hold anything back from each other and I take my promises seriously.

Here is the difficult part:  I know for a fact that her boyfriend is cheating on her and I know who he is cheating with.  He is cheating on her with my youngest sister.  I saw them coming out of my sister's room one afternoon but they didn't see me.  I saw them again the following day and I knew they were having sex because I could hear my sister carrying on in her usual way when she is having sex.

My friend is very much in love with this guy.  She was in a relationship for years and gave up on love after she found out her man cheated.  Now, she gives this guy a chance and he is doing the same thing!  I think this is worse because my sister is involved.  My sister is a sly little bitch because she speaks with my friend as if she weren't sleeping with her man.  

It's all a mess and I feel guilty withholding this information from my friend but I don't want her to be totally devastated by it and I feel terrible revealing my sister's secrets.  We're family and I shouldn't betray her.  

I am very conflicted.  What should I do?

Signed,
Conflicted

Dear Conflicted,

I can understand your concern for the hurt this revelation will cause but not revealing what you know could prove to be more hurtful.

You made a promise to your friend years ago and should uphold it.  The news will undoubtedly be hurtful for her but in time she will be alright.  Hopefully, you will continue to be a friend and support her through all of this.

This may sound strange but leaking your sister's secret will be beneficial to her.  She will be taught some very important lessons on betrayal, infidelity, loyalty and secrecy.  She needs to learn that this sort of behavior isn't acceptable.  HOWEVER, she is your sister after all and you need to approach this situation delicately.  Maybe you could tell her that you know what's going on and give her an opportunity to change and come clean.  Give this some thought and again, approach delicately.

Another angle would be to approach the guy.  You could convince him to tell on himself and then your hands would be seemingly clean.

You're right, this is a total mess and no matter what, someone will be hurt and may even become upset with you.  Ultimately, honesty is the best policy so prepare for all outcomes and do what is right.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

Positive Vibes Only

Dear WISY, 

I have a friend who only calls me to share gossip and who only calls when she's feeling down and out.  She never calls to check on me and see how me and my kids are doing.  She calls only when she needs something.  I confronted her about it and she got mad and posted on Facebook that I am a selfish person.  

I'm starting to wonder if I was wrong for telling her that.  But honestly, whenever she calls I am always left feeling upset because of the negative news she always brings.  Should I apologize and make amends? 

Thanks. 

Signed,
She's Too Negative

Dear She's Too Negative,

I know the type you speak of and I'm glad to hear you called her out on her constant negativity.  Don't question your decision to tell her.  She sounds like someone you're better off without.  Her post on Facebook just goes to show that she was never truly a friend to you in the first place and ultimately a person who thrives on drama and negativity. 

Never hesitate to eliminate aspects of your life that don't bring you happiness.  Good riddance!

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

I Love My Brother In Law

Dear WISY,

I have a confession to make.  I have been holding it for years and I can't take it anymore.  I find my sister's husband irresistible and I have been having an affair with him since before they were married.  I was with him on the eve of their wedding and he told me he loved me and told me that when he was saying his vows to my sister that he meant them for me too.

I know he loves me.  I can see it in his eyes when he tells me that he really wants to be with me.   When he sees me three times a week after his basketball games I can see it's hard for him to leave my side but I tell him he has to go.  I'm tired of telling him he has to go.  I want him to stay.  I don't have eyes for any other man and he is amazing in bed.  I want him so bad.  It sounds terrible but it's true.  I believe he is for me and I am for him.

I told him I'm going to tell my sister and he told me he is ready for the consequences of our actions.  I know my family will be upset with me but I don't care.  I love him too much.  I just don't want to regret it down the line.  I'm coming to you for your opinion to make my final decision.

Thanks,
I Love My Brother In Law

Dear ILMBIL,

I absolutely think you should tell your sister of your deceitful actions and take the back lash without protest.  I don't understand why you chose to have an affair with your sister's man when there are so many single men walking this earth.  You both should be ashamed of yourselves.  

I don't really have much more to say on this.  Tell her and prepare for karma.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY


     

Two's Company, Three's a Crowd

Dear WISY,

I need your opinion on a situation with my man.  We have a great sex life and we have a lot of fun together but every time we go out and he gets a few drinks in him, he asks me to have a threesome.  He'll say things like:  "Babe, wouldn't you want to see me do it to another chick?" or "Babe, we could make her do whatever we want her to do.  You'll like it too!"

I thought I was open to the idea but when I really think about it, I'm not sure that's the kind of activity I want to engage in.  I would tell him this but I am afraid he will be disappointed in my decision and look for a threesome without me.

I really love my man.  He's the master of love making and I don't know if I could be this satisfied by another guy but I'm not okay with the threesome thing.  On the other hand, I don't want to lose him.  What do I do?

Signed,
Just Us

Dear Just Us,

It's always best to be open and honest with your partner so go ahead and tell him how you feel about threesomes.  If he values your relationship then he'll give it a rest.  If he decides to look for a threesome elsewhere then let him go.  You will find someone else who is more compatible with your sexual preferences.

It seems this is something he really wants so also keep in mind that if he doesn't go looking elsewhere, he may try to re-introduce you to the idea again in the future.  

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

  

100+ Men and Still Not Satisfied

Dear WISY,

I'm a very experienced woman and I don't have any problem sleeping with who I want when I want.  The problem is, nine times out of ten, I am not satisfied by these men so I move from man to man looking for satisfaction.  I'm not ashamed of myself at all.  The problem is not me, it's the men who don't have the first clue as to how women need to be loved in order to climax.

Lately, I have been seeing a guy who is just too handsome to describe in words.  The sight of his body is all I need to get me going but the same problem occurs with him as well; he has no idea how to satisfy me.  It makes me wonder how many women go through life unsatisfied by men.  I've slept with at least 100 men and only a handful have satisfied me, so that means women aren't speaking out about being dissatisfied but, I digress.  I really want things to go far with this new guy.  I need some ideas as to what I can do to get him to hit it right!

Signed,
Experienced

WISY's Response:

Dear Experienced,

I suggest you simply talk to your new guy about your likes and dislikes.  You may need to just coach and guide him through your encounters so he learns how to get you to the finish line.  I don't know why you didn't do this sooner instead of sleeping with 100+ men in efforts to find satisfaction.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

X-out My Ex!

Dear WISY,

I need help with my ex girlfriend.  She is not ready to let go of me and I don't want her anymore.  She has been calling my cell phone non-stop and has even called my mother to try to get her to talk me into taking her back.  I don't want her anymore because she cheated on me with a woman and a some men too.  She is nasty and I can't put myself in the middle of so much drama.

She keeps calling me and telling me she is going to kill herself if I don't take her back and the worst part is she has been harassing my new woman.  Every time she sees her out by herself, she wants to beat her.  My new woman is soft and she is not into all of that.

What can I do to get rid of her?

Signed,

X-out My Ex

WISY's Response:

Dear X-out,

Have you made it clear that you are over her?  Your letter is lacking the action you have taken with her to ensure that she fully understands (some people need you to be blunt with them in order for them to get it).  Either way, this girl seems to have dangerous behavioral tendencies.  I recommend making a report to the police if she doesn't stop harassing you, your mother or your girlfriend.  A restraining order may not be such a bad idea either.  Be careful.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

        

Trust Issues

Dear WISY, 

I have a problem with people.  I don't trust anyone at all and I don't want to be that way anymore.  

When I was a child my mother passed away and I went to live with my auntie and her husband.  My auntie was very nice to me before my mom's death but when I lived with her she was awful.  She beat me all the time, she made me do all the house work and sometimes the yard work too.  She cursed me and told me I was a burden on her.  I was so hurt because I loved my auntie so much and I couldn't understand why she was treating me like sh!t. 

Eventually, she threw me out of the house and told me to go live with my grandmother but my granny was very old and she didn't have the energy to care for me.  I became very bad.  I was out of control and did all the things I knew I shouldn't do.  Nobody was there to care.  I learned quickly that I could use my body to get what I want.  I had a very shapely physique.  I was having sex for money so I could eat and help granny with her house and stuff.  

A few years passed and people were beginning to know what I did for a living.  My auntie's husband came to look about me.  I thought he was coming to help me but instead he wanted to have sex with me and pay me too.  So, I slept with him for $500.00 because I told him he is a high risk.  He kept coming back and I kept giving him what he wanted until one day he came with my aunt who told me she knew what I was doing and she was going to beat me.  I thought she meant she knew about me and her hubby but she didn't know.  I was surprised to see her hubby criticizing me and condemning my behavior when he was my biggest client.  I couldn't believe it.  I am trying to figure out how people can be so awful.  First, the auntie I loved turned her back on me when my mother died and then her husband reveals that he is the biggest hypocrite.  

I will move out of granny's house and live on my own.  I have enough money to make it on my own.  I don't plan to continue this but it's the only sure thing for me right now.  I don't have any friends.  I don't trust family and I need someone in my corner.  I don't know how to get that.  What can I do to change this life?

Signed,
Trust Issues

WISY's Response:

Dear Trust Issues,

Wow, that's a lot to have to go through.  My condolences on the passing of your mother.  I can only imagine how hard it has been for you and I can honestly say, without condoning your sexual behavior, that I understand why you have become the person you are.

Our adolescent years are our most influential and you have had a great deal of dishonesty and hypocrisy from people who should have cared for you in your mother's absence.  It's no wonder that you don't trust anyone and don't place any value on respect for family or yourself.

The first thing you need to do is see a therapist.  You need someone who will listen to your problems and support your future in a positive way.  Together, you can decide a course of action for you.  You should also continue your education and learn a skill or trade which does not include the flaunting or selling of your body.  Get involved in an educational program where there are people with the same passion and goals as you.  You may find comfort and friendship in someone who can help you stay on the right path.

Needless to say, you should stop the prostitution.  One day, it may be the police coming to look about you and then you'll have an additional hurdle to get over.  Stop while you're ahead.  Trust will not come immediately but I'm hopeful that you can slowly begin to put your trust in those who genuinely have your best interest at heart.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

P.S.  We can offer help with your situation if you need it.