I Can't Believe He Made Me Do That!

Dear WISY,

I don't know where to begin but I do know I need to start by saying that I am the victim and I am outraged, saddened, and hurt by what this man put me through.

I have been married for seven years now and my husband and I took a trip for our anniversary a few weeks ago.  We went to a resort that catered to couples only.  I was so excited to get away and have my husband's undivided attention.  We rented a private villa that had direct access to the beach and were told the resort was secured and not accessible by the public.

Once we got there, I was taken aback by the beauty of the grounds of the resort.  The ocean was breathtaking and I saw security guards throughout and felt very safe.  Our first night was magical and I felt very close to my husband.  He told me the next day would be even more magical and that he would do something he always wanted to do.  He said it was a surprise and I was so excited to see what my husband had in store.

The next day came and we lounged on the beach and I drank countless cocktails.  I didn't worry about being drunk because I knew my husband would take good care of me.  I was having a very good time and we eventually had dinner before heading back to the villa.  My husband told me it was time for the surprise and told me to get naked and wait for him in the jacuzzi.

I did what he asked and was waiting for him very anxious.  I felt so sexy and wanted by him.  I had not felt like that in a long time.  Anyway, he came back and I had butterflies in my stomach.  I can't explain how excited I was.  My excitement was snatched away when I saw my husband enter with another man.  I tried to cover myself but my husband told me not to.  I felt uncomfortable and was trying to figure out what my husband was doing with this man.

He asked me if I loved him and to this I answered "yes."  He continued and told me he wanted to watch the man he brought have sex with me.  I didn't know what to say and I'm sure he could see the shock on my face.  He assured me that it was okay and confessed that it was a fantasy he wanted to fulfill.  Because I love my husband, I agreed to it.

I was not aroused by the man at all but my husband was enjoying every minute of it.  It felt like he was going for hours and I asked to stop a few times but my husband convinced me to endure more.  It was the worst experience of my life.  I felt used and betrayed.  I don't understand how that could be a fantasy for my husband.

Now, that we're back, I feel differently about him.  He told me he paid the man a lot of money up front and that's why he made me do it for so long.  I don't trust him anymore and I don't want to discuss what happened with anyone because they will ask me to leave him.  I'm having mixed feelings because I love my husband with everything in me but I don't want him to think it's ok for that kind of thing to happen again.  What should I do?

Signed,
Betrayed

WISY's Response:

Dear Betrayed,

WOW!  You should have just said no to begin with.  He's your husband and he should be understanding of your likes and dislikes.  I understand that you love him and want to keep him happy but you should not compromise your comfort in doing so.

One thing is really bothering me about this situation.  You said you asked to stop a few times and your husband convinced you to continue.  That speaks volumes.  It seems his loyalty to you was overshadowed by this fantasy of his.  I understand that sexual arousal can cloud judgment but as your husband he should be most interested in your well-being.

Speak with him about all your concerns and if you're satisfied with the outcome of the conversation, move forward in your marriage.  If you're not satisfied, maybe it's time to move on.

Next time you're this uncomfortable with something, don't agree to it in the name of love.  That's not love, that's stupidity.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY