I'm Conflicted

Dear WISY,

I am conflicted about a situation and need some advice.  I feel like my options will all result in hurt but I need to know if you think it's worth the hurt.

Ok, so I've been friends with this girl since we were in diapers.  We have drifted apart, reconnected, quarreled and made up and we have remained friends through all of it.  When we were teens we promised to never hold anything back from each other and I take my promises seriously.

Here is the difficult part:  I know for a fact that her boyfriend is cheating on her and I know who he is cheating with.  He is cheating on her with my youngest sister.  I saw them coming out of my sister's room one afternoon but they didn't see me.  I saw them again the following day and I knew they were having sex because I could hear my sister carrying on in her usual way when she is having sex.

My friend is very much in love with this guy.  She was in a relationship for years and gave up on love after she found out her man cheated.  Now, she gives this guy a chance and he is doing the same thing!  I think this is worse because my sister is involved.  My sister is a sly little bitch because she speaks with my friend as if she weren't sleeping with her man.  

It's all a mess and I feel guilty withholding this information from my friend but I don't want her to be totally devastated by it and I feel terrible revealing my sister's secrets.  We're family and I shouldn't betray her.  

I am very conflicted.  What should I do?

Signed,
Conflicted

Dear Conflicted,

I can understand your concern for the hurt this revelation will cause but not revealing what you know could prove to be more hurtful.

You made a promise to your friend years ago and should uphold it.  The news will undoubtedly be hurtful for her but in time she will be alright.  Hopefully, you will continue to be a friend and support her through all of this.

This may sound strange but leaking your sister's secret will be beneficial to her.  She will be taught some very important lessons on betrayal, infidelity, loyalty and secrecy.  She needs to learn that this sort of behavior isn't acceptable.  HOWEVER, she is your sister after all and you need to approach this situation delicately.  Maybe you could tell her that you know what's going on and give her an opportunity to change and come clean.  Give this some thought and again, approach delicately.

Another angle would be to approach the guy.  You could convince him to tell on himself and then your hands would be seemingly clean.

You're right, this is a total mess and no matter what, someone will be hurt and may even become upset with you.  Ultimately, honesty is the best policy so prepare for all outcomes and do what is right.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY