My Mother & Pastor Are Involved In An Unholy Union!

Dear WISY,

I live in a very religious household.  My parents have raised my sisters and me to have a strong faith in the Almighty God and I am very disgusted by what I have recently discovered.  As a matter of fact, I despise my mother because of it.  When I see her, I want to douse her body with acid.  How could I say this about the woman who carried me for nine months and birthed me?  I can say it because my mother has been unfaithful to my loving father.  She has been involved with the pastor at our church and she visits him at night in his chambers.  Just the thought of this makes me want to break my tablet but I will not do it because I saved a lot of money to purchase this for myself.  

I made this discovery one night when I was being mischievous with my boyfriend.  He is a secret and my father forbids me to have a lover but I cannot help the way my body is reacting to this boy’'s presence.  He met me in the church yard one night because we thought for sure that no one would find us there.  Instead we found my mother in the pastor'’s chambers straddling him.  I was so embarrassed.  I wanted to alert them but my boyfriend held me back and told me to think of the trouble we would be in if we were discovered.  I listened to him.  

Since then I have followed her at night when she said she is going for religious counsel and I have discovered that she has been doing this act for some time. The pastor is also married and I am also very upset with him.  I would like to alert my father and the pastor'’s wife but I am not sure how I can do this.  Do you suggest a method of doing this? I am so angry and ashamed. 

Thank you.

Signed,
Ashamed Daughter 

WISY's Response:

Dear Ashamed Daughter,

I can only imagine how difficult this discovery has been for you.  Feelings of betrayal, anger, disgust and sorrow are probably weighing heavily on you right now. 

Understand that the information you hold could ultimately break your family apart.  Understand that there may be a long period of turmoil in your life if you reveal the truth to your father and the pastor's wife.  I am not trying to discourage you from exposing the truth but I just want you to be prepared for what may follow.  Your mother and pastor could also deny the allegations and you may be ridiculed and treated differently.  Just be prepared for all outcomes if you decide to tell.

If I were in this situation, I would approach my mother and let her know that I am aware of her behavior and give her the opportunity to either stop the behavior or confess her adulterous habits (only you know what would be best in this situation).  I would also request to have the family attend a different church.  

Sometimes our parents teach us things in order to help guide us on the right path.  However, it does not always mean our parents are taking their own advice.  Ever hear the saying "Do as I say, not as I do"?  Hypocrisy, I know.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY  


     

He Likes It With a Heavy Dose of Vitamin C!

Dear WISY, 

I am writing to tell you something that you may say is weird but I need to know if this is a common thing.  I have never come across someone that is in love with citrus fruits the way my boyfriend is in love with them!  When we first got close, I noticed he always had an orange or tangerine with him and he said he liked to eat them a lot because it helps to fight germs but one day I saw him talking to and kissing the orange!  I could not believe my eyes!  What kind of man is this?  Is he mad?  I pretended I didn’t see but it happened again and I confronted him.  He told me that he likes the texture of the skin and he likes the smell; it drives him crazy and fills him with all sorts of feelings. You know the feelings I am referring to, I don't need to go into detail, right?   The worst part of all of this is his need to have the oranges, grapefruits, limes, lemons and tangerines in the bedroom.  Sometimes they are in the bed and he likes when they touch his skin!  What is this?  This is crazy and I believe he needs medical attention.  What kind of thing is this?  Is this a normal thing?

Signed,

No More Citrus

WISY's Response:

Dear No More Citrus,

I am kind of at a loss for words.  While I'm aware that fetishes are a common thing that often go unspoken, I have never heard of a citrus fetish and I have never heard of a person talking to their object of desire.  Perhaps you should read up on some strange fetish literature and gain some insight.  :-)

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

He's A Criminal. Should I Leave?

Dear WISY,

My man and I have grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle.  He provides me with what I need and I look pretty and sexy for him in return.  The problem is, my conscience has been bothering me about the whole thing. The way he gets his money is dishonest and I’m starting to become afraid of what will happen to him because I know these things don’t last forever.  I know one day he’ll be found out and I'm terrified.

I try to talk to him about it and he tells me if I don’t like it I can go about my business but I don’t want to leave and let another woman come in and take my place and experience the luxurious life I have been living.  I can’t have that at all so, I’m conflicted.  My mind is telling me something bad will happen soon and I don’t want to be involved but I don’t want another b*tch to come in and take my spot.

What should I do?  I guess I already know what to do but I need some convincing.

Signed,
Conflicted

WISY's Response:

Dear Conflicted,

My first thought would be to respond to you with this: "You already know what to do so do it." but I realize situations like these aren't always that simple.  I would like to think that if you had the strength to leave, you would have left already or perhaps you are truly in love with this man and cannot imagine life without him.  So, I'll tell you this:  In life, there are consequences for everything.  These consequences may not be immediate but they will come about sooner or later.  The way in which your man is obtaining his riches is dishonest and there is a little thing called karma which deals with each one of us.  Distance yourself from this situation as soon as possible.  Do not allow someone else's actions to place you at a disadvantage in life.  You have a choice in this situation.  Thoughts of another woman moving in and taking your place should not be what stops you from living a life of freedom.  I hope this was convincing enough for you.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

     

My Sister Could Not Break Me!

Dear WISY,

I would like to get some feelings off my chest.  I am now 21 and I want to tell my sister that I am standing stronger and taller than ever before despite her trying to ruin my life.  As a child she tortured me, she lied on me and she was verbally abusive.  She told me I was ugly and too black.  I believed her because people always told her how pretty she was and she was light like my mother.  I spent many years hating myself and thinking I was not good enough.  It took me getting involved with my boyfriend to really start to like myself.  When he complimented me, I never believed him.  I gave him a hard time at first but I know now that he truly loves me and thinks I'm beautiful.  He is helping me to heal from the years of damage my hateful sister put me through.  I would like her to know that I am great.  I don't have a husband that beats me and I am developing a career of my own.  I will not sit at home and depend on a man to mind me (she does).

Hello, my sister! I am better than ever and you could not defeat me!

Signed,
Healing Sister

WISY's Response:

Dear Healing Sister,

I am glad to hear that your sister's actions did not defeat you.  Have you expressed your feelings to your sister?  Speaking with her about how she has affected you will help you heal.  I'm also glad to hear that your boyfriend has helped you find the strength to begin valuing yourself but you must also find the strength within yourself or else you may always feel the need to get validation from others.  I suggest you begin with speaking to your sister and letting her know how she's damaged you.  This will help you regain control of you and your image of yourself.

Walk Good,
#TeamWISY


                    

I Want Him Bad!

Dear WISY,

Tonight I celebrated my birthday with a few close friends.  One of my friends brought a guy with her and I fell in love at first sight.  He was the most beautiful, handsome, gorgeous, pretty man I have ever laid eyes on!  I know it sounds unbelievable but he is just all of that!  I want him so bad it hurts me!  The only problem is, I think she is involved with him.  I want to tell her I want him for my birthday!  I would do some things to him!  I would make him tired of my loving!  I don't think you can understand how badly I want this man.  I am even willing to upset our friendship for him.  It sounds bad but it's true.  I don't know what to do!  Maybe I can sneak and talk to him but I am really not that type of girl.  I am very straight up.  Should I ask her about him or just go after what I want?  Please let me know!!

Signed,
I Want Him Bad!

WISY's Response:

Dear IWHB!,

Please do not ruin a friendship over a man you do not know.  I suggest you ask your friend about this man and if she tells you she's involved with him, walk away!  There are way too many men out there for you to be risking friendships over.

Walk Good,
#TeamWISY

 

To the Kids: Don't Choose the Wrong Path!

Dear WISY,

When I was 11 years old my parents moved to a big city.  We moved from a small town and it took us a day and a half to get to where we live now.  I was very excited at first but when we got there and settled in, I realized that this city was a dangerous place.  My first day of school was hell!  I was tortured the entire day and my teachers saw what was going on and did nothing about it.  I was terrified and begged my parents to take me back to where we came from but they said I would adjust.

After a week or so of bullying, I was approached by one of my teachers who suggested I join a gang in order to fit in.  At first I didn't know what he meant by "gang".  I assumed it was a group of kids that got together after school to support each other and carry out academic activities.  I was wrong.  My own teacher, Mr. V****** suggested that I become a part of a criminal organization.  I couldn't understand why until he explained that he was a gang member also and felt like the gang understood his needs when his family didn't. 

Eventually, I got tired of the bruises and the hateful words and I asked my teacher about joining the gang.  He was very happy to hear I was finally interested and he asked me to meet him in the gym after school for a five minute talk.  On my way to the gym, I was pushed and slapped by other kids and all I could think of was how much I couldn't wait to get some relief from this situation.  I walked in the gym and my teacher was there with a kid in a higher grade who asked for my home phone number and address and said he would call me later that night.  He said he would have his little sister call me so my parents wouldn't become suspicious of anything.

Fast forward to now.  I was arrested at the age of 17.  I am now 18.  I am an active member in the gang and have done a lot of things my parents would disagree with.  I now have a one year old and recently found out I am pregnant again.  I don't know who the father of this child is and my first baby's father is incarcerated.  My life has taken a turn for the worst and all because my parents thought a city life would bring more advancement opportunity to their children.

I just want to tell the kids out there who feel alone that there is another path to happiness other than gang life.  I regret not informing my parents of everything.  I should have told them that my teacher introduced me to the gang in the first place and I should have told them how bad I was being bullied at school.  I urge the kids out there to speak up even if you think you'll look stupid for doing so.  It's not worth it, trust me.

I don't know who writes this blog and I was told it was just for the Caribbean but I hope you will post this letter anyway.  Hopefully, this will help anyone out there who feels alone.  Please, just find a different way to be happy.  Join the Boys and Girls Club or the YMCA.  Do something other than get yourself caught up in gang life!  It hurts worse than the bullying at school.

One Love!

Signed,

Regretful

WISY's Response:

Dear Regretful,

First of all, I would like to thank you for writing to us.  It takes a lot of bravery to do so and no, this blog is not just meant for Caribbean people.  We receive letters from all over the world.  

My heart breaks to hear that you felt you had no other choice but to choose gang life in order to have peace on a daily basis.  I am outraged by the fact that your teacher is the one who introduced you to this lifestyle which has placed you at a disadvantage in life.

You are still young.  You still have the world of opportunity available to you.  I can tell that your mindset is beginning to follow the course of redemption and I encourage you to make a serious effort to reverse all your wrongs and make them rights.  I'm not sure what city you're in but there are resources available to young women with children in almost every major city.  I'm not sure of your education level but there are resources to help you attain higher levels of education.  Utilize every resource that is available to you.  Research your options and know your rights.  Make a difference for yourself and your children by elevating yourself and escaping gang life for good.

Be mindful that your first steps should be ones to ensure the safety of you and your family.  Be very careful with the information you share about your plans.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

P.S.  If you need assistance obtaining information about resources available to you, let us know.  We are more than happy to help.

Texts From His Ex!

Dear WISY,

I just made it official with my new boo and everything has been wonderful so far.  My only complaint is that his ex sends him text messages on a daily basis.  In the morning, his first text is from her and before she goes to sleep she has to text him good night.  I told him I hate that this is going on and he tells me it's no big deal.  I pointed out that if it wasn't such a big deal then he should have no problem telling her to stop.  He refuses to tell her that and said that he is friends with her and nothing else and her silly messages shouldn't have me feeling insecure.  

I don't know if I should be feeling this way but to me, exes have no place in your current situation.  If he wanted to remain friends with her then he should have stayed single or never broken it off with her in the first place.  My next thought is to confront her myself and tell her to find another man to text "Good Morning" & "Good Night" to.  I feel like I am being disrespected and I won't stand for it.

Am I being insecure or do you agree that I have a right to feel this way?  Let me know, please!

Signed,

X Out the Ex

WISY's Response:

Dear X Out,

I agree that the constant communication with his ex can be annoying and somewhat disrespectful as well.  It seems she isn't completely over him and still needs some aspect of him in her daily life.  In his defense, men don't always "get it".  A lot of men fail to see what emotional connections with outside people can do to a relationship.  They think that physical contact is the only form of cheating but in reality emotional connection can be just as (if not more) damaging.  Try to explain this to him and see if he understands.

As far as I'm concerned, those "Good Morning" and "Good Night" texts should be coming from you and if he doesn't understand this then I don't think he's fully ready to commit to your relationship.  

Walk Good,

#TeamWISY

"I Raised Her Right"

Dear WISY,

Some people are going to criticize me for this but by the end of my note they will understand why I feel what I am doing is the only way to raise a girl.

My daughter is now 16 years young and from the time she was a toddler, I told her that she deserved the best in life and I gave her the best I could afford and if I couldn't afford it, I found a way to provide her with it.  I want her to know what the best is and always expect it.  Now that she is interested in boys, I expect her to demand nothing but the best from these young men who want to date her.  

I encourage her to only entertain boys who are from prominent families.  I want my daughter to know her worth and in my eyes she is priceless.  She should not allow mediocrity to enter her life.  I don't want any boy bringing her down.  In fact, I have told her to marry someone who will elevate her to new heights.  Women nowadays have no self worth and my daughter will be the exception!

Signed,
Only The Best

WISY's Response:

Dear Only The Best,

What you've described is just a sugar coated version of pimping your daughter.  I get that you want the best for her but mistaking material worth for  self worth will undoubtedly be detrimental to her character.  What about allowing her to experience life for herself?  Stop dictating what you think is best for her and allow her to fall in love with a boy's character and not his trust fund.  Please, for your daughter's sake and (believe it or not, her well-being), stop the madness.  Have you taught her that she is capable of providing the best for herself?  You have only taught her that she needs a man to elevate herself in life.  How about providing her with the best education possible?  Check yourself, Mom.  You've got it all wrong.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

I Love My Brother's BFF

Dear WISY,

My brother's friend is so hot.  I really like him and everything but I don't know if it's a good idea to date him because my brother might not like it.  
One night he came over and my brother wasn't home yet and we slept together.  It was like my body exploded because I've wanted him so bad for all this time.  I want to carry it on but he is telling me that it can't carry on.  He acts different around me now and I asked him why.  He said because when he sees me he wants to have sex and he doesn't want my brother to notice so he just pretends to not like me.  I feel bad though.  I feel like he used me.  Do u think he did?

Signed,
I <3 my brother's BFF

WISY's Response:

Dear I <3,

It sounds to me as if your brother's friend is just interested in having sex with you.  You said he told you that when he sees you all he wants to do is have sex.  He can't even treat you nicely?  He has to pretend to not like you?  That doesn't sound right.

I'm not sure you should be looking for anything more from your brother's friend.  If he was serious about you, he would express his feelings to your brother.  I am also questioning why your brother may not like it.  It shouldn't be a problem if his friend is a respectable guy.  You, yourself should be able to be a good judge of his character.  If he's your brother's BFF then you should know him pretty well too.  Think about everything and don't get caught up in the passion.  

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

He No Longer Excites Me

Dear WISY,

Please post my letter.  I have been having an issue with my boyfriend.  The problem is I am not excited to sleep with him anymore.  I used to love doing it with him but now I find excuses not to do it.  I tried to look within to see what may have caused me to change but I honestly don't know.

What do you think I should do about this?

Signed,

No Longer Excited

WISY's RESPONSE:

Dear NLE,

Look a little deeper.  Something had to have happened to make you change.  Whatever it is, I hope you figure it out soon.  Your boyfriend will begin to notice your change (if he hasn't already) and further issues may arise.  I suggest you talk to him about it and see if you two can figure out how to remedy this situation.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

     

I Require Luxury

Dear WISY,

I recently had a falling out with my friend because she says I’m wrong but I think once a person is accustomed to a certain thing there is nothing wrong with wanting that at all times.  Here is my story:

I don’t work.  I really have never worked in my entire life.  The only time I can remember having a job is when I was a teenager and I started to take interest in fashion and my mother couldn’t afford the items I wanted.  Now, I am in my mid-thirties, don’t  have any children as yet and I'm totally fine with that.  My main concern is my comfort and when I say comfort, I mean my luxurious lifestyle.  I know most women will not admit to this but I have no problem with claiming what I am and I am a “kept woman”.

I require a man who will take full care of me and go above and beyond the basic necessities.  I have to have a luxury vehicle and a big, comfortable home.  I need to be able to see an item and be able to purchase it and not worry about the price tag.  Most women only dream of the life I live.  I’m not bragging, just telling it like it is.

So, my friend seems to think that I am engaging in wrong behavior because of my requirements.  She says that my man doesn’t really love me.  He just wants to have something nice on his arm and that he will eventually get tired of me.  Can you say "JEALOUS"?  I think that if a person is used to a certain thing that there is nothing wrong with continuing to live that way.  I’m not hurting anyone and both me and my man are happy.

Do you think I am wrong for this?  Keep in mind I’m not hurting a soul or doing anything illegal!

Signed,

Luxurious

WISY's Response:

Dear Luxurious,

If you and your man are happy then that's your business.  Like you said, you're not harming anyone or engaging in illegal activity.  HOWEVER, I can't help but think of how lost you would be without the man (or men) who supports your luxurious lifestyle.  I didn't see that you mentioned anything about a skill or trade you could fall back on in case everything you have grown accustomed to suddenly disappears.  May I suggest you use some of his money to pay for an education of some sort?  There must be something that you have an interest in.  Why not become a professional at it?

If you are fine with being his arm candy then you must know that he has an eye for pretty things and there are many other pretty things running around that could very well replace you on his arm.  Not trying to burst your bubble, "just telling it like it is" :-).

I'll leave you with this:
Think about your future.  Material things can be taken away in an instant and beauty fades.  Make sure you are taking steps to secure happiness and peace when you are too old to be "arm candy".

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

    

Some #Challenges Aren't For Everyone

Dear WISY,

I want to vent a little about all these challenges that are circulating social media. Two in particular are really annoying to me and I wish people would find something else to do with their time. 

The first one is the #PrettyFaceChallenge. Lord Jesus, where do I begin with this one?  You all are just a bunch of vain people talking about you’'re posting collages of your face a million times. Come on now, people should stop making you all make fools of yourselves because your face isn’'t that pretty so I don'’t know why you would want to show me your not so pretty face ten times in a collage! 

The second one is the #NoMakeUpChallenge.  Helllloooo!!! No, some people need to be banned from this one! There needs to be a criteria for this one!  The thing that hurts me the most is it'’s all the ugly people in my Friends List running to do this challenge. WHY?  The world has enough war, ugly and hate in it already and here you are adding to the ugliness in the world. It'’s not right.  There needs to be a criteria.  Some people should only be allowed to do it in the dark with no camera flash!  Remember to hashtag #NoFlash  and #Darkness...DWRCL!!

May I suggest that if no one (Mommy and Daddy not included...or family and close friends for that matter because they have to lie to you sometimes) has ever told you you’'re pretty without make-up, don’t do it. Politely decline the challenge.  Sheeesh!  Please #STOPMakingAFoolOfYourselfChallenge should be the new "in thing".  Friends should make videos to those who have made fools of themselves and tell them the truth #Challenge. Ok, I'’m done now. 

Signed,
#NoMoreChallenges aka #DiHashtagQueen

WISY's Response:

Dear #HashtagQueen,

The best advice I could give to you is to ignore the challenges when you see them posted.  Just keep scrolling and don't allow it to annoy you to the levels it has and most importantly, keep your opinions to yourself.  As you stated, the World has enough "ugly" in it as it is.  Be sure not to add to the mess as well.  #BeKind

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

 

Ride Or Die Chick

Dear WISY,

My boyfriend keeps on disrespecting me.  He is always cheating on me with other girls and I don't know why but I can't leave.  I know in my mind that I deserve better but for some reason I keep going back to him and he keeps doing the same things that hurt me.

I can't tell you how many times I've had to fight a girl for my man.  I have never been a fighter but I have had to learn to fight to just because of him.  I've gotten my head busted with a stone and I have had hair pulled from my head but still I go back to him.  I know he loves me because he always takes my side when these fights happen.  He says I'm a "ride or die" woman and he really appreciates that.

I hope that he will stop cheating on me and be content with what I have to offer.  Do you think he will ever outgrow this behavior?

Signed,
Ride or Die Chick

WISY's RESPONSE:

Dear Ride or Die,

I'll be frank with you.  Your boyfriend doesn't care about your physical well-being or your feelings and you need to leave.  

The fact that he helps you fight these girls off isn't an indication of love.  It is an indication of guilt for placing you in such a dangerous situation.  Don't be confused.  One day, he may not be there to help you fight or one day he may decide to take the side of the one he truly loves.  Then what?

Listen, there are way too many good men walking around for you to be fighting over one.  Please leave him before you end up with a serious injury.   

I'll tell you like I tell a lot of others in similar situations; call up your closest friend(s), order some comfort food and cry it out.  Naturally, you won't get over him over night but when you do, you'll be glad you took the step to rid your life of the confusion he brought to you.

You should also consider some sort of therapy to help you break the habits you have formed in this relationship.  It's not out of the ordinary to fall right back into the same type of relationship so do what you can to avoid that.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

     

What Are The Signs?

Dear WISY,

What do you do if you think your man is being unfaithful but you don’t have proof?  I think my man is being unfaithful because he is acting weird.  We used to do everything together and keep in contact all day until we see each other in the evening.  Now, he doesn’t want to talk all day and when he does he gives me one-word answers.  Also, he always has an excuse as to why he can’t see me or spend the night with me but he has time to always be out on the streets.

He told me his mother is going through a lot right now and it’s stressing him out.  I don’t know if that has anything to do with it but I’m beginning to get suspicious.  

As a person who gives advice, I would think you know the signs of when a man is no longer interested in his woman.  Can you please help me out?

Thanks.

Signed,
Seeing Signs

WISY'S Response:

Dear SS:

"When a person SHOWS you who they are, believe them".  There is nothing more telling and honest than a person's actions.  Obviously something has happened that has caused this change with him.  Perhaps it is his mother's situation that has him so withdrawn but I would think he would try to find some comfort and ease from being with you and welcome your company.

My advice would be to talk about it with him; encourage him to be open and honest with you and prepare yourself for several different outcomes.  If he assures you that all is well, let him know that you cannot carry on the relationship if his behavior won't change.  If he confirms your suspicions then call your closest friends, order some pizza and cry it out.  Be glad that you didn't waste another second in the relationship and move on.  It'll take time, but you'll live.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

     

Hot Gossip!

Dear WISY,

You know a girl named (withheld) who lives in (withheld) who says she's a christian but she is really bad.  She takes on all kinds of men and then acts like she's good.  Well, I heard she took her mother's man and now her mother is taking it on and she threw her and the man out.  Now the girl is in problems because all the men she took on wants nothing to do with her.

WISY's Response:

I'm not sure of the reason you're writing in about this.  If you know her personally then you should speak with her about her behavior.  Encourage her to do better and not be hypocritical within her faith.  Malicious news carrying will amount to nothing more than karma finding you and giving you your fair share.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

Should I Wait for My Boyfriend?

Dear WISY,

My boyfriend was arrested and sentenced to jail time because of me.  I was sleeping with someone else and the other man began to get jealous of my boyfriend and eventually approached him and told him everything about our secret relationship.  

Now, my boyfriend is in jail because he beat the other man to a pulp.  He was taken to the hospital to recover and was held a few days.  I can't believe this happened.  I don't know why this guy would want to tell my boyfriend.  

Since my boyfriend has been in jail, the other man feels he should take over and become my bona fide man.  I don't know what to do because my boyfriend says he doesn't want me anymore.  I send him money for commissary and he accepts so I don't know if he's serious or not.

Do you think I should start dealing with the other man full time and forget about my boyfriend?  What if he really does come out and not want me?  The other man is good in bed but I don't really know much about him outside of that.  My boyfriend needs to understand that just because I cheated, doesn't mean I don't love him.

Signed,
Confused

WISY's Response:

Dear Confused,

"just because I cheated, doesn't mean I don't love him."  You are indeed confused.  Perhaps you thought you were in love but truly weren't.  When you love someone, there is no deceit.  The last thing you want to do is do something that would hurt the one you love.  So, you could not have truly loved your boyfriend.  

I'm sensing that bedroom issues may have caused the want to look elsewhere.  If you were unsatisfied, you should have communicated this with your boyfriend.  If things still didn't change, you should have left because it seems your sexual satisfaction plays a huge role in the success of your relationship.  There is nothing wrong with that but be honest about your needs and make the necessary steps to ensure both you and your boyfriend are on the same page when it comes to acts between the sheets.  If there is no agreement, then you should leave.

I think it's best you leave your (ex)boyfriend alone.  You have caused enough hurt for him.  You can move on with the guy you cheated with or someone else but make sure you are up front about what you need sexually so that you do not repeat this terrible situation or encounter something worse.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY