My Friend's Man Sent Me Nudes!

Dear WISY,

My friend's man keeps popping in my DMs with inappropriate messages.  At first I ignored them but then he sent me a nude with a caption insinuating that I've always wanted to see it because him and his girl (my friend) had a conversation about me asking about his stroke game.  I admit I did ask her about it, but girlfriends talk about that stuff.  I never expected her to tell him!  And I definitely DO NOT want to see it or feel it for that matter!

Should I tell her that he's been sending messages and now a nude? Or should I keep quiet about it?  I hate this kind of stuff.  Why can't dudes just act right???????

Signed,
DM Violation

 How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You

You Probably Shouldn't Write That: Tips and Tricks for Creating an Online Dating Profile That Doesn't Suck

WISY's Advice:

Dear DM Violation,

Yes, tell your friend.  It doesn't matter if you hate that kind of stuff, if that's your friend, you speak up.  You should have told her since the first message came through, and instead of ignoring it, you should've checked your friend's man for being inappropriate.  By keeping quiet and running from the issue, your silence was interpreted as a welcome.  Now, you have a bigger mess to deal with.

Give her the opportunity to realize that certain conversations held with her girlfriends are off limits to her man's ears.  Most importantly, she needs to know that her man doesn't need much to go looking for outside entertainment and lacks respect for their relationship.  

You have a lot to talk about.  Get to it.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY 

Should I Call It Quits with My Husband?

Dear WISY,

My husband’s best friend came over on Christmas to introduce his new girlfriend.  They seemed very in love.  My husband jokingly interrogated her and praised her for finally showing up to save his best friend.  Following that day, we haven’t seen much of them, but they moved into a new place about 20 mins from our home.  Recently they’ve been having issues and my husband’s friend sometimes sleeps over at our house instead of going home.

With that said, his friend contacted me to ask me if I knew anything about my husband and his girlfriend talking on the phone.  I was unaware of that. I did some research and we both found that my husband and this young lady have been meeting up on lunch breaks, talking 2-3 hours at a time everyday, and they have been doing it all behind our backs.  We confronted them.  They admitted they had been having phone conversations, but stated they were discussing relationship issues and life.

We were also made aware that my husband bought her the new cat that she brought home some days after Christmas.  With all of this, I am unsure of what to do.  Has my husband really cheated with his friend’s girlfriend? Is it worth leaving my marriage?  

I can’t trust him so I can't see working it out at all.

Signed,

I Had No Idea

WISY's Advice:

Dear IHNI,

There is definitely cause for concern.  The secrecy of it all leads me to believe that there is more than just phone calls and lunch dates to talk about life and relationship issues.  Also, gifting a cat is usually reserved for close friendships, family members or intimate partners.  Even if they are not intimate, this is a case of emotional cheating, and that can be more harmful than physical cheating.  I don't blame you for losing trust, but I also want you to consider marriage counseling to help with this situation.

The help of a professional could help to unearth the root of the problem within your marriage or more specifically, with your husband.  Counseling will help you determine what direction is best for you, and  provide the next best steps to help you recover from the psychological effects that betrayal causes.

In the meantime, try to keep a clear head and surround yourself with people who will help you manage through this emotionally taxing time.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

He's Too Big

Dear WISY,

My man is too big.  He hurts me every time we make love, and I have never been satisfied by him penetrating me.  He always has to kiss the 😻 to get me to to climax.  I feel like I need him to make me climax from the 🍆.  I would like to be surprised by it for once.  

What should I do?

Signed,
Too Big

Pixabay

WISY's Response:

Dear Too Big,

You're going to have to take more control during intercourse.  Communicate with your partner and tell him which positions work for you and which ones cause discomfort.  I'm sure he'd love to please you in every way possible, you just need to guide him.

Here are some helpful resources:

Sex Positions: Best Mind-Blowing Sex Positions For a Woman's Pleasure (Sex Positions, Sex, Best Sex Positions Series)

The New Sex Bible for Women: The Complete Guide to Sexual Self-Awareness and Intimacy

Vitamin O: Why Orgasms are Vital to a Woman's Health and Happiness, and How to Have Them Every Time!

Top Sex Positions: 10 Best Sex Positions And 20 Ways To Find the G-Spot

I hope this helps.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

He Hurt Me, But...

Dear WISY,

Last week I went out with my friends back home while on holiday break.  We saw this guy who I used to like in high school, but he was never nice to me.  He would always tease me about my clothes and shoes and stand in the hallway with the other boys and make gas sounds when I walked by.  He made my life hell, but I still liked him.  I don't know why, I just did.

Anyway, I saw him at the club over break, and he took my number, and we've been talking ever since.  He apologized for how he behaved in high school.  He told me he liked me and didn't want anyone else to like me, so he insulted me instead to keep me away from the guys at school.  I told him it really hurt my feelings and I still have insecurities because of it today.

Anyway, I'm wondering if I should continue the relationship.  A part of me thinks he's still an asshole.  High school was only two years ago.  What do you think?

Signed,
Still Hurt

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: 10 Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder and How to Handle or Avoid that Hell (Volume 1)

Pixabay - JerzyGorecki

The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself (Fawcett Book)

WISY's Response:

Dear Still Hurt,

You're better than I am because I wouldn't have made it this far with him.  Yea, I know we're supposed to forgive and forget, but that's a whole lot of trauma to overcome from not so long ago.  

Since you're obviously a lot more forgiving than I am (and I commend you for that), you could proceed cautiously with this guy.  Take your time, get to know him, be sure that his intentions are positive, and then, if all is well, feel free to freefall into love, and create something beautiful from this once painful element of your life.

BUT - I also want you to consider whether you are seeking approval from this person who tormented you and undoubtedly caused you to develop insecurities.  You could feel a sense of validation because of the shift in nature of his attention.  You may be looking for healing from the very same source that made you sick.  He could be ego-tripping; getting the same girl he used to torment to eat out of the palm of his hand.  Have a very in-depth, truthful talk with yourself to determine whether this could be the case.  I don't want you ending up in an abusive relationship.    

Click the links, they'll help you.

I hope you figure it all out, and I hope this turns out to be a beautiful start for your 2018!

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

      

I Had a One Night Stand

Dear WISY,

I just got out of a relationship, and I've been very sad and depressed about it.  My friends have been very helpful with trying to cheer me up, and we all went out to the club to have some fun.

As soon as I got there, I noticed a guy in the line staring at me.  He was really good looking and I hoped to see him inside.  I saw him and we danced and he bought me a couple of drinks.  At the end of the night, I went home with him.  The next morning I woke up in his bed, and he told me it was time for me to go.  I thought we would at least have sex one more time or breakfast.  He hasn't even called me.

I feel even more horrible now.  I don't know what to do to feel better.  Please help me.

Signed,
Man Trouble

Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem

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WISY's Response:

Dear Man Trouble,

Slow it down, home girl.  Allow yourself the time to heal.  Getting under a new man doesn't always help you get over an old one.  I know you were looking for someone to come along and be Prince Charming, but you won't find that with a one night stand.

The most important thing for you to do now is to partake in activities which will help you bounce back from the hurt.  If you're religious, pray.  If you're spiritual, meditate.  Find your happy place again.  Go see family, spend time with close friends, immerse yourself in esteem building activity until you feel comfortable in your own company again.

Once you're good, by all means, start dating again.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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Am I Jealous?

Dear WISY, 

3 days ago my significant other and I had an issue.  I asked her if there was anything she was hiding from me in her phone that would make me look at her differently.  She said no, but I had a gut feeling that something was off.  I went to sleep to try and sleep the feeling off, but still felt like something was wrong.  So, I went out to the living room where she followed me to ask what was wrong.  I told her I feel like you’re hiding something.  She asked if she should go get her phone.  I said yes. We got it and looked through some of her threads.  There was a picture of her and her first child's father.  The way they looked in the picture made me feel uncomfortable.  I told her I'd appreciate it if she didn't take pics like that with people she has been with.  She told me the picture was innocent but it looks like something else.  Now I’m being called jealous, insecure and controlling?

What are your thoughts?

Signed,

Uncomfortable

Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships

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WISY’s Response:

Dear Uncomfortable,

The picture you sent is very suggestive and inappropriate.  If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume they were a couple – a happy couple at that.  Sometimes people use emotionally degrading words such as jealous, insecure and controlling to deflect their wrongdoing.  From where I stand, all I can see is a man trying to protect his relationship.

On the other hand, she did offer up her phone to you.  If she thought there were any pictures or messages in her phone that would jeopardize your relationship, I don’t think she would be so willing.  It may all be harmless like she says, and she may not be clear on boundaries.  That’s something to consider as well.

In any case, the picture is inappropriate.  Her response should not have been to attack your character.  Instead, she should have apologized and worked to dispel any doubt you may have.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

He Did What to His Sister??

Caution: Disturbing post.

Dear WISY,

I am writing to you about my sister who is married and has three kids and a lovely husband.

Anyway, me and my wife separated and my sister came to stay with me to comfort me.  One night I put 5 viagra pills in my drink because I was going to see a escort for sex, but my sister drank my drink by mistake and came on to me strong sexually.  Because my sister is pretty and sexy I started kissing my sister and we made love every way possible.

In the morning my sister was shocked and confused and said never again, but I forced my sister that morning.  I like my sister, it was the best ever.

Should I carry on with my sister?  She likes it now and she calls me, but her husband nearly caught us.

Signed,
Brother

Family Secrets: The scandalous history of an extraordinary family

Family Secrets - The Path from Shame to Healing

WISY's Response:

Dear Brother,

First, is this a prank??? Second, WTF! I had to remove some of what you wrote because I don't want my readers to vomit!  You're sick, your sister is sick, and you both need intensive mental and spiritual healing.

You're seriously asking if you should continue???!!! Go get a head evaluation, dude.

I hope you're arrested for incest and rape, and I hope your brother in law beats the crap out of you, divorces your sister and takes those three children out of her care.

Go get help!

Can't even say "Walk Good" to you.

YUCK!

#TeamWISY

I Read Her Text Messages

Dear WISY,

I've been seeing my girlfriend for a few months.  I love her and I see a future with her.  She is my first real girlfriend, and because of her I am more comfortable with my sexuality.  The other day she left her phone on the bathroom counter and I went into the bathroom and couldn't resist the urge to go through her phone.  I went through her messages and found out that she is bisexual and is still communicating with guys while we're together.

From her phone messages, I found out that she wants real 🍆.  She said she's tired of me acting like a man and she's ready for something different.  I feel like she's going to leave soon, but she hasn't been communicating anything to me.  She hasn't been acting different or anything.  I'm so confused.

Do I confront her about what I found?  How do I continue like I didn't see all of that?

Signed,
Girlfriend

Signs Of Cheating: How To Catch A Cheater, Understand Infidelity, Fix Relationship Problems & Apply Marriage Advice In The Age of Ashley Madison

Cheaters: 180 Telltale Signs Mates are Cheating and How to Catch Them
WISY's Advice:

Dear Girlfriend,

It's never a good idea to snoop, especially if you're not prepared to deal with anything you're not ready to see.  So, now you have to tell your girlfriend that you decided to go through her phone and you saw some things that made you uncomfortable and confused.  Ask her to be honest with you about her intentions with you.  If she hasn't been showing signs then she may be trying to stick it out with you.  It's also possible that she has difficulty expressing her needs, and will use this opportunity as her ticket out.  Just use this conversation to gain as much clarity as possible.  What happens next is totally up to you.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY
What Makes Love Last?: How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal Power of Communication,The: Skills to Build Trust, Inspire Loyalty, and Lead Effectively

  

  

My Husband is a Big Baby

Dear WISY,

I'm writing to complain about my husband.  I am considering divorce because he refuses to grow up!  I am tired of cleaning up after him, I am tired of him eating like a pig, I am tired of washing his stained underwear, I'm tired of him passing gas from both ends without saying "excuse me", I'm tired of him trashing the house worse than our children do, and most of all, I'm tired of him being so damn selfish!

My husband and I both work but he refuses to share equal responsibility with our children's activities.  He says I should cover the cost and time because he thinks it's all a waste of time.  Instead, he spends his money on video games and action figures.  I told him it doesn't matter what he thinks, the children enjoy it.   

He is just very immature, and I feel more like his mother than his wife.  What should I do?

Signed,
Fed Up

WISY's Advice:

Dear Fed Up,

I'm going to assume that your husband didn't just wake up one day and decide to be immature.  You met him this way and probably had hopes of him changing for you or you may have both been immature and he has failed to progress his mentality.  In any case, you knew who you were marrying.  I'm not making excuses for him, but people need to stop believing they can change people.  People will change when they feel the need, and he's probably of the mindset that he doesn't need to change.  So, you'll have to help nudge him in the right direction.

I can tell you're at your wit's end since you're considering divorce, and I'm sure you've communicated your grievances with your husband (right?).  The next step would be to seek professional help.  Tell your husband that you want to see a marriage counselor to help diminish the issues you are having.  Maybe that will prompt him to reevaluate his attitude towards his actions within the household and with helping to fund your children's activities.

If a marriage counselor is out of the question then you can turn to a family member or community leader for help.  Perhaps another male's guidance can sway him in the right direction.  He needs to understand that you are partners.  There's no room for such selfish behavior in a healthy marriage.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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Email WISY at DearWISY@gmail.com

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