I Love My Brother In Law

Dear WISY,

I have a confession to make.  I have been holding it for years and I can't take it anymore.  I find my sister's husband irresistible and I have been having an affair with him since before they were married.  I was with him on the eve of their wedding and he told me he loved me and told me that when he was saying his vows to my sister that he meant them for me too.

I know he loves me.  I can see it in his eyes when he tells me that he really wants to be with me.   When he sees me three times a week after his basketball games I can see it's hard for him to leave my side but I tell him he has to go.  I'm tired of telling him he has to go.  I want him to stay.  I don't have eyes for any other man and he is amazing in bed.  I want him so bad.  It sounds terrible but it's true.  I believe he is for me and I am for him.

I told him I'm going to tell my sister and he told me he is ready for the consequences of our actions.  I know my family will be upset with me but I don't care.  I love him too much.  I just don't want to regret it down the line.  I'm coming to you for your opinion to make my final decision.

Thanks,
I Love My Brother In Law

Dear ILMBIL,

I absolutely think you should tell your sister of your deceitful actions and take the back lash without protest.  I don't understand why you chose to have an affair with your sister's man when there are so many single men walking this earth.  You both should be ashamed of yourselves.  

I don't really have much more to say on this.  Tell her and prepare for karma.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY


     

Two's Company, Three's a Crowd

Dear WISY,

I need your opinion on a situation with my man.  We have a great sex life and we have a lot of fun together but every time we go out and he gets a few drinks in him, he asks me to have a threesome.  He'll say things like:  "Babe, wouldn't you want to see me do it to another chick?" or "Babe, we could make her do whatever we want her to do.  You'll like it too!"

I thought I was open to the idea but when I really think about it, I'm not sure that's the kind of activity I want to engage in.  I would tell him this but I am afraid he will be disappointed in my decision and look for a threesome without me.

I really love my man.  He's the master of love making and I don't know if I could be this satisfied by another guy but I'm not okay with the threesome thing.  On the other hand, I don't want to lose him.  What do I do?

Signed,
Just Us

Dear Just Us,

It's always best to be open and honest with your partner so go ahead and tell him how you feel about threesomes.  If he values your relationship then he'll give it a rest.  If he decides to look for a threesome elsewhere then let him go.  You will find someone else who is more compatible with your sexual preferences.

It seems this is something he really wants so also keep in mind that if he doesn't go looking elsewhere, he may try to re-introduce you to the idea again in the future.  

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

  

100+ Men and Still Not Satisfied

Dear WISY,

I'm a very experienced woman and I don't have any problem sleeping with who I want when I want.  The problem is, nine times out of ten, I am not satisfied by these men so I move from man to man looking for satisfaction.  I'm not ashamed of myself at all.  The problem is not me, it's the men who don't have the first clue as to how women need to be loved in order to climax.

Lately, I have been seeing a guy who is just too handsome to describe in words.  The sight of his body is all I need to get me going but the same problem occurs with him as well; he has no idea how to satisfy me.  It makes me wonder how many women go through life unsatisfied by men.  I've slept with at least 100 men and only a handful have satisfied me, so that means women aren't speaking out about being dissatisfied but, I digress.  I really want things to go far with this new guy.  I need some ideas as to what I can do to get him to hit it right!

Signed,
Experienced

WISY's Response:

Dear Experienced,

I suggest you simply talk to your new guy about your likes and dislikes.  You may need to just coach and guide him through your encounters so he learns how to get you to the finish line.  I don't know why you didn't do this sooner instead of sleeping with 100+ men in efforts to find satisfaction.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

X-out My Ex!

Dear WISY,

I need help with my ex girlfriend.  She is not ready to let go of me and I don't want her anymore.  She has been calling my cell phone non-stop and has even called my mother to try to get her to talk me into taking her back.  I don't want her anymore because she cheated on me with a woman and a some men too.  She is nasty and I can't put myself in the middle of so much drama.

She keeps calling me and telling me she is going to kill herself if I don't take her back and the worst part is she has been harassing my new woman.  Every time she sees her out by herself, she wants to beat her.  My new woman is soft and she is not into all of that.

What can I do to get rid of her?

Signed,

X-out My Ex

WISY's Response:

Dear X-out,

Have you made it clear that you are over her?  Your letter is lacking the action you have taken with her to ensure that she fully understands (some people need you to be blunt with them in order for them to get it).  Either way, this girl seems to have dangerous behavioral tendencies.  I recommend making a report to the police if she doesn't stop harassing you, your mother or your girlfriend.  A restraining order may not be such a bad idea either.  Be careful.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

        

Trust Issues

Dear WISY, 

I have a problem with people.  I don't trust anyone at all and I don't want to be that way anymore.  

When I was a child my mother passed away and I went to live with my auntie and her husband.  My auntie was very nice to me before my mom's death but when I lived with her she was awful.  She beat me all the time, she made me do all the house work and sometimes the yard work too.  She cursed me and told me I was a burden on her.  I was so hurt because I loved my auntie so much and I couldn't understand why she was treating me like sh!t. 

Eventually, she threw me out of the house and told me to go live with my grandmother but my granny was very old and she didn't have the energy to care for me.  I became very bad.  I was out of control and did all the things I knew I shouldn't do.  Nobody was there to care.  I learned quickly that I could use my body to get what I want.  I had a very shapely physique.  I was having sex for money so I could eat and help granny with her house and stuff.  

A few years passed and people were beginning to know what I did for a living.  My auntie's husband came to look about me.  I thought he was coming to help me but instead he wanted to have sex with me and pay me too.  So, I slept with him for $500.00 because I told him he is a high risk.  He kept coming back and I kept giving him what he wanted until one day he came with my aunt who told me she knew what I was doing and she was going to beat me.  I thought she meant she knew about me and her hubby but she didn't know.  I was surprised to see her hubby criticizing me and condemning my behavior when he was my biggest client.  I couldn't believe it.  I am trying to figure out how people can be so awful.  First, the auntie I loved turned her back on me when my mother died and then her husband reveals that he is the biggest hypocrite.  

I will move out of granny's house and live on my own.  I have enough money to make it on my own.  I don't plan to continue this but it's the only sure thing for me right now.  I don't have any friends.  I don't trust family and I need someone in my corner.  I don't know how to get that.  What can I do to change this life?

Signed,
Trust Issues

WISY's Response:

Dear Trust Issues,

Wow, that's a lot to have to go through.  My condolences on the passing of your mother.  I can only imagine how hard it has been for you and I can honestly say, without condoning your sexual behavior, that I understand why you have become the person you are.

Our adolescent years are our most influential and you have had a great deal of dishonesty and hypocrisy from people who should have cared for you in your mother's absence.  It's no wonder that you don't trust anyone and don't place any value on respect for family or yourself.

The first thing you need to do is see a therapist.  You need someone who will listen to your problems and support your future in a positive way.  Together, you can decide a course of action for you.  You should also continue your education and learn a skill or trade which does not include the flaunting or selling of your body.  Get involved in an educational program where there are people with the same passion and goals as you.  You may find comfort and friendship in someone who can help you stay on the right path.

Needless to say, you should stop the prostitution.  One day, it may be the police coming to look about you and then you'll have an additional hurdle to get over.  Stop while you're ahead.  Trust will not come immediately but I'm hopeful that you can slowly begin to put your trust in those who genuinely have your best interest at heart.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

P.S.  We can offer help with your situation if you need it.


    

He Beats Me!

Dear WISY,

I feel very embarrassed about my current situation.  I haven’t told a soul about what is going on with me.  I don’t have the courage to tell anyone and I feel alone.  I’ve never felt this isolated in my entire life. 

I met this guy about a year ago and we hit it off immediately. We were both born in third world countries so we had some things in common.  He was everything I’ve ever wanted in a man.  He was perfect.  He bought me gifts and he encouraged me to further my education and was very friendly with my family and friends.  Eventually, we got really serious.  We were talking about marriage and children and all the things a woman would want for her life.  

We went on a trip to his native country and he turned into a totally different person.  He told me that things were different there and my life turned upside down that same day.  He beat me for everything I’d ever done that he didn’t care for.  He called me names and told me I was nothing.  He told me I was spoiled and didn’t deserve anything good.  He only let me eat a small lunch and ate breakfast and dinner in front of me without offering me any.  He only allowed me to call my family once a week and I did so on the one day of the week he didn’t beat me (Sunday).  I endured this treatment for three weeks.  It felt like an eternity.  I vowed that I would have him arrested as soon as we touched American soil again and I told myself that I would leave him. 

On our plane ride back to the states, he told me that it was the custom of the men in his country to beat women.  He told me that if he didn’t do that then we would be frowned upon and disgraced.  I believed him.  It made sense that it was all an act; there was no way he could change so drastically.  I told him I didn’t want to ever visit his home land again and told him I forgave him. 

Stupid me.  The abuse started again that same week.  I have learned to wear make up to cover my marked up skin.  I no longer have a social life, I am always in a bad mood and I am on the verge of losing my job because I have called out sick so many times.  I know there are programs available to me but I really am afraid that someone will see me walk into one of the establishments and tell my business.  I’m afraid to call the police because he has friends that are officers and he says that he will get off and the cops will make my life a living hell.  I don’t know how to get out of this situation. Please help! 

Signed,
Abused 

WISY's Response:

Dear Abused,

First off, I'm so sorry to hear that you are in this situation and although you may feel alone and isolated, you are not.  There are many women that feel like they are being held hostage by their abusers with no way out.  Fortunately there are laws and programs in place to help you free yourself from the grip of your abuser.  

You say you're afraid of people knowing your business.  That shouldn't be a concern large enough to keep you from safety.  Besides, there are programs which mandate confidentiality.  You are safe to reach out and get the help you need.  I'm sure the story of the police friends is just a scare tactic used to keep you silent but if you fear that your boyfriend's words are true, you can go directly to a care facility in your area and they will protect you.

You're going to need your family and friends' support.  Don't be embarrassed to tell them what has been going on with you.  Abuse does not discriminate.  It occurs in the most affluent of homes as well as those which are poverty stricken across all races, ages and sex.  Let your loved ones know.  Receiving an outpouring of love and concern will help you heal.

Don't allow anymore of this abuse to continue.  Take photos of your abuse and visit your doctor so that you have medical records to help prove your case.  Map out a plan and stick to it.  I suggest you include a family member or close friend in your plans to ensure you are not deterred.  Get the help you need and gain the confidence to stand against your boyfriend when the law gets a hold of him.  It won't be an easy task.  It will be emotionally draining for you, I'm sure but it's time to regain control of your life.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

P.S.  If you need assistance locating a program in your area, please let me know.  I'm happy to help.


    

I Don't Like Her!

Dear WISY, 

It’s a new year and I really need to get something off of my chest.  Please don’t judge me. There is this girl that recently started working in my office building.  She is beautiful, she drives a nice car and she is also a very nice girl.  She’s always pleasant and always smiles to show off her beautiful teeth.  I hate her though. I hate how perfect she is and for the past month or so, I have been secretly trying to mess up her life.  

There is this guy in my office that really liked her. He was always talking about how beautiful she is and how he starts sweating in the elevator when they happen to be in there together.  I was so sick of him going crazy over her and I decided to end all of that.  I told him all these lies about her and how I knew her from before but she didn’t want me outing her about her previous ways so we act like we just met. I told him that she’s a hoe and how she had multiple abortions and all kinds of horrible stuff. 

He has now spread the rumors all over the office and people are talking about her left, right and center. The other day, the same guy told me he saw her on the elevator and made a remark about her being a slut with other people on the elevator.  He said she tried to act like she didn’t know what he was talking about but he let her have it anyway.  

This whole thing is a mess.  This girl is talking about suing the guy for slander and said that her colleagues have heard the rumors and are treating her differently.  I know I should confess to all of it but I really like that she isn’t being put on a pedestal anymore; that ‘bout drove me nuts!  I know I’m wrong for all of this but I just can’t make myself do the right thing and before you think it, no, I’m not jealous! 

Signed,
Not Jealous

WISY's Response:

Dear Not Jealous,

If you’re not jealous, as you say, then what would you call it?  Here is a girl who is going about her business.  She is pleasant with you and just happened to catch the attention of a guy you work with.  Where’s the harm in that?  Would you rather this guy go crazy over you?  Do you wish your teeth were as beautiful as hers (her beautiful teeth must bother you since you took the time to mention them)?  You are absolutely jealous of this girl.  You wish you had the qualities she possesses and you probably wish you had the attention she gets from the guy you work with.  Admit it.  You’re jealous.

Part of the reason why men disrespect women the way they do is because we disrespect each other first.  A woman who feels threatened by another woman will jump at the opportunity to degrade her.  Some of this stems from a history of lack of opportunity for women.  I’ll also place blame on the lack of upstanding men.  It seems women are more concerned with their relationship with men than they are with each other.  It’s a shame that we cannot realize the power we hold by standing together and ultimately becoming the ruling sex of this world.

Now, we need to get down to the legal fiasco which may ensue because of your lies.  Before people are wrongfully charged, you need to come clean.  I don’t know why you are hesitant about it.  I guarantee that you will be exposed.  In the legal world, there are investigations and it won’t be difficult to find the root to all of this evil.  Come clean and apologize.  Make sure your admission reaches the numbers that your false rumors have.  Prepare to receive the same treatment that you caused the girl to have.  When it comes, I hope you can take it.  You definitely deserve it, not her.

Your jealousy undoubtedly stems from insecurity.  Do what you need to do to boost your self-esteem and become a person who contributes positively to the world.  Holding onto such feelings will make you sick; both mentally and physically.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

     

I Was Too Drunk to Remember

Dear WISY,

It's been almost six months now and my ex best friend still won't speak to me.  I accidentally slept with her man and she's mad at me and not at him.  She really should be mad at him because he was sober and I was drunk.  I really don't even remember actually having sex with him.  All I know is what he claimed went down.  He said I came on to him one night when the three of us were chilling.  My bestie fell asleep like she always does when we drink and her man said I jumped on him.  I'm 5'2" and 120 lbs.  There is no way I could've just jumped on him and taken what I wanted.  He could have pushed me off easily.  I don't know, it all seems like a big lie to me now that I think about it.

She's just blinded by him.  She believes everything he says.  It's ridiculous.  If he told her that Michael Jackson was still alive she would believe it (no disrespect to MJ.  R.I.P.)!  I don't get it.  I wish she could see that this whole thing doesn't make much sense.  I hate being accused for things I didn't do but to me, trying to regain her trust is pointless now.  Do you think I should give it one last shot?

Signed,
Ex Bestie

WISY's Response:

Dear Ex Bestie,

This whole story sounds a little fishy to me.  I don't trust the boyfriend's account of what went down.  You're right, you're petite and it's highly unlikely that you could overpower a man (I'm assuming he's bigger than you) unless you were thoroughly trained in combat.  So, with that said, I believe that perhaps you did unknowingly sleep with him and he wanted it or he lied about the whole thing.

How was your relationship with him prior to this?  Did he ever come on to you?  Did he express his dislike for you?  Whatever the case may be, he seems to have wanted your relationship with your best friend to deteriorate.  

It's a shame that you don't have any recollection of the night.  Let this be a lesson to you as well.  There's no need to drink to the point where you can't truly be sure of your actions.  That's a dangerous situation to put yourself in.

I know this may be a hard thing to do but I think you should move on.  It's already been six months and if your best friend really missed having you in her life, she would've reached out already.  Besides, rekindling the friendship would mean accepting her boyfriend back in your life as well.  I think you're better off without someone who would take advantage of you or lie on you.  Leave it alone.  The truth is bound to come out sooner or later and that will be an issue your ex bestie will have to take on.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

She Won't Leave My Man Alone

Dear WISY,

I found out recently that my man has been cheating on me.  He met a girl and he told her all about me and she decided that she still wanted to be with him.  Well, I guess things got messy because I found out about it.  I would leave him high and dry but I just found out I am 4 months pregnant.  I decided to confront the girl and let her know and instead of getting upset and leaving my man alone, she said she could not wait to go baby shopping for her step son or daughter.  I would have kicked her ass right there but I'm pregnant so I don't want to risk anything.

I don't know how to get rid of this girl.  She keeps calling my man and texting him.  She has no respect for me at all.  I believe he goes out with her now that I am not in the mood to go anywhere.  She just won't leave my man alone!  Doesn't she see that I am pregnant for him?  She should be ashamed of herself for holding on to a taken man.  How can I get rid of this pain in my ass?  I can't stop crying.

Signed,
Wifey

WISY's Response:

Dear Wifey,

Sorry to hear you are in such a stressful situation while pregnant, however I need you to snap out of it and come to your senses.  This girl will not leave your man alone unless your man tells her to leave him alone.  I see you have been confronting this girl but have you confronted your man?  Have you told him that you won't stand for his infidelity?  Before you go blaming the other woman (as many women love to do), make the man take responsibility for his actions.  She could never become an issue for you unless your man allowed and welcomed it.

Go talk to your man and let him know that this situation isn't healthy for you nor the baby.  If he doesn't stop the madness, let him go.  He obviously doesn't respect you.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY


     

XXX Addiction

Dear WISY,

I am at a point where I can truly say I am addicted to pornography.  I have an issue with it and I need some help.  I am losing control of my life.  I think about porn all day long and I have to take many bathroom breaks at work to watch a clip on my phone to quench my thirst otherwise, I get anxious.  I am young and I do not go out, I do not have many friends, I don't have a hobby and worst of all I don't have a significant other.

I have tried praying about it but it doesn't help.  I don't know who I can talk to because I am ashamed of my ways.  I will tell you this so you can understand how extreme this problem is, I have stopped typing twice to watch pornography.  Please help me out.  I don't know what to do.

Signed,
Addicted

WISY's Response:

Dear Addicted,

I suggest you try a combination of long term therapy and a rehabilitation program.  Just as there are programs to aide drug and alcohol abusers, there are programs that help porn addicts as well.  The professionals in these programs will guide you on your way and prepare you for situations which may cause you to have a relapse.

I am glad you reached out and are able to identify that you have a problem.  You have already made the most important step on the road to your recovery.  I am optimistic that you will overcome this obstacle in your life.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

P.S.  Let me know if you need help locating a program which fits your needs.

     

Right Now, I Choose Dad Over Mom

Dear WISY,

My mom's boyfriend is a dog!  He has no respect at all.  Every time I'm home alone with him, he walks around the house in his briefs only.  I usually ignore him and go into my room but the other day he passed his place and asked me about one of my friends.  He knows she's young like me and he knows I will probably tell my mom about him asking but he still did.  He told me he would buy me anything I wanted if I hooked him up with her.  Of course, I didn't tell her but I told my mom and she accused me of lying! 

I packed a bag and now I am at my father's house with his wife and step children.  I told him everything and he believed me and told me not to worry, he will deal with my mom's man.  Right now (as I am typing this), my mom is outside creating a big scene.  She is cursing my dad and his wife and threatening to call the police but I'm old enough to have a say as to where I live.  I won't even go outside and let her see me.  She should have believed me over her nasty man.  My father is the best man she ever had and soon she will realize it.

I don't want to go back to her house until she tosses the trash she has in the house but deep down I feel bad for her.  She should never have chosen him over me then this wouldn't have happened!  Should I just go back or stay with my dad?

Signed,

Fed Up Daughter

WISY's Response:

Dear Fed Up,

I'm glad you left your mom's house.  That household is not a place for a young girl to be.  Did you ever tell your mom about her man wearing his underwear only when you're alone with him in the house?

If your mother cannot put her child's best interest first then she has no business trying to raise you.  If her man is bold enough to be practically naked around you and then ask you to hook him up with your friend then who knows what could have been next.  He could've come after you.  Thank goodness that didn't happen.

Stay where you are until your mother can ensure a safe environment for you. 

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

                     

My Pastor Was My First

Dear WISY,

You posted a letter last week that gave me the courage to write you about a situation I am in.  The girl said her mother was involved with the pastor and I too am involved with my pastor but I do not want to be.  My pastor has been a menace to me since I was 13 years old and now I am almost 25 years old.  The problem is, my parents trusted him and so did all of the church members so when he asked that me and a few other girls stay for choir practice and other activities, nobody thought it was odd.  I don't know if he is still involved with the other girls but he still sees me.  He took my virginity and this might sound weird but I fell for him.  Now, I want to escape him but I do not know how.  He is so influential that I am sure nobody will believe that he has been involved with me for so many years.  I am afraid and mostly ashamed of what I allowed to happen to me.  He told me he will hurt me if I speak of anything that has happened between us.  What should I do?  There is a guy that I am beginning to have feelings for and I don't want him to know about the pastor.  I would like to have a normal relationship with him.  What should I do?

Signed,
Another Pastor Love

WISY's Response:

Dear Another Pastor Love,

It is very important that you expose this predator to the public.  He should be in jail for what he did to you and the other girls.  Try to get in touch with the girls and see if they would be willing to come forward with you.  If not, still report the matter to the authorities and explain your concerns about the pastor threatening you and his probable denial of all allegations.  

You will probably be asked to provide evidence.  Suggest a secretly recorded meeting where you speak of all the activities with the pastor and make reference to the first incident when you were just a child.  I would suggest you carry out the recording on your own but I don't know where you are and audio recording could be illegal without getting permission first.

You may also be faced with statute of limitations issues but you should still go forward with your information and at least expose the pastor for the criminal that he is.  You never know, he may still be abusing children today and you have the power to stop that and ensure his prosecution.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

She Stinks!

Dear WISY,

I'm having a problem with my girl.  She is beautiful, smart and very kind but she smells very bad.  I first noticed when we went on our first date and I thought to myself that she is just nervous and sweating a lot since it is our first date but I noticed it again and again and again.  I'm not sure how I can approach her without hurting her feelings and I really don't want her to become upset and leave me.  Like I said, everything about her is wonderful except her musty smell.  I don't take her out much because I am embarrassed for her.  I even bought her some nice soaps and perfume but she still smells.  I need suggestions to help her out.  I really don't want to be subjected to her bad scent anymore.

Signed,
She Stinks

WISY's Response:

Dear She Stinks,

Soap and perfume are not strong enough to eliminate body odor on a long term basis.  Perhaps your girlfriend should try clinical strength deodorant and if that doesn't work, she needs to see a doctor.  Hopefully, you can begin to enjoy every aspect of her very soon.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY



     

In Love with a Rasta Man

Dear WISY, 

I am young, too young to be on my own but I am seriously wanting to leave my parent’s house and go live in the hills with my boyfriend and his family.  My parents raised me in the church and my boyfriend'’s family is Rastafarian.  Our beliefs are similar but my parents think that Rasta people do not care enough about their appearance and they hate dread locks.  Me, personally, I love dread locks and I love to see when my lion takes off his hat and those long dreads flow down his back.  It gives me chills.  I just wish my parents would accept him.  It would make life so much easier for us.  His parents accept me and invite me to visit them all the time but I can’'t say the same for my parents.  

I can tell he is getting frustrated with the situation.  He loves me but he doesn'’t love the disrespect he gets from my family.  He feels bad about meeting me secretly and really I feel that he doesn'’t deserve to be treated this way either.  He is my king and I want to show him how much I respect him.  I will be 18 in a few months but I don’t have a job and I'’m still in school.  I don’t know if it’'s a good idea to leave home even though my heart is telling me to go.  We love each other and I don’t want to lose him.  What should I do? 

Signed,
Rasta Lover

WISY's Response:

Dear Rasta Lover,

Religious beliefs aside, I think you already know the potential struggle you will endure if you leave your parents' house; you are still a student and you cannot support yourself financially.  How will you support yourself elsewhere?  Do not assume that your boyfriend's family will take you in with no expectations in return.  I know at this age, love seemingly conquers all and living happily ever after with your boyfriend and his family may seem like the perfect escape from your parents and their judgmental ways.  However, you are still so young and I would hate for you to make a decision which you may regret later in life.  

Also, be clear that you are in love with your boyfriend but that doesn't necessarily mean you will be in love with the Rastafarian lifestyle.  Are you aware of everything that entails?  It may mean a total shift in lifestyle.  Are you ready to change everything that has been the norm for you your entire life?

Take your time.  You haven't even begun to experience life and all it has to offer.  For now, talk to your parents and try to clarify any misconceptions they may have.  Maybe both families can get together and come to an understanding.  Who knows, your parents may have a change of heart.  In any case, I think your first concern should be to complete your education then once you can financially support yourself, you can be free to love who you want.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY