I Wish My Skin Was Darker

Dear WISY,

I've been living with this issue for most of my life.  I don't talk about it and most people that know me have no idea I have this issue.  It takes a lot of effort everyday for me to deal with it but it's necessary.  I read a letter on here a few weeks ago and thought of how foolish the woman was for wanting to be lighter.  I may be just as foolish because I want to become darker.

Please do not think I am strange for this but I wear make-up to appear darker than I really am.  I have a fair complexion and I wear dark foundation on my neck and face to appear darker.  I wear layers and layers of foundation, concealer and powder to give the illusion that I have a chocolate complexion.  I never wear clothing which reveals my arms and legs but I have been invited on a beach vacation with my close friends and I don't see how I am going to pull this off.  I have looked into spray tanning but that will wash off in no time and I know tanning beds are extremely dangerous for your skin.

I am petrified to allow my friends to see my real complexion.  When I was younger, I used to be angry at my parents for making me this way.  My mother is Asian and my father is mixed with Mexican and Portuguese.  I am very pale and don't feel as beautiful as my darker friends.

I need advice as to how I can deal with this.  I don't want to talk to anyone I know yet.  I need ideas to help me approach the situation.

Please don't judge!

Signed,
Fake Chocolate Girl

WISY's Response:

Dear Fake Chocolate,

I am glad you wrote in and have exposed us to another side of the skin alteration spectrum.  Just like people who choose to bleach their skin, you too have a degree of self hate.  I'm not sure of the environment in which you were raised but I know that the want to alter yourself usually stems from some sort of social influence.  Did you grow up in an area which was heavily populated by darker people?  Were you teased because of your complexion?  I would like to know what it was that triggered this desire for change within you.  You should think about it also.  Only then will you be able to make steps to escape this mental prison you are trapped in.

I would absolutely recommend revealing the truth to your friends.  If they are your true friends, you will undoubtedly have their support and understanding.  I'm sure you will feel an immense sense of relief once the truth is out.  The effort you are taking to mask your true self could be used toward something more constructive.

Let it go.  We are far too concerned with our outward appearances.  What we should seek from each other is genuine character.  Inner beauty is far more attractive than anything make-up can create.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

I Want to Have His 7th Child

Dear WISY,

I am involved with a guy who has six children by three women.  I don't have any but I really want a child of my own.  He is a good father.  Sometimes, he struggles to support them financially but he tries his best.

I'm not sure if I should ask him about having another child.  I would really like to have a baby of my own but I know he probably won't want that at this current time.  

I am having conflicting thoughts.  My friends say I should move on and find someone with no children so we can build a family together without financial constraints but my heart just wants to add the completed piece to his puzzle.

What do you think I should do?

Signed,
Maybe 7

IG Stalkers!

Dear WISY,

Recently, I checked my IG and noticed that a girl who openly hates me 'liked' one of my photos.  She doesn't follow me and she doesn't speak to me when she sees me.  I've only heard from people that she doesn't like me.  She doesn't know me either but I don't give a f*&k either way.  My IG is open for all to see but my question is, if you don't like me, why are you on my IG profile?  And I know you didn't like my pic to let me know you stopped by. You accidentally liked my pic and didn't notice!  

If I go questioning her about it, they will say I'm starting drama but I would really like to know what it is she was looking for since she openly hates my guts.  If you hate me, why are you looking at my stuff?

Should I say something or should I let it slide?

Signed,
Stay Off My IG!

Living a Lie

This letter has been translated to English from a different language.  Please forgive any discrepancies.

Dear WISY,

I have a confession to make.  I have been wanting to come clean for a very long time but I just can't so I will let my thoughts out here.

I was born a man but I have been living as a woman for the past five years.  I am beautiful, sexy and full of class.  I do not live in the country of my birth.  Instead I have moved away to a society which is more accepting of such issues.  I currently have a boyfriend and he seems to be very much in love with me.  He is asking to take the relationship further but I obviously cannot do that at this time.  I have been trying to raise money to get my surgical procedure done.  I want him to wait until I have my surgery and then I can go further.  I'd rather not tell him what is really underneath my clothes.  He thinks I am just shy and says that he also admires that I am wanting to wait but I can tell he is growing anxious.

This is a deceiving act, I know.  Do you blame me for not wanting to tell him?

Signed,
Living a Lie

I Am a Bridesmaid In My Ex's Wedding

Dear WISY,

Some time has passed since this happened but it is still on my mind and I wanted to get your readers' opinion on this.  First off I will say that I know I am a very stubborn person and I tend to hold grudges but I feel entitled to these feelings I am carrying.

When I was a pre-teen I fell head over heels in love with a guy who lived close to me.  Everybody called it puppy love but I knew in my heart that I would marry this boy one day.  Naturally, things happened and we broke up.  He was heart broken but I was ok.  I felt a little relief when I found out he was holding hands with another girl while walking her home from school.  I was hurt but relieved because this boy was beginning to become very possessive of me.  My mother even noticed the way he had changed.

My good friend was also very concerned about the whole relationship.  She claimed he was no good from the beginning and didn't like him for me at all.  So, you can imagine the shock and hurt I felt when she began dating him in college.  She knew we still spoke on the phone and she knew how much I loved him.  Yes, there was a six year gap in between but I still feel like he is off limits to her.

At first, I told her I was ok with it but as it got more serious between them, I felt rage and jealousy.  She knows he was my first everything!  How could she go there?  Of all the people in the world she chose my first love?  I don't understand it at all.

Now, they are set to walk down the aisle in a few weeks.  I don't know if I can stand and be her bride's maid.  I thought I could but I'm not too sure anymore.  Maybe I should have just told her I didn't like it from the beginning.  Maybe she would not carry on the relationship or maybe she would stop talking to me so she could carry on the relationship.  Either way, I wouldn't be in this situation right now.

Should I tell her that I can't be in the wedding?

Signed,
Jealous

Used and Discarded

Dear WISY, 

Problems are arising within my household.  I am married to a man who had three kids before he met me.  He has sole custody of his children and I really admired him for that.  It is rare when a man fights for his children because he knows the mother is just not the best thing for them.  Fast forward nine years and the children are in their teens.  The two youngest boys are very respectful and do not disobey but the daughter is out of control.  I have tried to discipline her but she retaliates by telling me I am not her mother and that she wants to go live with her real mother.  I told her she could go ahead and leave because I will not stand for anyone disrespecting me in my home.  This little c*** went on to tell me that I am a barren woman and that I have no right to raise anyone'’s kids because I cannot make any of my own. WISY, this cut me like a knife and before I knew it, I was beating her. 

When I realized what I was doing I began apologizing but she has now vowed to break up her father and I.  When my husband got home, she told him I attacked her and tried to kill her.  Now, he has always been partial to her. He feels guilty that her mother is unfit and has always been very lenient with her.  He immediately asked me to leave his home.  He told me he would allow me 30 days to find somewhere else to go.  How did it get this far? I am in shambles.  I have dedicated my life to making this family complete.  I don'’t have a trade, I have nothing for myself.  I literally gave my life to this man and his three children.  Now I am being discarded and not allowed to explain myself thoroughly.  I'’m hoping that he will have a change of heart or maybe the daughter will come to her senses and apologize to me for the disrespect.  I don’t know what I should do now.  What should I do? 

Signed, 
All for Nothing 

Addicted to Bleaching My Skin!

Dear WISY, 

I tried to take the advice of my friends and stop bleaching my skin but it seems I am addicted to rubbing. My skin is very fragile and I have stretch marks all over. I live in the Caribbean but I can'’t go out into the sun. I can’t even depend on umbrella shade because as soon as I feel heat, I feel like I am on fire. 

I am so uncomfortable but I can’t stop. My mother cries every day and my youngest son is afraid of me. My oldest said I look like a ghost but when I look in the mirror I see beauty.  My skin is fair and looks like a porcelain dolly.  I love the way I look but do not like the consequences it is causing.  I wonder if they are all just jealous of my beauty.  I don'’t know but I know I feel bad sometimes that my friends and family are not happy with me and the way I look.  

Please don’t come with the skin cancer story because it’'s not bleaching that causes cancer, it is the food we eat that causes cancer! 

Signed, 
Fair and Very White 

To my knowledge, this is not the woman who wrote to us.  Picture used for illustration purposes only.

I Love Two Men From the Same Family!

Dear WISY,

A few months ago I had the opportunity to meet my fiancées family.  Most of them live in London and we took a trip to meet them.  Everything was going well until I was introduced to his nephew.  Let me not forget to mention that my future husband is 23 years older than I am.  The problem with meeting his nephew was the fact that I had a relationship with him when I was studying.  We were involved in a very passionate affair for about two years and broke it off after graduation.  He wanted to continue but I knew the distance and schedule would not permit for a relationship.  He hasn’t spoken to me since.

His reaction to seeing me prompted everyone to ask if we know each other but we both denied any prior communication.  One would think that after all these years (10 to be exact) our feelings would subside but my heart reconnected instantly and my body remembered all the pleasure he once gave me.  I went about the rest of the day trying to behave normally.  I tried really hard to suppress my feelings but it grew increasingly difficult every time I saw him.

Eventually, we were alone and he began telling me that it was destiny that we would meet again and that he doesn’t care what the family says or thinks of him, he wants me back in his life.  He told me he has been unable to fall for anyone because his heart belongs to me.  He told me his uncle was too old for me and said he was willing to work hard and provide everything his uncle does for me.

I know this may sound completely ridiculous but I am now torn.  I have been caught off guard by all of this and my emotions are running wild.  What do you suggest I do?

Signed,

All in the Family

Is My Husband Living a Double Life?

Dear WISY,

I received a disturbing call from an unknown number stating that my husband is living a double life.  My husband is a highly regarded man of the community and condemns the lifestyle he accused of secretly leading.  I do not want to believe it but the person is claiming to be my husband's male lover.  He was very convincing and spoke of my husband's body in a way that only I should. 

To be quite honest, I have noticed my husband's absence both emotionally and physically.  I have noticed some changes in him that are hints that he is interested in male companionship.  My husband and I haven't been intimate in almost a year and I can't help but think that I have contributed to my husband seeking comfort elsewhere.  Why he is seeking it with another male is puzzling to say the least.

I have since been consumed with the information that was delivered.   I am unable to concentrate on work and I have lost my appetite.  I can barely look my husband in the face.  I am overwhelmed with the feeling that my husband is an undercover homosexual and I am dying to ask him about it but am afraid of the consequences.  I am thinking of hiring a private investigator to trail him and uncover the truth before I accuse him of anything.

What are your thoughts?  Please help!  I am losing my mind!

Signed,

Disturbed Wife

                     

My Clothes Are Worth More Than My Rent

Dear WISY,

A few months ago me and a few of my friends went into a store and stole some items to wear to a party.  This is something we do a lot because we need to always be fashion forward.  Trust me when I say the clothes and shoes we wear to these parties are worth more than our monthly rent but we don't care.  Fashion over everything, wi seh!

On this occasion, a few months ago, we were caught on camera and there have been posters posted with our images on them asking for information.  When I saw this, I got scared and turned myself in.  I tried lie and tell them I wasn't stealing but they didn't believe me.  The detectives asked me about the other girls but I told them I didn't know them because I'm no informer.  

Long story short, I was fined and given 30 days probation.  My friends are now calling me idiot and all kinds of names and are saying they do not want to be seen with me anymore.  I feel like reporting their names after all.  I find them to be ungrateful!

What should I do?

Signed,
Fashion Diva

Is My Cousin Sleeping With My Man?

Dear WISY,

Lately, I’ve been so sad and depressed.  I just don’t know what to do.  I don’t know what it is but my boyfriend has changed drastically on me.  We share the same interests and have always enjoyed doing things together but for the past month or so, it’s been hell in my home.  He ignores me, he’s out all night, he sleeps in the guest room and he has put a lock on his phone, tablet and laptop. 

We’re supposed to be planning our wedding but it looks like I should be planning to move out and be on my own.  I’ve tried talking to him about it and he assures me that we are fine but it’s obvious that things are not good. 

What really prompted me to write this letter is what happened last night.  Last night I stayed up and listened for the door.  It was around 3:00 AM and I’m usually asleep.  He was talking on the phone but I couldn’t make out what he was saying.  He went into the bathroom and then peeked in our room to see if I was asleep.  I pretended I was.  He left and went into the guest room.  After a few minutes, I crept over to the guest room door and I could hear him talking to someone.  I suspected he was video chatting with them because he was telling the person to bend over and pose and show him areas of the body that I am too embarrassed to type.  He was enjoying it a lot and I couldn’t stand it anymore.  I opened the door and confronted him.

I could see that it was another woman on the screen and I’m pretty sure it was my cousin but she ended the session on her end before I could get a good look and he closed his laptop.  I asked who it was and he kept telling me to go back to bed.  He was irritated and said that we would talk in the morning.  He pushed me out of the room and I went back to bed, heartbroken.

This morning when I got up, he was already gone.  I called his phone but he didn’t answer.  I emailed him, texted him, I left voice messages but he didn’t respond to any.

Should I give up and tear myself away from him?  What about my cousin?  Should I ask her if that was her on the screen?

I need some support.  I am so broken up over this.  The feeling I have is unbearable.  What should I do???

Signed,

Broken Up

                                             

My Man Had An Outside Child but I love it!

Dear WISY,

I date a guy who is very popular on my island.  He is a part of a sound.  If you don’t know what that is, it’s like a group of guys who play music at parties and have sound systems with speakers and sometimes they clash each other to see who has the best music.  A little more complicated than that but you get the idea.  Those kind of guys are very popular and the girls go mad over them.  I knew that before I started dealing with him and I still went ahead and did my thing.  

I don’t mind the fact that girls are crazy for him but I do mind that he is doing things with them and getting them pregnant.  This nasty girl sent me a message on FB with a picture of their supposed baby.  I showed him the picture and he said he doesn’t know the girl or the baby.

For some reason, I didn’t believe him.  Why would this girl send me a message and go as far as to attach a baby picture if he wasn’t the father?  I messaged her back although he told me to block her and asked for her number.  She sent it right away.  When I called she was cool and very sad.  She said he knows he got her pregnant and has been ignoring her.  She just wants his help and doesn’t want a relationship.  I took it a step further and asked if I could visit her.  She agreed.

I visited her and the baby and I fell in love with that child.  He was the spitting image of my boyfriend and he couldn’t deny him.  I went out and brought back some pampers and baby food and told her I would help her even if my boyfriend didn’t want to.  The child was just too special to ignore.

My man was very upset with me and I explained to him that it didn’t matter if it was his or not.  I would love that baby even if I had met him under different circumstances.  I just feel a connection with the child and I can’t explain why but I won’t question or fight the feeling.

He has since left me and come back.  He is shocked at my behaviour and he said that he needed to see this baby that I love so much.  So I took him with me when I went to take some stuff to the mother.  The girl cried when she saw him and told him that she didn’t want him but didn’t want him to ignore their child.  He then admitted that he did sleep with her and he would like a paternity test just to be sure the little boy is his.

Since all of that, we have all been in contact with each other and giving the baby the love and care he deserves.  My friends say I am crazy and that they would have left him for doing what he did but it’s just something I can’t explain.  Children are innocent and love conquers all.

I just want to tell these women out here who use their children as revenge and treat them bad because of what their father did to the mother that it’s not the child’s fault.  Raise them with love so that they understand what it is to love and be loved and therefore won’t repeat the cycle of broken relationships.

I don’t think I’m crazy, do you?

Signed,

In Love with Baby Boy

                     

My Father Is Under The Spell of My Wicked Step Mother

Dear WISY:

I come from a very happy family.  My siblings and I enjoyed a very nice upbringing.  My fondest memories are of us climbing fruit trees and laying in the yard filling our bellies with mangoes, guavas, sugar cane and lots more!  It was awesome and I always said I would raise my child in the same fashion.

Unfortunately, my mother died a few years ago and we were all grief stricken (still are).  My father recently remarried and his new wife has since transferred all of his assets into her name and has ordered that my siblings and I not return home after college.  I am in my last year and I am pleading with my father to allow me to come back home until I am able to support myself but he is under the spell of this evil witch and he refuses to allow it.

I am so enraged by my father’s stupidity and this woman’s selfishness.  How could he allow her to take full control this way?  My mother would have never done this to us.  Where are we supposed to go until we can find jobs to support ourselves?

Do you have any suggestions?  Please help.

Signed,

Nowhere to Go

He Took My Happiness

Dear WISY:

Today marks the anniversary of the saddest day of my life.  I don’t usually talk about this but I am in so much pain and I just need to let it out and speak about it openly and truthfully and I can’t do that with the people I know.

Last year, on this day, I was supposed to preparing for the birth of my child in a few weeks.  I was so excited and my house was ready to welcome the new addition.  My husband was excited too. Every day he came home and rubbed my belly and expressed how happy he was. He was the best father-to-be on the planet in my eyes.  

However, his excitement was all an act.  You see, my husband (now ex-husband) was living a double life.  He was already a father to three young children and he kept them and their mother hidden away from me in a huge house overlooking the ocean.  This man is so sick that he would drive me by the house and ask if I liked the house and if I could ever see myself living there.  Each time, I would imagine myself in that house living with my husband and future children.

His acts of adultery and trickery were terrible but I could get over all of that with the distraction of a new baby but he took that from me too.  One night he came home and his smell was odd.  It was a mixture that caused me to become nauseous and I went immediately to the bathroom.  He came in and pushed my head into the toilet.  He hit my head on the seat until I passed out.  The rest of the ordeal I had to learn from my health records and the doctors who could stand to deliver such tragic news.  He beat me so bad that I had two black eyes, a broken nose and jaw, missing and broken teeth.  Patches of hair were pulled from my head and the worst of all; he kicked me repeatedly in the back and stomach until he killed our baby.  I had to be taken to the hospital for an emergency surgery.  

The weirdest thing is, he took me to the hospital and told them everything.  He was arrested and taken away to jail.  I haven’t seen or heard from him since and I have since moved from that town and I am trying to get a visa to America to be with my cousins.  I cannot live here anymore with these people who look like him and remind me of him.

I just wanted to talk about it today.

Thank you.

What's Your Preference?

I received a few letters from men asking what they can do to attract women.  They want to know what women like, so...

Ladies:

The guys want to know what type of man is the best match for you?  Why?

a) Submissive

b) Rebel

c) Dominant

d)Other (give your own explanation)

Guy #1 or Guy #2?

Dear WISY,

I am in a position and I know what I should do but I can't bring myself to do it because my heart has clouded my judgment.  I'm head over heels in love with someone who isn't right for me and I'm being pursued by someone who is doing everything right and would make the perfect life long partner.  

I can't explain how I feel about Guy #1.  What I feel can't be put into words.  It's like there is a force that pulls me to him.  He has expressed his feelings towards me and they are identical to mine but for some reason we always have conflict.

Guy #2 is sweet, caring and pays close attention to me to determine my likes and dislikes.  He has his flaws but is willing to work to become a better person so that we can have a solid relationship and bright future.  I respect him for that and I care about him but I don't love him.

Why is it that I can't love the right one?  Should I ignore my feelings for #1 and move forward with #2?  Do you think the feelings will subside for #1 and increase for #2 if I do this?  I need your input.

Thank you.

Signed,
Which One?

       

Shedding Light In The Dark

Dear WISY,

I would like to shed light on a topic no one seems to want to talk about.  I am in a very sick and dysfunctional family.  I'm not going to butter this up or make light of the situation so please edit as you see fit.

My stepmother has been abusing my brothers for the past five years or so.  I had no idea until my youngest brother (only 13) came to me and confessed everything.  He is doing poorly in school and has been in numerous fights with other students.  I believe his behavior is a direct result of what is happening to him at home.  

He told me that this b*tch would go into their rooms late at night and touch them inappropriately.  She began having sex with my eldest brother when he was 15.  He is now 20.  My youngest brother is afraid that she will try to have sex with him next since my eldest brother has left the house.

I told my father but he is so busy running after other women that he really doesn't care.  He says I'm making things up and that my youngest brother is lying.  My eldest brother has moved away from home and won't return our calls.  Now I know why.

I want to know if I should go to the police?  Where I live, people don't really talk about these things.  It will bring shame but I do not care.  I want to shout it from the mountain top so that everyone knows what she had done!

Signed,

My Brothers' Keeper

                                           

Surprise, Surprise!

Dear WISY,

I've discovered something about myself within the last month or so.  It's something I have always looked down upon and thought it was a desire that only people with mental illness crave.  

I was making love to my girlfriend on a Sunday morning before we go to church to repent for our sinful behaviour and I was on top of her giving it to her like the stallion I am.  She was moaning as usual and her eyes were rolled back in her head.  She gripped my buttocks and then her finger brushed against my anus.  Oh my goodness gracious!  What a sensation!  I behaved as if I didn't notice but I moved her hands back to that spot hoping to feel it again.  I was lucky!  The finger touched again and I pushed myself into her.  She realized the pleasure and kept her finger there, eventually inserting it.  I behaved like a wild buck!  Throwing myself into her like a mad man.  However, she liked it.  I am ashamed to say I liked it too.

I would like to know if this is something among normal people or am I going mad?!

Signed,

Ashamed to Like It

                                             

Money First, Family Later

Dear WISY,

My man is intimidated by my success.  At first he said he loved the fact that I had all I needed and acquired it on my own.  He loved it when we took trips to places he'd never been and he loved the clothes, the events and everything else that came with dating a successful woman.

A few months ago he started asking about children and if I had any intentions of having a family with him.  I told him I wasn't ready to start a family and I wanted to work towards increasing my net-worth before taking a break to raise a family.

His response was not at all what I expected and he began insulting me about the very things he initially admired me for.  He says I'm too bossy, too stubborn/strong headed etc.  He has made mention of leaving me and finding a woman who is humble and not afraid to allow a man to be a man.

I'm so thrown off by his behavior.  I don't understand how he could switch his views on me.  After all, I never said I wouldn't start a family.  I simply stated that I wasn't ready.  Where's the crime in that?

Signed,
Not Ready

Dis"GRUNT"led

Dear WISY,

I have a problem.  I am in a new relationship with someone who is a great boyfriend.  He does everything a woman would want her man to do but I have a problem with him.  He makes this disgusting grunting sound when he eats and it has turned me off from him.  My mother said I’m being ridiculous but I just can’t get over it.  What methods do you suggest I use to get over something like that?

Signed,

Disgruntled with the Grunter

Can't Keep Up

Dear WISY,

I have been dating a guy from my city for about a month now.  He's a lot of fun and keeps me on my toes.  Every day it's something new and exciting.  The problem is, now I'm tired.  I would like to spend some evenings doing something low-key or even spend the night just resting.  

When I suggest doing something different, he tells me I'm getting boring and can't keep up with him.  The truth is, he's right- well half right, I can't keep up with him but I don't want to lose him.  The sex matches his high energy and he is drop dead gorgeous.  He's smart, well-rounded and passionate about life.  I wish I had the stamina to match his.  Should I just hold on and hope my energy increases or should I push the 'next stop' button and get off the ride?

Signed,

Can't Keep Up

I'm In Love with My Mom's Man

Dear WISY,

This is awful and I know it but sometimes loves drives us to do the unthinkable.  I have been in a secret relationship with my mother’s boyfriend for the past two years.  She thinks he’s still around because he loves her but in fact it is me that he loves and I love him.  When she is away for work, he and I have the most fun in the house and do whatever we want, wherever we want to do it.  It’s exciting and now I want to have him all to myself.  I can’t stand it when he is locked away in her room for hours.  I hate that he sleeps with her at night and I hate that he kisses her in front of me.

I am willing to risk the relationship with my mother for this man.  He is just that great but I know how heart broken she will be and I can’t live with that.  If she didn’t love him the way she does, I would take him but she is truly in love and I know how damaged she would be if I took him.

I’m ready to move out to try to keep my mind off of him and when I expressed this to him, he threatened me and said I could never leave him.

What should I do?

Signed,

In Love with Mamma's Man

My Friend Is Secretly Jealous of Me

Dear WISY,

How do you deal with a friend you know is jealous of you but insists on hanging around you and pretending to like you?  I ask because I have a person who I thought was a friend who I’ve recently found out has been secretly glorifying any obstacles or downfalls I have and I can’t figure out why she would be this way after all I’ve done for her.  I genuinely care for this girl and only want the best for her but she is talking about me and everything I have confided in her about secretly with a mutual friend.  

I just can’t get over how good of an actress she is.  This girl hugs and speaks to me as if I’m her only loved one on earth, she acts as if I am the person she adores the most in this world and I feel the same about her.  I’m very confused by her though.  Please tell me how I should deal with her.

Signed,
She's Jealous of Me

My Child Is Deaf and My Man Is Mad

Dear WISY,

I hope you will post this to your blog and give me some sound advice about my situation.  Last year, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.  Her father and I were very excited about her birth and prepared like excited first time parents should.  Everything was perfect until she entered the world.  She was born deaf and my boyfriend has since changed his attitude towards me and sadly towards her also.  He said that there was something wrong with me and that’s why our baby came out with a defect.  He is really upset with me and barely speaks to me anymore.  He has a hard time being around our daughter.  He seems upset and frustrated all the time.  It’s so bad that I am afraid to leave her alone with him out of fear of what he might do.  

I am to the point where I have had enough and want to leave the relationship.  I don’t want my daughter to grow with a father who doesn’t love her because she is deaf.  My daughter thrives in every aspect of life and I know her deafness will not hinder her from becoming a model citizen.  I know you are probably saying that I know what I need to do and I should leave but when I thought of my future as a child, I never thought of having multiple fathers for my children and I am ready for another baby.  He is also willing to try again for a baby with zero issues.  What do you think I should do?

Signed,

Mother of a Deaf Child

Not Who I Used to Be

Dear WISY,

Growing up, I was the ugly duckling.  I used to cry when the children teased me and said I looked ugly.  I didn’t want to go to school or anything.  It was constant teasing on a daily basis.  I would even hear teachers make comments about my looks when I walked by.  I became a very depressed child and I was suicidal at one point.  You can’t imagine the pain I went through.  It was terrible.

Today, I am a very attractive woman.  Men throw themselves at me and I can’t walk down the street without turning heads.  I think I have finally found the man of my dreams and he wants to get married and have a family.  I should be very happy but I am holding sadness inside.  In my late teen years and early twenties, I underwent a lot of plastic surgery.   I’ve had cheek and chin implants, a nose job, botox, lip injections, tucked my ears back and had a breast augmentation.  I look nothing like how I looked when I was a child and I haven’t been honest with him about it.  I told him I had a nose and breast job but he knows nothing about the rest.  

I’m afraid our children will favor me and go through the same torment I did.  I’m also afraid that he might leave me if he knew what my natural looks were.  Should I tell him or should I keep a secret and pray the children favor him?

Signed,

Not Who I Used to Be