Is My Sister Sleeping with My Mom's Man?

Dear WISY,

I need help.  I have a strong feeling about something, but I cannot prove it, and I want you to help me figure out how I can prove it.  I believe my sister is sleeping with our mother's boyfriend.  Our mom is going through some kind of cougar phase and her boyfriend is young enough to be her son.  I think it's disgusting but she seems very happy.

Our mother travels a lot for work so her boyfriend is at home with us most of the time.  He's supposed to be protecting us, but instead he is getting down and dirty with my sister.  It would make more sense for my sister to date him since he's only 10 years older than her but it's still wrong.  Like, how could she sleep with the same man our mom is sleeping with?  Before you panic, she's 20, so he's not committing a crime, but how could she do that??

Anyway, the reason for my suspicion is because of two occasions.  The first one is when I got up one night to pee and I heard them in the kitchen talking quietly and I heard kissing sounds, like when lips smack together.  The other thing was one day I came home from school early on purpose because I wanted to catch them.  I came in and went upstairs and her room door was closed.  When I walked past her room, the damn floor board squeaked!  All of a sudden her room got dead silent.  So I pretended to go in my room and peek through the door.  She came out of there with just a shirt on and called my name.  I answered and she was asking why I came home already.  I told her I was sick.  She went back in her room and then a little while later I saw him come out.  I opened my room door fully and asked what he was doing in there.  He told me that he was looking at the faucet in my sister's bathroom.  He must think I'm stupid.

I really want to catch them in the act so my mom can throw this asshole out of our house.  I also want her to see that my sister is a devious whore and she isn't as innocent as my mother thinks she is.

What do you suggest I do?  I need to catch them ASAP!

Signed,
I Spy

How to Catch a Liar

How to Catch a Cheater Red Handed: The complete step-by-step guide to catching cheaters

WISY's Response:

Dear I Spy,

I'm all for weeding out the bad apples, but sometimes it's best to sit back and watch things unfold.  These sorts of things usually reveal themselves, so there's no need to get your hands dirty.  But if I can't convince you to be a bystander, then utilize technology to help you out.  Place inconspicuous cameras around your home to catch any potential action.

Assuming your hunch is correct, what will you do when the relationship between your mother and sister becomes strained.  There's bound to be a lot of confusion and drama in your home if your sister is caught with your mom's man.  Think about how you want to deal with that.  Think about whether you want to confront your sister or the boyfriend with the evidence instead of your mother.  That may be a way to decrease the drama.  Think about your relationship with your sister.  It seems you already have an ongoing rift with her because of her ways.  Are you prepared to worsen the relationship?

There's a lot you need to determine before you detonate any bombs.  Be sure about your assumptions before you do anything.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

I Kissed My Friend

Dear WISY,

I recently crossed the line with my friend who is married.  We went to happy hour, got tipsy and kissed.  I know his wife well and sometimes I hang out with them. To be honest, I don't feel bad about it.  Kissing him felt like it was something we both wanted for a long time.  I asked him to come home with me but all of a sudden he got a conscience and remembered his wife.  I want to take it further.  I think we were meant to be a couple but he is acting like he barely knows me now.  I feel hurt by this.  Honestly, I feel petty and I'm considering telling his wife.  I know I shouldn't but this man all of a sudden has my heart. What should I do?

Signed,
Want My Friend

How to Get Out of the FRIEND ZONE: An Essential Guide to Getting Out of the Friend Zone and Making Him Fall in Love 

How to Get Out of the Friend Zone: Turn Your Friendship into a Relationship

WISY's Response:

Dear WMF,

You "crossed the line" - your words, not mine.  So, you know you're trespassing on property you shouldn't be on.  I suggest you head back over to where you're supposed to be in the friend zone.

Your friend made a mistake; yes, he probably liked you a little more than a friend; yes, he probably should've avoided being in a vulnerable situation with you, but at the end of the day, he rejected your offer.  That means he's not willing to leave his marriage for you.  Snap out of this fantasy you've created and come to terms with reality.

You can blame this nonsense on the alcohol.  The bottle tends to make everything seem right.  If he couldn't steal your heart while you were both sober then it's all an intoxicated version of reality.  In other words: issa lie!

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

 

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Where Has My Father Been?

Dear WISY,

I am writing to you for advice on my relationship with my father.  I will give you a little background information.

I remember seeing my father once when I was five years old.  It was at my birthday party, and he brought me a big cake, lots of balloons, and a bicycle.  He brought the gifts but he did not stay.  I remember I cried for the whole day.  I didn’t care about the party or the presents; I just wanted my father to stay with me.  I asked my mother about him, and she would always say I should not cry over someone who does not cry over me.  To this day, I live by that rule.  I show people the same effort they show to me.  

I never saw my father again until last month.  I am now twenty-eight years old.  I was packing up to leave my job when the receptionist called me to tell me that a man was inquiring about me in the lobby.  I asked what his name was, and it was my father.  I felt so nervous.  I sat back down in my chair because I became nauseous.  I actually had to use the ladies’ room before I went down to meet him.

I saw him sitting there looking like a vagrant.  I was almost embarrassed to admit I know him, but my curiosity wouldn’t allow that.  I approached him because he obviously has no idea of what I look like now.  I asked “Sir, how may I be of assistance?”  He looked at me and told me he was looking for his daughter.  He still had no clue who I was.  I asked his daughter’s name and he spoke my name.  I asked him to follow me.  I took him to my office, told him to have a seat, offered him a drink, and he still didn’t know it was me.  I asked what his daughter looked like, and he said “Oh! She’s a beauty!” I told him that wasn’t much of a description.  He told me that it had been a while since he’d seen her, and that his memory was affected by a bad vehicular accident.  I finally had enough and told him that I’d be right back with his daughter.  I re-entered my office and extended my hand and introduced myself.  He was embarrassed, but I made light of the situation.  Something I had grown accustomed to doing when it comes to my father.

Anyway, after talking with him for a bit, I realized that he had sought me out for monetary assistance.  He came all the way down town to find me, now that I was an adult, so that he could become a dependent of mine when I was never a dependent of his.  My heart softened at the fact that he was in my presence, I guess.  I gave him a few thousand the next day.  He took the money and ran.  I didn’t hear from him for weeks.  When he finally got in contact again, he asked for more money.  I am tempted to give it to him, but a part of me is telling me that he is only now interested in me since I have become a business owner.

My question is:  Do you think he is taking advantage of my soft spot for him?  I believe family should stick together, and I also believe that I should forgive him and build a relationship with him now.  Please tell me what your perception of his presence is.

Signed,
Wanna Be Daddy’s Girl

Absent Fathers, Lost Sons: The Search for Masculine Identity

Longing for Daddy: Healing from the Pain of an Absent or Emotionally Distant Father

WISY’s Advice:

Dear WBDG,

I know what it’s like to desperately want that special daddy/daughter bond.  I know what it’s like to want to fill the void that was left by an absent parent.  I also know that these emotions of want can cloud our judgment, and cause us to be irrational; allowing behaviors that we know are abnormal and unhealthy.  With that said, I hope my words will resonate with you as a means of support and of that which stem from a place of complete comprehension and empathy.

I do not think you should provide additional funds to your father.  He managed to locate you once you became successful, knowing he stood a chance of leaving you with a few extra thousand dollars in his pockets.  After his first hand out, he disappeared.  He only thought to reconnect with you after he depleted his funds.  If you give him more money, he will undoubtedly repeat this pattern. 

I hope I do not offend you by saying this, but his behavior screams drug addict/alcoholic.  You definitely do not want to fuel that.  I suggest you ask him what he needs the money for this time.  Tell him you will pay whatever it is directly and see what his reaction is.  Ask him to visit his home, ask questions about his life, his friends, his JOB (or past jobs, if he isn’t employed).  Do not be apprehensive about invading his privacy.  He owes you that, at least.  If you find that my assumptions are correct, then I see no issue with paying for his rehabilitation.  That’s a step in building a healthy relationship with him.

I don’t care who it is, no one should be allowed to enter your life after such an absence, and take from you.  His main concern should be to invest time, build a relationship, answer questions, APOLOGIZE, and become a positive addition to your life.  Until he can do those things, you should stick by your rule:  “I show people the same effort they show to me.”

Walk good,
#TeamWISY  

Dancehall Queen!

Dear WISY,

I am from the reggae and dancehall capitol of the world.  I love my people but I DON'T like my woman in the dance every night.  I met her after a dancing competition she was taking part in.  She wants to be a DHQ (Dancehall Queen), so she is always dressing naked, and men are always rubbing up on her.  I don't like it.  She still can't win a crown, and she is wasting time with this foolishness .  I told her I don't like it.  She spun the story and told me that I am trying to block her success.  The only thing I am trying to block is a next 🍆.  I know those men in the dance don't respect her and I know she will soon start to cheat on me.

I want her to find respectable work.  She thinks she has it going on because she gets rewarded with one or two beers. I want her to stop the dancing and find a proper 9 to 5.  It's not a good look!

Signed,

Concerned Boyfriend

How To Stop Being Jealous And Insecure: Overcome Insecurity And Relationship Jealousy (Coping With Jealousy And Insecurity in Relationships) 

Jealousy: How To Overcome Jealousy, Insecurity and Trust Issues - Save Your Relationship, Love Life and Emotions

WISY's Advice:

Dear Concerned Boyfriend,

I can understand your concern, but what do you expect?  You met your girlfriend as an aspiring dancehall queen so what makes you think she will suppress her aspirations because she began a relationship with you?  As you already know, the dancehall culture requires intimate type dancing.  That doesn't mean she is taking it further than the dance floor.  Just because she met you and liked you, doesn't mean she has eyes for everyone.  You seem to be insecure with trust issues.  Think about that and address it.

If she isn't able to earn a living from dancing then encourage her to approach it from a different angle.  With the use of social media she can make a name for herself in the industry.  Encourage your girlfriend to achieve her goal whether you find it foolish or not.  She will appreciate you for it.  If you don't, someone else will, and then she may really find reason to cheat and eventually move on.

If the whole dancehall scene is not for you, then remove yourself from the relationship, and look elsewhere for a girlfriend next time.  Wherever you go looking, understand that you cannot change a person because you suddenly become uncomfortable by who they've always been.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

Rape!

Dear WISY,

Please do not reveal my identity.  I am in so much trouble right now.  I lied about my sister’s boyfriend attempting to rape me.  I can tell that the police don’t believe me.  I am being threatened by people in my community and also by the police.  I have not admitted to lying because I do not want to be punished.

You must be wondering why I told such a lie.  Well, it’s because I was jealous of my sister and this boy.  I wanted him for myself, but he used to tease me and call me “stick figure girl”.  My sister is always the one who gets complimented by guys, and we are the same body type and same face.  I don’t understand it.

I tried to seduce him but he turned me down and told me he was going to expose me to my family so, I panicked and ran with the lie of him trying to rape me.  I know I am wrong, and I would not do something like this, but I got frightened at the thought of my family knowing what I did.

Since then, the police took him in, but for some reason, people do not believe me.  It is a matter of time before I get into big trouble.  Please help me.  Please do not insult me.  I am suffering enough already.  God bless.

Signed,
Liar

Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life

Lies and Liars: How and Why Sociopaths Lie and How You Can Detect and Deal with Them

WISY’s Response:

Dear Liar,

I don’t feel an ounce of sympathy for you.  Do you understand the magnitude of hurt this is causing the boy?  Do you realize that you could potentially ruin this innocent boy’s life?  All because he chose to pursue and remain loyal to your sister?  Perhaps he could sense the type of person you truly are.  You have evil characteristics:  jealous, untrustworthy, and sly.    You deserve “big trouble”, and I hope when it hits you, it knocks some positivity into your heart.

The best thing for you to do is confess that you fabricated the story and why you did so.  Go immediately to the police and free that boy!  Make sure your face is mugshot ready.  Tell your family to retain a lawyer because you have to face the consequences of your own actions.  I hope this will be a life changing experience for you; I hope you change for the better.

I despise women like you.  I have nothing else to say.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

My Man Doesn't Want to Anymore

Dear WISY,

I need your advice, please.  

I am so fed up with my boyfriend these days.  I feel like I don't know who he is anymore.  In the beginning of our relationship, we couldn't stay away from each other.  We were always locked in the bedroom doing you know what.  It was like our thirst couldn't be quenched for each other.  Now, my boyfriend is always sleepy, always tired, always stressed, always with an excuse!

I told him that I'm going to leave him and he told me that I am being shallow, and that relationships do no revolve around sex.  I told him that I feel like the man in the relationship because I only hear about women trying to avoid sex.

I don't know what else to do.  I feel like cheating on him with this guy at work, but I know that's wrong.  What do you suggest I do to get my man to sleep with me a lot again?

Signed,
Deprived

Dirty Talk: How to Spice Up Your Sex Life to Make them Crave You 

The Tao of Dating: The Smart Woman's Guide to Being Absolutely Irresistible

WISY's Advice:

Dear Deprived,

Such a drastic change is understandably frustrating.  Cases like these aren't uncommon.  This tends to happen when the initial flame of passion is extinguished.  It's important to continue to "date" each other throughout the relationship.  In other words, behave as if you're still trying to gain the interest of your partner.  Keep things new and exciting; go on dates, take a weekend rendezvous, compliment each other, wear sexy lingerie, etc.  

Men often decline sex when they are having insecurities, so talk to him some more.  Try to figure out if there's something bothering him, and work with him to resolve the issue.  Also, tell him that you'd like to spice things up a bit.  Explain that your relationship does not revolve around sex, but it was a major part in the beginning, and you miss it tremendously.  Wear something he'll like and suggest going out to dinner.  Tell him how much you love him Make him feel good about himself.  Think of the things you all did in the beginning of the relationship and reintroduce them.

If he still doesn't bite the bait, then it may be that he's lost interest in you.  He may not be attracted to you anymore.  If this is the case, then it's obviously time to move on.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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