My husband is working on my nerves. He is very inconsiderate when it comes to family affairs. He is only concerned about his family because they have money. My family struggles and because of that, his family doesn't like to invite them to any family functions. It hurts my family a lot that my husband and his family would rather exclude them simply because they don't live the way they do.
I've asked my husband to make an exception this year and he told me his mother would be too upset. I told him that I would not be joining him and would like to take the children to visit with my family for the holidays. He told me that he will not allow his children to spend time in a dangerous environment. The neighbourhood is not dangerous. It is where I grew up. The people are good people, but they do not make a lot of money. I argued with him for days about it. I do not want to give in to him and his prejudiced family, but there is a problem.
He has begun talking to his ex girlfriend who always seems to come in between our marriage. He said she is his best friend. I blame myself because he always talks to her more when we have a disagreement. I am tempted to just let him have his way for the sake of our relationship. I am worried that she will become too close to him.
I am having a lot of problems, as you can tell. What is your advice for me?
Signed,
Feeling Defeated
Dear FD,
This is an unfortunate situation.
The main issue that I see here is your tendency to give in. You disregard your feelings for the sake of your husband's peace. But what about your peace? Your husband and his family's discrimination toward your family will continue until you put an end to it. Let his mother be upset for once. What did he think your mother was feeling when she was denied time with her daughter and grandchildren over the holidays???
His increased communication with his ex is his tried and true method of manipulation. He knows you feel threatened by the relationship and uses that to his advantage. If you can muster the strength, don't allow that to break you. He will undoubtedly notice the change in your behavior and become unsettled. He'll know that you're serious this time, and his behavior will change.
Show your husband that you are to be respected. Think of the message reaching your children about your side of the family. You do not want them being raised with the same mindset that your husband has. You're just as entitled as he is. Don't forget that.
Marriage counseling is also something you could consider to help get your point across.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
P.S. I can't help but wonder if you're dependent upon your husband. If you are, find a way to generate your own income (reach out to me if you need to). If this is the case, your dependency is also being used to his advantage.
🎁HOLIDAY GIFTS🎁
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