My Husband Doesn't Know What I've Been Up To

 Dear WIsy,

I have something I need to get off of my chest.  I think that if I tell you then I am one step closer to becoming better.

I met my husband when I was in high school.  We dated, went to prom together and all that.  Everyone expected us to continue our relationship after high school and be that high school sweetheart couple that everyone loves and that's exactly what happened.  We went to different colleges but spent as much time together as we could (virtually and in person).  We motivated each other to do well and graduate on time.  Our families were very proud.  We got engaged and then married some time after and we have four children together.  Picture perfect as you can see.

The problem is, I became bored.  I began to look for entertainment on dating sites and followed through with a few people.  I have been entertaining men and women.  I have been entertaining younger and older people.  I just wanted to see what it all felt like! I felt like I lost out on a lot of things because I was just with my husband since high school.

I feel bad about my choices but I also feel like I want to continue to entertain other people.  To be specific, I met a younger guy who is a bartender. He has been amazing so far.  We have had a lot of fun together.  This guy is hard for me to move on from.  There is something about him that captivates me.  I am fearful that I will get caught up.  On top of that, I think my husband is suspecting something.

Is there something I can do to help separate myself from someone?  I need to regain control of my emotions before I lose everything that I love.

Signed,

Anonymous Wife

WIsy's Response:

Dear Anonymous Wife,

You said "I need to regain control of my emotions before I lose everything that I love".  Please determine what it is that you truly love.  If you truly loved your husband and family, the fear of losing them would be your reason to do right.  I understand that you may have become bored, I really do, but did you talk about any of this with your husband?  You both committed to each other at a really young age.  Perhaps, he may be feeling some of the same things that you are.  Perhaps, you two could explore things together.  Begin the conversation.  Whether or not you choose to confess is up to you, but please express how you're feeling to your partner.  If you feel that you need support during this process, please consider couples therapy.

You're human; your interests will evolve, but the way in which you have chosen to remedy your boredom is reckless. Utilize the internet for some exciting couples activities instead of dating apps.  And if you can't tear yourself away from the single life then that may be an indication that you've outgrown your marriage.  You'll only sort through all of this if you communicate.  So, please start there.

Walk good,

#TeamWIsy🌴

My Friends Keep Ghosting Me

Dear WIsy,

I am writing because I realize that I have trouble keeping friends. It seems that I always lose friendships after I have become close with someone.  When I make friends, there is nothing that I withhold. I’m a real and genuine person who is very selfless and I would give my last for my friends. However, people still leave me high and dry. I don’t understand it. 

The most recent friendship that I lost hurt a lot. I made sure to call her everyday. I made sure that I was there any time she needed me and stuff, and she told me that she needed some time to herself. I don’t understand. If she’s going through something, she knows I would be there for her. Why would she need a break from me? I’m puzzled for real. What am I doing wrong?

Signed,

Anonymous

WIsy's Response:

Dear Anonymous,

I wish you provided me with a few more details, but a couple of thoughts come to mind after reading through your letter.

First, judging from your question as to why your friend would need a break from you, it sounds like you may be smothering your friends.  You do not have to call your friends everyday.  It's absolutely okay and healthy for you to miss a day or more of communication.  The number of instances of communication is not what makes a friendship strong; it's respect, love, and support that builds and sustains friendships.  These qualities are not diminished by missing a day or more of communication.  Remember:  quality over quantity.  I have some follow up questions:  How are you showing up when your friend "needs" you?  What are you telling her?  What do your actions look like?

My other thought is that your friends may be using you.  You show up for them in their time of need and once things are alright with them again, they no longer see a need to have you around.  Have you noticed this pattern?  Have any of your ex-friends tried to rekindle the relationship?  If so, what state were they in?  Did you find yourself in a position where you were helping them through an issue?

If I were you, I'd take a break to analyze my own behaviors and patterns.  What types of friends are you choosing for yourself?  How do they show up for YOU? Is the support reciprocated?  Are you unreasonable with your expectations?  What does your ideal friendship look like?

I'd love it if you would follow up with more details.  Until then...

Walk good,

#TeamWIsy🌴

Update: He Didn't Show Up For My Birthday Dinner

Dear WIsy,

Thank you so much for responding to my letter.  When I wrote that letter, it was several months ago.  When I read the letter last week, I felt so humiliated although nobody knows who I am.  Since I wrote the letter, I have had some changes and I felt the need to send an update.

After I found out about the other women, I decided that I was going to leave him.  I asked him to go to dinner so we could talk and end things on a high note.  He agreed and told me that he wasn't willing to end the relationship, but he loved me so much that he would do whatever I needed to be happy.  I felt good about the night after that.  I was so nervous but his words (as always) made me feel better.

When we were at dinner, I had a few drinks and got tipsy.  When we left, I ended up going home and having sex with him.  He convinced me that it would be the last time and I honestly believed that.  Anyway, the next morning I asked him to leave and he went about his business.  We agreed that we would no longer communicate and we wished each other well.  A part of me was in disbelief that he agreed to leave me alone but I knew it was the best thing for me.

You won't believe that the next month, I found out that I was pregnant.  I was so mad at myself for allowing him to be intimate with me again.  I was conflicted about what I should do and I didn't want to call my mom or friends about it because I didn't want to hear their judgment. So, I called him and told him.  He was a complete asshole and told me that I was trying to trap him and that he didn't want anymore kids, etc.  I told him not to worry about me trying to do that because I don't want to have a baby by someone who isn't invested and I definitely didn't want to be a single mom.  So, I hung up, called my doctor to terminate the pregnancy and vowed that I would never ever call him again.

I was doing so well.  I have been focusing on myself and started my business.  Everything has been going smoothly with my life.  I even met someone new and I've been taking it very slow wit him.  He's my age and nothing like my ex.  I feel good about him.  Anyway, he invited me to his family's BBQ, and when I got there, the first person I saw was my ex.  The next person I saw was his current girlfriend who happens to be pregnant!  Then, my current boyfriend introduced me to his sister who is my ex's pregnant girlfriend!  I nearly fainted.  All I could do was stand still and smile at them.  I tried my best to act normal at the BBQ but I was shattered inside because this man only told me to terminate the pregnancy because he had someone else pregnant at the same time.  I can't even remember what his reaction was to seeing me because I was in so much shock.

My new guy kept asking me what was wrong and I lied and told him that I was just nervous to meet his family.  He eventually told me that we could leave.  I decided to tell him what was really wrong because I didn't want to start the relationship off with any secrets - especially because my ex could become his brother in law.  Anyway, I told him all about my ex and everything that happened.  I even told him that I believe his sister was one of the women I contacted.  He told me that this was too much for him to digest and that he needed to take a break to process it all.

At this moment, I don't know where I stand with my new guy.  I can't believe my ex is still ruining my life although we have not been in contact.  I wish I never met him. Anyway, that's my update. Thank you for reading my letter.

Signed,
BB

Dear BB,

Sorry you are going through this.  I didn't expect this update at all, but I thank you for trusting me enough to reach out again.

Listen, our ex is something else!  Seeing him again with his new situation is just confirmation that you did the right thing.  I hope you can see things from that perspective.  As far as the new guy is concerned, I can understand that the information is a lot to process.  I just hope he doesn't keep you in limbo for too long.  While you can't put a time limit on how someone processes their feelings, you can put a time limit on how long you're willing to wait for someone.

I pray things get better for you, Love.

Walk good,
#TeamWIsy🌴

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He Didn't Show Up For My Birthday Dinner

 Dear WISY,

Please keep my identity anonymous.  I am going through an issue right now that is partially my fault, but I still feel like I'm the victim here and I am truly hurting.  I'm asking you not to judge me because I'm only human.

Ok, so I have known my boyfriend for some time.  Let's just say I was still young and immature at the time when I met him.  He was just coming out of a relationship with a woman he said took advantage of his kindness.  He is about 20 years older than I am, so he knew the right things to tell me to get me interested.  Anyway, I met him when he was down and out and I was going through some hardships myself.  I guess we connected on that level. We've been on and off for a few years but decided to really give it a try during the pandemic.

Everything was cool, we picked up right where we left off.  Here's where the problem started. It was time for my birthday dinner and we made plans to go to a nice restaurant for a group dinner with my family and friends.  The night of [my birthday dinner] comes and he's a no show.  I called this man a million times, no answer.  I know this is going to sound crazy but I went to his house and he no longer lived there.  Ok, so he was always at my place. I just assumed he liked it better because I have a nicer apartment. Anyway, I started to panic and think the worst.  I really convinced myself that he was a wanted fugitive and had to dip without telling a soul. After a few more days of not hearing anything, I gave up and made peace with the situation.

A few months passed and my mom called me and told me that he sent her a message saying that he messed up.  He said he was in a relationship with someone else and they just had a baby.  She said he told her that he had wanted to tell me but he was too afraid to hurt me. I didn't know what to say, I was feeling all the emotions at once.  Some time passed and I made peace with the situation again.  I felt like I dodged a bullet and felt bad for the person he was with because she obviously had a POS for a man.

A few more months passed and I got a call from him to wish me a happy birthday.  He was apologetic, told me he was only with the woman because of the baby and how he just really wants to make things up to me.  Yes, I accepted his apology and got back with him.  I didn't tell anyone because I know how stupid this is.  One day, he went home to be there for the baby's bedtime and I decided I wanted to end that relationship for him.  So, I sent some screenshots to the baby's mother's phone.  I got the number out of his phone. Don't ask me how...hahaha.  

Anyway, she didn't even reply with what I thought she would say.  Instead this lady sent me some screenshots of him in conversation with other women! She then said, "we're not together sis. take it up with these other women".  When I tell you I was embarrassed! I called him immediately and he denied everything. Luckily the screenshots had phone numbers at the top so I called them.  There were three.  They all were under the impression that he was single and was getting to know them to eventually get into a relationship.

So, here I am.  I don't know what to think or what to do.  I know you're going to say I should just leave him but I don't think he's serious about the other women.  They haven't been physical with him so maybe I should overlook the conversations and let him know what I found out and tell him that he needs to just focus on us and what we're trying to build.  I feel like if I can forgive him for having a whole baby then I can forgive him for a few conversations.  Do you think it's worth trying again?  I have had dreams about marrying this man.

Signed,

BB

Dear BB,

Girl. I -

So, what is your limit, sis?  I just feel like you're holding on to false hope here.  This dude seems like he has some serious issues to overcome.  He didn't show up to your birthday dinner, he ghosted you, he didn't live where you thought he did, he had a relationship and a baby, he's conversing with other women, giving the impression that he's single - what's next?  

It seems he still knows the right things to say to you in order to manipulate you.  Don't let him keep you in this toxic cycle.  You deserve so much better.  Someone who loves and respects you would never continually hurt you like he has.  So, to answer your question, no - I don't think it's worth it.  I think it's best that you leave him alone, heal (be sure to see a therapist), and move on to a healthy relationship when the time is right.

Walk good,

#TeamWIsy🌴

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All We Do Is Argue

Dear WIsy,

My girlfriend and I have been arguing a lot lately. She has a habit of making a big deal out of nothing. Her latest gripe is because of a female coworker calling me after work hours to get some advice about her relationship from a man's perspective.

I told her the woman was just in need of some help and that there's nothing going on. She was still mad and said she doesn't understand why I can't see that it's inappropriate.

So, is it wrong for me to have platonic relationships with women? I feel like she's being too insecure.

What's your take?

Signed,

Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

"Dance ah yaad before you dance abroad".  The energy that you're willing to use to provide relationship advice for another woman should be directed to your own relationship.

Imagine your woman having arguments with you and then seeing you taking the time to be understanding and invested in another's relationship.

The issue isn't having platonic relationships with the opposite sex. The issue is your failure to see that your girlfriend's "big deal" issues are being minimized while somebody else's woman can access your time and energy for their "big deal".

If you guys are arguing more frequently,  then there is an underlying issue that you both are dancing around. Commit to resolving the issue if the relationship is worth it to you. Listen to each other, broaden your perspective, and lead with love always. Some couples therapy would help too.

Tell your coworker to hit me up if she needs advice - you're busy. 😉

Walk good,

#TeamWIsy🌴

I Got a DM About Their Affair

Dear WISY,

Can you help me, please?  I have been with my boyfriend for a year and 2.5 months.  I met him on a dating app, we went on a date, hit it off right away, and the rest is history.  Anyway, he was the most physically affectionate man when we started off. We couldn't get enough of each other and I loved it.  I thought I had finally found someone who shared the same sexual appetite as I did.  Now, we barely touch each other (well, I touch him but he doesn't respond).  I asked him what happened and he told me that he is just so tired these days and he doesn't understand what the problem is himself.  I'm a reasonable person, so I gave him a chance to make some changes.  Two months passed and nothing changed.  I was miserable but I tried to be understanding.

Next thing I know, I get a DM from a ghost account telling me to leave my man because he is in a relationship with them.  Apparently, he spends his lunch breaks with them and they do it all. You get the picture.  I don't know why I asked him, because of course, he denied it and said that people are jealous and just want us to break up.  Nobody is jealous of us.  My friends have been very supportive of me with all of this.

Since that happened, I can't sleep, I can't eat.  I feel that he is lying to me and I just can't shake it.  I went back to try to speak with the ghost account some more but the account has been deleted.

What am I supposed to do?

Signed,

Suspicious

WIsy's Response:

Dear Suspicious,

If you've been running your mouth to everyone about your boyfriend's drastic change, then it could be what he suggested, but I'm going to assume that's not the case and consider what you've told me.  Something is definitely off.  Such a drastic change is cause for concern.  Has he had a major change in his daily activity that would cause chronic fatigue and a dip in libido?  Has the passion died down? Are you all keeping things exciting?  Are you keeping up with the things that drew you to one another in the beginning? If the math ain't mathing, it may, in fact, be infidelity.

Only you can determine what will bring you peace and what you can tolerate.  So, if you feel he is lying, and it's bringing you unrest, you should definitely prioritize your mental health.  Do what you must to feel like yourself again.  This isn't an easy situation because love often interferes with logic and reason.  Love can cause us to put our feelings aside to keep the "peace", BUT there is a limit to everything and there is balance.  Find your balance.

The truth will reveal itself. May be now, may be later.  You determine how much time you have to give.

Walk good,

#TeamWIsy🌴

My Husband's Bad Attitude Led Me to Love Her

Dear WIsy,

I am a young woman in my 20s who moved to a new state with my husband about a year ago. When we first moved here, I felt very lonely and isolated. My husband could not understand why I was unable to make friends. He made friends very easily but I am not a very social person. He began to criticize my character and told me I was a drag to be with. This made me really upset and I fell into a deep depression. He continued to criticize me on a daily basis. He was only nice when he wanted to have sex. I felt used and useless. 

One day, he got up and told me to get up and get dressed. He said he was taking me somewhere fun to cheer me up. I was so surprised by his mood and his kind demeanor. I became happy and hopeful that morning. He took me to his friend's house. His friend's wife was very popular and he thought a friendship with her would bring opportunities for me to meet more people.

She immediately took me by the hand and we went into another room while our husbands hung out. I don't know why but her touch made me feel so secure. I felt like she cared about me. I felt that she saw me for who I am and appreciated me. I fell in love with her. I didn't know I could develop feelings for another woman. I never had any desire before.

I began to meet up with her alone and one day I told her how I felt. She laughed and told me not to be silly. I played it off like I was joking too because of embarrassment but I really do love her. Now, when my husband and I have sex, I think about her. It makes me orgasm so hard. He thinks it's him but it's her on my mind the whole time. 

I don't know what to do. I want to have sex with her. It makes me so excited thinking about how it will be. I've been watching lesbian porn to learn some things. I want her to have an affair with me. I know this sounds crazy but I am just being honest. I am afraid that my desires will overtake me. Please help.

Signed, 

Deep Desire

Dear DD,

You did not fall in love with that lady. You came across someone who treated you better than your husband and you're mistaking her simple kindness for romantic affection.  

In between looking up lesbian porn, look up some things to do in your state that align with your interests. Things will start to look up from there.  I also want to encourage you to seek some therapy sessions to assist you with your mental health.

Also, if you're unhappy with your husband, let him know and ask for changes.  If he is unwilling or unable, then start to make plans to move forward on your own.

Walk good,

#TeamWIsy

 

I'm Addicted

Dear WISY,

I have a problem I have been dealing with for a long time and I have no idea how to make it disappear!

When I lost my virginity at the age of 20 (I'm now 25), I instantly became addicted to sex.  I love sex!  I think about it all the time (no exaggeration).  I have multiple friends with benefits to make sure I can get sex when I want it.  I love everything about sex - the way it feels, the sounds, the smell, the look of the male body.  I can't begin to explain how much I love it.

I do recognize the damage it's having on my life though.  I am constantly distracted by the thought of having sex.  I have crossed the line with my co-workers and I have even had sex with my boss a few times.  So, I approached a new guy about hooking up and he reported me for sexual harassment.  Now, I'm facing termination and humiliation even though it was just one time that I asked him.  This new guy came and messed everything up.  I've been with most of my male co-workers without any problems and now this.

The bottom line is, I know I need to conquer this addiction before it completely ruins my life.  Please help!  Where do I start???

P.S. Thank you for following me otherwise I would have never known about your page and your services.

Signed,

Addicted

WISY's Response:

Dear Addicted,

Yup!  It's time to get this addiction under control!  Sometimes hard lessons are sent to enforce a hard stop and force us to wake up and change our destructive behaviors.  This is your time for that type of lesson.  

You need to see a therapist, particularly one who specializes in addiction.  I've heard that hypnotherapy is great for this type of therapy as well.  I think it's a good idea to find another place of employment as well.  All the people you have been involved with will only be a distraction.  They may approach you for more and you may be tempted to provide.  Also, if you haven't already, please apologize to the new guy.  Don't assume that he's not traumatized by what you did because he's a man.

I wish you all the best with this.  This is not an easy journey.  Be realistic with yourself, hold yourself accountable and remove all distractions. Delete numbers, block accounts, perform a yoni steam or two - do what you must!  Sending you healing vibes!  

Walk good,

#TeamWIsy

P.S. Tell ya friends about me, Love! 💖

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She Won't Let Me In

Dear WISY, 

I met a girl I like a lot. She is the first girl to make me feel like a guy. I'm a trans man and before this, I always felt like the girls I dated saw me as a stud and not a dude. I am a man. There's nothing feminine about me. I haven't had my final procedure done but you wouldn't know it by looking at me.

But anyway, back to the girl who has my heart 🥰. She and I have been talking non stop. She knows I'm trans but she's telling me that she's nervous about us being together. She wants to get intimate but she has never been with a trans man before. I told her I'm no different from any other man she's been with, but she's still nervous.

I want to show her that she has nothing to worry about. She deserves to be treated like a queen and I can do that for her...in every way possible. She just needs to let me in. What can I do to make her more comfortable? I'm patient but I also have needs lol.

What do you think?

Signed,

A Real Man

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WISY's Response:

Dear RM,

As with any other relationship, you have to be patient and allow your partner the time to become comfortable enough to become intimate with you.  Hear her out.  Listen to her concerns, spend time reassuring her, and be honest and give her an idea of what she should expect.  The latter is probably most important since you've stated that you haven't had your final procedure yet.  Be transparent about that part and give her the time to process what you've told her.

It's obvious that she has feelings for you and you are smitten as well.  Don't ruin it by trying to rush intimacy.

I hope this helps.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

 

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He's Out on Parole

Dear WISY,

Please keep my identity private.  I really am in need of some advice.

About a year ago, I started writing to this guy in prison.  The reason why I started writing to him is because I have been on every dating site and have been trying to meet someone who I could settle down with, but I just couldn't found the right guy for me.  I even started to date a guy who lives in another country, but when we met, there was no chemistry.  I've been trying and trying my hardest to settle down, and writing to a guy in prison was my very last resort.

We wrote to each other a lot.  I sent pictures and he did when he could as well.  We formed a bond that was unlike any other I've experienced.  He was very honest with me.  He explained what caused him to commit the crime that landed him in prison.  I honestly understood him and felt bad that he experienced all that he did.  He's a victim, not a predator.  I got him and he got me.  That's all that mattered.  So, I committed to him and had his back while he was in.  

He recently got out on parole.  He came to stay with me instead of his baby's mother (who he dumped after he met me).  She never supported him so he didn't really have much to think about.  Ever since he got out, the baby's mother has been harassing us.  She is deliberately doing things to provoke him because she wants him to go back in.  She came to my house and rang the doorbell for two hours. She refused to leave without "her man". I wanted to call the cops, but he didn't want the law involved at all.  If he wants to see his daughter, he has to do it on her terms.  She is stressing him out and he's taking it out on me.

We argue all the time now.  He leaves the house all day, uses my bank card and spends hundreds of dollars, and comes back home with an attitude.  I ask him why he is shopping so much and he told me he has an image he needs to keep up 🙄.  He won't have sex with me as much (the baby mama told me he was having sex with her, so that might be why), he calls me out of my name, and has told me he doesn't even love me like that (what does that even mean?).  He is really not the guy I thought I committed to and I think I need to ask him to leave.  The only thing is, I think that will look bad on his parole.  What do I do?

Signed,
Parole Bae

Image by Łukasz Dyłka from Pixabay

WISY's Response:

Dear PB,

Ugh...this is toxic AF.  You're being played but I think you know that already.  It's not uncommon to create "perfect" bonds with people in prison.  Inmates often need a mode of escape from their reality and can create characters and personalities that appease their penpals.  You were able to support him in prison and he wanted that support to extend on the outside.  It sounds like that's all he wanted from you.

Don't allow this drama to continue any longer.  He told you he doesn't love you "like that".  Translation:  He doesn't love you. He's saying that you're expecting him to live up to the standards he portrayed himself to be, but you're not worth it to him.  I believe there's a lot you don't know about.  Think about it.  A woman ringing your doorbell for two hours has a lot to say and believes that she is entitled to reach whomever is inside.  She told you she's having sex with him.  Believe her.

Cut your ties and move on.  Don't be concerned with what may or may not look bad for his parole.  He doesn't even like you. So, please don't waste another ounce of concern on him.  Get rid of him and send him to the woman who desperately wants him with her.  Get new banks cards and anything else he's had access to.

I think it's important for me to emphasize that you need to take the time to just be.  It's okay to be single.  You don't have to force anything.  Just exist in your truest form and what and who is for you will come along.  Just chill and heal from this madness.

Walk good,

#TeamWIsy

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He Was In Prison for Two Years

Dear WISY, 

My man just came home from prison after two years. During his time in, I was loyal to him. I held it down and kept things in order while he was away. Before he went in, we were a happy couple. We both worked good jobs but he got himself tied up in some dumb shit.  So, in the end, he paid for his stupidity. 

Anyway, I held it down while he was gone and I was excited for him to come home and help me with our responsibilities but he can't because he now has a record. His options are limited even though he is an educated professional.  He f*cked up and I don't feel like I should carry his weight.  It's one thing when you're away but to be sitting up in the house all day, demanding to be treated like you used to is really getting under my skin.

He wants to act like he still runs sh!t and I got used to running things on my own. On top of that, he's accusing me of cheating on him when he was gone.  I swear I haven't even stepped foot outside unless it's to work or grocery shop.  I haven't had time for that.  I had to hold it together.

I'm getting frustrated with his attitude and his inability to contribute.  He's been back a month now.  I know Covid-19 is preventing a lot but I'm 👏🏾sick👏🏾of 👏🏾him! I want to throw him out but I don't want to seem heartless and I especially don't want to feel like an idiot for holding him down just to turn right around and throw him out.

What do you suggest I do? I don't even know if we're still in love. We've been arguing since he got back.

Signed,

Held Him Down

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WISY's Response:

Dear HHD,

You evolved while he was away, and understandably, it's difficult to revert to what once was without his support.  Your man is undoubtedly frustrated with his situation as well, but it's important he understands that he can't just pick up where he left off.  He needs to understand that he may need to reinvent himself or begin from the ground up.  Like you said, the pandemic is making it difficult to connect with employment opportunities, but there are plenty of essential job openings available.  He just has to be willing to change gears as a means to an end.  Try to get him to understand all of that.  It may change his attitude and improve your relationship.  A little therapy may be extremely beneficial for him as well.  Being in prison for 2 years can cause permanent psychological damage if not addressed and treated properly.

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I also want you to understand that you're not obligated to continue to "hold him down" if you're not feeling the love.  Life is a journey and we outgrow people and situations often.  If his energy and presence aren't serving you well, you may want to consider moving on.  You didn't do the crime, so the sentence is not yours to serve.  Don't let time and guilt trick you into staying in an unhealthy situation.

Take everything I've said into consideration and proceed how you please.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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He Said, She Said, I Said - 7 Keys to Relationship Success

Does My Husband Have a Secret Instagram Account?

Dear WISY,

I need help.  I think I'm going crazy.  My man and I have been together for almost 10 years and a while ago this Instagram account tried to follow me but I deleted it.  I found it suspicious because they follow nothing but sexy women and porno pages and some people that me and my man know from high school (including some of HIS exes!!!).  I think it's him. 

I've talked to him about it and he says it's not him and they tried following him too, but he declined the request. Once, while lurking in his phone, I found a picture of one of the models posted on the account! He claims it's  cause he's trying to get to the bottom of who's running the account.  The account also follows people that he knows personally - people I haven't even met!  He says it's not him but I keep thinking about the coincidences. 

My man has always been very honest and trustworthy, we've never had ANY problems of this kind.  I just don't understand why (if it IS him) he would feel the need to make an account for that? 

We're about to be married too!  Please help!  I'm going crazy!!

Signed,

Slowly going insane 😭

 The Newlywed's Instruction Manual: Essential Information, Troubleshooting Tips, and Advice for the First Year of Marriage (Owner's and Instruction Manual Book 10)

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WISY's Response:

Dear SGI,

I don't get the feeling that this account belongs to your husband.  If he was up to no good, the last thing he would want is to draw your attention to his activities.  It may just be some creep from high school trying to stir up some trouble.

Ease your mind and have fun getting ready for your marriage!!  Wishing you two all the best!

Walk good,

#TeamWISY

Confessions of a Wild Vacation

Dear WISY,

I've been a bad girl on vacation. I'm now dating a 33 year old who is married with 1 child. He met me and liked how I move. His wife is an Adventist and he sells (withheld), he's a hustling gangster. Anyway, I've got to wait until next week to find out if I'm pregnant. My man has been entertaining other women so I got my entertainment too.

Well, I would want to be the only woman, but guess what - before 7 a.m., he's already at my house in (location withheld) to bring me my daily 🍆 then he goes to work. By midday, I'm at his job and getting driven home by him or he gets somebody to take me. He doesn't like me walking on the street.

After work, if I'm not with him, he takes wifey home from work at 8 p.m. Sometimes he's back at my house within the hour or less. We've talked so we are clear I'm not to get attached. That's when he tells me "Baby, my wife can't have no more kids & I want a boy."

I'm like "f*ck baby, I have to pay $10,000 to unblock [my tubes]. Dude jumped up and said he will pay it. I'm like oh boy🤦🏾‍♀️.

So, for a while I was confused. The last week in (location withheld), I decided to tattoo his alias on my chest, we f*cked twice and he didn't notice it until the day after I got back to (location withheld). It made him smile so much.

We're taking things slow and being close friends, but the pregnancy caught me off guard. All I know is I'm in for it. I haven't broken up with my man yet. I tried.

Signed,
Oh Boy

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

WISY's Response:

Dear Oh Boy,

Wow!  There's so much going through my head right now, but the first thing of concern is how you will fare knowing that this is somewhat of a transaction.  You stated that you understand that you are not to get attached and you know he is married.  You are ending your current relationship to possibly give birth to this man's child without any proper commitment.  Have you thought about your emotional state through all of that?  Have you thought about what may happen when his wife finds out about the arrangement?

I feel like you're selling yourself short here.  I want to encourage you to get involved with those who can give you 100% of themselves.  Your soon-to-be ex seems like he was playing games and now this guy is married and is very comfortable giving you daily 🍆 and a possible baby.  He seems like the type who could potentially cause you a lot of hurt and pain.  If he does it with you, he will do it to you.  You feel me?  All of what he's been doing for you would be wonderful if he wasn't already involved with someone else.  You deserve someone who is completely committed to you and your happiness.  Now, if he decides to divorce his wife and settle down with you and start a family, I could get on board with that.  I would have still advised you to end one relationship before starting another one though.

Whatever you decide, I hope you are okay in the end.  

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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