Update: He Didn't Show Up For My Birthday Dinner

Dear WIsy,

Thank you so much for responding to my letter.  When I wrote that letter, it was several months ago.  When I read the letter last week, I felt so humiliated although nobody knows who I am.  Since I wrote the letter, I have had some changes and I felt the need to send an update.

After I found out about the other women, I decided that I was going to leave him.  I asked him to go to dinner so we could talk and end things on a high note.  He agreed and told me that he wasn't willing to end the relationship, but he loved me so much that he would do whatever I needed to be happy.  I felt good about the night after that.  I was so nervous but his words (as always) made me feel better.

When we were at dinner, I had a few drinks and got tipsy.  When we left, I ended up going home and having sex with him.  He convinced me that it would be the last time and I honestly believed that.  Anyway, the next morning I asked him to leave and he went about his business.  We agreed that we would no longer communicate and we wished each other well.  A part of me was in disbelief that he agreed to leave me alone but I knew it was the best thing for me.

You won't believe that the next month, I found out that I was pregnant.  I was so mad at myself for allowing him to be intimate with me again.  I was conflicted about what I should do and I didn't want to call my mom or friends about it because I didn't want to hear their judgment. So, I called him and told him.  He was a complete asshole and told me that I was trying to trap him and that he didn't want anymore kids, etc.  I told him not to worry about me trying to do that because I don't want to have a baby by someone who isn't invested and I definitely didn't want to be a single mom.  So, I hung up, called my doctor to terminate the pregnancy and vowed that I would never ever call him again.

I was doing so well.  I have been focusing on myself and started my business.  Everything has been going smoothly with my life.  I even met someone new and I've been taking it very slow wit him.  He's my age and nothing like my ex.  I feel good about him.  Anyway, he invited me to his family's BBQ, and when I got there, the first person I saw was my ex.  The next person I saw was his current girlfriend who happens to be pregnant!  Then, my current boyfriend introduced me to his sister who is my ex's pregnant girlfriend!  I nearly fainted.  All I could do was stand still and smile at them.  I tried my best to act normal at the BBQ but I was shattered inside because this man only told me to terminate the pregnancy because he had someone else pregnant at the same time.  I can't even remember what his reaction was to seeing me because I was in so much shock.

My new guy kept asking me what was wrong and I lied and told him that I was just nervous to meet his family.  He eventually told me that we could leave.  I decided to tell him what was really wrong because I didn't want to start the relationship off with any secrets - especially because my ex could become his brother in law.  Anyway, I told him all about my ex and everything that happened.  I even told him that I believe his sister was one of the women I contacted.  He told me that this was too much for him to digest and that he needed to take a break to process it all.

At this moment, I don't know where I stand with my new guy.  I can't believe my ex is still ruining my life although we have not been in contact.  I wish I never met him. Anyway, that's my update. Thank you for reading my letter.

Signed,
BB

Dear BB,

Sorry you are going through this.  I didn't expect this update at all, but I thank you for trusting me enough to reach out again.

Listen, our ex is something else!  Seeing him again with his new situation is just confirmation that you did the right thing.  I hope you can see things from that perspective.  As far as the new guy is concerned, I can understand that the information is a lot to process.  I just hope he doesn't keep you in limbo for too long.  While you can't put a time limit on how someone processes their feelings, you can put a time limit on how long you're willing to wait for someone.

I pray things get better for you, Love.

Walk good,
#TeamWIsy🌴

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