My relationship is going through a rough patch right now. I am dating a man who has three children from a previous relationship. I am currently pregnant by him and we are engaged to be married. The relationship has been fine and everything, but my man spends a lot of time with his other children and their mother. I don't have an issue with him spending time with his children, but I don't know why the mother has to be involved in everything.
I don't know if my pregnancy hormones have made me more sensitive, but I feel like I no longer want to deal with this anymore. I've never met his children. He says they are too young to understand that him and their mother are no longer together. I don't want to come off as selfish, but I feel like he can spend time with his children alone. He finds reasons to validate him spending weekends away with them and he doesn't see anything wrong with leaving me alone. I won't accept it once our baby is born. I want to discuss this with him without seeming selfish. How do I approach this? My goal is to get him to be with his children without their mother or to bring them to spend time at our house. I'm no longer putting up with him being MIA with his ex and kids!
Signed,
Mom to Be
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| Image by designerlisahenry from Pixabay |
Dear MTB,
Hmmmm...something is off here - he won't bring the children to meet their future step-mother, he goes MIA; leaving his pregnant fiance alone without checking in, and the statement "He says they are too young to understand that him and their mother are no longer together" suggests that he's playing the role he's always played with their mother in their presence. What is he hiding? You are far from selfish, my dear. In my opinion, you're far too forgiving and selfless. Your hormones have little to do with feeling the way you do. What you want is a common courtesy when in a relationship.
I think your discussion is a bit late, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't speak up about how you feel. Your marriage will be filled with turmoil if you don't get this issue squared away now. Prolonging the truth from the children will only make things more difficult for them to accept and understand. Just approach the situation with your true feelings. What you're requesting is completely reasonable, so don't let him manipulate the conversation to suggest otherwise. You'll know how you should proceed once you have the conversation.
By the way, have you ever met his ex? If you haven't then I'd assume that things are not completely over with her. A mother would generally want to meet the significant other of her children's father - especially someone who they will be marrying soon. I just can't shake the feeling that something is off here. I hope I'm wrong.
Try to focus on the well-being of your unborn through all of this.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
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