Dear WISY,
I need some help. I have been with my husband for over a decade. I love him, but I'm bored, and I can only have sex with him when I'm drunk. So, he makes sure I'm always at least tipsy. We have sex a lot, so I'm always under the influence. I'm beginning to become reliant on alcohol to cope with my husband. I keep telling him the things I find exciting, but he doesn't seem interested. Instead, he keeps making me drinks or taking me out to drink.
I don't work and he keeps reminding me that my job is to please him. I really don't have anything for myself. I've been the perfect wife to him. I just want to be happy for myself now. I have no clue where to start. I need some help. I want my husband to please me as much as I please him. I'd like to remember my days and nights and exist without the influence of alcohol.
Do you think I should leave and find myself again? What should I do?
Signed,
Tipsy Wife
This is a sad situation. If you can't be with your husband sober then it's time to reevaluate the relationship, and ultimately, your life. So, yes, I do think you should find yourself again, and you may or may not need to leave in order to do so.
First, I suggest that you begin the process of self discovery (or rediscovery). Revisit or carry out activities that will help you gain the confidence to venture into your truth. Start seeking out the things that you've been neglecting for yourself. Find and keep the company of like-minded people who will encourage you during this journey.
Tell your husband the things you've expressed to me. Tell him that marriage is a two-way street and that your happiness is equally as important as his. Express that you do not intend to live your life as you have been, and that you are not afraid to start over on your own. If he has an inkling of respect for you, he will support your decision. If he resists, then that's a sign that he cannot see past his selfish desires, and I suggest you separate from him and continue your journey of finding self.
If you have to leave, you may find your new reality to be intimidating and you may begin to question your decision. This is perfectly normal. Keep pushing through and let faith replace your fear. I promise that there is joy and fulfillment on the horizon.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
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