Dear WISY,
I think I'm adopted. I came across some documents in my father's room. I saw some photos of a baby who I think is me and a woman who looks like me and some documents that state that my father would raise someone (not my name) and provide all the opportunities that I've been fortunate enough to have. The paper is an unofficial document which leads me to believe that the adoption is unofficial, but there is definitely an agreement in writing detailing the procedure and promises that my father should carry out.
I don't know if the baby in the photo is me. There is a woman holding the baby in the photos who looks like me. I'm excited to know that I may have more family out there somewhere. I don't really have any family, and when I ask my dad about it, he tells me that his family passed away and he's all that's left. He told me that my mom also passed away. It's always just been us two. As I grew older, that story became less and less believable to me.
I am so curious now. I want to ask my dad about it, but there's a possibility that I may hurt his feelings because he always says "We got each other and that's what matters". To be honest, I have had an amazing life so far. My father has been the best father a girl could ask for. My upbringing was everything outlined in the agreement and more. I know he truly loves me regardless of whether he is my blood father or not. But, I still feel like I have the right to know. I'm an adult now. Should I ask him to tell me the truth about the stuff I found?
Signed,
Curious Daughter
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| Image by Jerzy Górecki from Pixabay |
WISY's Response:
Dear CD,
It's commendable that you are considering your father's feelings. This quality is indicative of someone who was raised in love (kudos to your father), but I believe you have a right to know if you're adopted or if there is some unique cause for your current situation. When you ask your father about it, be sure to ask with compassion. Assure him that you are grateful for everything he has done for you. Speak with love and appreciation. This will diminish the chances of any combativeness or insecurities from your father, and may ease him into becoming comfortable with discussing this issue with you. Express that you are an adult now and that you want to know your background in its entirety.
If those documents do in fact have something to do with you, also consider that your father may have kept the information from you to protect you. The information may be unpleasant. So, be sure that you are ready to hear truths which may interfere with your peace.
Ultimately, I think people should know who they are, but remember that your origin doesn't define you. You can narrate your own story.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
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