Since the summer of 2017, my closest college friends and I have been planning to go on a trip. It's been years since we've all spent time together so everyone was excited to go. We paid a deposit on the trip to secure the package and planned to pay in increments until the entire cost was paid in full. We paid it all in the fall of 2018. Everything was set.
During the entire course of last year, I helped one of my friends make her payments. She was going through some tough times and I thought it was unfair to exclude her from the trip. I quietly paid the majority of her payments with the promise that she would pay me back by March of this year.
I noticed that she had been getting feisty with me, but I didn't take it to heart because she's having some struggles at the moment. I know that can make a person snappy. Her whole attitude towards me changed. She was insulting me and making fun of my car and house. I was thinking she is just envious because of her financial struggles. She always said things to me and then said she was joking so I always let it slide.
Anyway, we went on the trip and I noticed that the same girl I helped was spending large amounts of money. She upgraded her seat to first class, she got a suite for herself, separate from the rest of us, and she bought expensive jewelry. I was wondering how she could afford to do that when she couldn't afford to make her installment payments. So, against my better judgement, I asked her. She went off on me. She attacked me and everything that has anything to do with me. Through it all, she convinced the other girls that I wasn't a good friend. Everyone attacked me and I cried as a result. They proceeded to exclude me from all the activities on the trip. I had the worst time.
Since being back in the U.S., I haven't seen or spoken to any of them. Last night I sent a group email to all of them, explaining everything. I've gotten a few apologies and I have been asked to have a sit down with the whole group to hash it all out. I'm not sure that I want to do that. I feel bad about helping the girl and then telling everyone, but I felt that I had to because of how she was acting.
I don't know what to say when the sit down happens. I don't want to make things worse. Can you please give me advice as to how I can make the best of the situation?
Signed,
Wrongfully Accused
WISY's Response:
Dear Wrongfully Accused,
First of all, the first insult would have resulted in a freeze in cash flow in her favor. She would have been S.O.L. if she insulted me. I know that her circumstances could be to blame for her behavior, but she's a grown ass woman capable of being civil, especially since you are assisting her.
Although she agreed to pay you by March of this year, I don't see how a decent person could make such grand purchases in your presence knowing that she owes you money. It's like a slap in the face. She doesn't know what inconveniences she could have caused you to help her out. There's nothing wrong with the finer things, but insulting your personal possessions and disregarding her debt to you tells me that she interprets your kindness as weakness. She seems to be a master manipulator who has you intertwined in her trap. I honestly don't think she ever had the intention of repaying you, and something tells me that this isn't the first time something like this has occurred. She knows you're a good person and is taking advantage of you.
I wouldn't be too concerned about making things worse with this girl. She doesn't seem like the type of person you should have close to you. Also, you are not obligated to sit down with the group to talk unless you are looking for public vindication. I don't know that I'd care after how they all treated you, but it's up to you. If you have communication between you and the girl about helping her with her payments, you can bring that to light. You can also talk about the ways she's insulted you. Just tell the entire truth and move on. Who is for you will remain, and those who aren't will go. Such is life.
In the future, be certain to have documentation binding whomever you assist to a legal agreement. That will save you a whole lot of trouble.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
She's a good friend cuz lord knows I would have put her on blast the moment she insulted me! And why part for a trip for someone who can't afford it? I'm just saying
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