Dear WISY,
I am hoping you can help me figure out what I should do with my son who is causing me to be in a continuous state of stress and depression. I am a 60-year old single mother. I have been raising my son on my own since his birth. My son is now 28 and he has a lot of issues.
When he was a teenager, he was accused of raping a girl a few years younger than him. He was never charged because the girl admitted that it was consensual and her parents forced her to say it was rape. Even though he was not charged, that brought me a lot of stress. I didn't know he was having sex.
A few years ago he met this girl who was controlling him. She was a bad influence on my son. She got him caught up in robbery and assault. He spent 5 years in prison for his involvement in her crimes. While in prison he was assaulted. He became depressed and was prescribed mental health medication.
Now he's out of prison, he is still depressed. He doesn't want to go back to school, he doesn't want to work. He wants to get high and drink every day. I don't know what to do. I am suffering from high blood pressure and anxiety. I am afraid to leave him in my house alone because of who he might bring there and what he might do. My son is killing me! I need help! I can't afford anything outside of my personal upkeep. I appreciate your time. Thank you.
Signed,
Desperate Mother
Desperate Mother
WISY's Response:
Dear Desperate Mother,
😔 I'm sorry that you're going through this with your son. This breaks my heart.
The first thing that came to mind is family therapy. That's why I asked where you lived. Fortunately for you, your location has family services for low income households. I've provided you with a service provider which I believe to be morally organized with professionals who are knowledgeable in areas that relate to your situation. Please, please, please contact them ASAP.
Explain to your son that you want to begin a healing process alongside him. Ask him about his goals and dreams, and explain that talking to someone will help him overcome his hurdles and achieve those goals. Be honest with him and gently tell him that you're hurting because he's hurting. That may be an accelerant for change within him. Empathize with him, shower him with love. His healing will heal you. I've also included training programs that include wrap around services for your son. These programs will give him a sense of purpose while teaching him a trade.
You also need to begin taking care of yourself! As a mother, I understand that we neglect our needs for our children, but you have to place some responsibility on your son. He's 28. Yes, he's had a troubled past and I'm assuming that his father is still absent because you didn't mention him, but you can't allow him to "kill" you. Take your health and wellness seriously. Taking care of yourself won't diminish your love for your son or your devotion as a mother.
I am hoping for the absolute best for you and your son. Let's keep in touch. I'm here to help.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
#TeamWISY
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