A month or so ago I went out with my friends to a party. I was the only one not having a good time because my friends like to drink and I don't drink because I'm Muslim. They were all dancing on men and acting wild. I didn't like it. Men were trying to dance with me and I was rejecting them. I just wanted to stand alone until my friends were ready to go. This is the reason I don't usually go to parties.
The party began to get quiet and my friends were telling me they were ready to go. When we were talking, this guy I rejected earlier came between us and was insulting me. I was trying my best to ignore him, but eventually I retaliated with words of my own to offend him and his appearance. At that moment, he slapped me. I raised my hand to hit him back but my friends pushed him away. It was a chaotic scene and it was shameful.
I was happy that my friends defended me, but that didn't last long. As soon as we got to the car, they began to criticize me for being so antisocial. They told me that I was not a good person to hang out with and told me that I should've just danced with a few people to avoid people getting upset. I felt confused as if they thought the incident was my fault. I can't believe my friends would treat me this way.
I haven't spoken to them since it happened. They are calling me constantly, but I don't want to hear anything else about the situation. I am still embarrassed about it. My cousin said I am being unreasonable. Do you think those are the kinds of friends I should want in my life? Please tell me.
Signed,
Friend
Dear Friend,
What in the what?! You get assaulted by an insecure punk and then your friends blame you for it??? Let me tell you something - you are not obligated to dance with anyone if you don't want to! You are not obligated to interact with anyone if you don't want to! You don't have to do anything you don't want to do! PERIOD! The only thing you did wrong was go out with people who do not respect your choices.
I'd like to give your friends the benefit of the doubt and say that the liquor was clouding their judgment, but I'm not excusing their behavior. You have a right to step back from them and analyze the friendship. I don't think you should avoid their calls though. I think you should express your disappointment in their behavior. Let them know exactly how you feel. Who knows, maybe they are calling to apologize. Answer the phone, have a conversation about what happened (it will help you get over it), and then decide how you want to proceed from there.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
P.S. Parents, mentors, teachers - PLEASE teach your sons the proper way to deal with rejection. I'm hearing and reading too much about men who are unable to process these types of situations without becoming violent.
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