RE-POST
Dear WISY,
I'm writing to you because I am in a position where I feel compromised and I want to reveal the truth but know it will cause a lot of strife.
I'm committed to a man and have three children with him. Our children's ages are 7, 4 and 2. The major issue is the fact that my man is married to a white woman and also has three children with her. Her children's ages are 9, 7 and 3. He told me he would not get her pregnant again but he did so I made him get me pregnant again too. If he gets her pregnant again, he will have to get me pregnant again as well. I know she is wishing for a boy but has not been able to give him one. I am the only one who has conceived boys. He is content because he has 2 boys with me but of course she doesn't know and is trying to give him a boy to carry his name.
Since they have been trying to conceive a boy, he has been with his wife more. My children and I are becoming lonely without him around as much. She doesn't know anything about us but I know every single thing about her. I even know her menstrual cycle and know what time she goes to the grocery and everything.
Sometimes I worry because our children might end up at the same school later on. I want to tell her about his other family and tell her that she should stop trying to conceive a boy because her womb is not blessed for boys. I also want her to leave him so he can be with us full time.
You see, I am in between a rock and a hard place. I don't want us to be so unhappy anymore but I don't want my man to have stress caused by me. They are both (him and his wife) very posh and it will not look good for their business and other things.
Please tell me what to do. I don't want to leave him.
Signed,
His Other "Wife"
WISY's Response:
Dear HOW,
You don't want to leave him? Was he ever yours to leave? Playing catch up with his wife's pregnancies does not make him yours and it doesn't make you the one he prioritizes just because you were able to conceive boys. It only makes you the one who allowed him to be unfaithful, it only makes you the one with self esteem low enough to allow him to keep you in limbo while he has his cake and eat it too. Although it's not my cup of tea, unless both women have no issues with being "sister wives" then this just makes you the woman who short changed herself and her children.
I can understand that love makes us settle for situations which aren't ideal and causes us to protect the ones we hold dear to our heart at all costs but you are going to have to snap out of this for the sake of your children. Don't teach them that it's acceptable to have a part time father, don't teach them that it's alright to have this type of relationship and ultimately, don't create a situation they'll have to recover from in their adult lives.
Tell the lady's husband that it's time for him to move on with you sans the wife or you will be moving on with your children. Then you can begin to build an honest life and tell your children that they have 3 other siblings out there so they don't end up getting involved with each other down the line...my goodness, God forbid!
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
Dear HOW,
You don't want to leave him? Was he ever yours to leave? Playing catch up with his wife's pregnancies does not make him yours and it doesn't make you the one he prioritizes just because you were able to conceive boys. It only makes you the one who allowed him to be unfaithful, it only makes you the one with self esteem low enough to allow him to keep you in limbo while he has his cake and eat it too. Although it's not my cup of tea, unless both women have no issues with being "sister wives" then this just makes you the woman who short changed herself and her children.
I can understand that love makes us settle for situations which aren't ideal and causes us to protect the ones we hold dear to our heart at all costs but you are going to have to snap out of this for the sake of your children. Don't teach them that it's acceptable to have a part time father, don't teach them that it's alright to have this type of relationship and ultimately, don't create a situation they'll have to recover from in their adult lives.
Tell the lady's husband that it's time for him to move on with you sans the wife or you will be moving on with your children. Then you can begin to build an honest life and tell your children that they have 3 other siblings out there so they don't end up getting involved with each other down the line...my goodness, God forbid!
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
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