Dear WISY,
I'm a bisexual woman who is living a double life. I have a husband who I've been married to for five years. I love him but he is a prude and extremely conservative. He is actually a pastor at our church. I am expected to lead by example and be very conservative. When I met him he was not on this path; he was a wild freak. We would have threesomes and party all the time. We decided that children would become a hindrance to our lifestyle so we never had any.
It all changed when he nearly died. He said he found his calling and wanted to dismiss that part of his life. As his wife I supported him, but I could only pretend for so long. I found myself searching for one time encounters with women on the internet. I met one who I am now in a relationship with. She knows my story and is okay with everything, but now my husband wants a child. He asked me to come off of birth control so I can conceive. I lied and told him I did. I don't want to give up my life. I've sacrificed so much already by supporting him in his pastoral journey. Do you think I should ask for a divorce? That life is really not for me. Please help!
Signed,
Double Life
Double Life
WISY's Advice:
Dear DL,
Wow! Near death experiences are life altering for sure, and it will be almost impossible to convince him to revert to his previous ways because of what he experienced spiritually and mentally, but in the end, honesty is the best policy.
You need to communicate your issues with your husband. I'm not sure why people cheat before trying to work it out with their spouse, but anyway, you need to have a conversation with him. Tell him that the drastic change wasn't really something you wanted. Tell him that you married the man he was before and did not expect things to change the way they did. Tell him that the wild freak and party animal is still very much alive in you. You will probably be met with opposition for obvious reasons, but you shouldn't continue to hold these feelings from him any longer. I don't believe in living up to the expectations of others at the cost of your own happiness.
You need to communicate your issues with your husband. I'm not sure why people cheat before trying to work it out with their spouse, but anyway, you need to have a conversation with him. Tell him that the drastic change wasn't really something you wanted. Tell him that you married the man he was before and did not expect things to change the way they did. Tell him that the wild freak and party animal is still very much alive in you. You will probably be met with opposition for obvious reasons, but you shouldn't continue to hold these feelings from him any longer. I don't believe in living up to the expectations of others at the cost of your own happiness.
Your husband will probably fight to keep his marriage because he undoubtedly has an image to upkeep and because he's probably oblivious to your issues and loves you dearly for supporting him on this journey. I suggest you two begin counseling in order to really delve into these issues and discover an outcome which will be healthy for the both of you in the long run. Be prepared to embark upon some emotionally draining times. Be sure that this is what you want. This ordeal won't be an easy one but it is necessary.
Walk good,
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
You need to divorce because whatever you think you are and have been in support of your husband you are an adulterous wife whose whole being is counter to the life your husband is trying to live. Bringing a child into this world would be creating a broken home. It should be obvious to you that you two have no business being together. You don't even regard him enough to end your relationship with him before you start another. It's time for you to part company.
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