I have an embarrassing issue I'm currently dealing with. I don't think my husband is attracted to me anymore. The reason why I say this is because he compliments every other woman in our lives, but never has anything good to say about my appearance. I know I've gained some weight (about 20 lbs.) over the years as a result of 4 children and age, but I feel so insecure because my husband doesn't seem to like what has happened to me.
I am now feeling like he's cheating on me with someone who is younger and sexier. I know men can be insensitive when it comes to body changes, and I've been trying to lose the weight. I just want my husband to look at me the way he used to. I know he loves me but I think looking like I used to will help him get his heart back to where it should be. I'm tired of him calling me a fat pig.
Do you have any suggestions for weight loss? I've tried just about everything with no immediate results.
Signed,
Overweight
WISY's Response:
Dear Overweight,
This topic is fresh on my brain because I was just discussing weight issues with my girlfriends. As women we seem to never be satisfied with our bodies. Society has done a great job of plastering unrealistic views in advertisements, and we've been brainwashed into believing that our bodies are ugly if they do not fit into these unrealistic ideals. Of course, it's in our best interest to maintain a healthy body weight, but we must understand that childbirth and other factors can create changes, and there's nothing shameful about that.
Your husband sounds like a non supportive, chauvinistic jerk! 20 lbs.??? You've had 4 children and have only gained 20 lbs.??? Your husband has you thinking that there's something wrong with you because you did what was natural; you gave birth to his children, and you did so with minimal change! To put things into perspective for you, I gained 85 lbs. with one baby! Stop being so hard on yourself. Maybe you ought to begin criticizing him and his faults to put things into perspective for him. I bet he won't like that too much. No, don't do that - two wrongs don't make a right.
I suggest you see a doctor and find out what your ideal body weight is - for your sake, not his. Have them test your blood levels, and determine whether you need to make a significant change in your lifestyle or not. Again, it's always a good idea to be active, eat well, and maintain optimal body weight in order to avoid certain diseases, but please do not stress yourself over 20 lbs.
If your husband's affection is primarily based on your physical appearance then he may have some internal turmoil that he needs to address. There may be other reasons for the harsh criticism which have nothing to do with your weight. You both could do with a good dose of counseling. I believe it can help diminish this issue and bring some clarity.
p.s. I can't tell the difference between your before and after pic!๐๐
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
The only weight u should lose is your husband.
ReplyDeleteIt's simple. Loose the damn weight. He will l9ve it and you will feel sexier and more confident. I hate when people say, "love me the way I am"..... WRONG! We haven to always improve. If you're not getting better, you're actually getting worse. Stop being lazy. It's easy getting a partner. The hardest part is keeping them, which means, keeping their interest and attention. That means that you should be sexier than the day you met. Don't be mad at him for telling you exactly what he's looking for and what he expects. If you had an illness, I could understand. There are no excuses for the healthy able-body persons...both male and female. Put the cake and ice creams down and get your act together!!!
ReplyDeleteYou sound like someone who does not have children. Complete Moron living in make-believe land. Maybe for the best...
DeleteI am a woman having the same problem. I’m not here to argue with your approach. I agree with it, but it’s a hard pill to swallow. I’ve gained weight due to children and bad decisions. His “escaping” for something “more fun to look at” deeply cuts me. My question to you would be, if loosing weight is a process, how do I handle his unfaithfulness and lack of support in the meantime? His habits crush me. I don’t post provocative photos. I don’t look for other men. I am loyal, working wife who is the only one who cleans and cooks. How do I deal with this crushing unfaithfulness and leave the house to consistently workout? How is he not responsible for putting in some effort for self control and patience for his life partner to get sexy again? I am rightly paranoid.
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