I have been involved with my girlfriend for a year and 4 months and she is the love of my life. I would do anything for my girl. We were very happy until her ex moved back to the city where we live. Ever since she came back, my girl has been acting different.
My girl doesn't want to do the things we used to do together anymore; she would rather do them alone. She has started smoking cigarettes again and has started dressing in dark, grungy clothing. She went from being this ray of sunshine to a muddy puddle.
When I ask her about the change, she tells me to stop trying to limit her. I have a strong feeling that her ex is causing all of these changes. My friends have told me that they see the two of them out together (at times when she was supposedly out alone), getting very close. I asked her about that and she told me that she is being supportive because her ex struggles with PTSD. I am very aware of the damaged vets who return home and have done work to help them out so she knows I have a soft spot for that. I even suggested she bring her to a center I've worked with to help her manage her condition but my girl says her ex wants to recover on her own.
I fear my girl will go back to her ex because she treats me like the side chick and gives priority to her ex. I don't know what to do. Please help me.
Signed,
Heart Broken
WISY's Response:
Dear HB,
"When people show you who they are, believe them."
Your girlfriend still has feelings for her ex and I want to believe their relationship paused while her ex was away and didn't actually end. I'm sorry to say that it looks like your girlfriend has made her decision already but hasn't told you yet.
Have one more serious talk with her; express your concerns and call her out on her sudden change. If she gives excuses then that's your queue to begin your exit and accept that she isn't willing to return to the ray of sunshine you knew. If she acknowledges her strange behavior and sincerely makes an effort to quell your discomfort then you can give her the opportunity to prove herself, if you'd like.
Again, it seems to me like she's checked out and moved on. I wouldn't put too much more effort into this if I were you.
Walk good,
#TeamWISY
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