He Won't Leave me Alone!

Dear WISY,

I have been with this guy for the past 5 years.  One year ago, he started seeing this younger girl and said it was his friend.  It's been a year now that we've been cussing and fighting over his "friend" who I begged him to stay away from.  

She's been going to his house and sleeping over when I am mad at him (he calls her over) and he started taking her to places we go, showing her the life he showed me.  Basically, he sleeps with me all weekend then calls her to sleep  with him the next day.

I keep telling him it's over because he doesn't seem to respect me anymore and he keeps coming  back saying I am reading him wrong.  This has been going on for a year now and I really can't take anymore.  To make matters worse, we work together and I don't want to go further like getting the police involved but I've reached my breaking point.  He's taking my kindness for weakness.  What do you think is the best way to handle this?

Signed,
Shy

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WISY's Response:

Dear Shy,

Sorry to hear you're going through this with your guy after 5 years.  You would think at this point, you could trust him and he would respect you.  I'm glad you recognize the need to break it off and not settle for the disrespect anymore.

Often times, women stay in relationships because we believe we can change people, other times, we stay because we feel the need to "win" the affection of the man to prove and validate ourselves to the other woman.  In doing this, we are actually showing the man that he can continue with his behaviors and we will always come back after he plays the same sorry tune over and over.

You should never settle for a man who will bring another woman to sleep with him because you had an argument.  Those actions prove his immaturity so it's best you leave him to be with the young girl.

I'm concerned because you mentioned not wanting to get the police involved.  That suggests to me that his behavior warrants police intervention.  If you feel threatened, then don't waste any more time arguing with him, call the police.  If not, I think the best way to handle this is to completely ignore him.  When at work, keep everything professional.  If he tries to divert from professional communication, get a supervisor or Human Resources representative involved.  If he approaches you outside of work, don't give him the satisfaction of your attention. 

Soon he'll realize that his days of playing ping pong with you and the other girl are over.  Hopefully, he's learned his lesson.  In the meantime, focus on remaining firm and strengthening your spirit to the point where no one can treat you like that again.

Walk good,
#TeamWISY

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