Trading Places

Dear WISY,

First, I want to say that my friends and I love ‘Dear WISY’ and we like your advice so they convinced me to write to you.  I want to remain anonymous. 

I’m having a problem.  I had a boyfriend but I left him.  I left because he was always talking with other females and was too friendly with them.  I told him that I didn’t like it and he told me to stop behaving as if I’m one of those insecure girls.   When he said this to me, I thought to myself that I may be turning into that type of woman and I really despise that type of woman so I decided to not make any mention of it again.  Even when he was on the phone talking to a girl, I didn’t say a word to him.

I have a guy friend who I confide in a lot.  In the past, we were secretly messing around but I was not allowed to date at the time.  He moved on with someone and had a baby and her family kind of forced them to marry.  He is married but not happy and we still talk when we need to vent. So, I had been telling him about my boyfriend and he kept telling me to leave him but I wasn’t sure if he just wanted me to be single so he could have a chance or if he was sincere.  This same guy told me that my boyfriend had a side chick and he told me that the girl is trying to get my contact information so she can tell me herself.  I told him to give it to her because I need to know.

She called me and told me that my boyfriend had been with her for a few months and he keeps telling her he’s going to leave me but he hasn’t yet and she’s tired of waiting on him.  I told her I don’t believe but I was using my head so she could give me evidence.  She sent me pics and screenshots of their conversations and times they had together.  I couldn’t believe I was seeing my boyfriend’s naked body with someone other than myself.  I told her to take him because I am tired of him and his friendliness with every woman.

I sent my boyfriend the info and told him to not come back to me begging.  I only said it because I wanted him to try his very hardest to get me back but I didn’t hear anything from him.  I was really worried that he was missing.  Can you believe that he would not say one word to me and go be with the girl?  He never loved me it seems.

Now my friend who told me all the information started asking me if he could come over and comfort me.  I didn’t tell him I need comfort but he knows me so well.  I told him to come and we ended up spending the whole night together.  I was worried his wife was going to be angry but she never called and he took his time getting dressed and leaving in the morning.  He told me he was coming back the same night and he has been in my apartment every night since then.  I was wondering about the wife but there was never a problem.

Last night he confessed to me that he found out that his wife was seeing my boyfriend and he decided to make it work in his favor.  He told me I’m his true love and his wife knows so she wanted to hurt me by sleeping with my boyfriend.  He told me he made her call me so that I could leave and she could have my boyfriend and he could have me.  My head is spinning from all of this nonsense.

I do love my friend but I do not know if I can trust him after his master manipulation.  What do you think?

Please post.

Signed,

Confused

WISY’s Response:

Dear Confused,

I’m glad to hear that you enjoy my posts and I want to thank you for considering me a good source to help you through your issue. 😀

I was very surprised by the revelation at the end!  I wasn’t expecting that at all.

Okay, I’ll start with the positive first.  Your friend turned lover has shown that he is willing to make a strong effort to win your affection.  He has also shown that he is available to you when you need emotional support.  Also, his willingness to “man up” and own his responsibilities when he married the girl he got pregnant is commendable in the eyes of society.  Considering all these things, he seems to be great boyfriend material BUT his actions can’t be ignored.

The way in which he went about getting you in his arms is cause for some concern.  He could’ve just came out and told you instead of making a circus production out of the whole thing.  It was the truth, after all.  It makes me wonder what other issues he will turn into unnecessary drama when he could've just told the simple truth.

My lingering questions are:  Is he going to legally separate from and then divorce his wife?  Have you had a conversation about how all of you will co-parent?  There are some very important issues that need to be ironed out.  I don’t want the child’s needs to get lost in all of this.  Sort everything out so you can be free to live happily ever after.

Walk good,

#TeamWISY