I Left my Boyfriend for a New Lifestyle

Dear WISY,

On summer break last year, I left my boyfriend for someone who I identify more with.  I felt like I outgrew my boyfriend and honestly, I was just waiting for him to cheat so I could leave him but he never did.  He was a really good guy to me.  The only thing is, he's jobless and immature.  Yes, we're both in school but I feel like a mature woman dating a little, silly boy.

Anyway, we were home on summer break and I met an older guy in the club.  He bought me and my girls bottles and spent a whole lot of money on us.  I gave him my number and we continued to converse on a regular basis.  I started cheating on my boyfriend with this guy and he told me he wanted to make it official so I granted him his wish.  I left my boyfriend without a second thought and began spending all my time while this guy spent all his money.  I think I went on three trips that summer and I was exposed to a lot of new things.  I fell in love with the lifestyle he showed me and I wanted it all the time.

My friends started to hate on me real bad and told me I was wrong for doing my ex like that.  I spoke about it with my man and he told me they were just jealous and knew it would happen soon.  He told me I didn't need to be friends with them anymore and that I would outgrow them just like how I outgrew my ex.  

At first, I went along with what he said but now it's been a year and I miss my friends so much.  They don't speak to me at all.  I'm hanging with these other girls now and I feel like they're just here for the perks.  I kinda want my old life back because I miss my friends.

How do you think I can find a good balance that my friends and man will be comfortable with?

Signed,
Need my Friends

WISY's Response:

Dear INF,

I won't come down on you too hard because you're obviously very young.  When you're young, all that glitz and glam can blind you but you need to know that the way you handled yourself was not the way a mature woman would handle her business.  So, stop painting yourself as such a mature woman.  You have a ways to go before you can claim that label.

I think you need to be honest with yourself and admit that you loved the lifestyle the man provided more than the man himself then you may be able to see your friends' point.  I do believe they are disappointed with you and not necessarily "hating" on you.  I also believe that your man was quick to tell you that you don't need them because that leaves little interference for his manipulation.  Your man knew exactly what he was doing that night in the club.  He set the trap and you fell right into it.  Don't feel too bad because if it wasn't you it would've been some other girl.

So, you're unhappy with your new friends because they seem to only hang with you for the perks?  They sound a lot like you if you ask me.  They love the lifestyle just like you do so what's wrong with that?  When you had seemingly genuine friends you allowed the lifestyle to cloud your judgment before even trying to consider their concerns.  

It looks to me like you need to regain your own balance before trying to make anyone else comfortable.  At your age, it's important to have friends who care and will be honest with you.  It's also important to evolve and grow.  Looks like you need to have a conversation with your man and your friends to explain your feelings and proceed accordingly.

If you felt the need to move on from your ex, that's fine but don't allow someone to cut you off/sway you away from any aspect of your life that truly makes you happy.  Enjoy your lifestyle but understand that it comes with a cost.  How much are you willing to pay?

Walk good,
#TeamWISY